My mind has been exploding

School has been such a wonderful treat for me. I can already see myself using what I am learning in my everyday experiences. I think about articles I read differently, I look at products and business reports differently, I even watch movies with a different eye. This has been one of the most exciting transitions in my life.

Besides working on creating my next project and school work... I am just taking it easy. I am settling into a new notion of my life post illness and doing the emotional recovery that I had to put off. It has been challenging but necessary. I have a couple of friends that have dealt with serious illness and we talk about when the body begins to recover there is a lag time for the emotional side to recover. Sometimes we joke about starting a support group for lives interrupted by illness. Sometimes we complain about it but mostly we realize that time has become a different measure for us and we move forward gratefully and gracefully. I do wish there was more support for people in this situation. As I get older I witness more and more of my friends that join this group of people. It is not easy to be taken out of the working world and community while trying to return to health. And without a large amount of money in the bank it can become almost impossible for people and their families.

Enough of that. I am healthy and getting back into the world so I should be focusing on having fun. There has been a lot of fun events around town lately. Every weekend has been fun filled these last few weeks. It's been amazing weather and a wonderful dry fall. Perfect weather for having fun!

changing my story

Wow!
School is really blowing my mind. It has been challenging everything I think about myself and my life. I did have a couple of anxiety attacks at the start of class but then once we got to the open discussion part of class I realized that I need to change my story. I need to embrace this different side of myself. The side of myself that is successful and happy to be doing well in school. I had someone sit next to me and at one point during class tell me he was glad to be sitting next to the smart person in class. This has never been my role in life.

So this week I am working on changing my story. I am challenging myself to do well in school and not worry. I am thinking about what role I play in situations and if this the role I want to play or if there is something better out there for me. My story is in the midst of changing and I am excited to see where it goes.

School starts tomorrow!

I have had a dream for almost ten years now that I tried to ignore. I waited and hoped it would go away. I told myself a million reasons why I could not go for it. I started my own company in hopes I could get around the dream. I changed jobs, locations, and even most of my life in hopes that this dream would go away.

But alas, the dream has stayed alive and tomorrow marks my first step towards reaching my dream of an MBA. I am nervous, excited an scared all at once. For the most part I hated school. I hated college. I never felt good enough. I never was very interested in the classes. Once I realized that the teachers were going to only teach one way and because I learned a different way, I pretty much just gave up hope. I never thought to challenge myself in area's that might be off my beaten path. I just sort of sailed through the motions of college and got a degree because everyone told me I was too smart not to have one. But then a funny thing happened. Once I was able to breathe and think about what I was really interested I started to yearn to go back to school to study what I wanted to study.

This is a giant step for me. I am not unrealistic in my thinking. I know that due to my learning disabilities I face a harder time in school than most. This is not an easy thing for me to do. My brain works different than most and school has not been very much fun for me. But things are different now. I am different. I have a dream and a passion that will not go away. So tomorrow marks a very important day. Tomorrow is the day that I officially return to school and prove to myself that I can do better this time around.

I am already half way done with my text book for my course. I am starting slow and taking one class at a time to test the waters. I am also working full time so I don't want to do too much in case my spine gives me trouble. So far I am loving my text book and even know some of the people high lighted in the book as business leaders to watch. It has been very exciting for me to return to going to coffee houses to read, study an write. I miss this type of life and I am so happy to return!

Mercury in Retrograde

This week has been very challenging. Mercury in retrograde is the only thing that I can blame for what happened. I don't much feel like going into it because it was kind of painful but I am now very sensitive to this Mercury business. Plus this Mercury in retrograde was in my birth sign of Virgo and I think this double kicked me in the tush.

I did sign up for my first business class and I am very excited! I also found out that the text book I bought earlier this summer to read for fun is the actual text book I will be using in my class. I am already half way through the book. This has made me feel less scared about starting school again and more inspired. I will have a little bit of an edge and hopefully I won't feel super overwhelmed once class starts.

In my spare time I have been reading Z.B.A - Zen of Business Administration. It has been very inspirational since I am always trying to figure out how to combine my two passions, Business and spiritual matters. It's a great weekend read.

