Dreamy Night

Have you ever just had one of those nights when as you are walking home, you realize how amazing life is?

Last night I hosted my AIGA social event and it was awesome. So many wonderful people turned out and I even made 5 new lady friends. I had so much fun and not once was I reminded of the pain in my heart. This is such a great sign. I was able to laugh, flirt and pick records for the DJ all while being totally present in the moment.

Tonight is another busy social night for me as well as my adventure this weekend.

Sometimes the Universe likes to shake things up for us so that we can realize how amazing, strong and beautiful we are!

This weekend

This weekend my dog and I are going on vacation.
I can't wait for the adventure, the open road and a companion that loves to stick her nose out the window.

We are going to stay with an old friend. My dog and I are both ready to receive loads of love from this person and just settle into how amazing we are.

I have a heart that has healed and is stronger and more open than before. I am letting my guard down and letting love into my life. Through all the pain I have found myself, my core and my strength.

Thanks to all who have helped me over the last month or so. Without your help I would not have been able to heal, to be open to love and be able to love myself as much as I do now!

I am finally feeling better

I have been spending so much time in Discovery Park lately that I feel like the park is my home. Everyday I walk in the fields of grass, look at the Mountains and release all of my fears to the Universe.

This weekend I spent all day on Saturday with a very good and old friend. We talked, walked and went to a bookstore.

I am feeling much better and much more grounded. I am living totally in the present and being grateful for every moment. This is a time of healing for me. I know at the other end of this experience my heart is will be even more open and I will be closer to being totally present in my body. My spirit and soul are returning to my body and I am so grateful to be working with such amazing people to help me through this tough time.

I have also been very grateful to all the people in my life that have come out of the wood work to show love and appreciation for me. I could not have done this without the support of all of my lovely friends and associates. I truly feel loved every moment of everyday because of the kind words, actions and hugs I have received from so many. I am truly blessed with wonderful people in my life and I hope one day to provide them with the support and love they have given me.

From Pain to Strength

Sometimes the universe teaches lessons in a very painful way. But once you are able to step out of the pain and see the lesson, life starts to make more sense.

My pain over the last few years has taught me so many wonderful lessons and I am finally able to understand these lessons. I can't believe the feelings of rebirth and freedom I feel now. I have such love and honor for myself. I am a survivor and this lesson makes me want to help others even more than before.

I have recently started to understand the true nature of my old relationship. This is a hard thing to admit and one thing I had been hiding for years. What I have come to realize is that I do not need to repeat this pattern nor take the blame. I am free of the situation and ready to make it to the next level of healing.

This healing will only make my candles stronger and my message more clear.

There is no cosmetic for Beauty like Happiness

If I could hug Dan Baker from Canyon Ranch I might never let go.
I just finished reading What Happy Women Know and I can say with all my soul that this book has truly changed my life and my perspective on life.

If you have a woman you love in your life, please buy her this book right now. Your life will only get better by spreading this book and it's message to all the women in the world.

Tonight I will be doing Yoga and rereading this book.

Starting this weekend I will be working on some business plans and contracts for the future. I am so grateful to have been reunited with a high school friend who is quickly becoming my business partner and biggest supporter in life. She has really given me the strength to look at my life and keep moving forward.
I also have to give a shout out to another high school friend Saskia who has been stepping into her soul's work and life purpose and is ready to learn all about how amazing it is to be a strong and beautiful woman. She started this website on Seasonal Affective Disorder after suffering for many years with the condition. This is her contribution to the the world and bringing together people who need support and can help support others.

Something Big is going to Happen

What a difference a week makes.
Something big is going to happen to Odessa's Herbals and I can't wait to share the news.

I will be hard at work all summer to take the company to the next level. This is by far the most exciting thing I have ever committed too.

I will also be moving this summer to Seattle. This will be truly be a breath of fresh air that is much needed.

I have been hard at work coming up with new candles and new intentions and will be sharing these with everyone soon enough.

But until then, please just know that I am hard at work on myself and getting to the best possible place I can be. The best way for me to share my gift is too be the best person I can on the inside so that you can have the best energy from me.

Happy Sunshine Day!

Time for a tune up

I have filled my schedule with appointments of all kinds for the next month. I am in need of a serious tune up and help.
Ok.... I will now admit it.

I have this wonderful company that helps so many other people but right now I am in need of help. I am physically and emotionally sick. This has been a truly hard month for me. I really never thought I could hurt this much but I hurt way worse then I realize. And it does not seem to stop. My tears are falling so hard and fast all the time. I feel like I am sinking.

Life changes are really hard. Especially when love is involved and commitment. 6 years of commitment where I worked so hard and did the best I could.

Six years to turn around and lost everything including our friendship. Six years to be treated in such a painful way. Six years to just be left and not thought about again.

See, I hurt. This is why I am trying to find a way out before it gets too hard.

Stop those negative thoughts!

Last night was the first Odessa's Girls Night and it was great.
We shared, talked, ate and had nice cocktails.
It was great to be surrounding by really positive and supportive women.

I will let everyone know when the next ladies night is happening.

This week I have been spending a lot of time writing and reflecting on life. I am starting to get into the swing of things and letting go of the need to control or know the future.
One great realization I had was I was giving too much thought and energy to the ending of my relationship.

I need to instead focus on the future. Focus on what I want to create next and what this will feel like. I need to spend time finding out what makes me happy.

I am a little sad but really, I need to focus on what is positive in my life right now. I can not go down the path of self pity! I need to get back my positive energy and love for life. Every time I think about a thought that upsets me I am going to look to the root of that thought to better understand what I want in life. This way I can turn every negative or depressed thought into an action note for my future.

This will also provide a rush of positive energy throughout my body. I will no longer be connecting with the old energy but only with the new fun, sexy, happy, successful, smart and interesting person that I am. I am shedding my old skin to bring out the best of who I am. This person has been in hiding for too long!

Update

Today was a very lonely day for me.
I was reading in the hot tub of a house that I am house sitting and I realized something.

I am a person that enjoys being in a partnership.

For so many years I thought it was silly to be this kind of person. In fact, I loathed anyone who wanted this sort of thing but today I realized, while it is nice to be alone, it is really nice to know there is someone to talk with after a long adventure who adores you. Ie. A relationship.

So while I get used to the feeling, idea and reality of being alone.... I can't help but think about what I like about relationships. Why I like relationships and what I hope will happen in the future.

I feel so weird, girly and weak just admitting this but it's true. I am embracing this side of myself. My shadow side I call it. For so long I have had to be tough and never need anyone but lately I have come to realize that I am so happy and in love with my life that I would like to share all the amazing things happening to me with someone. I don't feel the need to be saved or supported. I just would like to share my world with someone.

I do miss my old friend. He helped me so much in the last five years but alas, if you love something you must set it free. Only time will tell. I will always love this person and be friends with them. There is no question about that.