Yet another month

From September to the end of November is the busiest time of year for me.  We are launching new video game titles  while also trying to encourage people to buy...buy... BUY!
So for the last month, I have been heads down working and completing my first quarter of school.

It has been exhausting and almost pushed me over the edge a couple of times.  My work/life/school has been severely off kilter and then come Thanksgiving, I got sick again!  It was just like when I was in college and any holiday that came around gave my body a chance to just shut down.

So I took a couple of extra days off from work.  I completed my marketing plan and presented my product to my class.  And now I have the whole month of December to just to relax and get back on track.  I have been juicing a lot lately and moving back to raw foods.  I will be going to the ladies spa a couple of times in the next month to just detox the last few months of stress and sickness out of me. 

It's time for me to prepare for the New Year.  I love this time of year, not because of Christmas but because I always get very reflective on life and my place in it.  I like to spend the extra hours of darkness to think about what my goals are for the next year and to think about where I have been.  It's my favorite ritual in life and this year is no different.

One last thing, over Thanksgiving I let my family know what I was most Thankful and grateful for.  This was the first time I have ever expressed to my family my feelings about stuff like this.  I have decided for the next month to let people know how grateful I am that they are in my life.  I show how my gratitude and go out of my way to help others.  But for the first time in life I am going to really open my heart and tell them my feelings.  This should be an interesting month!

Guilty!

It's almost been a month!  Where have I been?

I wish I had a better answer for you then work, school and trying to get healthy.  School started last month and I was so excited to be at the Business Grad school.  Life was looking good at work with a possible new position coming into my future and I was back in school!!!!

But then I was hit with Shingles and I had to take a week off of work.  I have never missed more than 1 day of work so this was a bit of a shock.  I then missed one of my classes which bummed me out.  And to top it all off, the new position just disappeared.  It's been interesting around these parts.

I am fine with getting sick.  I was able to bounce back after 1 week for the most part.  My professor has been really understanding about being sick.  My co-workers have been amazing about me being sick and needing help.  And then I came to realize last week that I am not ready to leave my current job.  So I let the new position go and I settled into what I am good at.  My current position.

So now almost a month later I am finally starting to heal from Shingles.  My Marketing class has been amazing and I am so happy I am in the course.  I love my job still and I am happy I don't have to worry about learning a new position while I am still in school. 

So I am relaxing and returning back to my routine.  Work, School, Health, Family and FUN!

I know I have some changes ahead and I am working to stay positive and focused on better things in life.  There is a chance for fear and negative energy to come into my life but I am working hard to keep these things at bay.

Feeling Stronger

I am feeling stronger this week.  I have had a lot of closer about my relationship that just ended and I know I am making the right decision.  I have healed and am ready to move forward.  My feelings of loneliness have decreased and now I am just left with a peaceful and grateful feeling about my life.  I am also left with happiness!
I am now coming into the office smiling and leaving feeling really good.  I am no longer cranky or irritated.  I am happy to see my coworkers, I am rolling with the changes at work and I am getting a lot of work done.  It's a beautiful place to be.

I am also feeling more confident in life and secure in myself.  So many wonderful changes have happen over the last year or two.  I know I keep saying this but it's true!
I am one of those people that decided they wanted to change everything about their lives and then worked very hard to make these changes happen.  Everyday I am closer to my dreams with the knowledge I will one day be living that life I have always dreamed about.  And while I am working towards that day I am going to enjoy every moment of the process.

Tonight I am off to cocktails with my best lady friends.  Then I am relaxing all weekend since I have had insomnia this week and have not had more than 3 hours of sleep each night.  Which has done wonders for me at work.   I am on top of everything.  It's so weird.  But I know I will crash soon and I need that day to be this weekend.

Having a feeling

One of my older lady friends made me laugh really hard this weekend when she described how every time she starts to get upset she thinks "I am having a feeling".  She has to state it to describe where she is at.

I have to state this because I get so cranky and annoyed when I have a feeling other than just Joy.  But I have to say.... This weekend I spent the whole weekend in the depths of  "I am having a feeling".   It was a tough weekend for me. 

