New Moon

This weekend was a powerful new moon and I am still recovering from it!  The last few days have been all about self care and good friends.  

I spent Saturday with my good friend getting massage and sitting in the sun.  I just needed some quiet down time outside of the city.  I recently found an amazing massage therapist that works across the water from Seattle and is magical with her hands, her words and her energy.  My good friend G and I decided we are going to go see her every month as a much needed girls day.   We are both on a life changing mission and this journey begins with Self Care!

I recently just purchased a new computer that I am using right now to post this blog update!  I am so grateful to be able to just go out and buy a new computer without stressing or the worry that used to go along with purchases. I am going to be working on my website this week and my business plan.  This computer is one step closer to my dream company and a huge step for me.  Even thought lately there has been a lot of stress, my dream and my visions for the future feel so much closer than they ever have. I know this time next year I will be writing about how grateful I am to make my own schedule and how excited I am to take a much needed international vacation.  I know I will be traveling to see clients in NYC, LA,SF and Boston.  I know the magic that we will create together will be life changing for everyone involved.  And I will be making over twice my current salary doing something I am passionate about and that is my life's purpose.  That's the best part!

New moon, new beginnings, new energy.... I can feel it all!

 



 

Falling into Magic

Life is falling into place in a really magical and wonderful way.  I wake up every morning excited to see how my day is going to go because I know something fun and divine will happen.  I am use to being lucky but now it’s like life has been turned to 11 and everyday there is more and more magic.  More and more luck.  More and more signs from the divine that I am on the right path and being rewarded for finally being ready to move forward towards my purpose.

I am setting up a transformational weekend in March where a very powerful woman will be flying out from the East Coast to help me cross into this new life.  We will be doing this in the San Juan Islands in a lovely cottage in the woods.  Afterwards I will be going to the spa for the night where I will just relax into a cozy bed and celebrate crossing the threshold.   I am ready to enter into this new realm in life and I have all these amazing resources coming my way to guide me.  I could not be more excited about life right now.   My heart feels full and content.  Any longing that I used to have is now replaced with gratitude and excitement for my journey.

I have all these new wonderful friends coming into my life as well.  This Sunday marks the start of Hannah Marcotti’s Magic Making Circle.   Her first assignment is already making me step back and pause.   I need to take a selfie of my true nature as I am.   Wow.  I know that all this work is preparing me for a new phase in life where I will be a little more in the spotlight but I am so used to being behind the scenes.  I am not sure I am ready to be SEEN.   But there is a part of me that is ready.  Truly ready.  I have been working so hard for my authentic self to come forward and to be able to capture this lady (me) in a single photograph is just the kind of creative project I need to make me excited for this weekend!

My heart is even opening up with all this excitement.  I am having all these wonderful people coming into my world and all these divine connections happening.  I can feel my heart opening up a little everyday as I connect more and more with the Universe.  I feel loved, safe, grateful and so much peace. 

Breaking My Soul Open

2015 is already life changing.  The year started with a new job and the realization that I needed to break down some barriers in my life.   It's a good change but one that has knocked me off my feet a bit.   I have so many walls built up around me that are no longer serving me.   I want to be free of these barriers and I am working towards letting myself open up more to other people.
It's going to be a process.  I am not the most comfortable person being open to others.  I tend to love my safe little aloof cocoon but I am ready to grow and to put myself out there.  I want to let other people in and connect with them. 

It's going to be an interesting year.  After a difficult 2014, I finally have the energy to go out again.  I am able to go home at night and see friends or work on my various art/writing projects.  Life is no longer passing me by but I am living in full color again.

I am so grateful that I found Rachael Maddox and her magic group.  The magic 17 devotion group is just what I need at this time in life.  I needed a tune up and a group of ladies that could hold the space for me while I realize that it's time to let go of what is not working anymore.  It has only been a couple of weeks that the group has been together but I can already seen the changes in my life.  My intentions are stronger and manifesting at a faster rate.  My energy level is rising and I more peaceful and calm with where I am in life.

And my creativity is coming back!

I am finally making art again and I am writing on a daily basis.  It's so wonderful to be in touch with that side of myself again.  It just adds to the magical feeling I have in life right now.  Everything feels perfect and beautiful.

Theme for the Year

Yesterday someone that I have know for years, came up to me and said that every year they put a theme to year after hearing me give a talk about how I do this.  

This person has no idea but this may have been the biggest and best compliment I have ever received.  To know that I was able to help someone, that I was able to touch someone deeper than just a fleeting moment.  To know that one of my yearly rituals has actually brought help and Joy to someone else.   

This 2 second moment in our conversation has stunned me.  

It's also slightly funny because for the first time in years, I did not pick a theme.  I did my intentions differently this year.  I have been pushing myself to grow and embrace new ways of doing things.  I am reaching the next level in my personal journey.  So I figured my theme idea was outdated.  I guess I was WRONG.

So my theme this year is to have more moments like these.  More moments where I am able to share my authentic self with people and they help me by showing me that I have been seen and heard.  It's not a simple word for the year but a feeling, a moment in time, an all encompassing connection.  

