It's with a heavy heart that I return to an old passion of mine. I have been spending a lot of time these last few weeks writing, reading, dreaming and going inward to reveal the pain of my soul and clean it out.
I am reminded of periods of my life where with journal in hand, I would write for hours. I would sit quiet and just pour my soul out on paper. I had visions for my life that needed to be put down on paper. I had dreams that swayed my emotions one way or another. I had broken hearts that consumed my every thought and I had lovers that caused my mind to wander to area's of my soul that they could not touch. I would write for days trying to calm my mind and my soul. I would put together the pieces of my life so that I could simply wake up again the next morning and do it all again.
Why I walked away from this practice I am not sure. Life got complicated. I lost my confidence to push myself beyond the mundane of my daily life. I learned that I was unlovable and thus my words must be insignificant. And I shut down to any of my dreams coming true. I simply had to survive. But my latest heart ache has ripped my soul apart. I am consumed between longing for someone and trying to find myself again. This person has no idea the effect they have had on me. They simply moved on and yet here I am lost at sea and being swept along by the creativity gods. All because I allowed myself to love someone.
It's been a rough time for me but I feel like I am starting to see the light of day again. There is an end to this pain. I can not keep shinning a light in the darkest areas of my soul without clearing out the pain in the process. I can not shut my heart down again simply because I made a wrong decision. And I can not walk away from my voice again because it deserves to be heard. My life is so full of pleasure, of moments of happiness and of discovery that I must put them down on paper.
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