Taking care of my body

I wish I had more exciting news but I have been taking it easy lately. I am still busy in the studio and getting out to see friends but I have just been taking it easy.

This week has been busy at night for me. I attended a private party for the cast of the new show Memphis that is opening here in Seattle soon. It was a wonderful and friendly party! I saw old friends and met new ones while sampling some southern BBQ made by JJ McKay! Tonight is a Chinese new year part at my friend Wendy's company. She has a wonderful design studio and I adore Wendy and her husband Todd. I met Wendy when I was doing TV production in 2003. Wendy has a dog named Fisher. Fisher is a very smart border collie and my dog Ahmi is in love with Fisher. They would play at the office as if it was doggy daycare. After a couple of wrestling matches, Ahmi was banned from coming into the office and Fisher was left to entertain himself! I can't wait to see Quesinberry and Associates new office!

This week marked the Chinese New Year. I do not know too much about this holiday but I was talking with a friend last week who said that setting intentions before the new year (ie. last week) was a great way for a fresh start. I set some intentions and have watched over the last few days a lot of things change for the better. I am excited to share these stories as I move a little further away from the experiences and can talk about them in a more neutral way. But one great thing is I have noticed how issues that used to be emotional or upsetting are now calmer and I can approach them from a larger view point. What once upset me now seems a direct message or opportunity from the Universe to see the situation from a broader perspective and make new choices.

I am off to make more love candles and tea lights for Glassy Baby. I had a wonderful conversation with someone new who was telling me how amazing the tea lights from Glassy Baby were. She had no idea I made them. She was so happy to have found a tea light that lasts 6 hours and were made from Soywax. When I told her these candles were all handmade by me, she could not believe that not only did my company make them but that they were handmade by me! I can not wait to introduce her to my pillars and other new candles I have in the works.

Another magical day

It has been three days since I started my new healing adventure and I am already being tested. Friday my bathing suit fell apart while I was in the pool. This gave me a lovely excuse to stop swimming but I met with determination and I now have three suits arriving this week. I physical have to swim and there is nothing that can stop me now.

Then someone from my past came back. This is not a good nor bad thing. It is just a choice I must make between moving forward and deciding if I want to bring the past back while moving forward. I am taking my time to figure out what I truly want. I am no longer the same person I was before my illness. I know this may sound strange but when someone gets really sick and helpless, it is almost like a rebirth. Life changes after that moment. The world and your space in it becomes a bigger question.

So already the universe is testing me. I am facing issues and realizing that I am now approaching things differently. This is actually a really exciting place for me. I can see changes happening and wonder how things will unfold. Plus I am really excited for my new bathing suits and this maybe the first time I have ever been exciting about a bathing suit!

Tending too my Garden

I am trying to stay in the moment. This has been my theme lately. Not getting caught up in memories of the past nor spending too much time trying to create my future. Instead I am enjoying being right here right now. Yesterday I started the morning at my studio working, then a sudden desire to talk to a out of town friend turned into breakfast with them down the road from the studio. I had no idea they were in town! Then this turned into a trip to my studio where we met up with another friend that was hanging out in my studio which then turned into all of us going to watch a soccer match at the local pub. Then we went for smoothies and a walk along the canal by my studio which turned into a trip to the Ballard Locks and then ended up with us having an amazing dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Ballard. It was the perfect day for me! I laughed so hard that my stomach ached at the end of the day. I was able to take many walks throughout the day for my back and I had the best company in the world. I was totally present in our time together and truly enjoyed my day.

Today I am starting a new three month healing program that I have made for myself. It includes not just physical healing but so much more! A couple of years ago I worked with a woman who was able to hold the space for me as I worked towards leaving a very dark period of my life. It seemed like every time we talked something magical would happen before I saw her next. Every issue or person I spoke with her about had a way of showing up within days of our meeting. I have never been able to have another person hold space for me like this lady did. So after almost two years I have started to visit with her again. I am ready to tend to my garden again. I am physical getting stronger everyday and my company is healthy. I am now ready to make room for love and relationships in my life. Much like my theme for this year "love" this room I am working to create is much more than just a romantic relationship. This love is about self love, family love, friendship love, etc.... This is about opening my heart and allowing love in my life.

