What I want

What I want....

What I want is to be with someone that truly cares from day one.  That takes me into consideration from day one and is always thoughtful towards me and my heart.   Someone that has my best interests in mind always and is not driven purely by their own agenda.


Just to balance the day out.

Turning Over A New Leaf

After a tough year, I am finding feeling some relief!

I am so happy to be in this new energy!!!!

I am waking up happy and grateful for the first time in a long time.  My new condo is finally feeling like a home.   I love waking up in the morning to my own space and coming home in the evening to a cozy space with some of my favorite photographs on the wall.  I love my beautiful deck that is full of plants and trees.  I love how quiet and warm my new home is and how it is all me.  It smells like me.  It feels like me. 

My job is even for now.  It’s not my dream job but it is providing for me at the moment and is allowing me to get to the next level in my career and for that I am grateful.  I created a marketing piece last month that had the best results of all the campaigns my group did in the last year.  So for now, I am ok.

Most importantly, I am happy with where I am in my emotional and spiritual state.  I have had ups and downs over the last year but every time I go down, I come back in a higher place.  I am getting better about weathering the storms of life and moving forward.  I am so  happy and grateful for where I am in life.  My heart is full of love and gratitude for so much lately.  It feels really good to be right here, right now.  I know from my last astrology reading that the worst of things is over for a while and I am turning over a new life in all the areas of my life.   I have a lot of really positive changes coming up starting in 2015.   I suffered a lot from 2003 to 2014 and now it’s time to party!    I could not be more happy and ready to embrace this new side of my life.  I am ready to shine.  I am ready to step into a new life and a new way of living, one that will aligned with my authentic self. 

My heart has been having some little pains and emotional cords over all my ex’s this week.  I know these are the final cords being cut so it’s a positive thing.  It’s a mix of sadness, fondness, missing these people and the feeling of completion.   These people were important and they all taught me so many lessons.  And I loved all of them so much.  But it’s time for something new and I am ready.   The space has been made and I am no longer available for any of these people other than just a memory.   I know I will hear from all of them again at some point in my life.  But I have had all the closure with each of them I needed.   I am ready for my new and better thing.  And it’s coming!!!!

Clearing Out Unwanted Energy

I am in the process of deleting my relationship history from social media.  It’s time and it’s the right thing to do.   I have been holding onto these virtual memories for too long and I know it’s been part of what’s keeping me stuck in emotional pain.   It feels weird to be able to erase history like deleting a facebook email chain that lasts years and that shows a love grow and then die. But you know what?  In the end, it doesn’t really mean anything more than, I experience something that I no longer wish to remember.   I have my journals if I want to remember my side. I have some memories but I have already started deleting his photographs.   And I am just now starting to realize how truly bad this person was for me.   Narcissist does not even begin to describe this person.

I feel free to look towards the future.  I feel free to dream again.   I feel free to be me and change.

I did have a couple of new people come into my life recently.  It’s like the universe is testing me big time.  One is someone I have known for years, am wildly attracted too but is also very different than myself and slightly living on the edge.   The other person is quiet, funny and someone I work near.  He is younger but also fun and fairly conservative.   With him it would be a real relationship.  With the person I have known for a long time it would be a good time.  I don’t know what to do with either of these men.   

Frankly, I don’t think I will do anything with either of them because right now I am just enjoying where I am at.  I am living alone in this amazing condo.   I finally figured out what was wrong with me health wise and my body is responding wonderfully to treatment.  I am down 3 clothing sizes and starting to look like myself again.   I am looking for a job that is in better alignment with who I am and I am not worried about finding one.   I am feeling secure for the first time in many years.   And I am doing it all on my own.    

The wild man came over to my apartment a few weeks ago and it was nice but he also made a few weird moves that in the end were just not the right moves if he wants to be with someone like me.  It’s sad but true.  I suspect what he did works for the kind of women he is used to dealing with but that’s just not how I do thing.  There is a magic to my life.   And it’s not something that I want to share with just anyone anymore.  He nicely taught me this over the last week or so.  

It feels good to be so protective over myself and my heart.   I don’t want to be closed down, I just want to be selective.  Wild men can exit out the door.  Nice men are allowed as long as they prove themselves and take it slow.   No more rushing into things anymore.  It’s all about intention and living the life I want and sharing it with people that I adore.

Moving!

I am moving on Friday to my new place!

I can't wait!!!!!

Loads to think about

I am eating RAW a couple of days out of the week, mostly while I working. I find the routine of being at work easier for me to not be tempted by the old ways. I love how I feel full at lunch yet not sleepy or sluggish. I practically jump out of bed in the morning full of energy. I am happy all day long with loads of positive energy and I feel very balanced in all areas of my life.

And my morning smoothie.... I can't say enough about my morning smoothie.

For the last couple of weeks I have been adding cherries to the mix. Yum! I also switched to Almond Milk and if I need a an extra kick I will throw in a few raw almonds for extra energy. My days have been full of radishes which as you know are my new favorite thing in the world and then in my evenings I am eating salads made up of fresh arugula from my kitchen garden. Truly Divine is all I can say!

I have had some interesting developments this week. For one, two nights this week I have broken my rule and gone out on a week night. It has been OK. I just don't feel as happy at work. I come in and just put my head phones on versus my usual bubbly self. I can feel the imbalance that has developed because I am tired after being out late the night before. And I don't feel as present with people. So next week it's back to the normal way of doing things.

I have been pushing myself to get outside of my comfort zone and this has actually included meeting someone. It's a very new thing and I won't go into to much detail but this person makes me smile, laugh and feel better all around. If nothing more new friends are always good.

I have also been having to give space in situations that I no longer feel are healthy. I am all about being present, honest and loving right now to everyone in my life. And sometimes other people are not on such a peaceful path. I want to be able to hold space for them and be there for them but I also do not want to fall into their drama or unhealthy cycles. I feel that I am accepting that I can not be healthy for these people right now but I can change the dynamic by giving people space and time to work out or at least work on what they need too. While I continue on my peaceful and very fulfilling path in life.

This weekend I will be working in the garden and spending time with good friends. Two of my favorite things. Someone commented last week that my kitchen was becoming very "green". Meaning full of live plants, veggies growing and kitchen herbs. It is quickly becoming my favorite room.