So last night I was finally able to go running after more than two weeks away. I was not looking forward to it as I knew it would feel like I was starting from scratch again....But you know what happened?
I ran further than before I got sick. It was very interesting and sort of strange. I was expecting to only run a short distance and then have to walk but every time I started to feel like stopping I seem to break through to the runner's high and just kept going.
Today I am a bit sore which I think is actually a good thing. I felt so good last night and I slept great! Today I feel amazing!
Tonight I have an event to attend so I will be unable to run but Wednesday I will be back on the plan. I am still sick but I think working out might just allow me to kick this cold for good.
So my lesson from this experience is to not let fear get in my way. I was scared to go running after being away so long but I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. This is true in so many areas of life.
Right now is all about me becoming fearless, learning to love my feminine side and learning a life full of positive things!
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Today is a start
I don't know if it is the new hair cut that is making all my lady friends want to do make overs on me but something has changed. Every woman I know is spending a lot of time putting make on me and dressing me up.
And for the first time ever I am enjoying it!
I am learning so much about bringing the female energy back into my life. I am soaking up all the wisdom I never learned and I truly enjoying the new healthier and what I think is more beautiful me coming out!
Today was a bit of a turn around day. I took extra vitamins. I ate only an energy bar for lunch at work. I came home and had a raw arugula, red pepper and cashew dip salad and now I am about to go running for the first time in almost two weeks!
I know I won't get far but it's a start. 22 days to build a habit and 5 days to kill it. Well I am about to be 21 days closer to this becoming a habit again. I can really feel the difference between what life was like when I was working out everyday and now and I have to admit. I like life a lot more when I was working out all the time. I felt so much better!
Plus, I am hoping this extra dose of vitamins and raw foods will kick this cold out of my system. I do not want to be sick anymore!
Tomorrow I am going out for a ladies night with some of my best girlfriends. I can't wait!
I have my outfit picked out. It is a garnet hill dress and garnet hill sweater with knee high boots. It will be very feminine and I can't wait to try my new make up!
And for the first time ever I am enjoying it!
I am learning so much about bringing the female energy back into my life. I am soaking up all the wisdom I never learned and I truly enjoying the new healthier and what I think is more beautiful me coming out!
Today was a bit of a turn around day. I took extra vitamins. I ate only an energy bar for lunch at work. I came home and had a raw arugula, red pepper and cashew dip salad and now I am about to go running for the first time in almost two weeks!
I know I won't get far but it's a start. 22 days to build a habit and 5 days to kill it. Well I am about to be 21 days closer to this becoming a habit again. I can really feel the difference between what life was like when I was working out everyday and now and I have to admit. I like life a lot more when I was working out all the time. I felt so much better!
Plus, I am hoping this extra dose of vitamins and raw foods will kick this cold out of my system. I do not want to be sick anymore!
Tomorrow I am going out for a ladies night with some of my best girlfriends. I can't wait!
I have my outfit picked out. It is a garnet hill dress and garnet hill sweater with knee high boots. It will be very feminine and I can't wait to try my new make up!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Crazy Weather
Lucky for me this week the weather has been so crazy I have even more of an excuse not to work out!
Actually... It's not really lucky. I am still sick. I can feel my good habits slipping away as I get further away from working out on a daily basis. I want so badly to work out like I was a month ago but I am still sick and weak. I finally will be receiving health insurance this week so I can go to the doctor. Hopefully they will be able to help me because this cold is getting me down!
I did get an amazing haircut this weekend and had a make over yesterday. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I see a better, healthier and happier person than I have been in years. Now I just need to take all that energy and get back on my workout plan and I will be very happy.
I really hope I feel better soon!
Work is going really well. I was just given the green light to take on a project that I am very excited about and it will give me a lot of exposure in many departments at my company. I am so lucky to be exactly where I am right now!
Actually... It's not really lucky. I am still sick. I can feel my good habits slipping away as I get further away from working out on a daily basis. I want so badly to work out like I was a month ago but I am still sick and weak. I finally will be receiving health insurance this week so I can go to the doctor. Hopefully they will be able to help me because this cold is getting me down!
I did get an amazing haircut this weekend and had a make over yesterday. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I see a better, healthier and happier person than I have been in years. Now I just need to take all that energy and get back on my workout plan and I will be very happy.
I really hope I feel better soon!
Work is going really well. I was just given the green light to take on a project that I am very excited about and it will give me a lot of exposure in many departments at my company. I am so lucky to be exactly where I am right now!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Working it out
Last night it snowed here in the Northwest, except not in my neighborhood. This means I am the only person at work so far this morning. It's actually really nice and quiet. I have been getting a lot of work done.
Physically I am finally starting to feel a little better. I took the whole weekend last weekend and most of this week off from doing anything but resting. I turned the heat up in my house and just took it easy. I feel better but am not ready for working out yet. I am bummed. 21 days to build a habit and 5 days to crush it. Well my working out habit has been crushed!!!!! I need to get my schedule back.
I am waking up 25 minutes earlier in the morning so I can start transferring my workout time from night to morning. Hopefully this will help me get motivated once I am done being sick.
The theme of this week is taking care of my business. I have had some issues come up from the past that I need to deal with. It's not fun but it's something I have been putting off for years so now I must just bite the bullet and realize that this next year is about me getting my whole life back on track. Anytime a illness takes someone down so hard like I expereinced. It takes a couple of years to get life back on track. I have learned many lessons over this whole expereince and I am just grateful to be in a position where I can actually take care of these issues so they go away forever.
But they do not make for a very exciting life.
But they do make for a responsible and adult life!
Physically I am finally starting to feel a little better. I took the whole weekend last weekend and most of this week off from doing anything but resting. I turned the heat up in my house and just took it easy. I feel better but am not ready for working out yet. I am bummed. 21 days to build a habit and 5 days to crush it. Well my working out habit has been crushed!!!!! I need to get my schedule back.
I am waking up 25 minutes earlier in the morning so I can start transferring my workout time from night to morning. Hopefully this will help me get motivated once I am done being sick.
The theme of this week is taking care of my business. I have had some issues come up from the past that I need to deal with. It's not fun but it's something I have been putting off for years so now I must just bite the bullet and realize that this next year is about me getting my whole life back on track. Anytime a illness takes someone down so hard like I expereinced. It takes a couple of years to get life back on track. I have learned many lessons over this whole expereince and I am just grateful to be in a position where I can actually take care of these issues so they go away forever.
But they do not make for a very exciting life.
But they do make for a responsible and adult life!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Back on the right path
This weekend my brain was all over the place. It was not a very successful nor pleasant weekend. The only thing I can pinpoint is the fact I have not worked out all weekend due to my health. This was an old and not happy brain cycle I went through and totally I feel like a raw nerve today.
I think it's best to start working out again this evening and just take care of myself for the next few days as I cycle out of this negative space and come back into my life that I actually totally adore.
I have been picking out new work related outfit items that I am slowly starting to add to my wardrobe. I am finally at a size where I can wear what I want again....Actually I always could wear those clothes I just did not look as good in them as I did in my brain. But my body size is starting to match what I see when I look in the mirror and this is very exciting. I am still losing weight even though I have not been working out lately. This helps me to feel a little better. Takes a couple of things off my plate of stress.
I am going to start doing yoga again. I need a bit of a stress release and I need to mix up my work out routine. So in March I will join and Gym and start taking yoga classes.
One goal I have for the next month is to start waking up at 5 am and go to the gym or go for a run before work. I had been working out at night when I got home from things but I think that something in me has changed and it might just be easier for me to wake up early and work out in the morning. It will take me a month to start training myself to wake up so early. So far I have been turning the clock back to 5:45 and this seems to be ok. Little by little I will train myself to get up earlier so that I can work out in the morning.
Positive Baby steps is what I am all about right now!
I think it's best to start working out again this evening and just take care of myself for the next few days as I cycle out of this negative space and come back into my life that I actually totally adore.
I have been picking out new work related outfit items that I am slowly starting to add to my wardrobe. I am finally at a size where I can wear what I want again....Actually I always could wear those clothes I just did not look as good in them as I did in my brain. But my body size is starting to match what I see when I look in the mirror and this is very exciting. I am still losing weight even though I have not been working out lately. This helps me to feel a little better. Takes a couple of things off my plate of stress.
I am going to start doing yoga again. I need a bit of a stress release and I need to mix up my work out routine. So in March I will join and Gym and start taking yoga classes.
