I am being seriously challenged by the universe right
now. I need to slow down, simplify and
focus on my present situation because I feel like I am in over my head. It’s not just work that is causing these
feelings. My personal and emotional life
are also throwing me some interesting curve balls. Let me see if I can break it down and help
soothe my mind.
- Work- This job it turns out is slightly different than the job I have been doing for the last 4 years. This company is very different and that’s where the real problem starts. My last company was very smart and detailed oriented. People spent time on projects thinking them out logically and by the time it came to my part, I knew exactly what the directive was. At my new company, depending on what hour of the day it is, I can get 3 different answers on what I should be focusing on. Each week I end up making plans to either make my job larger or eliminate part of my job depending on how my manager is feeling that day. I don’t know how to handle this. And due to some serious trauma from my first job out of college, I am in constant fear of being fired. I consulted for many years and vowed I would never go full time because of the trauma from my first job. I am now returning to those feelings and it’s really upsetting to me.
-I am working on finding a new place to live and it’s stressful for me. I want to find it now so I can enjoy my space again. I want to move so I can invite friends over and hangout in my own space again. But I am scared to do this because what happens if my job goes away? How will I afford my own place. But I need to not live in fear about this decision. If my job ends, I will find another one.
- Work- This job it turns out is slightly different than the job I have been doing for the last 4 years. This company is very different and that’s where the real problem starts. My last company was very smart and detailed oriented. People spent time on projects thinking them out logically and by the time it came to my part, I knew exactly what the directive was. At my new company, depending on what hour of the day it is, I can get 3 different answers on what I should be focusing on. Each week I end up making plans to either make my job larger or eliminate part of my job depending on how my manager is feeling that day. I don’t know how to handle this. And due to some serious trauma from my first job out of college, I am in constant fear of being fired. I consulted for many years and vowed I would never go full time because of the trauma from my first job. I am now returning to those feelings and it’s really upsetting to me.
-I am working on finding a new place to live and it’s stressful for me. I want to find it now so I can enjoy my space again. I want to move so I can invite friends over and hangout in my own space again. But I am scared to do this because what happens if my job goes away? How will I afford my own place. But I need to not live in fear about this decision. If my job ends, I will find another one.
- I am in a space of letting go of my attachment to wanting to be in any kind of relationship. I can no longer suffer from my lack of a relationship. I just can’t think about dating or anything romantic anymore. Again, I think I am starting to suffer from trauma around romantic relationships as well. It’s hard to feel fine some weeks and then be triggered other weeks. I don’t want to say I have given up on love but for the most part, I have given up on love. I am focusing on other things and just not allowing myself to think or feel anything for other people anymore. It’s been very interesting because as I have cutting my desperation off to meeting someone, I am suddenly more attractive to people. But I am staying strong in my space of letting go.
I have all this emotion swirling, all these pressure points
and just general discomfort. I wish
things could just be steady for a while.
I would like to not be challenged for a bit. But alas, there are things I need to work on
and the Universe keeps bringing them up until I do.
I guess…..
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