The feeling I am dealing with right now is loneliness.  Most of my friends were out of town this weekend and I am still dealing with my break up.  I was able to see some friends this weekend and had a lovely date with my nephew but I had a lot of loneliness to deal with.  I thought the break up would be easier than it has been.  Which is hard for me to deal with. 

I knew from the start there were issues around my relationship.  But I was hoping that maybe I was just being afraid to start something new.  But now I realize that these issues had more to do with my own fear of uncovering what I am currently dealing with.  Which is the fact that in some ways I am lonely in my life.

This is not to say I am unhappy.  No way!  The opposite is in fact how I feel about my life.  I am very happy.  I just realized that I long for someone to share my joy with.  I am up for an amazing dream promotion in the new year.  I am starting on the path towards grad school.  I LOVE my job!!!! (that's right.. I actually truly love my job).  I have this amazing family I am part of.  And I am one of the few people in this world that has fun in life and is fun to be around.

But I have to face the fact that part of me is lonely.  I have been very afraid to admit this for a long time because to me it was like admitting I was weak or something.  But now I realize that I can be happy and lonely at the same time.  That this feeling is not a sign of weakness but a sign that I am human and have a preference of being part of a couple. I never realized that I could be as happy as I am yet also have to deal with uncomfortable emotions.

So I am sitting with the admittance that I am lonely and I am working on ways to soothe this feeling.  I am gently reminding myself that this feeling will not last.  And that I have a part in working to fix this feeling.  I can do things that will open doors to situations which will help me to feel less lonely and closer to my goal of being in a partnership.  And I also have been giving myself props for becoming that person that I have always wanted to be.  I know that when I do meet someone, I am that attractive, interesting, and loving professional lady I always longed to be.  I have a lot of amazing things to bring to my next relationship and I am looking forward to meeting that person that will see how all my hard work has paid off.

Back To My Regular Life

After a lovely summer romance, I have made the decision to end it. 
This decision was not made easily as we were friends before dating.  But in the last month or so I became very aware that this relationship was not in alignment with what I want in life.

It's not his fault nor is it my fault.  It just is. 
I am trying to be as level headed as I can be about the situation.  I am lucky that for the first time in my life I have the confidence and strength to walk away before the situation could do any damage to me.  This is something I have been working on for years.  To put my desires and needs before other people. 

I am now adjusting to being single again.  It helps that I was offered a huge promotion starting next year on a new team but under my same director.  This dream job would involve traveling to major entertainment events all over the country and being part of a marketing group that is doing amazing things.  So I have been turning my focus back to my career.  I also applied for and was admitted to an evening program at the largest University in Seattle.  I will be studying Marketing Management with an eye towards continuing my current career.
There are so many positive things happening in my life that I am able to look at this summer relationship as being a huge growth opportunity for me.  I learned a lot about myself, I learned to love myself more than I ever thought I could.  And I learned that I truly desire a real partnership with someone that is an equal.  I want to be with someone that wants to create a life with me and cherishes our time together. 

So I look to the future, to positive changes and towards a wonderful Fall full of cashmere sweaters, hot tea, warm hats and thick tights under my skirts :)

I have been away

I don't know if you have noticed but it's been a while since I was last on my blog!  Sorry!!!!

It has been a whirlwind of a month.  I spent a week visiting Family on the East Coast.  I was there before the giant heat storm which makes me very happy.  I do not handle heat very well and pretty much just lose my cool.  So I would not have survived that heat and the lack of electricity.  So scary!

But what also happened in the last month is I have started a  relationship.  It's something very new but with someone I have know for a while.  We are keeping it very quite right now as we need to cross over from being friends to being something more.  It has been a lovely month.  He is the sweetest and most lovely person I have ever been with.  He courted me for months before I would attempt a change of our friendship.  Since I decided I was ready to change our relationship, it has been amazing.
We have so much in common and work in the a very similar industry. We are very similar in personality and have a whole lot of fun together and he likes me! Wow does he like me!  It has been a long time for me since I have been with someone that truly likes me, good and bad.  It's so different from my last relationship. And it's about the best change I have ever experienced.  There is so much healing and happiness happening with my new guy and this situation.  I don't know about our future but I am living in the present and just enjoying our relationship for what it is right now.   

