Taking care of my emotional self

I need to learn better self care!
This has been a huge lesson for me as of late and the lesson is coming in multiple forms.

First, I interview for a new job this week.  This job is exactly what I did at my old job but for a new company.  I WANT THIS JOB.  I know I can be successful at this job and I already know the players in getting the job done.  But even after this, I still broke down after the last interview and criticized the hell out of myself.   I learned that if I interview for a job, afterwards I need to be very select on the people I let myself be around.  I can't be around anyone that does not love and adore me.  This lesson came because I spent some time after the interview with someone new and I ended up leaving their house in tears.  Not because of anything they did but because their issues triggered my issues which added to the mix of feeling emotionally vulnerable and it was simply too much.
They have no idea I left crying or spent all weekend trying to feel better about myself.  They have no idea that this night caused me to miss my ex more than any night since we broke up.  They have no idea that interviewing for me is like opening up my PTSD wound and pouring straight lemon juice and alcohol on the wound.
But the point is, they should not have to think about this stuff because I need to own my feelings.  It's my fault for not taking better care of myself.  It's my fault for not understanding how sensitive I am after anything happens at work.   I need to be as loving with myself as I am with other people.

The other big step that happened this week is I finally let go of my ex.  The last year since our break up, I have been trying to be friends with this person.   It has been a hard back and forth and this week, I finally realized I had been pushed too far.  I can't be there for this person when our communication is only on their terms.  I can't keep hoping they will come around or wait for them.  I can finally see how cruel and mean they were to me.  And that makes me sad.  Why have I been mourning someone that has been cruel to me?  And not just post break up cruel but pretty cruel from the moment we started dating.  I finally have had enough.  So I took them out of my phone, I took them off all my social media sites and off my IM.  I have cut all ties and on the one hand I feel great!  But then Friday night hit and suddenly I was sad again.
I was sad because there were parts of this person that I was truly compatible with.

So I am clearing deck and moving forward.   I know I am not out of the weeds yet but I am closer than two weeks ago.  And I am ready to keep moving forward.

Lots of doors closing.
Let's hope it means new ones will be opening soon!