Writing is becoming a daily activity

When I am not blogging, I am deep in my journal writing.  I feel like I am returning home after many years away.  I am sorting myself out.   At this point in my life I might have over 100 journals.  They are all over my room. And yet I never go back.  I never read any of them because I am not ready to return to those emotions.  I am finally at a place in my life where all unhappy emotions are disappearing but I am not yet far enough away to return to that place.
My journaling has changed over the years and is returning back to the place where my life and my desires melt into one. 

I have also been focusing on my health, working out and eating better.   It's bad but all I want to do now is go to the gym, work out and journal.  My main focuses in life are evolving and my idea of what I want to do in life is changing.   I want to be more holistic and healthy.  But I also want to make more money and have a career.  So after many years in the video game industry, I am now thinking about how can I more closer to my path in life.  I love my job and love my industry but I also love being in my body.  And I want to help other people that are overweight and overwhelmed to come to love their bodies as much as I have come to love mine. 

So I am putting this out there.  I don't know if this means a career change or just continuing doing what I am doing now.  But I wanted to put it out in the world and see what happens.   I am ready to open myself up more to changes in my life and see where the Universe takes me.

Cashmere weather is coming

We are slowly sliding into the fall.  Seattle is holding out but there is a feeling in the air.   We are closer to my birthday which usually signals the end of summer, the nights are getting longer, the mornings are a bit colder and darker.   I am starting to slow down and want to rest a little more.  I am looking at my cashmere box and yearning to be able to pull out my sweaters.  And I am getting excited for snowshoeing adventures.

Life lately has coniststed of me going deep into myself and working a lot of things out.  These things do not have anything to do with work or my career.   These are very personal issues that I am ready to take head on and work on.  It has been a whirlwind summer of emotions, memories and healing.  So much healing!
I have confronted myself and people and finally admitted feelings that I now realize were buried very deep in me.   I feel so powerful and happy.  I feel free from confusion and I feel steady.  These conversations were beautiful.  And I will never regret the decisions that were made.   I am leaving this summer so filled with love and joy.   And I am grateful for this.

If only I could figure out how to snowshoe in the summertime!

Cleaning House

Change is all around me right now.  I am cleaning house in so many different ways in my life.  It's a beautiful process.   I am standing up for myself in a way I never have before.  And I am starting to realize that over the last 15 years, I have lived with a lot of limiting beliefs and I am now ready to release them. 

It was a pretty big realization I had last week when it hit me that I had these very deep limiting beliefs.  If you met me in life, you would think that I already manifest big things in my life.  I have a great career and make enough money to really take care of myself.  I have everything I need in life and very little debt.  But deep down I have come to realize that there is a glass ceiling to my dreams.  They only go so far.  They cover my basic needs but they do not push me over into that extraordinary life I long and intend to live.  
I have taken a couple of days to really let this reality sink in.  My life can be so much more once I determine what it is I want.  With my new knowledge that I can create so much more, I want to take the time and space to think about what it is I truly want.  There is a lot of power to this deep realization.  I feel like someone suddenly cleaned a very dirty window and I can suddenly see into a dream world I never knew was out there.

I have started to create a couple of new vision boards for myself.  It's fun to see how different these boards are now than even 1 year ago.  I am so much more open to myself, to God and to the beauty that is this world.   I feel so blessed to be able to take this time in my life to dig deeper into myself and heal.  

Thanks to all this work, I am also going through my room and finally getting rid of items that no longer mean anything to me. I will be donating my books to the goodwill in hopes that someone can use them to get to a better place in life.  I will be donating clothing to a woman's shelter.  I will be throwing away things that are just garbage.  It feels so good to be releasing this energy.