All I can say is I am swooning right now and very, very happy.

More Tests

After another round of blood tests I have decided to return to my vegan/ RAW lifestyle.  My body was not reacting to the meat very well and the iron pills I am taking are doing the job. 

I am very happy to return to eating healthy.  In some ways I have felt better since starting to eat meat again but I also realized after this experiment that I really prefer to eat ultra healthy.  I just did not like eating meat or dairy.  In tiny small doses maybe sometimes I will have some meat and dairy but what I crave is fruits and veggies. 

So I am slowly figuring out what my body needs and just staying focused on being healthy.  I called my family this morning that I am visiting next week to let them know I was on the vegan train again so I will not be eating any meat or dairy when I visit.   I did not want this to be an issue when I go back East.  Of course they were supportive and will help me with this.  I just feel better preparing myself to not be tempted!  

I am blessed that I am able to catch unhealthy issues before they become emergencies and that I have a wonderful group of people supporting me in learning to be the healthiest I can be!

Ready for Summer

I am ready for some sunny weather!  We keep getting little tastes of sunny days but then the clouds come back and I get so sleepy.

After a week of eating meat, I am ready to go back to my Raw foods way.  I can't but I miss feeling eating only vegetables.  Hopefully after my follow up appointment next week I can cut the meat way down and enjoy feeling better but not being so meat heavy.  It definitely makes my body feel way heavier to be eating it.

I also have decided to cut out drinking for the rest of the summer.  I don't drink that much but right now every calorie counts and I don't want to give up my fresh juice so I am cutting out the cocktails and wine.  I am really ok with this decision.  I feel so much better when I don't drink so it won't be a problem for me.

It feels like my health has taken over my thoughts lately.   Not much else is going on.  I am working and having fun with friends.  It's a nice calm start to the summer.

Getting to the root of the issue

Over the last few months I have not been feeling very well.  I kept getting sick and it would take me a long time to feel better.  I kept feeling like my body was completely inflamed and I just felt exhausted all the time.  I pushed harder to juice more and eat more raw foods hoping that would help.  I am so lucky in that my coworkers are so understanding because I have not been on top of my game these last few weeks.
It all came to a strange conclusion when last week the skin on my left hand started to get very dark looking.  At first I thought my hand was just dirty but it did not go away after a very long lavender bath .  So I finally went to the doctor.  He said pigment color changes are due to something internal and took 4 vials of blood to see what he could find.
I am happy to report that for the most part everything looks good.  My thyroid is healthy.  My sugar levels are good.  BUT I am seriously anemic.  Which might be why I am so weak and tired all the time.  I had no idea!  I take high potency vitamins everyday.  I eat so healthy and try to get nuts into my diet as much as possible.  But I simply may not be able to be the Raw food Vegan I want to be.  I was doing everything right and yet I am very anemic and it's starting to show up via my skin. 

So last night I went to our local Farmers market and bought some red meat for the week.  I stocked up on Dulse seaweed and Edamame which has iron in it.  I bought a bunch of spinach and kale and some major Iron pills.  After 1 day I am already feeling better.   I am still a little in shock that my body would react that way to my healthier lifestyle but I have come to accept that I may not be able to eat the way I want. 
So I am going to try for the 70% Raw diet and 30% other diet.  And for the next three months I am giving myself a time out for pushing so hard to be healthy.  I am going to just eat healthy but also eat what I need to eat.  This includes meat at most meals along with veggies.  I am going to try to eat a little more dairy than I had been.  I am going to just relax and recover.  I am glad I caught this early before it got any worse. 

And the weird skin color change on my hand that makes it look like my fingers have been self tanning?  It is slowly now starting to go away.

Trying to go with the flow

A decision was made at my work to move my desk without asking me.  I am trying so hard not to freak out about this situation or get mad but I have to admit it's hard.
I usually am very easy going about stuff but this new move is about the worst place you could place me in a situation.  In some ways I feel like a child in school again.  I know what works best for me yet I can't do anything about this situation. And thus I am very unhappy at the moment.

I know I will get over it but I had to take a couple of days off work and I hate it when decisions are made when I am away from the office. 