So for now I am preparing to return to school, still catching up with old friends and looking for a new day time gig. I am very happy that fall has arrived since it might be my favorite season. I love the day when I have to bring out my cashmere sweaters and knee socks.

Full Circle

This week has been very interesting. My surrender box may be one the best inventions I have ever created for myself. So many issues have gone into this wonderful little box and so many changes and positive actions have come out. I am really amazed at how fast this little idea and box have changed my life.

This week I was offered a job at a company I left many years ago under very stressful circumstances. However, I am looking forward to going back. I feel like life has evolved for me and I can now return as the person I wanted to be all those years ago. This job came at the perfect time for me and I can now start my business classes. I was a little worried about returning to this company but then I realized that everything has changed over these last few years and there must be a reason for me to return. So I am now convinced it is divine intervention to get me back there and allow the healing that I have needed about this situation. I am excited and ready to start my new job and look forward to the sense of peace I will feel very soon.

So right now I am enjoying my last few days off before I return to the working world. I am walking, reading and writing as usual. My stress level has greatly decreased and I feel like I am finally getting off the hamster wheel I was forced on many years ago. Life has calmed down enough for me to really reflect and make changes that will last. I am letting go of so much baggage that has been in my way and I am evolving and healing. Life is good!

Birthday Celebration!

This year feels different. I can't quite put my finger on it but I so far I really like the changes.

I finished my intention list and compared to years in the past, I can see how I am evolving. This year my list was calmer, more evolved, more spiritual and I can see myself taking action to become the person I want to be. I hope this makes sense. I am not sure how to describe the changes but I can see them happening.

One exercise I came up with this week was to create a "Surrender Box". In this box I put all the areas and issues I need to surrender in. I am a huge control freak so this has been a good practice for me to learn to let go. Everyday I am surprised and amazed at how issues from my surrender box seem to resolve or change for the better. I am, little by little becoming calmer and less of a control freak. I am allowing changes to happen and I am so grateful for this simple idea. I look forward to opening my box in a few months and being able to take some of the slips of paper out and let them go completely.

I think my intention list reflects this change in my need to control. Instead of a birthday list of things I wanted I made this a birthday list in area's I want to grow and become a better person.

I am getting ready to leave for an evening with close friends in a cozy atmosphere where we will eat, drink and be merry! I am so grateful for all my birthday notes and gifts from loved ones. I have such a rich life and it just keeps getting better every year!

Time for Healing

These last few weeks have been a great time of healing for me. I have taken inventory of my life, my family and my social life. I have created some intentions for the next year and I have let go of things that are no longer serving me. It has been a very powerful last few weeks.

One thing I intend to do this year is have fun! I am making being active and socializing one of my top priorities. When the company was busy and I was healing there was little time to spend having fun with friends. As I venture back out into the world and start to think about the next thing I realized that I need balance of work and play. There is always more work to do in life but there is not always the chance to have fun. I have learned this the hard way. So this year is going to include having fun, meeting new people, trying new things and spending time with people that make me laugh.

Another intention this year is to open up more. I am guilty of hiding from myself, my family and my friends. This is not a good form of communication and a habit I need to break. I find even when things are going well I am still hiding parts of my myself... Good and bad. So I will slowly work on changing the bad and I will embrace the good! I will embrace my need for knowledge, my interest in business and my desire to exercise more. I will spend time with my girlfriends doing activities that are healthy and fun!

Which leads me to another intention. To keep being physically healthy. This may seem obvious but there are so many pieces of the health puzzle and it takes a while to put them all together. I just want to keep this intention fresh in my mind. It's always good to put it at the top of the list. Even when you are at the healthiest stage.

I am sure I will have more to post as I get closer to my birthday and my yearly reflection - intention creation time. I always have a lot to review every year and this year feels very different and very exciting.