So I am feeling good after my start to this new healthy phase in my life. I just took a relaxing Orange and Linden berry aromatherapy bath and now I am resting in my bed after a long day of making candles. I am so happy to be home and warm right now that I can not think of any place I would rather be! This is called being completely present in the moment. I have no desire to be or do anything that exactly what and who I am right now.

One step back

This week is turning into a very slow week for me. As I mentioned, my pain has come back a little more than I thought it would. My doctors have you on rest this week so that my nerve can rest. Of course, resting is hard for me. I like to do things and see people but alas I am resting a little more than I have in the past few weeks and it seems to be working.

One thing I have been thinking about is how much love and gratitude I feel towards my back right now. I have had my heart blown open by this injury and I have such a deeper understanding of myself. I also have such a sense of peace about this whole experience. It's like a reawakening in many ways, no more room for drama, sadness or excess (not that I had much of this in my life). This life is too short and fragile to not follow your bliss. I intend to spend everyday happy, healthy and successful!

I just finished Martha Beck's "Steering by Starlight: Finding your Right Life, No Mater What!" This book has been an affirmation for me in so many ways. It is a little more wordy than most books about finding your bliss but I really enjoyed that part. The author is a Harvard educated writer and it shows. I loved her style and the stories she weaves as she talks about the magic that we all experience in life if we are just able to open our eyes. I was so excited by this book I could barely put it down. I did most of the writing and exercises in the book and I plan on rereading it to just let it sink again. It has been a good early year read, definitely setting me up for a wonderful year ahead. But I must also note that in some ways, I am already living the exact life she was talking about. I think about someone, I get an email. I worry about finding the answer to something and suddenly the problem is gone. It is not always this way, but for the most part life is steered by starlight for me and I am happy about that. But my belief is we are always the student and never the master so I am forever reading and learning, changing and adapting in life.

I am working with my good friend Jennifer at a coffee shop by her house. I just dropped off her new love candle and she is so excited! I can't wait to watch her story unfold... That's the best part about my candles.

One man I adore

Today I had coffee with JJ McKay. He is a man I truly adore. He always makes me laugh, smile and be happy I am located in Seattle. We are such a lucky city to have him here and I know the local business community would agree. He made Seattle Business Magazine's top 5 list of networker's to know in the city. And let's add matchmaker to that list, I am waiting for my new husband to come to me via JJ!

I was given the bummer news today that I need to cut down on my swimming for a couple of weeks. It has increased my pain and this is something that is not getting any better. I am bummed but also a little relieved. I am exhausted! So every other day I will be swimming and then cross-training on my off days.

I am working on a new love recipe for Valentines day. I am so excited about this new blend and I made myself a huge pillar. Of course, my candles work amazing for everyone but me so I will just enjoy the smell. But I am excited to give this candle as a gift to friends!

I am so grateful

Even after so much change in my life over the last two years, I am so grateful for where my life is right now. Today I was able to spend some quality time with a friend who has been having a hard time this week. I took her to some of my favorite stores in Seattle. I know that this may seem like such a small thing, but for me after this last year of sickness. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else. I was able to help someone who has really been for me over the last two years and someone that has really been kind to me while I was so sick.

I am reading a couple of books right now. The new book I am reading is by Martha Beck. She is a life coach and contributor to the O magazine. The best part about this book so far is that I know I do not need to read it. The book is all about finding your essential self and your "north star". I have found this in my life. I get to spend my days the way I want, I get to have fun or work hard and I am my own boss. But I am reading the book none the less because as Oprah talked about this week, sometimes we fall off the wagon but we never stop evolving.