So I am trying to just focus on catching up in my email and ignoring the situation at the moment.  I am also asking the universe to take care of the situation for me.  I am trying so hard to put all my faith into letting the right thing happen.  But it's so HARD!!!!

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UPDATE:
The issue has all cleared up and I handled it like a champ. 
Just a little reminder to not get upset but allow the universe to take care of what it needs to take care of.

Dream Big

This morning I woke up realizing that it has been a long time since I was able to dream in life. 
After many hard years in my 20's where I basically gave up thinking that anything good would happen or would change my situation, I stopped dreaming.  It does make me slightly sad to think that my 20's were wasted or shall I say lost by the choices I made.  But I have also come to a real place of peace about this.  I made bad choices and I learned a lot of lessons.  Lessons that have allowed me to get to exactly this point where life is once again beautiful and where I can dream Big.

I am settled into a great job.  I am signed up for night school for the fall.  I am making enough money to live and take care of my family while paying my bills easily.  And I now have enough stability and security to start thinking about what I want to try in life.  What kind of things would I like to do with my free time.   What would this bucket list look like?

This morning I am looking at the Raw school in Oklahoma and still thinking I would love to take a month off to do the 1st level classes.  I am also counting the days down to start paddle boarding again.  I am seriously thinking about the juice cleanse Spa in California that I would like to spend a week at this winter.  And of course.... I am thinking about all the traveling I want to do.

But these thoughts are more than just dreams because these thoughts are becoming reality with each passing day.  I am saving money to try these things.  I am planning my future to increase my income so I can do all of the above plus so much more.  I am practicing my RAW foods skills every night while making my juice.  I am letting my family know I will not be around for a Thanksgiving soon while I go to Cali to spend a week at the juicing Spa.  I am talking to all my friends about paddle boarding dates.  And I am gaining the courage to come out of my shell and start to LIVE like I have always wanted to live.  Working hard, being healthy, having good friends and family around while dreaming BIG.

A happy life for me is the perfect combination of working at a job I love, having the time and resources to do things I enjoy when I am not working and being able to live life with ease while remaining healthy physically and emotionally.    

More good news

I really feel like I am on the right path in life.  My job has become even more secure with another great review and I am still loving my job.  I will even be returning to University this fall for an extension program with the MBA school at night.  Returning to school to work towards an MBA has been a dream of mine for years.  And now....  It's all happening!

It has taken little steps for me to get here but with each week it feels like my vision and my dreams are becoming reality and with such ease.  I am so grateful for everything that has happened to allow me to get to this place.
So the next year is somewhat planned.  Work, School and taking care of myself.  What more could a lady ask for?

Something else interesting has been going on in my life.  I am cleaning out situations that are no longer healthy for me.  This has left a lot of space and time for me to create new and wonderful things.  I am letting go of so much old baggage that I feel lighter and happier everyday.  I am really connecting with my friends and family members and just enjoying every moment. 

Soon paddle boarding will begin and I will start doing some hiking this summer.  I feel like I can finally relax now in life.  And to top it off, I am starting to get really back into the Raw foods and feeling so much better!

Bring on the summer!

Relaxing into the Summer

Last night I had dinner with an old friend I had not seen in 8 months. It was a wonderful catch up session that ended with tea at a very cozy tea shop in Ballard.

It was very interesting to see her because we work together at a very large corporation so we IM all day long. But actually getting time during a time that works for the both of us is hard. Over the last few months I have been IMing with her saying things like... I am changing... Life is so different...
She would just think... sure sure... and we would move on to different conversation. However, last night as we were sipping on craft cocktails, she said something along the lines of... Wow, you have really changed in such a great way. You kept telling me things were different but I did not really understand what you meant but I can see it now.

It was so great to hear!

It's hard to explain the changes. They are not physical but more of a personality or calmness in life type thing. Hearing her say this has helped me to feel more at peace with all the changes I am going through. All the changes have been for the best and I have worked hard to become this person I am delighted in becoming. It's just strange when you realize that you want to change major parts of who you are, and then you actually make these changes. I have seen a lot of people talk about wanting to change but I never thought I would be one of them. And yet, here I am. Changing and loving every minute of it!

