Update

Today was a very lonely day for me.
I was reading in the hot tub of a house that I am house sitting and I realized something.

I am a person that enjoys being in a partnership.

For so many years I thought it was silly to be this kind of person. In fact, I loathed anyone who wanted this sort of thing but today I realized, while it is nice to be alone, it is really nice to know there is someone to talk with after a long adventure who adores you. Ie. A relationship.

So while I get used to the feeling, idea and reality of being alone.... I can't help but think about what I like about relationships. Why I like relationships and what I hope will happen in the future.

I feel so weird, girly and weak just admitting this but it's true. I am embracing this side of myself. My shadow side I call it. For so long I have had to be tough and never need anyone but lately I have come to realize that I am so happy and in love with my life that I would like to share all the amazing things happening to me with someone. I don't feel the need to be saved or supported. I just would like to share my world with someone.

I do miss my old friend. He helped me so much in the last five years but alas, if you love something you must set it free. Only time will tell. I will always love this person and be friends with them. There is no question about that.