A Little Down Time

Today I need a little down time to recharge.  I have made no plans except to be totally open to see what happens.  So far I have gone from reading to cleaning to art to seeing the beauty in my home with my best fur friend.

This full moon in Virgo was intense in the best way.  The front half of the week was slightly miserable.  Everyone was cranky and life just felt hard.  But Thursday everything had turned around to a love filled world.   I am always amazed at the power of the moon and how sensitive we are to it.

I am feeling like I am back on track after a couple of weeks of feeling off balanced.  It feels good to be grounded again.  I am back to planning my new company.  To my self care routine.  To making art and adding joy in my life.  Ahhhh.  Feels so good to be back on the right track!  I spent this week really connecting with friends.  I needed just a week to see people and talk; to reconnect and share with them.  Just a week to let go and just let life guide me.

This week also marked a lot of healing and releasing.  It was beautiful.  For the first time in years, I have real space in my life thanks to the healing old wounds from the past.  And it all happened in a really gentle and sweet way.   I am so grateful for 2015 and my life.  

Admitting MyTruth

Thanks to my work with the Magic 17 Devotion group, I have finally started to admit to my truth in a safe place.  I have admitted to bits and pieces of it on my blog but I have never fully owned it in a public way because for some reason I am scared to own it.  

Why?

What is it about my truth that I am so afraid of?  Why would admitting to the world that I believe in and practice magic on a daily basis be such a scary thing?  Why is admitting that this is something I have been doing my whole life be so hard for me?  Ever since I was a child I have had personal truths around magic and a way of living in magic that were not taught to me.  It was just something I knew.  I was born with it.  I hid it for a long time out of embarrassment and shame.  I found mentors when I was a teenager but then late puberty hit and I discovered boys that not only did not believe in magic but actively made fun of it.  And when faced with believing in my own power or giving it away, I gave it away.  I reclaimed it for a bit between relationships but again, gave it up for another person.  The pattern continued.  Each time I gave away this power, I felt a little piece of my soul floating away but not my whole soul. My magical soul has always been there and will always be here.

I now want to claim this truth and go public with it in a big way.  I want to integrate the magic into my whole life because I can’t keep living two separate lives.  I can’t have this amazing magical life hidden away when I am single that disappears once I get into a relationship.  And I can’t date someone that can’t handle the fact that I can speak my dreams into reality and watch them manifest before my eyes.  I can’t deny the fact that I can create magic very easily and do so a daily basis.  It’s doesn’t feel right anymore to hide.  I no longer fear for my safety or need to be hidden when it comes to magic.   I want to share with the world everything I know and I want to help others find that magic in themselves because we all have it.   We all have access to it.  We all can create magic in our lives and we should.  Nothing feels better than living a magical life. 

I promise you.  

Nothing feels better than living a peaceful, spiritual and magical life.

Calm After The Storm

I feel like the storm has passed and I am now settling into the calm for a bit.  With all the shadow work I did last week and the realization I needed to close some doors, I now feel free.   I also feel happy, settled, confident and excited.   

It’s strange.  I don’t have the pain or longing I have had in the past.   By shining light into the darkness I feel free for the first time in a long time.

What I am noticing are places where my heart shut down years ago instead of dealing with the sadness.  There are small parts of my heart that are in mourning.  This type of mourning feels like something I can handle.  Every time a little piece of pain comes up, I take a moment to reflect and acknowledge that I was hurt over that memory or situation and I let it go.   I also take a moment to think, I am not living in that reality anymore and I don’t need to carry that pain.  It’s not overwhelming by any means.  Its perfect.

The most important lesson from all of work is that I am no longer shut down.  I am no longer in pain or avoidance.  I am opening back up and I am letting magic back in. 

And the magic is showing up in so many ways. It's hard to explain at the moment how magical life has gotten but the more I open my heart the more magic meets me with wonderful surprises and little signs I am on the right path.    

Magic Is Happening

Yesterday seemed like a normal day.   I went to work.  I came home.  I did my normal routine.

But something was very different.

After doing my shadow work on Sunday I knew there was a relationship I needed to end.  I did not want too but it was time.  It was hardly a real relationship but it was something that has been in my way for years and it suddenly and swiftly did not feel right anymore.   I attempted to end it over  text but felt a longer email that included how I really felt about the person was a better option.  I have never let this person know my true feelings about them before.   The email was not mean in any way nor was I asking them for anything.  I was simply saying, I like you and you like me and it confuses me because nothing ever happens except we both admit it to each other all the time and I don't want to do this anymore.  This email was met with a text that said, I will stop contacting you.

Fair enough.   This person and I live in very different worlds.  Our ability to express ourselves are not matched by any means.  And I am sure to this man, someone being open and honest scared the hell out of him.  Like I said, we are very different people.  I am not like any woman he has ever dated or met.  I don't need him nor want him to take care of me. I can walk away from him and not look back.
But there is some heartache to the situation because I did like him.  I was willing to look beyond our cultural and social differences and get to know him.   So I was feeling sad.

Meanwhile, months ago when I decided I needed a serious life change I discovered the etsy store Sage Goddess .  I bought a couple of candles from her and some oils.  I also attended a couple of her online telecasts.  This happened at the same time I discovered Magic 17 and I knew life was going to change.   I have been slowly or quickly using both resources to make changes in my life.  Sage Goddess has these amazing oils that I have started to use in my wall art project and I keep a steady stream of her candles coming to my home on a regular basis.  I just feel very drawn to her.

Cut back to last night.   I am feeling sorry for myself and see my biological aunt has posted on facebook about one of my favorite adopted aunties that is an amazing artist. She was my hero growing up.  She lived in a converted school house on a local island in the northwest.   She is also a very witchy lady and  just a straight up Goddess in general.  I quickly friended her on Facebook and sent her a note asking if we could have an art date soon.  I let her know I wanted to return to  my roots of doing art and making products and being a strong independent woman and I could really use some special time with her.   We emailed a bit and I let her know what was happening in my life.

I then took a bath and was reading a story about a woman that while trying to figure out if she was on the right path in life would get little signs from the universe letting her know she was.   This story was about her life purpose but also about her love life.  I finished the story and picked up my phone to find a message from my artist Aunty inviting me to an event being put on by the Sage Goddess.  I said that's so crazy because a couple of months ago I randomly found her and have been super into her products since finding her.  That I even had been using her magical oils in my first art project in almost 8 years.   It turns out they are old friends and my aunty helps with her community.  My Aunty said I was exactly where I needed to be and for the first time in a long time, I truly believe it.

We are going to have a date in two weeks.

I am blown away by all these connections coming together.  Yes.  I am exactly where I need to be.  Yes.  I needed to give up that man.  As much as I liked him,  he was just not right for me.  As soon as I found my aunty and we connected I realized the universe was bringing me the tools I need to bring the life I want to live to me.

I feel like I am coming home.  Growing up I always thought I would like a life just like my Aunty.  I would live in the country and make products to help people with their emotional and spiritual situations.  I would do my art and I would have a great close community I was a part of.  I would travel with my partner and experience the wonders of the world.
I am finally on the path to creating this life and at a level I never thought possible.  I am going to live this life but on a larger scale which is perfect for who I have become.