I am taking the evening off from social events and just spending it with my animals and father. This weekend I will be in the studio all weekend with breaks for swimming!

Exhausted!

I have been going to the pool 6 days a week and I have to tell everyone, I am exhausted! I always go into the pool thinking, oh I will just do a light day. Well almost two hours later I have pushed myself hard because it feels so good to be moving again. Of course, when I get home I can hardly stay awake but my body is getting stronger so I will keep it up. My back is actually doing a little worse right now but this is OK. The nerve is not used to so much movement and it has to adjust accordingly. I can feel my nerve from my leg all the way into my foot. It's weird to be able to feel something like a nerve under my skin but I can feel it.

Tomorrow is the start of candle making for 2009. I have a lot of work to do. Last year was a hard year for a lot of my friends and I am making candles to help bring in 2009 for them. One candle I create this week is an education environment candle. This is a great candle for parents with young children that want to create an environment that will foster learning. It is also a candle I create for my cousin that is doing a PHD program at NYU. She needs a little boost to create a good study environment to keep her brain active. I can't wait to send this candle to her!

I am off to have dinner and then it is to bed. I am reading a new book for my book club and this book is amazing! It is nonfiction and so far I really like it. It is called Sin in the Second City. If you live in Seattle, shoot me an email if you are interested in joining the book club. It is located on Queen Anne and so much fun.

My name is Aunty!

Today brought a great morning with my nephew. He was so happy to see me and was really excited when he realized I wore my PJ's up there. He loves his PJ's and it is hard to get him out of them in the morning. I was just happy to be snuggling with him on the couch while my sister was able to read the paper and wake up.

I went swimming today and what was supposed to be an easy day in the pool turned out to be a good but very hard work out. I thought I would just hangout in the deep end and do little exercises but then I just got so into what I was doing and pushing my body that after an hour I was exhausted! I felt great but very tired. I went into the sauna with my hair conditioner and applied it to my wet head. My poor hair has been suffering from all the chemicals in the pool. One of my first days at the pool I met a really nice lady that had conditioner in the Sauna with her. She said that she loved to put it on her hair in the sauna because it made her hair so soft afterwards. Well I can confirm this today. My hair is so soft today and curly. I think I will put it in my hair every other day because I no longer have the frizz or funky feeling hair that comes with spending everyday in the pool.

Tomorrow marks my return to the studio since the holidays. I am very excited to get back to work. I just received a large order from Glassy Baby and I am excited to make tea lights again. Plus, I need to get started on product development for the new year. I will keep you all posted on my new candles as I create them.

Drinking Coffee

Today it's sunny and I am out enjoying the weather. After a long morning of being in the pool and pushing myself to the next level, I am at a coffee house enjoying the afternoon. I feel like now that I am getting better and have more energy, there is so much to do. I will share my list with everyone to inspire you all to get all those little things done that need to get done.

1. Make labels for my candles - this is something I am on the fence about. On the one hand I would like people to know that they are my candles, on the other hand, I do not want to ruin the beauty of a product with no advertising on it. It is a fine line and my labels will be as minimal as possible so that my customers still feel like they are buying a piece of art.

2. Contact my ever growing board of directors - This has been something I have struggled with since last summer. Because I could not walk and I was to embarrassed to be scene in public when my nerve was dieing, I have meetings that still have not happened. Lucky for me everyone has been so wonderful about the delay and my nerve has almost fully healed and I no longer appear to have serious nerve damage in my legs.

3. Clean studio - I am in product development mode so it is time to be out with the old, in with the new. Plus, I already have dates filled this month of people that have reserved my studio to come and learn how to make candles, learn about intention work and just have a girls night in.

4. See all my friends! - This is the most fun of all my things to do. I can't wait to see all those people that I have been unable to visit with while I was sick. I have new and old friends that I miss so much. January is my month to let my hair lose and have a good time.