One goal I have for the next month is to start waking up at 5 am and go to the gym or go for a run before work. I had been working out at night when I got home from things but I think that something in me has changed and it might just be easier for me to wake up early and work out in the morning. It will take me a month to start training myself to wake up so early. So far I have been turning the clock back to 5:45 and this seems to be ok. Little by little I will train myself to get up earlier so that I can work out in the morning.
Positive Baby steps is what I am all about right now!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
My favorite thing
This week I discovered Smooze!
They are coconut milk based frozen treats and I am in serious love!
They are vegan and so far my fave flavor is the coconut and passion fruit ones. These little treats are the only thing that are soothing to this head cold I can not shake!
I feel like I have been sick for months and I am sick of being sick!
I know little by little I am getting better everyday but this is just getting to be too much. I have not been able to work out because of this head cold yet I don't want to take meds given out by doctors so I am causing myself to suffer in the long run.... I know this...It's just that antibiotics really damage my body and I have taken a lot of them in my past and I don't want to hurt myself with them at this time. I finally feel like I am in a state of health and I don't want to go backwards. I just need to take care of myself over the next two weeks.
Besides being sick.... life is grand!
I am really enjoying focusing my time and energy on myself and my health. This has been long overdue. I wake up every morning filled with happiness about life. I enjoying being excited about the small things in life. I am even embracing how much routine I am building into my life. I love knowing what my schedule is. It really helps to keep me on track.
I must go shopping soon. My clothes are literally falling off me or are so big I look like I am swimming in them. I love them because they are so comfy but I am now boarding on just silly looking. Time for some skinny jeans!
They are coconut milk based frozen treats and I am in serious love!
They are vegan and so far my fave flavor is the coconut and passion fruit ones. These little treats are the only thing that are soothing to this head cold I can not shake!
I feel like I have been sick for months and I am sick of being sick!
I know little by little I am getting better everyday but this is just getting to be too much. I have not been able to work out because of this head cold yet I don't want to take meds given out by doctors so I am causing myself to suffer in the long run.... I know this...It's just that antibiotics really damage my body and I have taken a lot of them in my past and I don't want to hurt myself with them at this time. I finally feel like I am in a state of health and I don't want to go backwards. I just need to take care of myself over the next two weeks.
Besides being sick.... life is grand!
I am really enjoying focusing my time and energy on myself and my health. This has been long overdue. I wake up every morning filled with happiness about life. I enjoying being excited about the small things in life. I am even embracing how much routine I am building into my life. I love knowing what my schedule is. It really helps to keep me on track.
I must go shopping soon. My clothes are literally falling off me or are so big I look like I am swimming in them. I love them because they are so comfy but I am now boarding on just silly looking. Time for some skinny jeans!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Changes
This week has been good. I have been super aware of my body and everything that goes along with my new healthy lifestyle. My energy is finally returning from my flu and I have been out running with the dog. I went to another RAW restaurant with a good girlfriend this weekend and had a wonderful meal. I am really enjoying life right now.
One area where I am struggling is where do you draw the line between changing yourself and watching people you love refuse to grow in their lives? I am working so hard to change things, I am pushing myself to really try new ways of thinking and new activities. I am opening up more and really pushing my thoughts to see life in a new way. It was been a wonderful and exciting process but in some ways it is leaving other people in the dust.
I think I am just in a transition mode. I am meeting new and healthier people and I have to just admit to myself.... I am changing.... I am not in the same place and that's ok.
It's all about self love and being true to myself. I love the changes that are happening to myself and my life and that is all I am going to focus on.
One area where I am struggling is where do you draw the line between changing yourself and watching people you love refuse to grow in their lives? I am working so hard to change things, I am pushing myself to really try new ways of thinking and new activities. I am opening up more and really pushing my thoughts to see life in a new way. It was been a wonderful and exciting process but in some ways it is leaving other people in the dust.
I think I am just in a transition mode. I am meeting new and healthier people and I have to just admit to myself.... I am changing.... I am not in the same place and that's ok.
It's all about self love and being true to myself. I love the changes that are happening to myself and my life and that is all I am going to focus on.
Monday, February 07, 2011
RAW for a day
Friday was a very emotional and psychological experience for me. I was lucky in that I could leave work early because the hardest part about being raw for the day was sitting at my desk. I felt fine if I was moving around and doing things but just sitting in front of the computer made me think of all the food I suddenly wanted that I would never eat in a million years except for the fact I felt like a caged animal.
So once I left I work I felt a lot better. I had some coconut water and took a long walk. I then went over to a girl friends house and we laughed and talked. Saturday I felt amazing! I was not tired all day. I had a long day and all throughout the day I kept thinking about how great I physical felt. Friday night I was thinking that raw might not be my thing but then by Saturday because I felt so good, I am rethinking the whole experience.
I think I will keep working towards eating a mostly raw diet. But I will also be easier on myself. I learned that I can not tell myself "no" or I will rebel. So I am back to making very small changes over time that will lead to long term effects. Maybe I will try eating only a raw dinner for a week and see how that goes.
This weekend was also full of time spent in a city I used to live in but no longer do. It was a little hard on me because life is so different than it was 5 to 10 years ago. I do not like to be haunted by the past but I was for a few hours this weekend.
But I also loved that I kept thinking about how much I love my life right now. I feel free for the first time in years. I am really having fun exploring what my heart desires and my spirit wants. I am never lonely, I have a great job and my health is in the best shape it's been in since I was a teenager. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my freedom and my future. So this weekend was not so bad as I look back on the experience. It was a small pain in an otherwise life I adore!
I am excited for it to be the start of the week. This means I am back to my work out routine and the simple life. I love weekends but I really look forward to the routine of the week.
So once I left I work I felt a lot better. I had some coconut water and took a long walk. I then went over to a girl friends house and we laughed and talked. Saturday I felt amazing! I was not tired all day. I had a long day and all throughout the day I kept thinking about how great I physical felt. Friday night I was thinking that raw might not be my thing but then by Saturday because I felt so good, I am rethinking the whole experience.
I think I will keep working towards eating a mostly raw diet. But I will also be easier on myself. I learned that I can not tell myself "no" or I will rebel. So I am back to making very small changes over time that will lead to long term effects. Maybe I will try eating only a raw dinner for a week and see how that goes.
This weekend was also full of time spent in a city I used to live in but no longer do. It was a little hard on me because life is so different than it was 5 to 10 years ago. I do not like to be haunted by the past but I was for a few hours this weekend.
But I also loved that I kept thinking about how much I love my life right now. I feel free for the first time in years. I am really having fun exploring what my heart desires and my spirit wants. I am never lonely, I have a great job and my health is in the best shape it's been in since I was a teenager. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my freedom and my future. So this weekend was not so bad as I look back on the experience. It was a small pain in an otherwise life I adore!
I am excited for it to be the start of the week. This means I am back to my work out routine and the simple life. I love weekends but I really look forward to the routine of the week.
Friday, February 04, 2011
RAW Morning
Today I am attempting a totally raw day.
So far so good.
I do miss my morning cup of decaf and my morning earl grey tea. Both include a little sugar and milk. I also forgot my water bottle which is a huge bummer for me because I drink from it all day! I do have a giant cup with me that I drink my morning smoothie out of so I will use that. It just requires getting up from my desk more.
There have been a couple of panic moments this morning when my brain starts to scream at me that I need to eat some type of junk. I don't know if it is the salt, the sugar spike or the fat but there is something that my brain is upset about. If I calmly think about the fact I have loads of veggies, raw flax crackers and really good cashew dip the panic stops. I think it is just because it is something so different that my normal day. This level of panic is nothing compared to if i tried this six months ago. I am already eating so healthy anyways that for the most part this is a smooth transitation. Or it should be. But my stubborn side comes back with cravings for foods I don't even like anymore.
But like the days I had to detox off all the medications for my spine and when I decided to give up sugar for two months, I can do this. I just need to give myself loving thoughts of how much better I will feel tomorrow. Going to a totally raw diet is a long term process and this is just a small first step.
This weekend is so packed with events. Snowshoeing, shopping, super bowl(maybe), dinner with friends tonight. I am so blessed to have all these wonderful events to look forward too.
So far so good.
I do miss my morning cup of decaf and my morning earl grey tea. Both include a little sugar and milk. I also forgot my water bottle which is a huge bummer for me because I drink from it all day! I do have a giant cup with me that I drink my morning smoothie out of so I will use that. It just requires getting up from my desk more.
