Time for a change

I want to change my life.  For the last four years I have worked towards the goal of marketing manager and now that I am here, I realize this is an out of date dream.  I don’t want to be a marketing manager for products that I care nothing about.  I don’t want to work in a corporate environment that is soulless.  I don’t want to do a job just to support myself while I am depressed most of the time.

I want to help people.  I want to be a part of something bigger than convincing you to upgrade your phone every year.  I don’t care what phone plan you buy.  I don’t care what credit class you are in.   I want to inspire you to realize how wonderful this life is and how incredible you can feel by being healthy and putting self-care first.   My heart longs to connect with people and share this journey with them.  I want people to love themselves and love others.  I want happiness and support to surround me.   

It’s been a hard realization to have lately because I have worked so hard to get where I am at.  I need my level of salary to continue on my journey but I also need to balance my non-working hours to include time to move forward to my new dream.   I don’t want to give up on the idea that I can do what I love and make the level of money I am making now.  So I need to take some time to really think, write and visualize how I can make this happen.  

I am also in this in-between space in life where I am waiting to move into my apartment so I can start planning and putting my dreams first.   Until I can move, I am on hold for everything in life.  This is so frustrating because I just want to move forward.  I want to change my energy and grow and I can’t do that where I am at right now.

And my heart is starting to close due to recent experiences.  I don’t want to attract unavailable people anymore and yet, they are still coming my way.   I am getting better about spotting them earlier and walking away.  But I am ready for some new people that are available!