Feelings

Yesterday I was rereading my blog and was amazed to read that I could feel the energy of change long before I see the change.  This got me to thinking about how much I might be ignoring my intuition and feelings.   I have been rolling around with this idea of feelings and intuition being deeply connected since learning about Danielle LaPorte.   She suggests we focus on feelings.  How do you want to feel?   The details are not as important as the feelings.  That’s what struck me about my past blog entries over the last few months.  The feelings I expressed turned out to be true months before the actual actions started to happen.   It all makes sense now in hindsight.   This whole experience made me realize that I need to capture my feelings more so that I can better understand what is going to happen. 

So while I was sitting at the beach last night I realized that right now I have this overwhelming feeling of my soul mate being close. Very close.  This has been happening for a couple of months now but it has not been a feeling that I could figure out until last night.  

I have been single for a while now.  I dated somewhat over the last few years but there was always a voice in my head saying, “this isn’t the one”.   What I have started to feel lately is the one is closer than I realize.  I can feel their energy near me.  It’s a peaceful, loving energy.  It’s an energy that makes me excited and feel a level of love that I have never known.     

I feel like everything else in my life is at peace.  Work is not ideal but it will help me get to the next level.   My health is in the best place it ever has been.  I am not struggling at all.   Not much else is going on but this feeling of excitement that my love is getting closer.  I have even gone out of my way to start letting myself dream and feel what this will be like to be with this person.  

Empty Space

                            

All this change has created a lot of empty space and it turns out, I have a hard time dealing with empty space.   I am growing again in my life.   Not due to weight.  I am shrinking in size.  But my life is growing.  My world is growing.   And it's uncomfortable and hard.

Last summer I made a decision to bring a little fire into my life by working with an energy healer.   At the time I was wanting to get over my latest breakup and just needing some help moving forward.   I had no idea what I was stepping into when I contacted this healer.  We were talking this week and she reminded me about how structured and scared I was that nothing change in my life.   Yet, this was a life that was no longer serving me.   And here I am 6 months later where my life has completely changed and blown up but in a really good way.   I feel like a slow moving fire has been burning through my life and touching all areas.    My job is different, my body is different, my interests in life are different, the people I want to date are different, my living situation is different.  I am different.

And yet, I am returning to a version of myself that is home.  

When I contacted this healer I could not have imagined what the next six months were going to be like.  If you had told me what was going to happen to me I would have told you that there is no way that would happen.

And yet here I am.  Someone that had to give up everything she thought about herself and her life so that new things could come.  And someone that suddenly has all this space in her life to start creating magic.   Because this has been the biggest change of all.   I can feel the magic coming back into my life.  I am about to embark on a new adventure where I bring what I want in life to me.  I did it once at 21 and it was cool.   This time it is going to be beautiful!

Sometimes we all need help

A very important life lesson I have learned in the last year is that sometimes we all need outside help.   I regularly see a personal trainer to help me put fitness first.   I have a life coach to help me stay focused on creating the life I want.  I have a massage therapist and physical therapist to help my body recover from my various spine issues and now I have decided to hire someone to help me organize my house. 
There are a lot of things in life I am good at.  But organzing a room is not one of them.  Once it's organized I am good at keeping it that way.  But actually getting it into a living state is just not something I can handle right now.  So I am reaching out to people to help me. 

This is a huge step for me.  I am finally taking charge of my life and making it my own.  I am creating what I want on my terms.  It feels so good.
It also feels good that I have gone down 3 clothing sizes.  I still have a ways to go but wow!  I am starting to really see the difference.

2014 is going to be a good year.

The New Year Has Been Good So Far

It has been an interesting start to the new year.   It’s been quiet and I have been peaceful.  I did a fire ceremony on New Year’s Day.  I burned all my old vision boards and really just let go of what I think I want in life.   I can’t control things anymore.  I can put positive energy out into the world but the rest of it is not up to me anymore.   I have abstract ideas of what I want in life but I must let go of them for them to manifest.  

This has been an important change in the way I think.  Before I would focus on an image of what I thought life should be and then I would get upset when it did not manifest or if it did manifest, I would realize that it was not what I needed or wanted.  

So now I am just focusing on my feelings.  What does love feel like?  What does peace feel like?  What does success feel like?   

I feel like this will allow for more magic into my life.  It will allow for my options to open up and it allows for me to let go of the process and just focus on living.

I have started my journey towards clean eating and so far so good.   I have been packing my meals for work during the week.  I have been drinking my water and just focusing on simple living.  It feels good.   I have also been focusing more on cardio than on weight lifting.   I have the muscle mass I need.  Now it’s time to work on losing weight and getting my heart rate up.  It’s all a beautiful process that is unfolding exactly how it should be.