I have been in a dream state this last week. I saw an old friend on Sunday night and it has caused me to be transported back 10 years ago when we first became friends.
How in so many ways I miss those days. I miss spending all my time with friends. I miss feeling like the world was one big small college campus. I miss feeling excited about what my future would be.
But, there are things I don't miss as well. I don't miss the confusion and heartache. I don't miss the Midwest or trying to be friends with people who are not good for me. I don't miss feeling lost or powerless.
Things are so much better now. Life is finally in full color for me and I love it.
The other strange part about my friends visit is that he is on tour with a very famous band. I went to the show, could not make it to the end since I had to get up early, but took part in a bar/show part of Seattle I never see anymore. It was kind of sad for me.
I remember going to shows or bars to see friends. It was like a family reunion of sorts. Not everyone drank, I rarely did. But we all went to the shows to spend time together.
Seattle has changed so much in my time away. I did not see anyone I knew. I did not feel the energy that was once the Seattle music scene. This crowd felt too big, too much like a meat market, too much like a large university instead of a small liberal arts college.
Today I feel cranky. I want to get in my PJ's and climb into bed. I feel a little scattered with my energy. There are alot of changes happening right now in almost every area of my life and I am ready, but I also get tired as well. I also need to start making better decisions for my life on all area's in my life. I guess I am getting cranky because I am starting to put myself first and this is changing so much and at times it makes me want to resort back to my old ways. However, I have come too far to allow this to happen. So I must just ride this cranky energy out today and realize tomorrow is a new day.
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