Not sure what to do

I suddenly have more time in the day to get all those little things I need to do, done. I am not sure how this happened and I am not sure what to do with this new time I have but I am slowly filling it up. As I mentioned my pain levels are very low and my energy and strength are gaining so I feel safe to say..... I am coming back to a normal life.

I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel but I feel like I am getting a handle on my condition and I am working towards healing. I feel like I have grown physical, mentally and emotionally while dealing with my health. Things have changed for me and I am starting to grow into my authentic self. This last sentence makes me smile. I am changing in some ways but also returning to a person that I left behind years ago. But this is the person that I am destined to become. I hope this makes sense but if not, just know that I am happier than I have ever been and glad to be working hard. I love my life and my company and am grateful for everything that has happened over these last few years. Sometimes you have to leave a place to realize it is truly your home. ( not a physical space or home)

My holiday orders are flying in and my holiday plans are filling up. But it looks like a good old friend will be visiting Portland at the start of the new year and I will be booking a hotel room for the night in P-town. I also want to do a little business in Portland and .... Shopping! But of course, I will have the old friend reunion dinner and drinks. Nothing too crazy but a nice little visit.

Ok, I must walk now and clean. It is time to move and get some more work down outside my little computer space. Have a great weekend!

I love Una

Today I met Susan who runs Una Clothing and I am in love. She brought with her some of her wonderful arm warmers and I did not take them off all day. I even wore them into my night out on the town. My arms were so warm and I love having my wrists covered. Susan also brought some of her other items and I can not wait to wear them.
Susan was such a delight to spend some time with and I look forward to seeing her again.

My section of Seattle, where the studio is and where I spend all my time is in The New York Times today. I have not read the article but I can tell you all that my studio is right between each hood and I love both of them. Mostly I can be seen in Fremont right now because the walk from my studio to Fremont goes along a canal that is beautiful. But, I do spend a lot of time in Ballard. Two of my favorite places to eat are in that section and Ballard is still small enough that people begin to know who you are and enjoy your company.

I am exhausted so I must keep this short. Life has been good lately. Today, I woke up with no pain. This is the first time this has happened in 8 months. I still had some pain during the day and I am not totally recovered but I am happy to report that things are getting better and I am getting out more.

The other big news to report is that Glassy Baby has opened their third shop! This is so exciting and exhausting. I now have more candles to make and lucky for me that my back is allowing all this work. My body is coming back stronger!
However, if you have any holiday orders get them in now. I will be working like a mad lady to get all the Glassy Baby candles finished and all my special orders done. It will be hard but a really good thing and I am ready for this experience. Just let me sleep all January because I will be exhausted.

Perfect Fall Evening

Last night I headed over to West Seattle to have dinner with some good friends. It was so much fun not only because I can finally eat a little bit after the last six months of not being able to eat, but also after dinner we all put our fall clothing on and went for a lovely walk. Lately I have been trying to combine my social interactions with my need to walk for my back. I want to see people, I just can not have sitting and eating being the focal point of our evening. I have to spend so many hours walking everyday that I now prefer a walk to dinner or drinks.

Last night we walk around their new neighborhood in West Seattle and admired the fall colors. Their little one year old baby carried roses in her hand while she walked down the street. We laughed and enjoyed the evening stroll as I updated them on my back situation and what new developments have occurred. Like for instance, I took a pain reliever the other day that actually worked. All summer long, no matter how many pail killers I had to take, I was never pain free. It was very hard to be in that much pain and on such high doses of pain killers and yet still do not feel any relief. But that is what it was like. I was always in horrible pain. So I am getting better and my pain levels are going down. So exciting!

I can come with a belly full of autumn stew and mashed potatoes and I took another walk with my father and Ahmi before heading off to bed. Even though I had walked at my friends house, I knew that I had also sat down for dinner and this action meant I need to walk for another hour so that when I woke up in the morning, my pain would not be as bad.