There have been a couple of panic moments this morning when my brain starts to scream at me that I need to eat some type of junk. I don't know if it is the salt, the sugar spike or the fat but there is something that my brain is upset about. If I calmly think about the fact I have loads of veggies, raw flax crackers and really good cashew dip the panic stops. I think it is just because it is something so different that my normal day. This level of panic is nothing compared to if i tried this six months ago. I am already eating so healthy anyways that for the most part this is a smooth transitation. Or it should be. But my stubborn side comes back with cravings for foods I don't even like anymore.
But like the days I had to detox off all the medications for my spine and when I decided to give up sugar for two months, I can do this. I just need to give myself loving thoughts of how much better I will feel tomorrow. Going to a totally raw diet is a long term process and this is just a small first step.
This weekend is so packed with events. Snowshoeing, shopping, super bowl(maybe), dinner with friends tonight. I am so blessed to have all these wonderful events to look forward too.
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Going for a RAW day
Today has me searching out blogs about people living on Raw Diet lifestyle. I am not looking to hire someone, pay someone or buy anything. What I am looking for is a true account of someone that has decided to go towards the Raw Diet path and the what the journey has looked like. Long gone are the days of blogs being about actual people and what they are up too. Or at least my search engine is not bringing that information up.
If anyone knows a good blog please send it this way!
I have spent the morning looking over green smoothie recipes as well as Raw cashew dip recipes. I can't wait to get home and try it out. I am going to shoot for a raw day tomorrow. I need to stop by my local co-op tonight and pick up things for my lunch tomorrow. I will make things a head of time and bring them in tomorrow so I won't be tempted by the 10 different food stands we have in our cafeteria. I am joining some girl friends for dinner tomorrow night and we have already agreed on a raw dinner so it's just the day time I need to think about. Since I was already doing a raw dinner trying for the whole day seemed like an easy thing to do.
After my Raw meal on Tuesday I felt great all day yesterday. I had a very healthy eating day and even today I can still think about how vibrant and alive the food was. I really noticed a difference yesterday in my body and mind. I have to admit Monday and Tuesday of this week I ate sugar and I did have a bit of a sugar desire yesterday but I just keep replacing the idea of sugar with raw foods. The lesson I did learn this week was eating anything with sugar in it is a slippery slope. I started craving it more than usual and trying to trick myself into eating more of it. So scary how easily those desires start to creep up again.
I will let you know how my raw day goes. This is a big experiment but I am very excited to see how I feel throughout the day. After all the strides I have been making since this fall, what was once a scary idea... Eating healthy, giving up the foods I once loved, exercising everyday.. now does not seem so scary. I can go a day eating only raw foods. I won't feel deprived. I know I will actually end up feeling great.
Not much else is going on in life. I am just really focusing on getting used to working during the day and then motivating myself to work out at night. I have been very good in clearing my life so I can focus on building a healthy routine for myself and my life.
For the first time in three years I will be going shopping for new clothes this weekend. I have lost enough weight that I look like I am swimming in my clothes. I am actually getting very excited about my body. For the first time since I was a teenager, I looked at myself in a full body mirror and I loved what I saw! I can't tell you how amazing this felt. I felt nothing but true love for myself and my body. It was a beautiful moment in time for me. I think about this often because it makes me realize how many times I looked at myself and thought the opposite thing.
2011 is truly all about pleasure!
If anyone knows a good blog please send it this way!
I have spent the morning looking over green smoothie recipes as well as Raw cashew dip recipes. I can't wait to get home and try it out. I am going to shoot for a raw day tomorrow. I need to stop by my local co-op tonight and pick up things for my lunch tomorrow. I will make things a head of time and bring them in tomorrow so I won't be tempted by the 10 different food stands we have in our cafeteria. I am joining some girl friends for dinner tomorrow night and we have already agreed on a raw dinner so it's just the day time I need to think about. Since I was already doing a raw dinner trying for the whole day seemed like an easy thing to do.
After my Raw meal on Tuesday I felt great all day yesterday. I had a very healthy eating day and even today I can still think about how vibrant and alive the food was. I really noticed a difference yesterday in my body and mind. I have to admit Monday and Tuesday of this week I ate sugar and I did have a bit of a sugar desire yesterday but I just keep replacing the idea of sugar with raw foods. The lesson I did learn this week was eating anything with sugar in it is a slippery slope. I started craving it more than usual and trying to trick myself into eating more of it. So scary how easily those desires start to creep up again.
I will let you know how my raw day goes. This is a big experiment but I am very excited to see how I feel throughout the day. After all the strides I have been making since this fall, what was once a scary idea... Eating healthy, giving up the foods I once loved, exercising everyday.. now does not seem so scary. I can go a day eating only raw foods. I won't feel deprived. I know I will actually end up feeling great.
Not much else is going on in life. I am just really focusing on getting used to working during the day and then motivating myself to work out at night. I have been very good in clearing my life so I can focus on building a healthy routine for myself and my life.
For the first time in three years I will be going shopping for new clothes this weekend. I have lost enough weight that I look like I am swimming in my clothes. I am actually getting very excited about my body. For the first time since I was a teenager, I looked at myself in a full body mirror and I loved what I saw! I can't tell you how amazing this felt. I felt nothing but true love for myself and my body. It was a beautiful moment in time for me. I think about this often because it makes me realize how many times I looked at myself and thought the opposite thing.
2011 is truly all about pleasure!
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Learning about myself
Wow!
Whatever has changed in my life I wish it to keep on changing! Miracles are all around me and it is wonderful to be a part of them.
I had an amazing week last week. I am really enjoying my new job and have been approaching this job with a new way of thinking. I am coming in everyday in a state of abundance. I know a lot of people are trying to up each other to show off in the office and they tend to live in a constant state of fear about working or the lack of jobs. I am coming in everyday knowing that I work hard, that I play fair and that the universe will provide. This has been a great change for me and I can see how it has made my once nervous coworkers more at ease and more open to doing things in a group setting. We all have our strengths and need to work as a team. To have my coworkers more at ease makes our work environment a great place to come in everyday and have fun. I am feeling very confident in this new position and situation.
I did have a very exciting dinner with my business mentor the other day. She might have a chance to build a super star team for a new position and asked if I would be interested in joining her. I was so flattered and excited about this. I don't know what will happen but to have someone think of me in this way made my night. Especially since I met this woman at a very dark time in my life but worked very hard to prove myself as a colleague and equal. I look forward to seeing where fate and life take me!
My eating this week has been off. I am not stressed or upset. Actually I am the happiest I have been in a long time. When I actually think back on my eating over the last week it is not that bad. I might have had what I consider a bad lunch but then I will skip dinner or just make it a vegetable for dinner. Or I wake up craving vegetables for breakfast and steam some up. I think it was more the lack of thought that makes me upset. I was on auto pilot this weekend, celebrating life and I did not get my run in during the evenings. I just sort of slacked and by Monday I felt physically bad. I felt and looked bloated. But I have been kind on myself. I keep reminding myself that it is small steps that will lead to long term changes in life. So I had a relaxing weekend in which I did not worry about things but I now see how important it is to not live on autopilot. I need to give my attention to every part of life on a daily basis. Maybe over time as I created new healthier habits I can live on auto pilot but I would rather not.
Monday night as soon as I got home I immediately put my workout clothes on and went out for a run before I could even make an excuse. I actually had a very successful work out and I felt a lot better.
I keep learning lessons that will one day become second nature. Sugarary things like Cake make my stomach upset. Red meat is only good for me once a month. I need to increase my vegetables while staying away from bread. I can have small little treats but anything close to a normal serving is not good for me.
And I need to work out everyday.
Last night I went to a raw restaurant and tried Kelp Noodles. They are a lot like glass noodles from any Asian restaurant. Except kelp noodles are kind of crunchy sounding when you eat them. It was a wonderful mean of noodles, veggies and a ginger sauce. I left full and happy. I could see using the noodles in place of pasta for most things. It was nice to open myself up to trying new foods. Before I went out to eat, I went for my nightly run. It has been hard to enjoy it the last few nights because I slacked so much but I will keep it up. At some point it will get easier...... I hope
Whatever has changed in my life I wish it to keep on changing! Miracles are all around me and it is wonderful to be a part of them.
I had an amazing week last week. I am really enjoying my new job and have been approaching this job with a new way of thinking. I am coming in everyday in a state of abundance. I know a lot of people are trying to up each other to show off in the office and they tend to live in a constant state of fear about working or the lack of jobs. I am coming in everyday knowing that I work hard, that I play fair and that the universe will provide. This has been a great change for me and I can see how it has made my once nervous coworkers more at ease and more open to doing things in a group setting. We all have our strengths and need to work as a team. To have my coworkers more at ease makes our work environment a great place to come in everyday and have fun. I am feeling very confident in this new position and situation.
