Northern Exposure is the Cure

Last night I had one of my rough nights. I usually wake up around 1 am and stay awake until 7 or so. I am exhausted and in pain but can not sleep. Usually these nights the only thing besides pain pills that will soothe me is Northern Exposure. I can listen to this show for hours with my eyes closed, contemplating life, my injury and Joseph Campbell. (last night episode was a discussion of the hero archetype)

So while I was awake last night I started to search the Internet about my favorite show. I am a major fan and most of the information I already know but last night I stumbled onto something new. I found out about a musician who became seriously ill and heartbroken. He retreated to Wisconsin to recover and one of the things that brought him out of his illness was Northern Exposure. He ended up naming his band after a saying from one of the shows, Bon Iver . I have never heard his music but hearing about someone who has been touched by this show in a dark period in their life made my heart flutter. Here is another person that took the dark journey of the soul, found Northern Exposure and was able to translate it into a new path in life. Also, having lived in rural Wisconsin myself during my early 20's I of course loved the fact that he watched this show while living in his father's remote cabin in Northern Wisconsin!

I hope to one day to meet Justin and be able to express to him how Northern Exposure helped me while I was bed ridden for a year and also suffering from a broken heart the year before that. It has been my lifeline in so many ways and I am so excited to hear of other creative people that are as moved by the characters, story and just overall sense of community that was developed in this show. Plus in my fantasy life, Justin will turn out to be as interesting as Chris in the morning. ( but alas, I know this may not be true!)

But I will just settle to at least meet another Northern Exposure fan who can tell me about their impressions and favorite episodes!

Booked a flight back East

I just booked my first flight back to the East Coast since my injury! I am so excited to get out of town for a few days and see my family. I have been craving Virginia and the summertime green for the last few months and I can't wait to experience it.

I am a little worried about the trip and the flight but I just need to remember to take it slow. Everyday will be a challenge but I just keep reminding myself to cut it down to one or two activities a day and I should be ok. If I try to do too much I will hurt myself but if I take it slow then I should not feel any different than when I am at home.

I have two things planned already. First my Aunt and older cousins and I are going to go the World Spa. It is a Korean day spa like the one we have in Seattle, Olympus Spa. I can't wait to experience a new spa! Then on Saturday I will be going to a bluegrass showcase with my stepfather. I am also hoping that we will have a BBQ on Sunday for all my cousins that live in the town I am going to visit. So that's pretty much my whole vacation already planned. I have one day on each end of the trip to rest and as long as I don't fall in the shower again.... I should be good to go.
This weekend has been a wonderful warm spring weekend! I spent yesterday afternoon with Ahmi at the dog beach in north Seattle. Today I read a book with the animals on the porch. Tomorrow it is back to candle making and Dr appointments but for this evening I can relax a little.

Painful realization

What happens when you have lost faith in someone you love?

I am suffering from this dilemma currently. It is a family relation and feels so much more painful than anything I have ever experienced before. I know I must speak my truth about the situation but right now, I am unable to speak. I am taking time and really working on understanding my feelings. This situation runs so much deeper than just the surface decision that was made. This situation has pierced me to the core of what I thought was a blood bond that would never be broken. And yet, six years later.... I am in pieces and have no more to give. I tried to remain quiet and helped as much as I could but in the end I have ignored myself and suffered from my own actions.

I have been very busy in the studio making candles and just being compassionate towards myself. I read Alice Hoffman's book "The Third Angel" . It was beautiful. I was not able to related it to my current situation and it was not as magic filled as some of her past books but I cherished it and stayed up one night reading it all night long. I am about to start "The Laws of Harmony" by Judith Ryan Hendricks.

One interesting note is that Blue Herons have come into my life in a way that has never happened before. They are every where I look lately. From books to car rides to the park up the street from my house. I am working on trying to understand why this animal that has never been around me before has suddenly appeared in the last week more than it ever has in my whole life.