I am so blessed

I am so blessed......

This is the statement that keeps running through my head as I sit on my comfy couch, in my beautiful home and have the space to work, take care of myself and balance both sides of my brain.

I have been running around this week struggling.  I have been getting over the flu, feeling cranky towards anything that has been in my way and just feeling overburdened by life. Plus, I have been lonely because having the flu meant I did not leave my home for over a week.  So it's been tough but today I was able to have a call with Rachael my Magic Coach and it turned all my thoughts and feelings around.
I am not cranky because I am sick.  I am not overburdened by life.
I am feeling growing pains because for the first time ever in my life, my emotional barriers that I put up to protect myself from other people, no longer serve me.   Once I realized that my short temper was really not a short temper but was my soul wanting some time and reflection, I was able to come back to center and feel balance.

So much is changing in my world and it's so exciting but it's also scary and strange.   I don't quite know how to share everything yet other than I am peeling away layers of unnecessary stuff in my life to bring my true self to the surface.  I am doing this with a group of women via the internet. I am doing it by creating art and intention products again. I am doing it by writing. I am doing it by spending time alone. I am doing it by spending time with people.  I am doing it by taking care of my body and keeping my home clean.  I am doing it by realizing that I deserve better in life and I no longer want to put myself down.  I am doing this by admitting that I am more scared than I have ever been about my future because it is changing in such a huge way and I have no idea what it will look like. 

One of my amazing new friends just started a self love journey that speaks to me.  Mandy opened a wound in me last night when she admitted issues around her body and wanting to feel good about her self.  I saw myself in her admission and thought long and hard about her words.  While I am not sure I can do a 30 day journey right now, I did decide with Rachael that I am going to do a 17 day fun journey because more than anything in life, right now I need FUN! 

So tonight my fun will include a delicious dinner with my favorite person in this world, my nephew!  And possible fro-yo afterwards.   Then tomorrow my fun is going to include buying some new plates for my intention candles and altar I am building along with new pieces for my art project.   And then of course Sunday is my favorite day of the year. 

Sometimes It's The Little Things

The last two weeks have been all about the little things in life.   I am slowing down in general and able to finally enjoy life again.  I am starting to understand that for me right now it's the little moments in life that are creating magic.

I am working on a new project for a wall in my house and as I go deeper into the process the happier I become.   I have been soaking the thread in magical oils before I string the beads on.  Each strand has a different intention or story woven into them.  The project is far from complete but it's getting closer to what I want it to look like.  I am going to branch out and try new beads and colors once I complete this wall.  I have this feeling that this project is going to become bigger than I realize.  There is something powerful cooking inside me. 

Sometimes I wonder what my neighbors think of me when I open the door to my home.  The scents must fill the hallways when I walk by.   I have so many magical oil projects happenings right now that my home must just breathe beautiful scents.   From the outside my little home looks like a normal place but once you walk into my area, it becomes a different story.   I know this because everyone that comes over remarks about it.  It feels different than any place people have ever been before.

I am so excited for 2015.  Everything is different.  I am different yet I am the same person I was at 17 before my barriers went up and I shut down.  I am returning to myself.   I am wiser, calmer and more focused.  I do not want to lose myself this time.  I am working hard to keep the beautiful vision of my life in balance with where life takes me.  This time around I know I will be able to keep both visions alive and combine them.  Yes, it is possible to be that magical and powerful woman and be in love with someone else with whom I share a life with.  I don't have to give up my power to my partner this time around.  I can still focus on creating for myself and growing my world.   

It feels right this time around.

Heathly Decisions

Leaving my old job was one of the healthiest decisions I have ever made.

This was my first week at the new job but back to my old company and it was a homecoming I did not expect and one I needed so badly.  I received hugs everywhere I went and  had to make promises never to leave again.   Mind you, this company is one of the largest companies in the world.  But because of my job level and departments, I always work with  many different departments and this leads me to know a lot of people at the company.
I had such a relaxing first week at the new job.  I love my new team and already see where I can make a difference.   Plus, I now have the time and space to focus on my outside work interests.  I have my life back!

I have been working on a new art project for my home.  It's the first art project I have worked on since I stopped making candles. And it's the first home art project I have worked on since 2003 or 2004.  I forgot how much I need creative projects in my life.   I am not done with this piece yet as I want it to be perfect and it's not there yet.  A few more tweaks and it should be close.  It's beautiful, simple, warm and elegant.

I am also working a lot with this energy of the healthy girl style.  What does this mean to me?  It has been rolling around in my head for a couple of years.  I know it's the start of my new project, I am just getting started on what this will look like.

I know this much.... Leaving my dysfunctional job for a better job was Healthy Girl Style!
I did it before the old job could completely ruin me.  I did it before I lost all confidence and acted out.  I did it without letting my life fall apart.  I did it in a way that I owned every step of the process and I was in the power role.

I am ready to take this energy to  my other areas in life.  What will Healthy Girl Style look like when it comes to love, to health, to owning my own business, to my bigger home?  What will it look like in my 40's, my 50's, my 60's?  Once I come to understand what this Healthy girl inside of me looks like and who she is, she will forever be with me.  Healthy Girl Style starts when we are born and never goes away, no matter how old we are.  She is the one that knows us the best throughout our lives.  She is also quiet and will wait for you to be ready for her because once you do, your dreams will come true with power.  