5. Set up my shopping cart online and my Etsy account - I am now in possession of a digital camera and a lap top so what out. My candles will be live soon enough! I will keep you all updated when I go live. I can not wait to be able to start shipping orders from strangers and dear friends alike!

6. Exercise 2 hours a day - This is a direct order from my Physical Therapist. It is the only way I will be able to keep the disease in my back from causing more damage as quickly as it has progressed in the past. I can not stop it but with moving around at least two hours a day, I can slow down the damage.

7. Try to blog 5 times a week - I know I was a total slacker in the past but I can not blame it on all the medications I have been taking. I am on a medical detox with my doctor and have cut down on almost all of my medications. I still have the nerve blocker, which is what has caused my brain to slow down but at least my energy level is raising and soon I will be off the nerve blocker.


I think this is it for today. I am so happy that it is 2009. I already feel better. Last year was a tough year but I am at a very good place with my health right now and I know 2009 is going to be a great year! I even have come to peace with my sickness and feel like I understand why it happened and I am starting to get ready to share my experience with everyone. This has been something that I have thought long and hard about and feel wiser and know that I am now a better person because of this whole experience.

2009 is Divine

The theme for this year is LOVE!

I thought long and hard over the last few days about what is most important in my life for the next year. In the past I have focused on success, my company and friendships. And all of these area's are thriving beyond my expectations. The one area I must focus on is love in all it's forms. Self love for my health, love for my family and friends that have been so wonderful to me, love for that special someone in my life, love for my candles, my customers and love for my life.

In the last year I have been working hard on creating the best life I can, I was hit hard with my back injury but as the year comes to an end, I realized that I loved my life. I love my injury because it has taught me so much, it has helped me to slow down and really take care of myself. My injury has changed my direction and focus in life in a really good way. I love my candles and my company. I love that I can make products that truly have meaning for people, some I have not even met. I love that I am now in charge of my schedule and can take the time I need to work out everyday. I love that I have a team of professionals that I see on a regular basis who have helped me heal and thrive. I am so grateful to the new additions to my board of directors who are helping to move my company forward and into the next and much larger phase. I love my animals that have been with me for the last 8 years and truly love to spend time with me. Whatever room I am currently in, they all end up there wanting my attention. Or they just want to be close and feeling the positive energy. I love my changing body as it becomes smaller and stronger. I love my wonderful friends that make everyday a joy to be a part of.

Yesterday I spent the day with my good friend Jennifer while I taught her to make candles for her new book. She is calling me her Wax expert and professional candle maker. This title she gave me made me laugh! I never thought i would be an expert in any area. We spent the afternoon catching up, making candles and enjoying each others company. The best part was the two gold NEW YEARS FORTUNE candles I made. These are are like wish candles and are only made once a year. I took my candle to dinner with another friend and we made a wish at the table. Once I got home I lit the candle before midnight and it is still lit. I am going to keep it going until it is done so I can release all the love and gratitude I have towards the world and my life. It is glowing gold and my room smells magical.

This year is also about me opening up to love. I have had a very unusual life and love is something that has been hard for me. Moving around so much I could not get attached or I would end up missing that thing horribly when I moved again. So while I understand the idea not to become attached to material objects, attachments to people have been hard. But I am now opening up to love in all it's forms. This summer would have been so much worse if I had not been so down that I realized the only way to survive was to open up and let people love me. I am continuing this quest as my life becomes richer with meaning and more beautiful. One way that love has changed my life is that I can now allow people to just be themselves in whatever phase they are in. No more judgment or fear, I can stand strong next to someone and hold space for them to be whomever they are. This has been a lesson that I am completely grateful for, I don't want to have to change for someone and I want them to feel the same way around me. This has allowed for deep connections and meaningful experiences.

So I hope that everyone has thought about their personal theme for the year! 2009 is going to be so much better than 2008. I hope everyone has a great year.