I have been thinking about doing a theme for next month called “Me Month”. Of course every month is me month, but in May I was going to strive to be really exceptional in taking care of myself. Of course if the last two weeks are any indication of what “Me Month” would look like I think I should stay far away!
My last two weeks have been rough. I was exhausted all last week and did not work out very much. I think I was fighting getting sick and I just simply got distracted. This week I found out some shocking news at work that has increased my hours. Shocking in that my job is possibly turning into a full time long term kind of thing. I love working on a project type basis and tend to not take “blue badge” full time employee work. I made a commitment to myself this year to put my health first and my career on the back burner because I needed to focus on my health. It has been very successful and I am happier than I have ever been. Except for this week when I found out I needed to start working harder. First thing I did was throw the RAW foods right out the window. I felt that I needed to take the time I would be preparing food at night and use it towards work. Next went the running. I was already used to not working out from the previous week so I just ignored that as well. Next went my meals for when I was at work. I simply stopped craving RAW during the day and started eating more cooked foods.
NIGHTMARE!
This week my stomach has been hurting from all the cooked foods I have eaten. I have more gas, acid and just general nasty feelings in my stomach than I have had in a very long time. I am not waking up happy or full of energy anymore. My dreams or visions for the future are clouded. I no longer feel in touch with myself, my energy or my surroundings. I also feel less effective at work. And all my insecurities and weaknesses are suddenly loud and very close to the surface. I feel like a raw nerve of doubt and I hate it!
This weekend I am spending some time with friends but then I am quickly getting back on the self-care train. I need to learn to prioritize myself even when the stress of life becomes strong. I need to learn to say no to family, friends and work mates. I need to make grocery shopping a regular habit so I have plenty of RAW foods when I come home exhausted and can’t think of what to do. And I need to learn that it’s ok to fall off the wagon every once in a while and that the best thing is to gently get back up and start again.
One positive note is that I did join a gym this weekend so I can start to lift weights and also use the steam room to relax in. And I am happy to admit that I have been able to notice every time I fell off the wagon that I simply did not feel as good as I had in the previous weeks and my desire was to get back to my healthier lifestyle. None of these thoughts were mean or degrading thoughts. They were loving thoughts of awareness when it came to my health.
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