Lessons to live by

One thing I did not learn growing up was that I had a choice in situations. I always thought I had to do what people told me and that I had to always be the nice one.
It has taken me way too long to learn that as an adult this way of thinking no longer serves me.

One of my favorite lessons I have learned over the last few years as I worked hard to rebuild my life is that I do have a choice. And no, I don't always have to be the nice one. Especially if being nice means that I hurt myself in the long run. I now only focus on what helps me in the long run keep my vision of what I want my life to look like. This includes keeping good friends around, being the best family member I can to those that deserve it, being a rock star at the company I love and putting my health above everything else.

And sometimes this means I get to say NO to certain situations, people or things.
This concept actually makes me really excited. Why ? Because it means that I can think about things. I can take the space I deserve. I no longer have to do what others tell me to do. Most importantly it means I can stop all negative patterns that I have in life and make room for only positive ones.

I have been thinking a lot about this concept this week. Situations have happened over the week that do not deserve to be written about on this blog. But in each situation I held strong in the knowledge that I could simply say NO and move forward. This calmed my soul and allowed me to think of the situation for only about 5 minutes vs the 5 days it would have required in the past. It also allowed for me not to let back into my life painful situations and people that would hurt me again. What a relief!

So while I maybe saying No to certain things, I am on the other hand saying YES to a lot of things in life. I spent my Sunday playing soccer in the park with my nephew. I sat in the sunshine enjoying all the new growth of Spring. Drinks with friends. A wonderful dinner with other friends. I planted the start to my summer garden. I juiced twice a day everyday this weekend. I took care of my body and mind and lived life all week with ease and joy.

There so much good in the world that I only want to focus on that. I want to stay strong in my new life and just being really present to how wonderful life is. And I want to say that I have never been more grateful for the word NO than I am this morning.

Juicing Twice a Day

Lately I have been using my culinary skills to make new and exciting juice recipes. I have been expanding to adding fresh Herbs along with adding new veggies that I might not think to ever juice.

My new love juice

- Apple
- Lime
- Red Cabbage
- 1/2 Grapefruit
- Fresh Mint
- Fresh Basil
- Ginger

I drink this lovely mix for breakfast and dinner everyday. Over the last three weeks something has been changing in me. I am becoming a new person inside and out. It has been this beautiful transformation. I am back into the Raw thing with juicing being the main meals. I then stick to a large salad at lunch with some Quiona as a grain. I have been noticing a sensitivity to Corn lately which has made me turn more focus back to living in the Raw.

But this change has been extending outside of just what I am eating. It's a life change. I am focusing my thoughts more. I am relaxing. I am becoming that person I always wanted to be. I am taking care of myself and really enjoying my alone time. I am filling my life with beauty, friendship and love. I am spending time with people being really present to them. And I am being really present to myself.

And I am giving myself the space and time to dream and manifest in life.

Flu Watch 2012

These last few weeks have been rough. I had a cold that would not go away and then it turned into the FLU.....
I had a 102.5 fever and was very weak. For the first time since I started at my new company, I had to unplug totally. It was rough to not be able to do any work. I simple could not move.

So after 4 days of taking it easy, I am happy to say I am BACK!

I forgot how much I value my health. I forgot how much I love taking care of my body and having unlimited energy. I have come back with the flu with a new desire to stay healthy and take it up a notch. I am juicing and eating Raw again. I am working up the energy to return to Hot Yoga and I am eating only things that my delicate system can handle.

One thing being sick made me realize was that life is a lot different than just a year ago. I am different. Everything is different and I am so grateful for this. I have done a lot of work in the last year to make this change happen and sometimes I forget to step back and look at all the change I have undergone.

Another thing that happened while I was sick was I realized that I am ready to travel more. I had a very stable and dependable life now. I can start to spread my wings again. My heart is ready for a new adventure and I am ready to explore more.

My Year Of Saying Yes

2012 has turned into my year of saying yes. I am saying yes to every invitation I receive. I am saying yes to trying all those activities I have always wanted to do. And I am saying Yes to myself. Yes, it is OK to take care of yourself when you are sick instead of pushing to meet deadlines that are simply not working for you at the moment.