A TRUE THEME

It's funny how once you slow down in life to listen to the Universe, it does so with such humor and love.  These last few days have been very life changing for me.  I am not sure what shifted in me but somehow I finally made the decision that I have had enough suffering and I needed to change.  And I have been changing.  I wake up rested and grateful.  I spend my day relaxed with a smile on my face. I spend time alone now and yet I am never lonely.   I have no more heartache.  I have no more pain about the past no more confusion about the future.  I feel happy at every moment.   I have been searching for this place for years and I finally found it.   My job now is to stay in this place.  To get back on track when I start to get off track.  To keep moving forward and keep searching because I am only getting started on my path.  

2015 Is Going To Be About Transformation

I can already start to feel the new energy of 2015.  It's light, cool and crisp.  It's about transformation and self actualization.  It's the feeling of creating your dream home/space/path and being grateful everyday that you get to fully live and be present in that space.

I am spending New Years Eve in my own space this year doing my intention ritual.  I am looking forward to making my space cozy with special treats for the evening and light my special candles.  I am going to present to 2015 because this year marks the start to some intense transformation changes for me.  I am letting go of what I think I should be doing and will be guided by what my soul and the universe want for me.  I am finally ready to embrace this new life and I know it's time.

It will be an interesting year because all of these changes will be subtle and beautiful.  It's going to be a return to my true self.  I will still be working in the corporate world.  I will still be living in my wonderful condo and having dinner with friends.  But on a deeper level, I will be moving towards my new future on a daily basis.

One thing that started this new transformation for 2015 was I signed up for Rachael Maddox's Magic 17 Intensive  course.  I found while looking for some guidance at the end of November.   I knew things in my life needed to change but I had no idea what direction to go in.  None of my attempts to change my job situation were successful so I was just sitting in the moment and waiting.  I found Rachael's course and I was drawn to sign up.  We had a very interesting initial chat on the phone and I said that I wanted to take her course but I knew in the back of my mind that for me to attend her course and be ready for the next stage in my life I would need much more free time than I had at my current situation.  Within 1 week of signing up for her class, I had interviewed and been offered my new job.   I made my dedication to the new life I knew I wanted to move towards but I had no idea how I was going to do within my current situation.  I only knew that my soul would be screaming if I had let this course pass me by.

Sometimes the divine works that way.   I had to be ready to jump off the cliff before I could see the cliff I needed to jump off.  I finally listened to my soul and spirit that had been telling me for a long time my life was not working for them.  And life feels like it is falling into place.  

It's not without it's challenges.  I must admit my hermit side is very strong right now.   I am not getting out as much as I should be.  I have been processing a lot of my history to clear it out of my energy field and this is a painful process to do it when you have people around you but to do it when you are isolating is very hard. 

However, I am so grateful for the chance to do it alone.  I am not sure I would ever fully be able to go this deep and this far into myself if I was not alone.  I feel like this part of the pilgrimage.   I am on my hero path and right now it is isolated and dark but there is finally a light up ahead.  I can see the end of this stage and I am so grateful to be almost out of it.

2015 is all about Love, Abundance and Freedom

I accepted a new job offer this week back at my old company and gave notice at my current job. 

I am thrilled.

I have not been this relaxed, grateful and peaceful in a long time.  I will not be returning to the video game industry just yet but at least I am returning to a company I know I like working for.   And a bonus treat is I now get to work from home on Monday's and Friday's which mean I have the time and space to focus on self care and life coach classes.  And I got a raise in the middle of this.  More money, less stress and a manager that doesn't scream at me.

2015 is going to be truly life changing! 

Growth

Growth is good                

This weekend I spent time with a friend that is having some anxiety issues.  I was telling her about when I used to have really bad  anxiety attacks when I was in my old relationship and what the attacks would be like.  I went through the whole brain thought pattern I would have and all the feelings and questions I would have.  She was shocked that I would beat myself up so horribly when I was having a panic attack. 

I went silent for a moment and even I was shocked at what was coming out of mouth.  It was awful what I would put myself through and not something I would ever think about myself today.

I have started to question if these thoughts were even my own thoughts or if these were the thoughts that the toxic people in my life had about me.   My ex never really liked me.  He would say he did but his actions and words proved otherwise.  At that age, I was not strong enough to leave him and part of me also believed that I deserved the abuse but then suddenly there would be times where I knew he  was wrong and my life in general was wrong.  I would suddenly start questioning why I was living the way I was living and it would turn me upside down.  I can’t imagine having an attack like this now because I am so happy and living the exact life I have always wanted.    Plus, I am strong enough to leave toxic people behind.  Remembering how abusive these relationship were and how abusive my friendships were with other people at this time in my life makes me sad for that lost child I was in college and in my 20’s.     