I did have a very exciting dinner with my business mentor the other day. She might have a chance to build a super star team for a new position and asked if I would be interested in joining her. I was so flattered and excited about this. I don't know what will happen but to have someone think of me in this way made my night. Especially since I met this woman at a very dark time in my life but worked very hard to prove myself as a colleague and equal. I look forward to seeing where fate and life take me!
My eating this week has been off. I am not stressed or upset. Actually I am the happiest I have been in a long time. When I actually think back on my eating over the last week it is not that bad. I might have had what I consider a bad lunch but then I will skip dinner or just make it a vegetable for dinner. Or I wake up craving vegetables for breakfast and steam some up. I think it was more the lack of thought that makes me upset. I was on auto pilot this weekend, celebrating life and I did not get my run in during the evenings. I just sort of slacked and by Monday I felt physically bad. I felt and looked bloated. But I have been kind on myself. I keep reminding myself that it is small steps that will lead to long term changes in life. So I had a relaxing weekend in which I did not worry about things but I now see how important it is to not live on autopilot. I need to give my attention to every part of life on a daily basis. Maybe over time as I created new healthier habits I can live on auto pilot but I would rather not.
Monday night as soon as I got home I immediately put my workout clothes on and went out for a run before I could even make an excuse. I actually had a very successful work out and I felt a lot better.
I keep learning lessons that will one day become second nature. Sugarary things like Cake make my stomach upset. Red meat is only good for me once a month. I need to increase my vegetables while staying away from bread. I can have small little treats but anything close to a normal serving is not good for me.
And I need to work out everyday.
Last night I went to a raw restaurant and tried Kelp Noodles. They are a lot like glass noodles from any Asian restaurant. Except kelp noodles are kind of crunchy sounding when you eat them. It was a wonderful mean of noodles, veggies and a ginger sauce. I left full and happy. I could see using the noodles in place of pasta for most things. It was nice to open myself up to trying new foods. Before I went out to eat, I went for my nightly run. It has been hard to enjoy it the last few nights because I slacked so much but I will keep it up. At some point it will get easier...... I hope
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I want to tell you something
So far 2011 has been amazing, fulfilling and just plain great!
I love my new job. I have this great group of coworkers and I even adore my manger. I am working in a department that is geared towards younger, more creative types so I fit right in. I love that you can hear people laughing while they work. We have a lot of work on a daily basis and some days there is stress but for the most part everyone is in a good mood and it is just fun to go there during the week.
But there is something that I want to share with my blog readers that has been on my mind for a long time. Before when I used my blog as a place for my company I tried not to get super personal because it was all about my candles. But now this blog has turned back into a place where I can share what is going on in my life and I am ready to admit something.
For the last ten years of my life I have been very overweight. It has been a struggle for me. For the longest time I never wanted to talk about or admit that my weight had gotten out of hand. I literally thought that I had no idea how it had happened, I could not understand why I kept gaining weight. I lived with my head in the ground and just pretended or ignored that my body was becoming so unhealthy. One of the hardest things about my back injury was the doctor telling me that I had to lose weight and I was obese. This made me so angry. I thought how dare he say something like that when I am hurt and so weak.
After my spine injury I started making very small changes while again ignoring what needed to happen. I needed to become real about the fact that I had to lose weight. I have a long road ahead of me and for the longest time I thought I had to go about this alone. But then something changed this fall and now I am ready to talk about it.
Sometime starting in September I began to have the desire to go jogging. This is something I have never felt. I hated exercising and moving. It hurt and I was always too tired to do it. But slowly this desire to start running was getting louder. I would constantly tell myself I could not do it because of my back, even though I had no idea if this was true or not. But around the same time that I started to change the way I was thinking I decided to also start jogging. At first I could not make it to the end of the block. But I did enjoy the way I felt after that first day. So I went out the next night as well. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I can't believe how much these little steps have changed my life. I am now up to a mile at a time of running and hoping to increase this to 5 by this summer.
I think what helped this awakening was being so poor I could not go out at night. I could not distract or excuse myself from working out because I simple had nothing else to do with myself. Over time I started waking up excited to be able to work out at night. I thought about it all day. I felt so good and alive after my run that I wanted to do nothing but work out. It has become a good obsession.
My body did not change much at first, infact I did not lose any weight. I did notice my pants getting a little bit bigger but nothing noticeable. As I kept up running I started to take small steps to change my eating habits. I drank more water. I started eating dinner earlier and then eating nothing after 8 pm. I stopped craving junk food and started to notice how what I put into my body would affect how much I could run at night or how well I felt physically the next day.
Last month I started getting serious about really changing my eating habits. I lost weight over the holidays and now I want to lose more and I am finally started to see the connection between food and weight. I started to notice that when I eat any form of junk food it makes my stomach hurt and I just feel terrible. I have been thinking about going RAW for a month long trial to see how my body will do. I have been more open to healthier foods and trying new things out.
I have now lost over 20 pounds and I went down two pant sizes. I am happier about my life, my body and myself. And I am ready to share my journey with the world.
What I have uncovered lately that has been really shaking my life up is the emotional connection between food, emotions and life. I recently received my first pay check in a long time. It is more money than I have had in over two years. At first I wanted to go out and buy a bottle or two of wine, some fancy cheese and a big dessert. But then I realized that I really didn't want to eat or drink any of those things. So again I tried to think about what to do to celebrate. It made me realize how all these years I have been lying to myself. I have tied celebrating and happiness with food which is a terrible thing. Why if I am happy about something would I think to put in fat, sugar and other bad things into my body as a way to celebrate? I am just hurting myself in the long run.
Everyday has been a lesson for me and my body. I am looking forward to sharing this journey with my readers. I can't believe how much my mind, my body and my life has transformed since I started to work out. It has changed everything about me and my life. I am coming to a deeper understanding of myself and my body. I am just so happy to finally be getting in touch with myself again. I feel like all that weight blocked me from myself and now slowly I am waking up to myself.
2011 has been such a life affirming and magical year so far. It feels so good to admit these things to the world. I feel lighter and more free! I can't wait to see what happens next but until then I must go running!
I love my new job. I have this great group of coworkers and I even adore my manger. I am working in a department that is geared towards younger, more creative types so I fit right in. I love that you can hear people laughing while they work. We have a lot of work on a daily basis and some days there is stress but for the most part everyone is in a good mood and it is just fun to go there during the week.
But there is something that I want to share with my blog readers that has been on my mind for a long time. Before when I used my blog as a place for my company I tried not to get super personal because it was all about my candles. But now this blog has turned back into a place where I can share what is going on in my life and I am ready to admit something.
For the last ten years of my life I have been very overweight. It has been a struggle for me. For the longest time I never wanted to talk about or admit that my weight had gotten out of hand. I literally thought that I had no idea how it had happened, I could not understand why I kept gaining weight. I lived with my head in the ground and just pretended or ignored that my body was becoming so unhealthy. One of the hardest things about my back injury was the doctor telling me that I had to lose weight and I was obese. This made me so angry. I thought how dare he say something like that when I am hurt and so weak.
After my spine injury I started making very small changes while again ignoring what needed to happen. I needed to become real about the fact that I had to lose weight. I have a long road ahead of me and for the longest time I thought I had to go about this alone. But then something changed this fall and now I am ready to talk about it.
Sometime starting in September I began to have the desire to go jogging. This is something I have never felt. I hated exercising and moving. It hurt and I was always too tired to do it. But slowly this desire to start running was getting louder. I would constantly tell myself I could not do it because of my back, even though I had no idea if this was true or not. But around the same time that I started to change the way I was thinking I decided to also start jogging. At first I could not make it to the end of the block. But I did enjoy the way I felt after that first day. So I went out the next night as well. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I can't believe how much these little steps have changed my life. I am now up to a mile at a time of running and hoping to increase this to 5 by this summer.
I think what helped this awakening was being so poor I could not go out at night. I could not distract or excuse myself from working out because I simple had nothing else to do with myself. Over time I started waking up excited to be able to work out at night. I thought about it all day. I felt so good and alive after my run that I wanted to do nothing but work out. It has become a good obsession.
My body did not change much at first, infact I did not lose any weight. I did notice my pants getting a little bit bigger but nothing noticeable. As I kept up running I started to take small steps to change my eating habits. I drank more water. I started eating dinner earlier and then eating nothing after 8 pm. I stopped craving junk food and started to notice how what I put into my body would affect how much I could run at night or how well I felt physically the next day.