Being back in Seattle has also brought healing to relationships from the old days. I was lucky enough to spend a day with a friend that 12 years ago was my best friend and that also in many ways broke my heart. We have always crossed paths over the last 12 years but never talked about what happened. I finally was able to let her in and let her know what happened on my side. It was such a healing an healthy exchange and now I can't wait for her to visit Seattle. Or.... Move back! I missed her so much over these last 12 years and I will continue to open up to her more. We both felt this was the right time for us to come back together and it was so magical how it happened. I am truly grateful for this summer and all the people that have come back into my life. For the first time in my 30's and I am truly happy to be right where I am at.

Back in the swing of things

It has been great to be back in this city that inspires me. I have met so many wonderful new people in the last few weeks and the summer is not over yet!

My good friend William has returned to Sweden and there is a hole in Seattle. It was great to have him home and to bring some closure to our friend Shaun's death. I will greatly miss spending my summer days with him.

But in more exciting news I have been meeting new business owners and getting very excited about my next company. This month has included fun talks with the owners of my new favorite place, Redwood . They are as passionate about food, atmosphere and Northern Exposure as I am. I look forward to more trips up the hill for fun discussions. I have also been slowly checking out all the new stores that have opened since I left town. It seems that Seattle has had an exciting last six months.

Made it home

I am home and very happy!

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of events. I packed up and left my life on the east coast. It was much needed. I made it to the Midwest where I went for a long weekend with people I care deeply for. It was great to see old friends, see the area where I went to college and just experience an important part of my life. I felt very loved and happy to be returning to old friends. They were just what I needed.

I then returned home to one of the best concerts I have ever seen. Aveo and Carissa's Wierd . The show was filled with old friends, emotional music and just happiness all around. The Aveo set list included a picture of myself and my best friend Shaun. Shaun passed away three years ago and we all felt his presence that night.

Then it was off to world cup fever, parties, dinners and many long walks around this beautiful city. So today I am tired and ready to return to normal life. There is other news to announce but I am so exhausted and it is still in it's early phase so I am not ready to ruin it yet But my heart is filled with love and I am very, very happy.

Action has been taken

Sometimes I feel like I move to slow. I think about decisions over and over in my mind. I talk with people I admire. I want to see if things are the right thing to do or not. But all this waiting and thinking can take it's toll and sometimes action just needs to be taken. That's what I experienced this week and I feel so much better.

I left my job this weekend and I am packing up to return home. I have enjoyed my time in the Northeast but this is not home for me. I miss Seattle. I miss the Northwest with it's wet weather and all.

On the right path

For the last six months I have taken a break. I challenge myself to a new town, a new job and a new way of thinking. What's wonderful about this challenge is it has brought me back to my core dream.

I have decided to go back to school! I am now starting to prepare for this journey by buying used text books in the area's I know I want to learn about. When I return to the Northwest I will also be returning back to school to go for my postbac second degree in Business and then it is off for my MBA. This has been a dream of mine for the last ten years but one I did not feel ready for at the time. But after these life changing last few years I now have the confidence and peace of mind to go for it. I do not want to feel like I am wasting what interesting and precious time I have on wishing I could be going back to school and starting my own company again. I want to be out there actively working towards this goal.

I received my first text book yesterday morning and I am already into chapter 4 with a brand new notebook full of notes. I am taking my time reading, digesting the information and really thinking about what I am learning. It felt like Christmas when I opened the shipping box to reveal my shiny slightly used text book. I immediately took the book and my notebook to the coffee house I live above and dove right in. It felt great. I then took myself out to dinner last night and again took my book and notebook and filled my time at mission with studying.

I feel the happiest I have felt in months. My energy is lighter and I am so excited about this new adventure. I know it is the best next step for me. When I return home I will be receiving all my business magazines and newspapers that I used to get and this will make me giddy. I love it when I have a goal. Life suddenly has meaning and a purpose for me.

My other plan for the rest of this year is to take a trip down to Palo Alto to visit Standford and the d. School....... Oh that will just be the icing on the cake but I always loved the icing the best.

I'm back

It has been a long time!

