Life changes have me distracted. I am stretching my wings and this time it does not involve work or school. It surrounds my personal life and love life and it feels so good!
I am finally feeling free from myself. I want to jump in my car and just hit the road for a month. I want to spend my days driving, thinking, taking photographs and writing. I want to meet new people and try on my new self to see what kind of person I really am. Because frankly I don't know.
I mean, I know who I am. But I am finally letting down my guard in such a powerful way that I want to show this new truth to the world.
I feel so good. I am losing weight again. I am working with a new trainer that is making a ton of progress in getting my body back into a healthy place. I will see myself in a mirror and the first thing I think now is.... I am beautiful. Do you know how unusual this thought is about myself? This is the first time in 20 years I have thought this about myself. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. That for so many years I refused to look in the mirror or when I did I hated what I saw.
I could blame it on my long term ex. His parting words to me were "I was never attracted to you. I thought I would learn to be attracted to you but because of your weight it never happened". But I don't want to give him that power. No, this journey has been about me and I own every ugly and beautiful part of it.
