I am in the process of deleting my relationship history from
social media. It’s time and it’s the
right thing to do. I have been holding
onto these virtual memories for too long and I know it’s been part of what’s
keeping me stuck in emotional pain. It
feels weird to be able to erase history like deleting a facebook email chain
that lasts years and that shows a love grow and then die. But you know what? In the end, it doesn’t really mean anything
more than, I experience something that I no longer wish to remember. I have my journals if I want to remember my
side. I have some memories but I have already started deleting his
photographs. And I am just now starting
to realize how truly bad this person was for me. Narcissist does not even begin to describe
this person.
I feel free to look towards the future. I feel free to dream again. I feel free to be me and change.
I did have a couple of new people come into my life
recently. It’s like the universe is testing
me big time. One is someone I have known
for years, am wildly attracted too but is also very different than myself and
slightly living on the edge. The other person is quiet, funny and someone I
work near. He is younger but also fun
and fairly conservative. With him it
would be a real relationship. With the
person I have known for a long time it would be a good time. I don’t know what to do with either of these
men.
Frankly, I don’t think I will do anything with either of
them because right now I am just enjoying where I am at. I am living alone in this amazing condo. I finally figured out what was wrong with me
health wise and my body is responding wonderfully to treatment. I am down 3 clothing sizes and starting to
look like myself again. I am looking
for a job that is in better alignment with who I am and I am not worried about
finding one. I am feeling secure for
the first time in many years. And I am
doing it all on my own.
The wild man came over to my apartment a few weeks ago and
it was nice but he also made a few weird moves that in the end were just not
the right moves if he wants to be with someone like me. It’s sad but true. I suspect what he did works for the kind of
women he is used to dealing with but that’s just not how I do thing. There is a magic to my life. And it’s not something that I want to share
with just anyone anymore. He nicely
taught me this over the last week or so.
It feels good to be so protective over myself and my
heart. I don’t want to be closed down,
I just want to be selective. Wild men
can exit out the door. Nice men are
allowed as long as they prove themselves and take it slow. No more rushing into things anymore. It’s all about intention and living the life
I want and sharing it with people that I adore.
