Admitting MyTruth

Thanks to my work with the Magic 17 Devotion group, I have finally started to admit to my truth in a safe place.  I have admitted to bits and pieces of it on my blog but I have never fully owned it in a public way because for some reason I am scared to own it.  

Why?

What is it about my truth that I am so afraid of?  Why would admitting to the world that I believe in and practice magic on a daily basis be such a scary thing?  Why is admitting that this is something I have been doing my whole life be so hard for me?  Ever since I was a child I have had personal truths around magic and a way of living in magic that were not taught to me.  It was just something I knew.  I was born with it.  I hid it for a long time out of embarrassment and shame.  I found mentors when I was a teenager but then late puberty hit and I discovered boys that not only did not believe in magic but actively made fun of it.  And when faced with believing in my own power or giving it away, I gave it away.  I reclaimed it for a bit between relationships but again, gave it up for another person.  The pattern continued.  Each time I gave away this power, I felt a little piece of my soul floating away but not my whole soul. My magical soul has always been there and will always be here.

I now want to claim this truth and go public with it in a big way.  I want to integrate the magic into my whole life because I can’t keep living two separate lives.  I can’t have this amazing magical life hidden away when I am single that disappears once I get into a relationship.  And I can’t date someone that can’t handle the fact that I can speak my dreams into reality and watch them manifest before my eyes.  I can’t deny the fact that I can create magic very easily and do so a daily basis.  It’s doesn’t feel right anymore to hide.  I no longer fear for my safety or need to be hidden when it comes to magic.   I want to share with the world everything I know and I want to help others find that magic in themselves because we all have it.   We all have access to it.  We all can create magic in our lives and we should.  Nothing feels better than living a magical life. 

I promise you.  

Nothing feels better than living a peaceful, spiritual and magical life.

I am so blessed

I am so blessed......

This is the statement that keeps running through my head as I sit on my comfy couch, in my beautiful home and have the space to work, take care of myself and balance both sides of my brain.

I have been running around this week struggling.  I have been getting over the flu, feeling cranky towards anything that has been in my way and just feeling overburdened by life. Plus, I have been lonely because having the flu meant I did not leave my home for over a week.  So it's been tough but today I was able to have a call with Rachael my Magic Coach and it turned all my thoughts and feelings around.
I am not cranky because I am sick.  I am not overburdened by life.
I am feeling growing pains because for the first time ever in my life, my emotional barriers that I put up to protect myself from other people, no longer serve me.   Once I realized that my short temper was really not a short temper but was my soul wanting some time and reflection, I was able to come back to center and feel balance.

So much is changing in my world and it's so exciting but it's also scary and strange.   I don't quite know how to share everything yet other than I am peeling away layers of unnecessary stuff in my life to bring my true self to the surface.  I am doing this with a group of women via the internet. I am doing it by creating art and intention products again. I am doing it by writing. I am doing it by spending time alone. I am doing it by spending time with people.  I am doing it by taking care of my body and keeping my home clean.  I am doing it by realizing that I deserve better in life and I no longer want to put myself down.  I am doing this by admitting that I am more scared than I have ever been about my future because it is changing in such a huge way and I have no idea what it will look like. 

One of my amazing new friends just started a self love journey that speaks to me.  Mandy opened a wound in me last night when she admitted issues around her body and wanting to feel good about her self.  I saw myself in her admission and thought long and hard about her words.  While I am not sure I can do a 30 day journey right now, I did decide with Rachael that I am going to do a 17 day fun journey because more than anything in life, right now I need FUN! 

So tonight my fun will include a delicious dinner with my favorite person in this world, my nephew!  And possible fro-yo afterwards.   Then tomorrow my fun is going to include buying some new plates for my intention candles and altar I am building along with new pieces for my art project.   And then of course Sunday is my favorite day of the year.