After taking many months to refresh and return to a balanced state of health, I am back! Sometimes we just need a new place, a few months to clear our heads and a 5 star spa to help us return to sanity. ( I worked at the Spa- I did not stay there)

So I am planning on packing up and moving back to Seattle. I plan on returning to school to start working towards getting my MBA. I am going to return to the tech world and return to my friends. This is the best decision for me at this moment an I am so excited to start the ball in motion. Lately I have been reading a book called The Blushing MBA . I bought this book when I was just starting to realize that I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to try an get an insiders look at what it might be like to return to school and in a field that is so far from where I was in college. While reading this book I realized that the most interesting and exciting parts were the list of classes they got to take while in school. Marketing, product development, brand development, international business, management and team building...etc... I went out and started to ordering some intro used text books to start preparing. I started to look at course descriptions online. I realized that I am really interested in business and I can't wait to get started on this adventure. I will miss the candles but I want to be able to learn to take my next company to the next level and for this I will need more education.

This has all been kind of a mind blowing experience for me since I did not really like school when I was younger. Nor was I very interested in anything that was business related. Or maybe it was just that the schools never realized my natural interests. Every since I was a young kid I always wanted to own a store. I loved the idea of running a little gift shop and always wanted to work for one. I grew up around artists and people that made their living making products. I sold my art at a young age. So maybe this interest has always been there. It's just now starting to take form and I am finally at a place where I have the confidence to act on this dream.

So that's where I have been. I am physically in great shape. I can now exercise and not be in pain. My energy has returned and I am clear headed. I have detoxed all the medications out of my system and I am in a very balanced place. I feel like I have gotten my spark back in life and I am taking good care of myself. It's a great place to be and I am glad I was able to return to this positive place after such a traumatic experience. Sometimes life throws curve balls and it take strength and determination to get through them. But once you are on the other side, there is a place that is better than from where you were. I don't mind that I got sick. I don't mind all the pain and suffering I was in over the last three years because I am excited about the future. I am excited to be healthy and able to be positive about the future again. I am excited to be alive.

Gone Fishing.....

Taking a much needed break.....

Suddenly Busy

My days are now all filled up with errands and my nights are booked with goodbye dinners. It is only a few more days until I depart this rainy city. I have been a mixed bag of emotions. One the one hand I am so excited to start a new chapter. On the other hand I get very sad when two really good friends decide to go to Portland instead of joining me in the good bye dinner I had planned for that evening. But then again I am glad to have that time that would have been spent with them to do the 900 other errands I need to get done before I leave.

So I am just going to keep focusing on getting my tasks done and seeing what friends I can see before I leave. Just because my life is changing does not mean that change is happening for everyone. And besides, I will be back to Seattle to visit.

I need to rest

Since coming back from the East Coast and realizing that I had big changes ahead of me, I have been fighting from becoming sick. I felt like I had a low level cold for weeks but I had several projects I needed to complete before I could give in and get sick. Yesterday marked the largest project being completed and this morning I woke up sick!

I feel icky. I am not yet panicked by the all loose ends I need to complete before I leave but I am still a little bummed I need to rest. However, I have been reading some really amazing blogs out there in cyber space and it is inspiring me. So even if I am sick and stuck in bed, I am still getting really excited about my new life. I can't wait to start this new chapter in life. After so many years of things not working out it is great to have life starting to become brighter, more positive and much more intention filled.

It is now becoming very real

What once seemed far off and just a dream like situation is now starting to become very real. The studio has officially closed and I am starting to pack up. This whole new adventure is starting to become very real and somewhat scary.

If one year ago someone had told me I would be moving to the Northeast I would have considered them crazy. I have no idea how this all came together but it did. The weather has been very cold in Seattle in preparation for my move. I need to get used to bone cold weather. My back is handling it well. So far so good. I did have to break out the heating pad but that's normal for this time of year.

For the next ten days I will be packing, cleaning and doing all those little errands I need to get done before I leave. Send a prayer out my way that I can get everything done without a total freak out.

So much to be thankful for

I woke up this morning thinking about all the wonderful things I have to be thankful for.

It has been a growth year for me and I have been pushed to places I did not know I could come back from. But I came back and better than ever. I think health issues are one of the scariest issues you can have in life. We take our bodies for granted and when one day something goes horribly wrong, well it is overwhelming and can knock you off your safe pedestal you have built.