Last month I started getting serious about really changing my eating habits. I lost weight over the holidays and now I want to lose more and I am finally started to see the connection between food and weight. I started to notice that when I eat any form of junk food it makes my stomach hurt and I just feel terrible. I have been thinking about going RAW for a month long trial to see how my body will do. I have been more open to healthier foods and trying new things out.
I have now lost over 20 pounds and I went down two pant sizes. I am happier about my life, my body and myself. And I am ready to share my journey with the world.
What I have uncovered lately that has been really shaking my life up is the emotional connection between food, emotions and life. I recently received my first pay check in a long time. It is more money than I have had in over two years. At first I wanted to go out and buy a bottle or two of wine, some fancy cheese and a big dessert. But then I realized that I really didn't want to eat or drink any of those things. So again I tried to think about what to do to celebrate. It made me realize how all these years I have been lying to myself. I have tied celebrating and happiness with food which is a terrible thing. Why if I am happy about something would I think to put in fat, sugar and other bad things into my body as a way to celebrate? I am just hurting myself in the long run.
Everyday has been a lesson for me and my body. I am looking forward to sharing this journey with my readers. I can't believe how much my mind, my body and my life has transformed since I started to work out. It has changed everything about me and my life. I am coming to a deeper understanding of myself and my body. I am just so happy to finally be getting in touch with myself again. I feel like all that weight blocked me from myself and now slowly I am waking up to myself.
2011 has been such a life affirming and magical year so far. It feels so good to admit these things to the world. I feel lighter and more free! I can't wait to see what happens next but until then I must go running!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
2011 is all about ..... pleasure
I have been trying to think of what my goal is this new year and the only word that seems to sum it up is pleasure!
I intend for this upcoming year to be one where I explore what brings pleasure into my life. This includes snowshoeing, cross country skiing, jogging, time spent with family and friends. Pleasure is having a job I enjoy working at and using my time off to expand my life. Pleasure is balancing my life and emotions so that I can be in a graceful state at all times. Pleasure is traveling and taking good care of my body, mind and spirit. Pleasure is all about love and taking good care of myself and that sometimes includes the word "no". Pleasure is about being as healthy as I can so I can explore more about what I want in life. Pleasure is about being in tuned with my spirit so that I make wise choices.
2011 is all about pleasure!
I intend for this upcoming year to be one where I explore what brings pleasure into my life. This includes snowshoeing, cross country skiing, jogging, time spent with family and friends. Pleasure is having a job I enjoy working at and using my time off to expand my life. Pleasure is balancing my life and emotions so that I can be in a graceful state at all times. Pleasure is traveling and taking good care of my body, mind and spirit. Pleasure is all about love and taking good care of myself and that sometimes includes the word "no". Pleasure is about being as healthy as I can so I can explore more about what I want in life. Pleasure is about being in tuned with my spirit so that I make wise choices.
2011 is all about pleasure!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Free Time
Without having to worry about finding a new job and with my business class ending, I am suddenly faced with a lot more free time. It feels odd to wake up not stressed about life. I have not been able to wake up full of stress since before my spine injury. Now I wake up happy and excited. I know that there will be challenges ahead and I still have many areas to focus on but for that brief first few moments in the morning... I wake up a grateful and hope filled woman!
So with all my new free time I have been cooking. I love to cook and find it a very creative release. I love mixing flavors and trying new things. It also does not help me that Bravo has been replaying Top Chef which if I watch while cooking... Well let's just say I can get in a lot of trouble! So I have been cooking, jogging and spending time with family and friends. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am really enjoying this time of year. Yesterday I signed all my paper work for my new job so I now I can have fun for the rest of the year. I am even thinking about making a couple of candles for people. I feel that spark of creative energy is back in a big way!
So with all my new free time I have been cooking. I love to cook and find it a very creative release. I love mixing flavors and trying new things. It also does not help me that Bravo has been replaying Top Chef which if I watch while cooking... Well let's just say I can get in a lot of trouble! So I have been cooking, jogging and spending time with family and friends. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am really enjoying this time of year. Yesterday I signed all my paper work for my new job so I now I can have fun for the rest of the year. I am even thinking about making a couple of candles for people. I feel that spark of creative energy is back in a big way!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Times are changing!
Wow!
After six grueling months of looking for work, I am happy to announce I accepted a position yesterday!!!!
This has been an extremely tough time for me. September and October were very dark periods that I hope never return. Being out of work at this point in time is a very painful, life changing and ego shattering experience. It often felt like a roller coaster ride just trying to keep my head above water and not give up. I had to change my lifestyle, my mental mindset and almost everything else just to survive. It has been tough but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am so grateful for this!
I start my new gig around the first of the year so I get to sit back and enjoy the holidays. I have a couple of weeks to get my life in order and get ready to return to work. I also get to really, truly relax in a way I have not been able too since this summer. I don't have to worry, feel guilty or frustrated. I can spend my time enjoying life, volunteering and making small presents to express to people how grateful I am to have them in my life.
What feels very special about this whole experience is that when I realized I had stopped dreaming and started my new positive dream journal, one of the first entries was about my new job. I described the team, the work I would be doing and the time frame of when this new job would come to me. I really felt connected to this job and knew it would happen. Something in that single action just clicked in my brain and I knew the job was coming my way. I then let it go right after I wrote my journal entry and I focused on just trying to enjoy life. I did not stress when it appeared the time line was getting close. I did not doubt that my dream would not come true. I did not let false pathways get me down.
I did my part of the journal entry. I interviewed. I kept applying for jobs. I met and spoke with everyone I could about my situation. But most importantly I lived life. I spent time with family and friends. I worked out with my dog. I started painting again. I cleaned my room. I cooked dinner. I basically lived my life with the knowledge that the right thing would happen in my job search.
And it did!
It has been a long time since I worked on manifesting positive things in my life. I suffered this summer from a crisis of faith. I struggled to understand what was happening in my life and worked very hard not to be upset about it. I felt so alone and powerless. But today I realized that I faced my crisis of faith and worked through it. Tough times still happen. I had someone crash into my car the other day while I was in it. I broke a crown last night. I still don't have all the answers in my life but I have been able to gain some of my faith back. I have been able to see experience what real joy feels like and I have been able to keep my head above water. These are all wonderful things in life!
After six grueling months of looking for work, I am happy to announce I accepted a position yesterday!!!!
This has been an extremely tough time for me. September and October were very dark periods that I hope never return. Being out of work at this point in time is a very painful, life changing and ego shattering experience. It often felt like a roller coaster ride just trying to keep my head above water and not give up. I had to change my lifestyle, my mental mindset and almost everything else just to survive. It has been tough but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am so grateful for this!
I start my new gig around the first of the year so I get to sit back and enjoy the holidays. I have a couple of weeks to get my life in order and get ready to return to work. I also get to really, truly relax in a way I have not been able too since this summer. I don't have to worry, feel guilty or frustrated. I can spend my time enjoying life, volunteering and making small presents to express to people how grateful I am to have them in my life.
What feels very special about this whole experience is that when I realized I had stopped dreaming and started my new positive dream journal, one of the first entries was about my new job. I described the team, the work I would be doing and the time frame of when this new job would come to me. I really felt connected to this job and knew it would happen. Something in that single action just clicked in my brain and I knew the job was coming my way. I then let it go right after I wrote my journal entry and I focused on just trying to enjoy life. I did not stress when it appeared the time line was getting close. I did not doubt that my dream would not come true. I did not let false pathways get me down.
I did my part of the journal entry. I interviewed. I kept applying for jobs. I met and spoke with everyone I could about my situation. But most importantly I lived life. I spent time with family and friends. I worked out with my dog. I started painting again. I cleaned my room. I cooked dinner. I basically lived my life with the knowledge that the right thing would happen in my job search.
And it did!
It has been a long time since I worked on manifesting positive things in my life. I suffered this summer from a crisis of faith. I struggled to understand what was happening in my life and worked very hard not to be upset about it. I felt so alone and powerless. But today I realized that I faced my crisis of faith and worked through it. Tough times still happen. I had someone crash into my car the other day while I was in it. I broke a crown last night. I still don't have all the answers in my life but I have been able to gain some of my faith back. I have been able to see experience what real joy feels like and I have been able to keep my head above water. These are all wonderful things in life!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Little Miracles
Small little miracles are starting to add up!
I have made some changes lately in life and within a few weeks I am seeing huge results. I came to realize lately that I was stuck in life. I was stuck in the way I was living, thinking, what I was doing and even what I was writing about. So I decided to make three little changes that have meant the world to me.