Actually, I am off for my first walk of the day. I will take my camera and post some fall pictures.

Midnight walks

Over the last six months I have been watching as my body changes and gets stronger. I love having a Physical Therapist - Coach for working out and getting my body back in a healthy state. Twice a week for over than an hour I worked with Laura watching over me. It has been years since I worked out with weights and I forgot how much I loved it. I am lucky in that my body responds to weight lifting and sculpting. So my body is changing along with what feels like everything else in life.

This week has been slow. My back has been bad so I have been slower than I like. But this has given me loads of time to take slow walks and notice the amazing fall colors in the trees. It has been breath taking! I am still spending 4 to 5 hours a day walking and digesting the change of seasons.

Ok.... I am sleepy. Tomorrow is the end of the candles for the magazine and cleaning up the studio.

Today was the perfect day

I started out my day with a walk to the coffee shop with Ahmi. I bought a paper and read it cover to cover except for the comics. I just did not have time to read those since I went into the studio to keep working on the candles for Seattle Metropolitan magazine. I worry that I have not made enough candles and of course they never look good enough.

After the studio I came home for a nap and another walk with Ahmi. It is so beautiful outside right now. Perfect fall weather!

So many things are happening right now to my company and friends who are doing there own thing. Kelley Moore is in NYC for her first spot on The View. A little birdie tells me that she is going to give a shout out to Glassy Baby! I am so excited to watch The View on Thursday.

I will be having lunch with Jennifer J. who is my main lady at Seattle Opera. She is so awesome and helped to get my candles into their gift bags for their spring fundraiser. I have been wanting to see her for so long but my back sort of derailed this until now.

Speaking of my back, I think that I am finally able to understand the emotional aspect of my illness this summer. Before I was in so much pain all the time that all I could think about was getting rid of the pain. Now that the pain is finally getting better and there are even moments of the day when I realize that I am not in pain, I have been having moments where I get emotional over the giant life changes I have ahead of me. I walking around the book store in Fremont looking for a new book. After twenty minutes I realized that I was looking for a book that I could relate too about my back accident. Alas, this book does not exist or the bookstore did not have a copy but I did pick up a copy of this photography book about what women's bodies really look like. I heard the author on NPR one day talking about how she wanted teenage girls to get an idea about all the different body types that are out there and that trying to be perfect does not exist. I was looking through this book when I stopped one page to discover a woman who had a scar on her back from the top of the spine to her thigh area. She was around my age and had a similar experience. She was struck suddenly with a disease that would forever change how she moved, what her life could be like and what kind of events she could be a part of. She is now a dancer! I can not believe it. The best part of her biography was the last line. It said something like I now live for my body and center my life around it. It sums up what I have been feeling. I now have to create a life around my back. I can no longer live a life without intention. Every aspect of my life revolves around my body and my back. I can not sit for longer than five minutes, I can not lay in bed all day, I must walk for almost 4 hours a day and workout with a trainer. My life revolves around loving and caring for my back and there is nothing that is going to stop me now!

This photograph and story brought tears to my eyes. I finally found that little connection with someone who has gone through a similar experience. My back is breaking down at a very fast rate but there are others out there that have experienced this and found a place of love and peace with the situation.

I will find out the name of this book and post the link in a little bit.

The life of a candle maker

After getting up at 5 am and finishing the first hour long walk of the day, I have four more to go, I am ready to think about the rest of the morning. I did not want to get up at 5 but when I wake up in the morning my back hurts thus causing me to get out of bed, get dressed and wake Ahmi up. After my hour long walk, I can either go back to bed if my back is not hurting too much or I will start my day and this early hour.
It will take me an hour to get ready to leave for my studio. I used to only require twenty minutes or so to get ready for the day but with my new back, it takes me a good hour. Once I am ready I will pack my bag and head to the studio. From here I will take two hour long walks in between making candles and then I will head home.

Yep, it is an exciting life I live!

Ha Ha!

