changing my story

Wow!
School is really blowing my mind. It has been challenging everything I think about myself and my life. I did have a couple of anxiety attacks at the start of class but then once we got to the open discussion part of class I realized that I need to change my story. I need to embrace this different side of myself. The side of myself that is successful and happy to be doing well in school. I had someone sit next to me and at one point during class tell me he was glad to be sitting next to the smart person in class. This has never been my role in life.

So this week I am working on changing my story. I am challenging myself to do well in school and not worry. I am thinking about what role I play in situations and if this the role I want to play or if there is something better out there for me. My story is in the midst of changing and I am excited to see where it goes.

School starts tomorrow!

I have had a dream for almost ten years now that I tried to ignore. I waited and hoped it would go away. I told myself a million reasons why I could not go for it. I started my own company in hopes I could get around the dream. I changed jobs, locations, and even most of my life in hopes that this dream would go away.

But alas, the dream has stayed alive and tomorrow marks my first step towards reaching my dream of an MBA. I am nervous, excited an scared all at once. For the most part I hated school. I hated college. I never felt good enough. I never was very interested in the classes. Once I realized that the teachers were going to only teach one way and because I learned a different way, I pretty much just gave up hope. I never thought to challenge myself in area's that might be off my beaten path. I just sort of sailed through the motions of college and got a degree because everyone told me I was too smart not to have one. But then a funny thing happened. Once I was able to breathe and think about what I was really interested I started to yearn to go back to school to study what I wanted to study.

This is a giant step for me. I am not unrealistic in my thinking. I know that due to my learning disabilities I face a harder time in school than most. This is not an easy thing for me to do. My brain works different than most and school has not been very much fun for me. But things are different now. I am different. I have a dream and a passion that will not go away. So tomorrow marks a very important day. Tomorrow is the day that I officially return to school and prove to myself that I can do better this time around.

I am already half way done with my text book for my course. I am starting slow and taking one class at a time to test the waters. I am also working full time so I don't want to do too much in case my spine gives me trouble. So far I am loving my text book and even know some of the people high lighted in the book as business leaders to watch. It has been very exciting for me to return to going to coffee houses to read, study an write. I miss this type of life and I am so happy to return!

Mercury in Retrograde

This week has been very challenging. Mercury in retrograde is the only thing that I can blame for what happened. I don't much feel like going into it because it was kind of painful but I am now very sensitive to this Mercury business. Plus this Mercury in retrograde was in my birth sign of Virgo and I think this double kicked me in the tush.

I did sign up for my first business class and I am very excited! I also found out that the text book I bought earlier this summer to read for fun is the actual text book I will be using in my class. I am already half way through the book. This has made me feel less scared about starting school again and more inspired. I will have a little bit of an edge and hopefully I won't feel super overwhelmed once class starts.

In my spare time I have been reading Z.B.A - Zen of Business Administration. It has been very inspirational since I am always trying to figure out how to combine my two passions, Business and spiritual matters. It's a great weekend read.

So for now I am preparing to return to school, still catching up with old friends and looking for a new day time gig. I am very happy that fall has arrived since it might be my favorite season. I love the day when I have to bring out my cashmere sweaters and knee socks.

Full Circle

This week has been very interesting. My surrender box may be one the best inventions I have ever created for myself. So many issues have gone into this wonderful little box and so many changes and positive actions have come out. I am really amazed at how fast this little idea and box have changed my life.

This week I was offered a job at a company I left many years ago under very stressful circumstances. However, I am looking forward to going back. I feel like life has evolved for me and I can now return as the person I wanted to be all those years ago. This job came at the perfect time for me and I can now start my business classes. I was a little worried about returning to this company but then I realized that everything has changed over these last few years and there must be a reason for me to return. So I am now convinced it is divine intervention to get me back there and allow the healing that I have needed about this situation. I am excited and ready to start my new job and look forward to the sense of peace I will feel very soon.

So right now I am enjoying my last few days off before I return to the working world. I am walking, reading and writing as usual. My stress level has greatly decreased and I feel like I am finally getting off the hamster wheel I was forced on many years ago. Life has calmed down enough for me to really reflect and make changes that will last. I am letting go of so much baggage that has been in my way and I am evolving and healing. Life is good!