One year ago I was afraid I would never walk again. I was looking at a very different life than I had built for myself and I was under crushing medical bills with no future in the workforce. I had spent six months alone in my room and felt very isolated from friends and family. It was scary.

Now flash forward one year. I have the opportunity to move to one of the most beautiful places in the world ( The Berkshires) I will be surrounded by experts in my favorite subjects, the arts, spirituality, foodies, devout yoga followers and handmade craft specialists. I am about to work someplace that will support my health issues and will play a major part in my healing process. And for the first time in 10 years I will get to my own space to live in. I rented an apartment that is all mine. Of course I will have to share it with Ahmi, my trusty puppy of 8 years but she does not share much of an opinion on our living space so I am sure it will be fine. The cats will join us in the summer but for the first six months it will just be Ahmi and myself. Plus I will have good family and friends near by. I will be close to my cousins that helped change the course of my life ten years ago and I am so grateful to be moving close to them again.

I am grateful for all the blessings and healing's I received this year. I am thankful for all the family and support of good friends I had this last year. I am excited for the future and I am blessed for the present moment that I write this, good coffee, a warm house, a nice laptop computer and a wonderful oversize cashmere sweater.

Change is all around me

After much soul searching, contemplation and discussions with my advisers, I have come to realize that I must close shop for a bit. I will no longer be making candles for Glassy Baby and the intention candles will be on hold while I make my move out East. I have been struggling with this decision and tried my best to keep this from becoming the answer but this is the best decision for where I am at right now. There is a small chance I may make candles for them in their NYC shop but I am still on the fence about that. I will keep you posted.

My intention candles are my passion and I was not giving them the time or respect they deserved. So for now all intention candles will be special order only. I will also need a bit of a break from all candle making while I move out of Washington State. I am returning to the East Coast and very excited to become part of a very exciting community up in the Berkshires.

These have all been hard and painful decisions to make. I adored my time with Glassy Baby and can't wait to see where their success takes them. They are a beautiful company and have been very exciting to work with. But now is the time for me to focus on my intention candles and healing myself.

There is a reason

The last few years have been tough!

Anyone who has read the blog or knows me would agree with this. However, today I realized that it all makes sense. In so many ways all the hardships I have been dealt have allowed for my dream to come true. As of this morning I accepted an offer with a company that is a dream offer for me. I was not looking for this offer but it found me and it was too good to pass up.

So I am packing up and moving. I am feeling a little overwhelmed since there is so much to do but mostly I am just plain excited. It has been such a hard last few years that I feel like I have won the lottery! To be able to work with a company that supports and encourages my interests is a rare thing. And the fact that they are the leader in that field worldwide is just icing on the cake.

So starting next month I will blog about my adventures in moving to a new part of the country, starting to work in a new place and how putting my health first has proven to be the best thing I have ever done. If it were not for my health crisis and my injury, I would not have gotten to this amazing place in life!

I am not making any more decisions!

Just when I think I have made a final decision, the Universe changes the game. So for now, I will be making no decisions. I will live in this very fluid area where I have no idea what is going to happen and I will enjoy it.

I put up a blog post last week that I thought was the end of a situation and I had come to peace with my decision but then everything changed on Thursday. I have no idea where the road is trying to lead me nor am I going to continue to try and make sense of it all.

Let's see where this new way of thinking takes me!

PS. When I arrive in Lenox on Wednesday I will post the information about the candle sale up on the blog. I can't wait for my trip!

The Red Book

After a very exhausting and emotional month I dug out my copy of The Red Book and settled into my couch for an evening of reading. I needed something to connect with after this challenging time. Following your bliss has it's share of trials and lessons that need to be learned and it is hard to ignore these lessons.

But after rereading parts of Sera Beak's book I feel so much better! Sera's book feels like that best friend that makes you feel comfortable with who you are and what you are going through. She tells her story that is so easy to connect with and now I realize that I am not that Island that I have been feeling like all month. I highly recommend this book if you want to understand what following your bliss actually feels like and you need a reminder that it is all part of the path. I admire you Sera Beak!