1. I started running at night. For all of you that know me, the fact that I can even walk at this time in life is a miracle. So for me to be able to run every night and not have any back pain is truly an amazing miracle! For the first time since I was a teenager I am loving working out. I wake up in the morning and just want to work out. Even if I go out at night with friends I always come home a little early and take the dog out for a run. It has been my form of mediation and I can see the results in my mind and body. I am loving it!
2. I started to dream again. I was so focused on what went wrong in my life with my illness I had completely stopped dreaming of what I wanted to create in life. So I started my dream journal and took to this challenge like a painter to canvas. I put some red over here, some blue over there. I stepped back to see where I am and where I want to go. I realized that I just needed to see my life and my accomplishments in a different light and with a slightly different view and BAM! Life become this beautiful canvas again. I am so happy to be in this wonderful, creative and beautiful space again.
3. I started listening to music that I have never listened to in life. Which in itself does not seem like that big of a deal but it has forced me to go outside of my box and that is where the magic lies. I never liked country music but I have been listening to nothing but country for the last few weeks and I love it. I think because it symbolizes to me that I am working towards changing myself, my thoughts and my life, country music has become this little secret that I love.
With these three actions I feel the tide shifting in my life. I have three very exciting meetings this week with people I consider true hero's. One is a trend expert that travels all over the world and gives lectures about global trends, one is an import-export product development expert that has produced signature lines for all the major companies in this world and one is a social media guru who also throws the most amazing dinner parties. These are all strong women that are doing what they are passionate about and I can't wait to break bread with them and catch up. I have not been able to see any of them since I had my injury and it feels so good to be getting back to networking and hearing about people who do what I one day hope to achieve as well.
Lastly, I stumbled up this amazing blog entry about the changing economy, business world and how do you create meaningful experiences for your customers. This is something that I have been really interested in for the last few years. So many companies portray themselves as being these amazing companies but when scratched at the surfaces it becomes clear they are purely profit driven and willing to treat employees, customers and even the environment like trash. My first hand experiences of this are from major companies that are known globally. It's amazing how imbalanced this world is. I want a forum where people can name these companies and tell the world how truly bad they are. This is not the right place for that but it does make me think a lot about how to succeed in business as not just a company but one that is doing right for all of it's stakeholders. Umair Haque and Frog Design really have touched on a lot of wonderful points that make me excited for the future of business. Let's focus less on profit and more on meaningful impact and social engagement with customers as well as employees. Let's change the world together!
I have made some changes lately in life and within a few weeks I am seeing huge results. I came to realize lately that I was stuck in life. I was stuck in the way I was living, thinking, what I was doing and even what I was writing about. So I decided to make three little changes that have meant the world to me.
1. I started running at night. For all of you that know me, the fact that I can even walk at this time in life is a miracle. So for me to be able to run every night and not have any back pain is truly an amazing miracle! For the first time since I was a teenager I am loving working out. I wake up in the morning and just want to work out. Even if I go out at night with friends I always come home a little early and take the dog out for a run. It has been my form of mediation and I can see the results in my mind and body. I am loving it!
2. I started to dream again. I was so focused on what went wrong in my life with my illness I had completely stopped dreaming of what I wanted to create in life. So I started my dream journal and took to this challenge like a painter to canvas. I put some red over here, some blue over there. I stepped back to see where I am and where I want to go. I realized that I just needed to see my life and my accomplishments in a different light and with a slightly different view and BAM! Life become this beautiful canvas again. I am so happy to be in this wonderful, creative and beautiful space again.
3. I started listening to music that I have never listened to in life. Which in itself does not seem like that big of a deal but it has forced me to go outside of my box and that is where the magic lies. I never liked country music but I have been listening to nothing but country for the last few weeks and I love it. I think because it symbolizes to me that I am working towards changing myself, my thoughts and my life, country music has become this little secret that I love.
With these three actions I feel the tide shifting in my life. I have three very exciting meetings this week with people I consider true hero's. One is a trend expert that travels all over the world and gives lectures about global trends, one is an import-export product development expert that has produced signature lines for all the major companies in this world and one is a social media guru who also throws the most amazing dinner parties. These are all strong women that are doing what they are passionate about and I can't wait to break bread with them and catch up. I have not been able to see any of them since I had my injury and it feels so good to be getting back to networking and hearing about people who do what I one day hope to achieve as well.
Lastly, I stumbled up this amazing blog entry about the changing economy, business world and how do you create meaningful experiences for your customers. This is something that I have been really interested in for the last few years. So many companies portray themselves as being these amazing companies but when scratched at the surfaces it becomes clear they are purely profit driven and willing to treat employees, customers and even the environment like trash. My first hand experiences of this are from major companies that are known globally. It's amazing how imbalanced this world is. I want a forum where people can name these companies and tell the world how truly bad they are. This is not the right place for that but it does make me think a lot about how to succeed in business as not just a company but one that is doing right for all of it's stakeholders. Umair Haque and Frog Design really have touched on a lot of wonderful points that make me excited for the future of business. Let's focus less on profit and more on meaningful impact and social engagement with customers as well as employees. Let's change the world together!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
What a wonderful week
This week turned out to be wonderful! Just a little change in my thinking and starting to dream again, I am turning things around. I can't believe how much the little steps and permission for myself to dream has allowed me to attract so many positive experiences this week.
I went to the University of Washington this week to a lecture about MBA programs and if this is the right next step for me. It was so interesting and being back on the campus felt so good. My senior year in high school allowed for me to do a month's worth of research on the UW campus and I loved it. I walked around the campus a bit before my lecture and saw so many interesting posters of upcoming lectures and past lectures. I was able to look around Paccar hall which is where the Foster School of Business - UW's MBA program is housed and it made me giddy with excitement. I realized that I really want to start working on applying to school. I also learned that I am closer than I realize to being able to apply for an MBA program. I don't have to take as many classes as I thought I would and I was given the information I needed about what classes to take.
Along with my adventures at the UW, I also started my positive dream journal. It felt a little strange at first because instead of recording what was happening in my life, I am recording what I want to create in my life. But this has been one of the best projects I have created for myself. I am able to dream again and my excitement for the future is returning. Life is becoming more of a canvas than a finished piece of art. I enjoy the idea of using the same methods that I built my first company on to build my next adventure in life.
And to top it off I have a very busy and fun weekend planned. Loads of dinners with good friends, parties and snow is even scheduled for the mountains which means my dream of learning to snow shoe is only weeks away! Positive energy is all around me right now and I am looking forward to next week.
I went to the University of Washington this week to a lecture about MBA programs and if this is the right next step for me. It was so interesting and being back on the campus felt so good. My senior year in high school allowed for me to do a month's worth of research on the UW campus and I loved it. I walked around the campus a bit before my lecture and saw so many interesting posters of upcoming lectures and past lectures. I was able to look around Paccar hall which is where the Foster School of Business - UW's MBA program is housed and it made me giddy with excitement. I realized that I really want to start working on applying to school. I also learned that I am closer than I realize to being able to apply for an MBA program. I don't have to take as many classes as I thought I would and I was given the information I needed about what classes to take.
Along with my adventures at the UW, I also started my positive dream journal. It felt a little strange at first because instead of recording what was happening in my life, I am recording what I want to create in my life. But this has been one of the best projects I have created for myself. I am able to dream again and my excitement for the future is returning. Life is becoming more of a canvas than a finished piece of art. I enjoy the idea of using the same methods that I built my first company on to build my next adventure in life.
And to top it off I have a very busy and fun weekend planned. Loads of dinners with good friends, parties and snow is even scheduled for the mountains which means my dream of learning to snow shoe is only weeks away! Positive energy is all around me right now and I am looking forward to next week.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What do you want?
Yesterday I spent a wonderful day with a friend from the East Coast. She was visiting her family that is in the Northwest and wanted to catch up since I had not see her since I left in June. We worked together and shared a very similar path in the Berkshires. This friend left a few weeks after I did and returned to her home on the East Coast.
Yesterday we sat at looked at the water while we chatted about life. She was just what I needed. The last few weeks have been good but I have also been in a funk. School is going really well and I have my next classes picked out. But in other area's of my life I have just been down. My friend gave me a suggestion on how to approach the day. She made me realize that I was getting lost in the overwhelming big stuff and forgetting about the little things that are more important. She suggested I wake up every morning and think about what I want for that day. Nothing more. Just "what do I want for the day"?
So this morning I woke up and thought about what I wanted for this day. It was easier than I thought it would be and it did bring a level of peace I have not felt in a long time. I have my day planned and I feel good about it. I can now move forward without feeling overwhelmed.
