Hanging with my plants

I have been spending the mornings in my greenhouse.  It's quickly becoming my favorite part of the day.  I check on the plants, talk to them and play music while Lollie sleeps in her bed.  

Today we are listening to Nat King Cole.  

There is such a peace in my heart when I am out in the garden.  I hope everyone finds this feeling in life.  It's incredibly. 

Feels good to blog again

 I have to admit, I missed Blogger.  I love this format so much.  I started my first blog in 2000 and I am still at it!

This weekend has been filled with friends.  It feels good to see people again but its also a little strange.  I forget how long it has been since I have seen anyone.  So much to catch up on and go over.  I love seeing everyone but I have to say, I get exhausted when its over.  Like fall asleep at 5 o'clock at night tired.   It's a good muscle for me to use since sales will start up again in a few months and that means many more social interactions.  

It's also interesting to see my vulnerability show up when I am with people.  I can no longer pretend that people don't hurt me.  I used to think I was immune to caring but now I realize, that I just carry the pain around.  So instead, I am showing my vulnerable side so that people know I do care and I do get hurt by things they say or do.  I am not immune, I am just used to living with trauma and pain.  Which I think is one of the things that caused me to become so sick.  Let the healing begin!

I am off to a birthday breakfast with friends.  Then to pre-sprout more flowers for the spring time.  I am quickly coming up to my travel day so I need to get as much done as I can while I am gone.  That way, the flowers will wake up and be ready for pots when I return.  

Have a beautiful day!

a little dirt under my fingernails

 It snowed last night and I woke up to a white morning.  

It was not a ton of snow and should be gone soon.  It made for a fun morning of heating up the greenhouse and prepping new trays for some anemones and ranunculus. Lollie really enjoys the snow so she got to zoom all over.  

I checked on some of my prize dahlias and they are doing great!  I might even have some rare ones for sale this spring. (shhhh.... I'm aleady getting messages) 

I am about to spend three weeks away from the city farm and I think it will be good for me but always scary.  I haven't left my house much since getting diagnosed with cancer.  It's always stressful for me to leave my doctors for very long.  But I am long overdue for an East Coast adventure and I will have Lollie with me which is going to help my anxiety.

So until I leave,  I will be with dirt under my nails as I work in the greenhouse.  I will then clean up and visit with friends and family.  I am keeping my bubble very small this year.  Still living like my life depends on it.

I am ready to send this  year off! 

Slow Living

 It has taken me a while to figure out my next steps.  Healing from cancer is so much harder than they tell you.  It's like nothing I have ever had to recover from.  I am not the same person I was 3 years ago.  I am just not. 

I do like this new person I am becoming.  It has taken three years of simply living for her to start to emerge.  I can see her daily now.  Working her way through the challenge of cancer to figure out her reason for being here.  This work has connected her to the earth in a very close way.  

My intentions for 2023 are going to revolve around how I can support myself now that I have found something new to do.  I want to find meaningful classes and education to support my love of flowers and working in the yard.  Maybe a landscape designer?  Maybe I will move to England for a few years to study landscape design the UK version.  I want to learn so much about how to create the most beautiful garden that I can.   I am excited about this goal.  I feel like I am ready to try something new.  See where it takes me.  

Until then, you can find me in my greenhouse.  Potting up flowers that I will be selling in the new year.  

Working with time

I am trying to carve out a little time each day to write again.  It's uncomfortable for me to do this.  The amount of effort it takes to convince my brain to try is exhausting.  The questions I ask myself, the excuses I have ranging from my neuropathy that I develop in my hands to my chemo brain that can cause me to write the same thing again. and again.  Short term memory be dammed.  

Plus, the act of writing feels like a lifetime ago.  Something I stopped doing right at my time of diagnosis.  Other lifetimes.  I changed and I am not sure how to write for this new self I am becoming.  

I need to place to let my thoughts out so this blogging idea is good.  Just a little spot where I can pick myself back up, piece by piece.  Figure out who I am again.  This time around, I am doing it slowly and with intention.  I will only pick up pieces that feel easy and loving.  I will learn to flow with the universe more.  I will see change not as scary but as adventure.  What new pieces will fit into this puzzle?

I'm Back!

I am back because I needed a place to write that is not so widely known about.  I am back because I can no longer write long hand thanks to my cancer treatment and I need a space where I can write.  I am back because Blogging is one thing that I will always love.

So I am back.  6 years later to say, these 6 years have sucked.  Big time. 

I lost people I love.  I lost my animals.  I lost the innocence of never having to think about mortality. 

And yet.  Here I am with the sudden desire to blog again.  The desire to write things down and try to process this world. 

