Monday, December 30, 2013

New Year - New Me



This year has been one of the most challenging years I have ever been dealt.   Sure, it was not as hard as being bed ridden and facing an insane amount of medical debt.  But this year was hard emotionally.  I faced a lot this year,  normally I think that people are almost only good.  This year I was shown many different people that deep down were just not good.   I don’t like to use the word evil often but this year I met some truly evil people.  People that went out of their way to take other people down. 

But as the year comes to a close I am working on forgiveness and release. Yes, I dealt with some dark people this year. Yes, it was a challenging year.  But I also grew this year.  I truly changed.  I dealt with all the darkness this year with stability, grace and did not sabotage myself in the process.  I became flexible in way I never knew possible and I kept my faith that the right thing would happen.  And the right thing almost always did happen.  The places where I can’t see it yet, I know it will prove itself. 

So as the year comes to a close, I am looking to 2014 and what I want to focus on and where I want to set my intentions.  So far my list is focused on my health and happiness.  Starting in 2014 I am going to move towards a clean diet.  I am going to make my food for the week and pack my lunch every day.  I am going to continue to meet with my trainer and become stronger .   I am also going to be more protective over myself and my time.   I have started to realize that I am protective of everyone but myself.  There are some people and situations that I have allowed in my life are no longer acceptable.   As I have grown in confidence and self-love this year, I have realized that I no longer want to just “put up” with stuff anymore.  I want to live in happiness and love.   I refuse to be someone that “puts-up” with anything.  If something is no longer working or never worked, then I will walk away.   This always felt wrong to me when I was younger because I felt like I was giving up.  But as I get older and realize that I have choices in my life.  I can choose light over darkness.   And I can walk away from things, people, situations that are no longer positive for me and that is OK.

I  feel at peace as 2013 comes to a close. For the first time in years I have agreed to go to a party on New Year’s Eve instead of staying home.  I am  honoring myself and my intention list in other ways.   I know it will be a better year because I am in a better place.  

The last two months have cleared a lot of people and situations out of my life.  It’s been an interesting end to year.   I heard from my Ex after 6 years.  It was not exactly the email I wish I would have received but I also had gotten to a place in life where I did not need to receive anything from this person.  I had forgiven myself and him a long time ago and truly had moved on.  He has not been in my thoughts at all these last few years.   But the email was important to him so I witnessed it for him.   And I let him know there was still love in my heart for him.    I had two friends from high school change in ways that were no longer compatible with me any longer.  There is no fault in either of those situations.  I am just searching for something deeper, more stable and more giving.   I let these people go with love.  The job I loved and worked my ass off for went away this year.   But something better came in its place.

So many endings will lead to new beginnings. 
This makes me very excited for 2014!

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