Today was full of errands that needed to happen for me to make candles next week. I had to pick up wax, oils and order more supplies. I also needed new work out shoes and drooled over some Frye boots while I was at it. Tomorrow is cleaning and preparing my studio for the next month of intense candle making. I even started the ball rolling on getting my packaging designed for my new york sale. Busy bee~

First Day of Fall

I can not believe it is fall already! For Seattle's first day of fall it is supposed to get as warm as 91 degrees. That does not seem very fall like....

Lately I have been doing a lot of fall cleaning and cleansing, inside and outside. It has been good to shed things in my life that have not been working so well. I finally started to feel the effects today. I am in a much calmer and more peaceful place than I have been in the last few weeks. I am slowing down my mind chatter and getting in touch with my thoughts vs. what others think I should do. It has been a much needed and welcomed change.

I have also been making more intention candles and settling into the art of making intention pillar candles. I even made a new candle that is dedicated to the Goddess Fortuna. I think she deserves an Odessa's Herbals candle. I even learned my first lesson from her while making her a candle. Do not our The Goddess Fortuna a candle in haste. She will cause all the hot wax to leak out and burn your fingers. One must take their time making this candle and it will come out perfectly if you do but working without thought or too quickly and you will be back to square one.

Moving the body

I tend to think of myself as a person that is in touch with herself. Over the last two months I have been having flashes about going to a gym. I was not a member of a gym but everyday this urge was getting stronger and stronger. So finally this week I signed up! Which I am happy about. What is even better is that these last few weeks have been hard on me. My thoughts are up in the air and I am at a cross roads and not sure which way to turn.

Joining the gym and moving my body has been the best gift I could have given myself while I work through this transition. My spine has responded well to this new part of my physical rehab and I feel stronger than ever.

I am preparing for the New York sale while trying to work through some of my stress. It has been a hard time lately. Even I suffer from worry about the economy, job loss and the fact that I have been unable to work for almost two years. But I just keep my level of gratitude up and keep on going to the gym because after an hour of working out while I am sitting in the steam bath I can feel the stress melting off my shoulders. It is hard to worry while taking good personal care of myself. That is now my number one priority!

Learning to go at a different pace

For a few weeks recently this lovely animal was living in the park up the street from me. I live in the middle of Seattle but I get giddy over the fact that an animal like this cougar could make it's way to my local park. I am grateful he did not find his way to my animals but I do miss having him in the neighborhood. It was fun to hear of cougar sightings around my hood and it is still unbelievable that some thing this wild would be only two blocks away.

My major lesson this week has revolved around learning to go at Divine pace. I am an impatient person and this has been good in some ways in my past but now it is getting in my way. I need to learn to slow down and let go. Not an easy task for me but I am trying to slow down. This is a different lesson from last year where I needed to learn balance in my life after my illness brought me down. Now I need to learn to go with the flow and not expect miracles in a wink of an eye.

Sometimes the best things in life take time and lessons to manifest. I keep reminding myself this. I live one day at a time but then expect things to happen really fast. There is some middle ground between living one day at a time and looking at time on a larger basis. I just don't know how to see it this way yet.

I am beginning to prepare for the holiday show on the East Coast. It has been a little slow to start since the warm weather in Seattle has caused my candle making process to take about four times longer than in the winter times. I am trying to enjoy the sun but really I am looking forward to cold weather and peaceful candle making.

I made a new candle this week to help a client rekindle the romance in her long term marriage. I can't wait to hear (some) of the details on how it works. I admire that after so many years she still has romance in her marriage as well as partnership.

Holiday orders are coming in

Today I started to receive holiday orders and it is going to be a busy next few months! I have so much to do. But I am very excited about this new holiday season and all the work I have to look forward too.

I have been watching Monarch of the Glen while making the tea lights lately. It makes me miss Scotland so much! I am due for a visit to see lovely Iona and my dear friends I have not seen in ages. Maybe after the holiday orders I can plan a trip overseas. Of course by then I will have new product development to sink my teeth into.

After a lovely week long birthday celebration I have finally hit my energy wall. I am exhausted but in a good way. I am going to take this weekend off to end my birthday celebration with family at my Aunts house. Then it is back to candle making!