I also realized while talking with my friend that I am not visualizing what I want in life. I used to be so good at thinking things into my life and seeing manifestations all around me. But somehow after being sick and recovering I lost my desire to dream. I lost my creative way. I lost my direction. So starting today when I think of even the smallest desire that I would like to bring into my life I am going to write it down. This will gradually over time provide me with a larger picture of what direction I want to take. It will also provide insight that I may not be seeing into my life. But more importantly it just sounds fun to me. And while being creative with the larger picture things I can keep asking myself.... What do I want with today?
Yesterday we sat at looked at the water while we chatted about life. She was just what I needed. The last few weeks have been good but I have also been in a funk. School is going really well and I have my next classes picked out. But in other area's of my life I have just been down. My friend gave me a suggestion on how to approach the day. She made me realize that I was getting lost in the overwhelming big stuff and forgetting about the little things that are more important. She suggested I wake up every morning and think about what I want for that day. Nothing more. Just "what do I want for the day"?
So this morning I woke up and thought about what I wanted for this day. It was easier than I thought it would be and it did bring a level of peace I have not felt in a long time. I have my day planned and I feel good about it. I can now move forward without feeling overwhelmed.
I also realized while talking with my friend that I am not visualizing what I want in life. I used to be so good at thinking things into my life and seeing manifestations all around me. But somehow after being sick and recovering I lost my desire to dream. I lost my creative way. I lost my direction. So starting today when I think of even the smallest desire that I would like to bring into my life I am going to write it down. This will gradually over time provide me with a larger picture of what direction I want to take. It will also provide insight that I may not be seeing into my life. But more importantly it just sounds fun to me. And while being creative with the larger picture things I can keep asking myself.... What do I want with today?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My mind has been exploding
School has been such a wonderful treat for me. I can already see myself using what I am learning in my everyday experiences. I think about articles I read differently, I look at products and business reports differently, I even watch movies with a different eye. This has been one of the most exciting transitions in my life.
Besides working on creating my next project and school work... I am just taking it easy. I am settling into a new notion of my life post illness and doing the emotional recovery that I had to put off. It has been challenging but necessary. I have a couple of friends that have dealt with serious illness and we talk about when the body begins to recover there is a lag time for the emotional side to recover. Sometimes we joke about starting a support group for lives interrupted by illness. Sometimes we complain about it but mostly we realize that time has become a different measure for us and we move forward gratefully and gracefully. I do wish there was more support for people in this situation. As I get older I witness more and more of my friends that join this group of people. It is not easy to be taken out of the working world and community while trying to return to health. And without a large amount of money in the bank it can become almost impossible for people and their families.
Enough of that. I am healthy and getting back into the world so I should be focusing on having fun. There has been a lot of fun events around town lately. Every weekend has been fun filled these last few weeks. It's been amazing weather and a wonderful dry fall. Perfect weather for having fun!
Besides working on creating my next project and school work... I am just taking it easy. I am settling into a new notion of my life post illness and doing the emotional recovery that I had to put off. It has been challenging but necessary. I have a couple of friends that have dealt with serious illness and we talk about when the body begins to recover there is a lag time for the emotional side to recover. Sometimes we joke about starting a support group for lives interrupted by illness. Sometimes we complain about it but mostly we realize that time has become a different measure for us and we move forward gratefully and gracefully. I do wish there was more support for people in this situation. As I get older I witness more and more of my friends that join this group of people. It is not easy to be taken out of the working world and community while trying to return to health. And without a large amount of money in the bank it can become almost impossible for people and their families.
Enough of that. I am healthy and getting back into the world so I should be focusing on having fun. There has been a lot of fun events around town lately. Every weekend has been fun filled these last few weeks. It's been amazing weather and a wonderful dry fall. Perfect weather for having fun!
Monday, September 27, 2010
changing my story
Wow!
School is really blowing my mind. It has been challenging everything I think about myself and my life. I did have a couple of anxiety attacks at the start of class but then once we got to the open discussion part of class I realized that I need to change my story. I need to embrace this different side of myself. The side of myself that is successful and happy to be doing well in school. I had someone sit next to me and at one point during class tell me he was glad to be sitting next to the smart person in class. This has never been my role in life.
So this week I am working on changing my story. I am challenging myself to do well in school and not worry. I am thinking about what role I play in situations and if this the role I want to play or if there is something better out there for me. My story is in the midst of changing and I am excited to see where it goes.
School is really blowing my mind. It has been challenging everything I think about myself and my life. I did have a couple of anxiety attacks at the start of class but then once we got to the open discussion part of class I realized that I need to change my story. I need to embrace this different side of myself. The side of myself that is successful and happy to be doing well in school. I had someone sit next to me and at one point during class tell me he was glad to be sitting next to the smart person in class. This has never been my role in life.
So this week I am working on changing my story. I am challenging myself to do well in school and not worry. I am thinking about what role I play in situations and if this the role I want to play or if there is something better out there for me. My story is in the midst of changing and I am excited to see where it goes.
Monday, September 20, 2010
School starts tomorrow!
I have had a dream for almost ten years now that I tried to ignore. I waited and hoped it would go away. I told myself a million reasons why I could not go for it. I started my own company in hopes I could get around the dream. I changed jobs, locations, and even most of my life in hopes that this dream would go away.
But alas, the dream has stayed alive and tomorrow marks my first step towards reaching my dream of an MBA. I am nervous, excited an scared all at once. For the most part I hated school. I hated college. I never felt good enough. I never was very interested in the classes. Once I realized that the teachers were going to only teach one way and because I learned a different way, I pretty much just gave up hope. I never thought to challenge myself in area's that might be off my beaten path. I just sort of sailed through the motions of college and got a degree because everyone told me I was too smart not to have one. But then a funny thing happened. Once I was able to breathe and think about what I was really interested I started to yearn to go back to school to study what I wanted to study.
This is a giant step for me. I am not unrealistic in my thinking. I know that due to my learning disabilities I face a harder time in school than most. This is not an easy thing for me to do. My brain works different than most and school has not been very much fun for me. But things are different now. I am different. I have a dream and a passion that will not go away. So tomorrow marks a very important day. Tomorrow is the day that I officially return to school and prove to myself that I can do better this time around.
I am already half way done with my text book for my course. I am starting slow and taking one class at a time to test the waters. I am also working full time so I don't want to do too much in case my spine gives me trouble. So far I am loving my text book and even know some of the people high lighted in the book as business leaders to watch. It has been very exciting for me to return to going to coffee houses to read, study an write. I miss this type of life and I am so happy to return!
But alas, the dream has stayed alive and tomorrow marks my first step towards reaching my dream of an MBA. I am nervous, excited an scared all at once. For the most part I hated school. I hated college. I never felt good enough. I never was very interested in the classes. Once I realized that the teachers were going to only teach one way and because I learned a different way, I pretty much just gave up hope. I never thought to challenge myself in area's that might be off my beaten path. I just sort of sailed through the motions of college and got a degree because everyone told me I was too smart not to have one. But then a funny thing happened. Once I was able to breathe and think about what I was really interested I started to yearn to go back to school to study what I wanted to study.
This is a giant step for me. I am not unrealistic in my thinking. I know that due to my learning disabilities I face a harder time in school than most. This is not an easy thing for me to do. My brain works different than most and school has not been very much fun for me. But things are different now. I am different. I have a dream and a passion that will not go away. So tomorrow marks a very important day. Tomorrow is the day that I officially return to school and prove to myself that I can do better this time around.
I am already half way done with my text book for my course. I am starting slow and taking one class at a time to test the waters. I am also working full time so I don't want to do too much in case my spine gives me trouble. So far I am loving my text book and even know some of the people high lighted in the book as business leaders to watch. It has been very exciting for me to return to going to coffee houses to read, study an write. I miss this type of life and I am so happy to return!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Mercury in Retrograde
This week has been very challenging. Mercury in retrograde is the only thing that I can blame for what happened. I don't much feel like going into it because it was kind of painful but I am now very sensitive to this Mercury business. Plus this Mercury in retrograde was in my birth sign of Virgo and I think this double kicked me in the tush.
I did sign up for my first business class and I am very excited! I also found out that the text book I bought earlier this summer to read for fun is the actual text book I will be using in my class. I am already half way through the book. This has made me feel less scared about starting school again and more inspired. I will have a little bit of an edge and hopefully I won't feel super overwhelmed once class starts.
In my spare time I have been reading Z.B.A - Zen of Business Administration. It has been very inspirational since I am always trying to figure out how to combine my two passions, Business and spiritual matters. It's a great weekend read.
