Making Space and Standing Up For Myself

I have been changing a lot lately.  

It’s exhausting.  Change is hard.  Changing your career dreams is terrifying especially when you don’t have a very supportive manager.   I went from one wolf to another.  Same wolf- different clothing.  It’s frustrating but I know it’s not me. That’s the positive side to all of this.   I am showing up and doing the best I can.   It’s true when they say that  only 10% of managers are qualified to manage.  I look forward to the day when I am out of the corporate world and working for myself and building my empire.   

I have so much empathy for teenagers and college age kids suddenly.  All the growth I have gone through in the last couple of years has been painful and hard.  I had dinner with a dear friend from college on Wednesday that spends most of the year on the road touring with famous bands.  We were talking about the last 7 years of my life and he reminded me that I have been through some very dark moments and yet, I survived.   We laughed about the time he came to visit when I had just found out about my spine disease and I did not know if I would ever be able to walk again.   I had taken a massive amount of pain meds just to see him and ended up getting really sick at dinner.  Yet here I am 7 years later, still walking.   Sometimes it’s good to have an old friend remind you of how far you have come.

Monday I start a new job!  I was able to transfer to a position that is much closer to where my skill set is and at a higher wage.  I am so grateful to have such a strong and supportive network of former coworkers turned friends turned protective champions.   They all saw my struggles and banded together to get me into something better.  I am staying at my favorite company, just returning to a better division.  I am so excited!

My heart is so full of love and gratitude today. 

It’s going to be a stretch for me as I will need to learn new skills but ultimately it will open so many  more doors for me.  And its allowing me to get my company started just that much sooner. 

This has been a whirlwind of life lessons that I still need to process before I write about them but I will say they all center around power, confidence, strength, purpose and communication.   And now I need a power nap!

Theme for the Year

Yesterday someone that I have know for years, came up to me and said that every year they put a theme to year after hearing me give a talk about how I do this.  

This person has no idea but this may have been the biggest and best compliment I have ever received.  To know that I was able to help someone, that I was able to touch someone deeper than just a fleeting moment.  To know that one of my yearly rituals has actually brought help and Joy to someone else.   

This 2 second moment in our conversation has stunned me.  

It's also slightly funny because for the first time in years, I did not pick a theme.  I did my intentions differently this year.  I have been pushing myself to grow and embrace new ways of doing things.  I am reaching the next level in my personal journey.  So I figured my theme idea was outdated.  I guess I was WRONG.

So my theme this year is to have more moments like these.  More moments where I am able to share my authentic self with people and they help me by showing me that I have been seen and heard.  It's not a simple word for the year but a feeling, a moment in time, an all encompassing connection.  

A TRUE THEME

It's funny how once you slow down in life to listen to the Universe, it does so with such humor and love.  These last few days have been very life changing for me.  I am not sure what shifted in me but somehow I finally made the decision that I have had enough suffering and I needed to change.  And I have been changing.  I wake up rested and grateful.  I spend my day relaxed with a smile on my face. I spend time alone now and yet I am never lonely.   I have no more heartache.  I have no more pain about the past no more confusion about the future.  I feel happy at every moment.   I have been searching for this place for years and I finally found it.   My job now is to stay in this place.  To get back on track when I start to get off track.  To keep moving forward and keep searching because I am only getting started on my path.  

The Journey

I am preparing for a new journey and I am both excited and scared all at once.  I am taking that leap of faith that requires a blind trust and this maybe one of the hardest things I have ever done but my soul and spirit need it badly. 

I will hopefully reveal more this week.  I think 2015 is going to be truly transformational.