The full moon released a lot for me this weekend. I know it will continue to release all week long. Some of it was painful but most of it was beautiful and much needed. I feel like I have moved to the next level in my journey and I am working hard to stay in a place of faith and love.
Friday I had dinner with old coworkers from the gaming world. But our conversation centered about spiritual matters. It was perfect. The more I open up about my passions, the more I am connecting to people and making authentic new friends.
Then Mr. Big Man and I had our date and now I feel like we can go back to being friends and I can focus on work and my company. As much as I like Mr. Big Man, he is not the one. I know that. But I do adore his male essence and I need it in my life. I will always love him. But he is not the kind of man you settle down with. Or shall I say, he is not the kind of man I settle down with. However, he will always be in my life and on my mind. I do know this. We have been connected together for 4 years and have ebbed and flowed in and out of each others lives. We recently admitted our feelings but we also know there are barriers to the situation. And for once, I don't want to fight those barriers or ignore them. It's ok to love someone and not be with them. This is something I have never understood until Mr. Big Man. He has a part of my heart and I have a part of his. But it's just not the right life time.
Saturday I did some work and just napped. I was tired from such an exhausting week. I thought my new job would be a much needed break from my last job but it turns out not to be the case. I am working to move to another area that would be closer to the gaming industry again. I don't want to work like I did when I was younger and had to put in 50 plus hour weeks. It's not worth it to me anymore in life. I had two great meetings with old coworkers on Friday morning and I hope to move into a new division soon.
Saturday night I went out with my girlfriends to a dance club and just enjoyed being out in public. I am finally feeling like being out in public is fun again. I am official half my old body size now. I feel like my old self! I love the fact that I no longer feel nervous about my body anymore. And that my body is handling all this change in such a great and loving way.
I have a very busy next few weeks. I am starting to network again as I build my board of directors for my new company. I just received my business cards and they look amazing! I need to work on my website this week and some other "paperwork" type work. But it's all being done with love and excitement because everyone I have talked too about my company is so excited about it. I have gotten the best feedback and guidance from my mentors. I just have a couple of steps to take before I launch this baby. I have never been more determined or focused or happy in my entire life. This is it. This is my life's purpose and it's big, it's going to be public and soon enough it will be mainstream.
I love this life!
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