So for now I am preparing to return to school, still catching up with old friends and looking for a new day time gig. I am very happy that fall has arrived since it might be my favorite season. I love the day when I have to bring out my cashmere sweaters and knee socks.
I did sign up for my first business class and I am very excited! I also found out that the text book I bought earlier this summer to read for fun is the actual text book I will be using in my class. I am already half way through the book. This has made me feel less scared about starting school again and more inspired. I will have a little bit of an edge and hopefully I won't feel super overwhelmed once class starts.
In my spare time I have been reading Z.B.A - Zen of Business Administration. It has been very inspirational since I am always trying to figure out how to combine my two passions, Business and spiritual matters. It's a great weekend read.
So for now I am preparing to return to school, still catching up with old friends and looking for a new day time gig. I am very happy that fall has arrived since it might be my favorite season. I love the day when I have to bring out my cashmere sweaters and knee socks.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Full Circle
This week has been very interesting. My surrender box may be one the best inventions I have ever created for myself. So many issues have gone into this wonderful little box and so many changes and positive actions have come out. I am really amazed at how fast this little idea and box have changed my life.
This week I was offered a job at a company I left many years ago under very stressful circumstances. However, I am looking forward to going back. I feel like life has evolved for me and I can now return as the person I wanted to be all those years ago. This job came at the perfect time for me and I can now start my business classes. I was a little worried about returning to this company but then I realized that everything has changed over these last few years and there must be a reason for me to return. So I am now convinced it is divine intervention to get me back there and allow the healing that I have needed about this situation. I am excited and ready to start my new job and look forward to the sense of peace I will feel very soon.
So right now I am enjoying my last few days off before I return to the working world. I am walking, reading and writing as usual. My stress level has greatly decreased and I feel like I am finally getting off the hamster wheel I was forced on many years ago. Life has calmed down enough for me to really reflect and make changes that will last. I am letting go of so much baggage that has been in my way and I am evolving and healing. Life is good!
This week I was offered a job at a company I left many years ago under very stressful circumstances. However, I am looking forward to going back. I feel like life has evolved for me and I can now return as the person I wanted to be all those years ago. This job came at the perfect time for me and I can now start my business classes. I was a little worried about returning to this company but then I realized that everything has changed over these last few years and there must be a reason for me to return. So I am now convinced it is divine intervention to get me back there and allow the healing that I have needed about this situation. I am excited and ready to start my new job and look forward to the sense of peace I will feel very soon.
So right now I am enjoying my last few days off before I return to the working world. I am walking, reading and writing as usual. My stress level has greatly decreased and I feel like I am finally getting off the hamster wheel I was forced on many years ago. Life has calmed down enough for me to really reflect and make changes that will last. I am letting go of so much baggage that has been in my way and I am evolving and healing. Life is good!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Birthday Celebration!
This year feels different. I can't quite put my finger on it but I so far I really like the changes.
I finished my intention list and compared to years in the past, I can see how I am evolving. This year my list was calmer, more evolved, more spiritual and I can see myself taking action to become the person I want to be. I hope this makes sense. I am not sure how to describe the changes but I can see them happening.
One exercise I came up with this week was to create a "Surrender Box". In this box I put all the areas and issues I need to surrender in. I am a huge control freak so this has been a good practice for me to learn to let go. Everyday I am surprised and amazed at how issues from my surrender box seem to resolve or change for the better. I am, little by little becoming calmer and less of a control freak. I am allowing changes to happen and I am so grateful for this simple idea. I look forward to opening my box in a few months and being able to take some of the slips of paper out and let them go completely.
I think my intention list reflects this change in my need to control. Instead of a birthday list of things I wanted I made this a birthday list in area's I want to grow and become a better person.
I am getting ready to leave for an evening with close friends in a cozy atmosphere where we will eat, drink and be merry! I am so grateful for all my birthday notes and gifts from loved ones. I have such a rich life and it just keeps getting better every year!
I finished my intention list and compared to years in the past, I can see how I am evolving. This year my list was calmer, more evolved, more spiritual and I can see myself taking action to become the person I want to be. I hope this makes sense. I am not sure how to describe the changes but I can see them happening.
One exercise I came up with this week was to create a "Surrender Box". In this box I put all the areas and issues I need to surrender in. I am a huge control freak so this has been a good practice for me to learn to let go. Everyday I am surprised and amazed at how issues from my surrender box seem to resolve or change for the better. I am, little by little becoming calmer and less of a control freak. I am allowing changes to happen and I am so grateful for this simple idea. I look forward to opening my box in a few months and being able to take some of the slips of paper out and let them go completely.
I think my intention list reflects this change in my need to control. Instead of a birthday list of things I wanted I made this a birthday list in area's I want to grow and become a better person.
I am getting ready to leave for an evening with close friends in a cozy atmosphere where we will eat, drink and be merry! I am so grateful for all my birthday notes and gifts from loved ones. I have such a rich life and it just keeps getting better every year!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Time for Healing
These last few weeks have been a great time of healing for me. I have taken inventory of my life, my family and my social life. I have created some intentions for the next year and I have let go of things that are no longer serving me. It has been a very powerful last few weeks.
One thing I intend to do this year is have fun! I am making being active and socializing one of my top priorities. When the company was busy and I was healing there was little time to spend having fun with friends. As I venture back out into the world and start to think about the next thing I realized that I need balance of work and play. There is always more work to do in life but there is not always the chance to have fun. I have learned this the hard way. So this year is going to include having fun, meeting new people, trying new things and spending time with people that make me laugh.
Another intention this year is to open up more. I am guilty of hiding from myself, my family and my friends. This is not a good form of communication and a habit I need to break. I find even when things are going well I am still hiding parts of my myself... Good and bad. So I will slowly work on changing the bad and I will embrace the good! I will embrace my need for knowledge, my interest in business and my desire to exercise more. I will spend time with my girlfriends doing activities that are healthy and fun!
Which leads me to another intention. To keep being physically healthy. This may seem obvious but there are so many pieces of the health puzzle and it takes a while to put them all together. I just want to keep this intention fresh in my mind. It's always good to put it at the top of the list. Even when you are at the healthiest stage.
I am sure I will have more to post as I get closer to my birthday and my yearly reflection - intention creation time. I always have a lot to review every year and this year feels very different and very exciting.
Being back in Seattle has also brought healing to relationships from the old days. I was lucky enough to spend a day with a friend that 12 years ago was my best friend and that also in many ways broke my heart. We have always crossed paths over the last 12 years but never talked about what happened. I finally was able to let her in and let her know what happened on my side. It was such a healing an healthy exchange and now I can't wait for her to visit Seattle. Or.... Move back! I missed her so much over these last 12 years and I will continue to open up to her more. We both felt this was the right time for us to come back together and it was so magical how it happened. I am truly grateful for this summer and all the people that have come back into my life. For the first time in my 30's and I am truly happy to be right where I am at.
One thing I intend to do this year is have fun! I am making being active and socializing one of my top priorities. When the company was busy and I was healing there was little time to spend having fun with friends. As I venture back out into the world and start to think about the next thing I realized that I need balance of work and play. There is always more work to do in life but there is not always the chance to have fun. I have learned this the hard way. So this year is going to include having fun, meeting new people, trying new things and spending time with people that make me laugh.
Another intention this year is to open up more. I am guilty of hiding from myself, my family and my friends. This is not a good form of communication and a habit I need to break. I find even when things are going well I am still hiding parts of my myself... Good and bad. So I will slowly work on changing the bad and I will embrace the good! I will embrace my need for knowledge, my interest in business and my desire to exercise more. I will spend time with my girlfriends doing activities that are healthy and fun!
Which leads me to another intention. To keep being physically healthy. This may seem obvious but there are so many pieces of the health puzzle and it takes a while to put them all together. I just want to keep this intention fresh in my mind. It's always good to put it at the top of the list. Even when you are at the healthiest stage.
I am sure I will have more to post as I get closer to my birthday and my yearly reflection - intention creation time. I always have a lot to review every year and this year feels very different and very exciting.
Being back in Seattle has also brought healing to relationships from the old days. I was lucky enough to spend a day with a friend that 12 years ago was my best friend and that also in many ways broke my heart. We have always crossed paths over the last 12 years but never talked about what happened. I finally was able to let her in and let her know what happened on my side. It was such a healing an healthy exchange and now I can't wait for her to visit Seattle. Or.... Move back! I missed her so much over these last 12 years and I will continue to open up to her more. We both felt this was the right time for us to come back together and it was so magical how it happened. I am truly grateful for this summer and all the people that have come back into my life. For the first time in my 30's and I am truly happy to be right where I am at.
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