Magic Is Happening

Yesterday seemed like a normal day.   I went to work.  I came home.  I did my normal routine.

But something was very different.

After doing my shadow work on Sunday I knew there was a relationship I needed to end.  I did not want too but it was time.  It was hardly a real relationship but it was something that has been in my way for years and it suddenly and swiftly did not feel right anymore.   I attempted to end it over  text but felt a longer email that included how I really felt about the person was a better option.  I have never let this person know my true feelings about them before.   The email was not mean in any way nor was I asking them for anything.  I was simply saying, I like you and you like me and it confuses me because nothing ever happens except we both admit it to each other all the time and I don't want to do this anymore.  This email was met with a text that said, I will stop contacting you.

Fair enough.   This person and I live in very different worlds.  Our ability to express ourselves are not matched by any means.  And I am sure to this man, someone being open and honest scared the hell out of him.  Like I said, we are very different people.  I am not like any woman he has ever dated or met.  I don't need him nor want him to take care of me. I can walk away from him and not look back.
But there is some heartache to the situation because I did like him.  I was willing to look beyond our cultural and social differences and get to know him.   So I was feeling sad.

Meanwhile, months ago when I decided I needed a serious life change I discovered the etsy store Sage Goddess .  I bought a couple of candles from her and some oils.  I also attended a couple of her online telecasts.  This happened at the same time I discovered Magic 17 and I knew life was going to change.   I have been slowly or quickly using both resources to make changes in my life.  Sage Goddess has these amazing oils that I have started to use in my wall art project and I keep a steady stream of her candles coming to my home on a regular basis.  I just feel very drawn to her.

Cut back to last night.   I am feeling sorry for myself and see my biological aunt has posted on facebook about one of my favorite adopted aunties that is an amazing artist. She was my hero growing up.  She lived in a converted school house on a local island in the northwest.   She is also a very witchy lady and  just a straight up Goddess in general.  I quickly friended her on Facebook and sent her a note asking if we could have an art date soon.  I let her know I wanted to return to  my roots of doing art and making products and being a strong independent woman and I could really use some special time with her.   We emailed a bit and I let her know what was happening in my life.

I then took a bath and was reading a story about a woman that while trying to figure out if she was on the right path in life would get little signs from the universe letting her know she was.   This story was about her life purpose but also about her love life.  I finished the story and picked up my phone to find a message from my artist Aunty inviting me to an event being put on by the Sage Goddess.  I said that's so crazy because a couple of months ago I randomly found her and have been super into her products since finding her.  That I even had been using her magical oils in my first art project in almost 8 years.   It turns out they are old friends and my aunty helps with her community.  My Aunty said I was exactly where I needed to be and for the first time in a long time, I truly believe it.

We are going to have a date in two weeks.

I am blown away by all these connections coming together.  Yes.  I am exactly where I need to be.  Yes.  I needed to give up that man.  As much as I liked him,  he was just not right for me.  As soon as I found my aunty and we connected I realized the universe was bringing me the tools I need to bring the life I want to live to me.

I feel like I am coming home.  Growing up I always thought I would like a life just like my Aunty.  I would live in the country and make products to help people with their emotional and spiritual situations.  I would do my art and I would have a great close community I was a part of.  I would travel with my partner and experience the wonders of the world.
I am finally on the path to creating this life and at a level I never thought possible.  I am going to live this life but on a larger scale which is perfect for who I have become.    

Sometimes the Shadow Needs to Come Out

Yesterday I had a realization that has left me spinning in a good way. 

Sometimes the shadow needs to come out.

For so many years I have refused to pay attention to the negative side or the shadow side because I only wanted to pay attention to the positive side of things.  I wanted my energy to go towards what I wanted to attract or manifest in life.  And in most area's of my life this was working but in certain area's of my life, I found myself repeating patterns.  I have been sitting with myself over the last year questioning why I can't break these patterns.  Why it's been years and I keep having the same underlying issue come up.   Yesterday it hit me.  By refusing to state what I don't want in my life, by refusing to state all the awful situations I have been dealt, I was giving these situations more energy than I realized.   I was constantly fighting myself trying to ignore these issues.   I was working hard to hide them thus giving them energy versus just to admit to them and release them.

This realization hit me so hard.  I could see a direct energy connection to all these negative patterns and why I kept repeating them.   It was a direct energy suck.   I immediately created a releasing ritual and finally did what I should have done years ago.   I wrote 4 pages of what I didn't want anymore.  I wrote down everything!  I wrote down what I don't want to be attracted too, what I don't want to put up with, what I don't want to be involved in.  I was so open and honest with myself.  I used all my past relationships as guides of what I do not want anymore.   I then burned the list and prayed to be released from all of these patterns.   They no longer serve me. 

I can feel the shift today.   When I start to think about men from my past or people in my current life that are from this old negative view of what I deserve, I remind myself that this is the old pattern that I am finally giving attention too and I immediately release the attachment.  By refusing to give it attention for so many years I kept recreating this mess until I finally was strong enough to say, enough is enough.   I deserve more.   I deserve more. 

Sometimes you have to shine light into the shadow world to clean it out and realize it is not scary.  That there are lessons in the underworld that you need to learn before you can shift.  And once you shine the light into this space, it no longer has power or hold over you.  It suddenly starts to die in the light and makes room for what you do want.