Actually today is turning out to be a great day. Tea lights are on the menu for today at the studio. This means that we can watch whatever we want on the TV so I am planning on a Gilmore Girls marathon. I am sure my assistant Chris, being the dude that he is, will love this marathon. Oh well, it will be good for him! Today is also good because I am in very little pain so far. I was worried since I was on my feet yesterday running around doing errands for almost 12 hours. This is huge for me! The best part?

The hour I spent at Toy's R Us!

Dylan was in need of new toys and I needed to get to the voting office before registration closed. So I decided my nephew needs some new toys. Whoa Nelly! The toy store was amazing. I usually save my shopping for small family owned stores. I like to spend my money knowing I am supporting another small business owner but today I thought I would explore my options. I ended up getting him three toys, all boy related toys. He loves the one I gave him last night. I am going to spread these toys out over a few weeks so that I can keep the boy excited.

So because I am feeling so well, I am going to take it extra slow this morning. Strange logic? I know but it is best to take it slow after such a long day. I am happy that I am in very much pain and it is best to rest to keep this feeling going by taking it easy.

I am also making candles for an upcoming issue of Seattle Meteropolitian Magazine. I am not making intention candles so we can watch TV. When I make my intention candles I give them my full attention. Intention takes attention and that starts from the creation of thought. I will be posting some photos of my new candle molds.

My comfort item

Everyone has one. That item in your closet that brings you feelings of joy, comfort and safety. This item has been with you longer than most of your friends. It could be your favorite band shirt, your baby blanket or for me it is an extra large grey cashmere scarf. This scarf was given to me by my adopted aunty Reni Moriarity. Reni is always a hero and mentor of mine. She throws the best dinner parties, she is an amazing cook and always has funny stories about country life. Her house is a log cabin made by her husband. It is my dream of a home. I long to be a child again so I can go spend the weekend in the country with Reni. I grew up getting to spend the night in the loft beds that Mark (her husband) built.

So today my grey cashmere scarf came out for my 6 am walk. I had visions of wearing this scarf when I was 16 and met my first boyfriend. I thought about wearing this item when I lived in NYC and the Midwest. I wrapped my head and neck up and walked out into the mist. Ahmi was really happy to be out before all the other dogs came out.

I just got back from hanging out with my nephew. He is under the weather and just wanted to snuggle. Right now the curious George that I bought him is his comfort toy. He likes to bring the George with him when we go on our adventures. Today I tried to make cookies but alas, I think I mixed the cookies and kid's play dough recipe mixed up. The cookies were awful! But Dylan had fun and the times passed by very quickly so I can over look the awful cookies. They were so bad Dylan did not even want to eat them.

I hang my head in shame today because I have lost my golden touch in the kitchen!

Helper Bee

I have a new helper and it is making my life so much easier!
I am still very limited in what I can do and the amount of hours I can be in my studio, but with the two of us there, the candles are flying off the shelf.

This weekend I am going to work on getting my shopping cart set up online so that candle orders can be place via my website. This is very exciting and I now have the technology to do it.

I saw my doctor today about my back. Things are looking better. My strength is coming back and my control over my right leg is getting better. I do not have to see the doctor for two weeks which marks the first time in three months that I do not have to see a doctor for over a week. Keep your fingers crossed that I do not have another flare-up and become bed ridden again.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. I have an auction to attend tomorrow evening and a party to go to on Sunday. I am exhausted just thinking about it all. I also will be making candles this weekend and trying out my new candle molds. That reminds me, I should take my new camera this weekend so that I can take some pictures of the new gift sets. Each candle is scented with just essential blends that smell wonderful but are less expensive for the conservative customer. I have been working with many of my customers to make sure that they can still enjoy my wonderful candles, live the best life they can while needing to scale back on expenses. The pinch is happening all over this country and no one is immune.

This week my nephew came running across the room saying "Love you Aunty! Love you".
This is my moment of zen for the week.