This has been a very fun and exciting start to the new year for me and I am excited about what saying Yes might lead too. I know it will lead to more fun and happiness in my life which was lacking for almost all of my 20's. I have finally hit the age where I don't really care anymore what other people think I should do, or even what the small part of my brain thinks I should do. I want to keep experiencing life and living as much as I can because life is short.

So tonight I am off to see a new friends band. Tomorrow is my book club with a group of ladies that inspire and encourage me in life. This weekend I have a date with my nephew that I am so excited about. And maybe one night I might take myself out for a nice cocktail and a good book. Because I am also saying Yes to myself!

Beautiful to Me

It's been an intense last few weeks. Not so much because of outside situations but more of an internal situation. I have been given the opportunity to really work and change the way I perceive myself against what is the truth. I know this sounds cryptic and possibly silly. But I have certain things that are blocking me from moving to the next level in my life and until I truly face those issues, I will be stuck in the past.

So right now I am learning to be comfortable with the idea that I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am at this moment. What a hard concept!!!
I simply can not see it. I can't understand how this concept can apply to everyone that I love except for myself. I want to resort back to my old ways of constantly thinking something is wrong with me and pushing myself to fix it, to fix me.

What if I don't need to be fixed? Then what will I spend my time thinking about? I have a great job, a great family, a great group of friends in my life. I make enough money to be able to buy myself whatever I need. I am settled, happy and excited about my future. What part of this situation is not beautiful? I am interesting, smart, constantly learning and challenging myself. I take amazing care of myself. I spend time and effort taking myself to Spas and really trying to love my body. So what is it that makes myself unable to see myself as beautiful?

I have yet to answer this. I am working hard to uncover my block and be able to move through it. I am spending time to assist me to this next level because I know once I reach this place of being beautiful, the world is going to get a whole lot more amazing. I just need to sit with the fact that I am struggling at the moment.

1st vacation of the year coming up!

Next week marks my first vacation of the year. It also happens to be the first vacation I have taken in what feels like years.

I will be traveling back to the Midwest to visit a dear friend that recently lost her husband. It's not the best circumstances to take a vacation but it will be fun none the less. I will be spending one night with my friend at a fancy spa. More details to come!
I hope it is better quality than the 5 star Spa I used to work at that was more like a 1 star spa. Fingers crossed!

I had to take a break from Hot Yoga this week as I got sick. It has been a bummer but I can still feel and see the difference in my body that this adventure has made. What is really strange is that I am returning to the size I was when I was a teenager and having dreams that are very similar to when I was younger. I wonder how much "memory" is stored in our muscles, fat and organs that would release when I start to do things similar to when I was younger? I am losing weight but more importantly I am building muscle and look very healthy. My body is now becoming a normal size. I even went to the Doc this week and my blood pressure is at an all time low!!! Not that I had high blood pressure but it's even better now. I love that healthy is becoming a priority in life.

What a week!

Last week in Seattle we had a snow and ice storm. It was epic! Everyone thinks Seattle people are wimps when it comes to snow but check this photo out from a snow storm a couple of years ago.

This is why when it snows in Seattle, I stay home! We have way too many hills to mess with trying to get around this city.

Which means I spent a week housebound. It was nice to be able to see my animals all day long but I was itching to get out by Friday. I did manage to get a couple of hot yoga classes in during the week. And I had prepared the house with fresh fruits and veggies before the storm came along. We had no junk food in the house which saved me a lot of stress. I also took the dog out for long off leash walks in the snow which helped me not go crazy from being house bound.

By Friday it was time to get out on the town and see some friends. I helped a friend film a segment for one of our local stations about his new art exhibit/ Putt putt golf installation. It was so much fun to see what he had helped create and the I am so happy the station is doing a local TV spot about this fun event. It happens once a year and is a great activity.

This evening provided me a chance to work on my New Years Resolution of confidence. I truly felt beautiful on Friday night, and I was given the chance to speak with many handsome men and feel amazing afterwards. It was a great evening. I took small steps to gaining back my confidence I had a younger lady.