I am so grateful that I am strong enough to not let people like this into my world anymore.  I am so grateful that I never think these type of thoughts about myself anymore nor do I abuse myself anymore.  I am even grateful that there was a part of my soul crying for help in the form of massive panic attacks screaming for me to realize that what was happening in my life was wrong.  I am sorry it took me so long to wake up to that voice but I am so glad she never went away.  I loved my ex so much back then and always hoped he would love me back.  I now realize that he was so sick and unhappy with himself that it was not possible for him to love anyone in his life at that point, not even himself.   I am grateful that I woke up one day and decided to change myself and my life and that I had the courage to do it.

That life feels like a million miles away and not something I think about very often.   It’s strange because I have such warm and loving thoughts about my first relationship. I always tell people I would get back together with my first love in a heartbeat.  There was such love between us.  But with my second relationship, I just don’t allow my thoughts to go there.  It’s not something I think about.  It’s not something I want to go back too.  It’s not something I am proud of or want to revisit.  Maybe one day this will be different.  But for right now, the past is just left in the past.  I am at peace with it.  I just choose not to feel anything about the relationship or our past.   I did exchange an email with this ex around the holidays when he reached out for the first time since our breakup.  I honestly never thought I would ever hear from him again.  I ended my email back to him with “ Take care of yourself and just know there is a lot of love for you still in my heart”.  That is true.  There is love for this person and the life experience we had together.  But from a distance and a source that I do not visit often.  

Life is too good to live in the past.  Life is too wonderful to feel bad anymore.  I am so happy and grateful for everything that has happened to me because it made me who I am.  I would never give any of my past up because I finally love who I am.  I just want to focus on the positive and my life in the present because it’s so perfect and beautiful right now.  

New Energy - New Year - New Theme

The greatest love of all is SELF LOVE!

This year already feels different.

I am deep down happy.

I am happy to be alive.  I am happy to be in my job.  I am happy to be living in this wonderful city. I am grateful for my past and excited about my future.  I am happy, present and full of love.

My birthday was a pretty normal day but it truly wasn't.  It was the first time in a long time I truly owned the day.  I let people celebrate me.  I let people take me out to lunch and wish me a happy birthday which in the past I would have hide the fact it was my birthday.  I owned that it was my day and that I deserved a little attention.   I am stepping into myself and my life in a way I have never done before.   I am letting myself take up space and it feels so good.  I feel that I deserve to be treated well and owning the fact that this treatment starts with me.  So this next year of my life is all about me treating myself the best way I can and from this, people will treat me differently.

I also know that my life is changing on so many levels.   I have finally discovered the root of many of my health issues and I am 2 weeks into my treatment.  I am coming back to my healthy self!  This summer was really hard.  I struggled with everything because my health was in such decline. But I am back and better than ever.   I am not going to be able to heal my issues right away but I can slowly work towards a happy healthy point and get the worst of my condition under control.

I am also just feeling so strong emotionally.   I am free of all emotional sadness around my past.   This is powerful.  I am excited for my future.  I love my past and and my journey but what I love the most is where I am right now.  It's a beautiful place to be.  I am successful.  I am manifesting my dreams.  I am moving into a dream home. I am buying a new car soon.  I am taking dream vacations.  I am saving money for my future. I am taking care of myself and my family.   I am living my dreams.
I just want to state the to the universe that I am grateful for everything!  And that I am bringing the Queen back!

So Grateful

This morning I woke up grateful. 

I have so much to be thankful for in my current life and I need to take the time to remember this.  My health is in good shape thanks to the years of dedication I have spent taking care of myself.   My job is hard but so important to my growth.   I am growing every day in this job.  Sometimes growth is hard and I am pushed to my limits but overall, this is a great place for me to be at the moment.

I am also grateful for all the growth and change that has happened over the few years as I have learn to love myself and accept who I am.  I am living at a level of peace I never knew possible.  No one told me as I was growing up that at some point in my life I would be able to create my dreams and that I would be able to love myself for exactly who I am.  Yet these are exactly the lesson I have learned over the last few years of my life.   These lessons have come with some level of pain and sadness but overall I am so grateful for getting to this place of comfort and ease. 

The other thing I am grateful for is my level of faith.  This level has grown as I have let go of trying to control, understand or dictate what should be happening in my life.  I am now just letting go and letting the universe show me what is next in this journey.   This single action has helped me to become more grateful because I am starting to see the divine work in real time.  People are coming into my life for a reason and leaving for a reason and I am no longer beating myself up for these goodbyes.   I am grateful for these goodbyes because I have also learned that better things are on their way.  

One thing I am super excited for is that I move into my new apartment in less than 1 month.   I am excited, fearful, nervous and relieved.   I can’t wait to get into my own space and just settle into this new phase in my life.   I am excited to see how my life changes by this single action.   I am starting to see how stale my energy has been in the last few years because the Universe has been waiting for me to make this move but I was fighting it this whole time.  Not anymore.  It’s now time for me to change and grow even more.   2014 has been this huge growth year for me.  It has not been gentle but has come suddenly and swiftly.  It is truly the year of the horse for me!  Swift, powerful but also majestic.

Soon I will be hosting dinner parties in my new space, sitting on my comfy new furniture and sitting on my large deck enjoying an evening drink with a good friend.  I will be making candles and potions in my kitchen and really returning to myself in the comfort of my own space.