Bringing the Queen back

Over the course of the last year I have been working with an energy healer at least once a month.  It has been a very interesting journey.  We work together over the phone and usually I sit there thinking, this is silly.   Part of me will always be skeptical but thank goodness the stronger part of my soul is the part that believes in magic because my life has grown so much since I  started my journey of working with a energy healer.   I have been thinking back on the last year and just realizing how much I have grown into this new life and how I have been able to manifest my dreams into reality.  My life is not perfect yet but it’s certainly getting there and I have this healer to thank for guiding me into my new life. 

We have a very long and intense session last night.  I am working with integrating the part of my life that is successful, analytical and structured with the part of me that believes in fate, magic and divine connection.   Sometime during my early 20’s I turn my back on the side of myself that believed in magic and life has been hard ever since.   I want these two sides of myself to be integrated again.   I want to be able to manifest  my dreams again.   It seems like something that should be so simple to integrate but for me it’s really not.  I have never dated someone that is even remotely close to how spiritual I am.  I am usually teased for my spiritual side by my partners.   And for some reason I have a hard time believing that someone can be spiritual and successful.

I am working on bringing integrating these parts in myself and finding other people that have successfully combined these two sides.   Once I move into my new apartment, I will be able to start letting this side of myself come out again.  I can make candles and bath salts.  I can spend time reading my books and just being quite.  I can have friends over to create treasure maps for manifesting our dreams.  I can finally move into my new energy.     

Tomorrow night is another session with my healer.  It could not come soon enough.  I am in the midst of stepping into a new place in my life and I need all the support I can get. 

Something Is Happening

I got sick this weekend.   I always hate getting sick on the weekends because I feel like I miss my chance to have fun.  Of course, I hate getting sick during the week because I end up missing work so I think the lesson here is I hate being sick!

I came into work today but I am going to leave early.  I feel awful.  I am too weak to even say good morning to anyone and I feel like I might throw up.  I hate missing work but this is just silly for me to have come in.

My weekend was pretty calm.  I did get weak and text my most recent ex.  I miss this person in my life so much.  It’s weird because sometimes our relationship was difficult but there was something about this person that I really connected with.  We had fun together and had so much in common.  Even now when I text them about video games, we are always playing the same games even though we don’t talk much anymore.   I wrote this person to say, sometimes I really miss you in my life.  They wrote back and said, I can come visit someday.    I am not sure how to take this.

I did tour my new apartment this weekend.  While I love how large my deck is, I worry it’s not big enough for me.   What if I need more space?  Does having a deck for my dog take priority having a large living space to entertain friends?   I am going to try and make it work for 1 year but ……… I am nervous.

I know these feelings are my commitment issues coming up.  And that this apartment will be fine for what I am looking for this year.   But I am still scared.

So I am sitting with these feelings.  I still have two months until I move into the building so I can keep looking.  But I know this building is supposed to be where I move.   For some reason fate is putting me into this apartment complex.  I ended up renting this apartment without even realizing it.   I have been applying for other apartments but nothing has panned out.   For some reason unknown to me, I am supposed to be living in this apartment.  I just wish I knew why.  All in good time.

There is actually a lot of interesting fate things happening but I am so weak and sick still that I am having trouble writing them down.   It’s an interesting time right now!

Moving on up

This summer marks a new stage in my life.  I will  be moving into my own condo in my favorite neighborhood that is close to my gym!   This is the area of Seattle I spend all my free time.  It’s a small little spot that has so many wonderful restaurants, shops and the best farmer’s market.   There are brick roads and amazing people that make up my little hood.  I am so excited to make this neighborhood my home.

It feels so weird that I will suddenly have my own space again.   And this time I get to decorate it exactly how I want too.  I finally have the financial means to have nice things in my living space.  I loved my house that I had in my 20’s but it was a mix of things I found at the thrift store.   It was not the kind of house I imagined I would live in.  

I now get to spend the summer picking out items for my new space.  I will finally be able to have dinner parties again and to just spend some quality time alone in my own space. 

I am somewhat in shock that I can finally have my own space again.  It’s been a long time since I had space in my life.  I really feel like this is one of my last blocks in life.  I have been living in a strange suspended space since the breakup with my ex.   This is the last piece of the puzzle.   I now have a job that affords me to live exactly how I want.  I will be moving into a brand new building that is beautiful.  I don’t know how long I will stay at this place but for 1 year I will be calling it home.

Work is still a little strange but I am staying steady.  I want to make this a place I can be while I look for something that is a better fit.  I am working hard to just remain calm and neutral.   This job is allowing for my life to change and unfold so while at times it causes me stress, it has also changed my life in many beautiful ways.  

I am also planning on taking some trips to Portland to special order furniture for my new apartment.   I can't wait to move.