Breaking My Soul Open

2015 is already life changing.  The year started with a new job and the realization that I needed to break down some barriers in my life.   It's a good change but one that has knocked me off my feet a bit.   I have so many walls built up around me that are no longer serving me.   I want to be free of these barriers and I am working towards letting myself open up more to other people.
It's going to be a process.  I am not the most comfortable person being open to others.  I tend to love my safe little aloof cocoon but I am ready to grow and to put myself out there.  I want to let other people in and connect with them. 

It's going to be an interesting year.  After a difficult 2014, I finally have the energy to go out again.  I am able to go home at night and see friends or work on my various art/writing projects.  Life is no longer passing me by but I am living in full color again.

I am so grateful that I found Rachael Maddox and her magic group.  The magic 17 devotion group is just what I need at this time in life.  I needed a tune up and a group of ladies that could hold the space for me while I realize that it's time to let go of what is not working anymore.  It has only been a couple of weeks that the group has been together but I can already seen the changes in my life.  My intentions are stronger and manifesting at a faster rate.  My energy level is rising and I more peaceful and calm with where I am in life.

And my creativity is coming back!

I am finally making art again and I am writing on a daily basis.  It's so wonderful to be in touch with that side of myself again.  It just adds to the magical feeling I have in life right now.  Everything feels perfect and beautiful.

How I would describe my life right now

My good friend in LA just asked me to describe my life to her at this moment in time and all I could say was,

" You know that movie Amelie?  Well it's like that movie. But all of it.  The music, the colors, the textures,  the feelings, the magical small moments in time.  Everything.  On a daily basis. "

And that truly sums up my life right now. It's beautiful.  Perfect for me.

Theme for the Year

Yesterday someone that I have know for years, came up to me and said that every year they put a theme to year after hearing me give a talk about how I do this.  

This person has no idea but this may have been the biggest and best compliment I have ever received.  To know that I was able to help someone, that I was able to touch someone deeper than just a fleeting moment.  To know that one of my yearly rituals has actually brought help and Joy to someone else.   

This 2 second moment in our conversation has stunned me.  

It's also slightly funny because for the first time in years, I did not pick a theme.  I did my intentions differently this year.  I have been pushing myself to grow and embrace new ways of doing things.  I am reaching the next level in my personal journey.  So I figured my theme idea was outdated.  I guess I was WRONG.

So my theme this year is to have more moments like these.  More moments where I am able to share my authentic self with people and they help me by showing me that I have been seen and heard.  It's not a simple word for the year but a feeling, a moment in time, an all encompassing connection.  

A TRUE THEME

It's funny how once you slow down in life to listen to the Universe, it does so with such humor and love.  These last few days have been very life changing for me.  I am not sure what shifted in me but somehow I finally made the decision that I have had enough suffering and I needed to change.  And I have been changing.  I wake up rested and grateful.  I spend my day relaxed with a smile on my face. I spend time alone now and yet I am never lonely.   I have no more heartache.  I have no more pain about the past no more confusion about the future.  I feel happy at every moment.   I have been searching for this place for years and I finally found it.   My job now is to stay in this place.  To get back on track when I start to get off track.  To keep moving forward and keep searching because I am only getting started on my path.  

2015 Is Already Inspiring Me

2015 is already rocking my world.   I am so inspired by the last 48 hours.  I had the best new year’s eves I have ever had.  I spent it alone in my cozy little condo making my altar for the evening, writing, setting my intentions for 2015 and walking under the moonlight in silence.  It was magical. 

This year I did my intention list very differently.  I took inspiration from Danielle LePorte’sbook The Desire Map and I wrote my intention list as core feelings I wanted to feel in 2015 and what/how they would look manifested in my life.  It felt different.  I felt different.  I can’t really explain how powerful this shift of perception for my intention list was but it felt very different.  For the first time ever I could clearly see how my intention list will become my reality.  I didn't feel a disconnect from my shopping list of intentions that I wanted to work towards like I have in the past.  I felt connected to weaving every feeling into each moment of my day.  Every step I take this year, every decision I make, every thought I have will be infused with my core intentions because I could clearly see my road map for the year.  

The other magical thing that happened was for the first time ever I wrote down my big life dream.  I finally admitted to myself what it is I truly want in this life time for myself.  I have always been scared to admit it to myself.  It always felt selfish or just plain crazy or like my dream was so far out of reach for where I was in life that I could never fully admit to myself what I wanted.  But this year I was finally able to put it in my intention book and I am so glad I did.  Because you know what I realized?  It’s not that far out of reach at all.  It’s something I have actually been working towards since I was a young child. 

I am not yet ready to admit it to the public world but I will be this year.  I promise! 

For those of you that have read my blog and followed me for years, you won’t be surprised at all.  Most of you will say, it’s about time!

I then spent my new years day writing and lighting candles again.  I also spent it reading a fiction book and just relaxing.  Truly relaxing and letting go of all the stress and pain of 2014.   I took a long walk last night and realized that I feel the magic of life coming back.  I feel the beauty of life appearing again.   I feel alive. 

This morning I woke up inspired by my Facebook feed.   I recently signed up for a couple of online classes and groups and I could not be more happy that I did.  I love seeing all these spiritual woman connecting together thanks to Facebook and I can’t wait to become a part of the energy of this movement of change.   

Thank you Hannah Marcotti for inspiring me this morning with the courage to admit that moving into the unknown is exciting and scary all at once.  But so worth it!  I can’t wait to sign up for one of your classes and hopefully travel out to RI and attend one of your workshops in person this year!