One thing I almost forgot!
I just signed up for a year of unlimited Hot Yoga! I am so grateful to have this amazing job that has allowed me to pay for something like Hot Yoga. I have been going to classes 3 to 4 times a week and I feel amazing. With every class I feel myself lighter. I love how hot the room is and how much my body is responding to letting go of toxins and pent up emotional situations. I seem to be working through a lot of my past with each class. I have never had this experience before while exercising. It has been very therapeutic. Plus I love how my body is changing and getting stronger. I can feel where my spine issues have made me weak in my body and I want to take that strength back before it's too late.

So 30 days of hot yoga has been a huge life changing success!

Yoga all weekend

Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday were Yoga days for me!
I did regular yoga on Sunday which was a nice break from the Hot Yoga and last night I was able to sneak in a 8pm yoga class. This morning I work up at 5:30am feeling awake and energized.

So far this experience has been great! Some times it is hard to know what I am laying down more than other people in the class. I feel like I want to announce to the whole class that I have a spine injury and thus I can not do the full 90 minutes. So it can be hard for me to relax during the class. But it is getting easier every time I venture into the building. What I feel most is overwhelming love for my body. This body has survived two major surgeries. It is surviving a dis-ease that is chipping away at my spine. It is surviving and thriving more than I thought it would. I want to protect this body of mine. Take care of it. Feed it only the best foods available. And generally just love the hell out of it because this body of mine is in so many ways a true miracle.

I did have something interesting happen the other day to my body. I don't normally eat candy anymore but some days at work things are happening so fast I like to grab a couple of pieces to keep me going. However, the other day I did this and I had a very similar thing happen to my body that happens when I eat wheat. My body started to hurt and my legs got swollen. It was very odd since I have never noticed this type of reaction before. After an hour or so it went away but it just makes me realize that my body is way more sensitive to what I put into it that I ever thought possible. I now realize that I just can't live like other people. I can't eat whatever I want or be as lazy as I want. I have the type of body that needs to move and eat only pure food. And for the first time in my life - I am glad about this. I am so in tune with my body that I know when something I eat is not right. What a beautiful thing.

30 days

Today is the first day of 30 days of Hot Yoga*.

*I will not be going everyday but aim to go 5 days a week.

I have been wanting to try Hot Yoga for a while. I did it a few years back with a friend and loved it. After my spine injury I needed to start exploring new ways of working out that would be gentle on the spine. And after setting my intentions for this year I realized that it was time for me to move forward with doing more active hobbies.

So I signed up and I am ready to go. I will forgo visiting with friends tonight in favor of trying Hot Yoga. Tomorrow morning I also have a date with my cousin to do Hot Yoga as well.

I am looking forward to blogging about the experience. I know for many people, Hot Yoga has helped to bring about very profound changes into their lives. I am looking forward to seeing what happens and what kind of issues come up for me. Since the new year I am being challenged to be different .... in a good way. My old way of thinking, being and living no longer sit well with me. My insecurity and self bashing no longer feels good. I am ready for a positive loving change and this in a first step in the right direction.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Theme for this year!

Every year I pick a theme that helps to shape my new year.
This year I thought about having my theme be courage but after thinking about this word I realized it was not right. I don't really need courage. I have had plenty of situations over the last few years to prove I have courage. I needed something else.

After spending New Years Eve with a very good friend of mine in a beautiful old Craftsman house, I realized that I wanted a new word for the new year. It then dawned on me. What I really wanted this year to be about was Confidence.

I want to increase my confidence level to help me create into reality that dream life I know I deserve. I want to increase my confidence level to one that reflects how amazing I truly am. I want to only do things this year that help me to build my confidence level and help me to stay truly present in my life. I want to be confident to be the best person I can be. I want to work on my confidence level so I can see myself for that beautiful, talented and amazing person I know I am. I want the confidence to share my joy and sorrows with my best friends and to be able to find the beauty in solitude as well.

So this year is about me returning to myself and being present in all my interactions. I am going to do more things that I love - paddle boarding - snowshoeing - traveling - meeting new people. I am going to continue to kick ass at my amazing job. I am going to organize my home and I am going to save money while also building my wardrobe. I am going to have it all and be beautiful while I do it!