One door opens.... One door closes

One door has opened   

I wish I had a crystal ball and I could see my future because lately it’s been a roller coaster of a ride and I have no idea what the next move is going to be.

I got the job!

Not only is this a perfect job for me, I am finally getting paid what I deserve.  But with all this money comes responsibility and a long fall if something does go wrong.   I am now a marketing manager for a large Mobile company that is breaking up the old ways of doing things.   I am so excited for this job!  The interview process was weird because it was more like having a discussion about the job than being interviewed for a job.  I know this industry so well that I can just talk about it with some level of expertise.  This is a new feeling for me.   I am not used to being successful and not struggling.  

I am suddenly not struggling.  AT ALL!

I start my new gig in a month because my current manager is not ready to lose me.  I am slightly annoyed by this as  I wanted to be done with this job as soon as possible.   This current job is a terrible fit for me.  I was so scared about not working when I left my last job that I jumped at anything I could.   But I will give my current job props in that it got my foot in the door.  Without this job I would never have been able to get hired into the new and exciting job!  I just am ready for a break.  I need a couple of days to do nothing and be ok with it. 

One door has closed

I have been in recovery for almost 5 years now.   Years ago my best friend committed suicide and it get crushed me.  He was a very bad alcoholic and drug user but had a huge heart.  We had been friends since we were teenagers and I was in so much pain after his death.  I went into a recovery program to help deal with my emotions and learn better ways to relate to people.  My friend was not the only reason I went into recover, my Ex had a lot to do with it, my family patterns were also a big reason that I needed to learn better ways of relating.   So after 5 years of becoming emotionally healthier and surrounding myself with people that are working on themselves and being proactive to own their actions and emotions, I get very off balanced when I am spending time with people that are not healthy.   This last weekend I spent time with a friend from 20 years ago that is not in recovery but probably should be.  I held my tongue during our visit but she hurt my feelings and I realized that my life is too busy and my time is worth too much to spend with people that are not going to appreciate me.   Or people that are unhealthy and unwilling to get better.   I feel empowered in my realization that it’s ok to walk away.  She was very important to me at one point in my life but not anymore.   Not in her current state.  I have to get better about who I let into my life because I will give and give and give.  This often ends up with me being taken advantage of and my feelings hurt. 

I feel like there is so much change happening in my life yet for some reason it feels calms and just right.  

I have worked hard to get this job.  I have worked hard to want better people in my life.  I have worked hard to finally realize that I deserve to be treated better than what I have put up with in the past. 

I don’t want to settle anymore.