Join Me

My new home

Ritual Coaching 
http://ritualcoaching.blogspot.com/
 

And With A Whoosh

With a whoosh my life has gone from 0 to 60.  Three new clients this week.  Plans to expand to the UK.  And last night a phone call from an internationally known health and wellness company that wants to talk to me about "opportunities" for us to work together.

I HAVE NOT EVEN LAUNCHED YET

Well.  Technically I guess I did. Close friends have known about my company for a month or so. Then I created my website on Sunday and posted it.   I have had hundreds of views since going live on Sunday.  And they are not all me looking at the site!  People are sending the site to friends and family members.   Movement is happening.   My life's purpose is in full color now.  Soon this blog will be retired and I will move to my new home.

The Odessa's Herbals story is coming to a close.   It was a painful yet important and life changing story.  I would not change a single step.  But it's time for me to put this energy and story to bed.  I no longer feel connected to this world or this energy.  It's just a distant memory. 

My new world is beautiful and a higher vibration.   It's filled with magic and so much love.  It's proof that out of the darkness comes light and by setting intentions and doing the work, you can make your dreams happen. (With help from the universe of course!)  

Thank you Odessa's Herbals for getting me on the path.  For helping my heart during the darkest days I have ever known.  For healing me when I was bed ridden and didn't know if I was ever going to walk again.   For holding me these last few years as I waited to figure out my next step.   And for just being here when I needed to share how much I wanted to change my story.  

My story is changing and it's beautiful and perfect and will be known by many.

Magic Morning

In his eyes, I am the treasure he has been seeking.  In my eyes, he is the home I am have searching for.  Together we create magic.

My love poem for 2015

It has been a powerful two days.  With a bang my company suddenly started.  I have new clients.   They found me!  I don't even have a website yet!   Then a good friend from the UK reached out for the first time in a year.  She found out about my new business and now wants to bring it to the UK.  Oh snap.  I just went International!
I don't even have my plan yet!

But the Universe has other ideas.  

It's time she whispers.   You know what you are doing.  Just be true to your heart.  They will come to you.  We will guide them your way.  Just stay open.  Keep doing your work.  It's all unfolding perfectly as planned.  You can handle the bigness of what is coming your way.  You are ready.

My heart is full.  I am making space this weekend to do some magic and allow the universe to do it's work.  Clearly I don't need to rush anymore.  I just need to show up to my true self and stay on my path.

Loving My Life

Peace.  Loving my Life.  Happiness.

These are the feelings I have right now about my life.  Deep breaths.  I am living my dream.  I truly am.  I work.  I make art.  I live a very comfortable life.  I travel.  I take care of myself.  I live in a beautiful, magical world.  I am loved.  I am part of a wonderful family and relationship.  My heart is so full.
It's in such contrast to my past and a welcomed change. 2015 has been truly life changing. I know my life's purpose.  I found my key to a happy life.  It's interesting because ever since I came into this knowledge, my life has been a series of endings yet beautiful beginnings.  I shed my skin of all old attachments and I am ready to step forward in this new role.

I have two more months of processing and collecting loose ends.  My goal was working on myself until June and then launching in July.  I am right on track. It's hard not to be able to talk about what I am doing or my purpose but there is a reason for it.  I am going deep so that when I come out of this transformation, I will in the best place to launch into the public.

Recently my puppy has become night blind.  She is almost 14 years old so it's not unexpected.  I bought her this night light so she can move around at night and not feel like she is trapped.  She loves it and I love it for the soft glow and symbolism it displays.  I am coming out of my cocoon and about to become that beautiful butterfly.  My life is changing and soon I will be helping others do the same.

Resting

This week is a rest week for me.  I need balance.  I need to recharge and settle into the new things I have going on in life.  I know myself well enough to know that when I feel this way, it's time to just relax and put my needs first.

I love that I have gotten to a place in life where this feels very natural and normal.  Self care as a priority feels normal? Revolutionary!  Why was I not taught this at a young age? I think about how much happier I  would all be if I had taken care of my needs and didn't push myself to exhaustion so much growing up and in my 20s. It's hard to explain this to some people because they don't yet understand how good it feels to take care of yourself in this way.

Last night I did some creative projects after a very successful first day on the job.  I slept really well and woke up happy.  I am working hard to trust myself and the Universe and it feels like it is paying off.  Big time!
I also feel so blessed with the women that are coming into my life and providing me with the community and support I always needed and wanted.  I have some of the best girlfriends right now and I could not be preparing to take this large journey without them.  I need a support team of ladies to help me realize this vision on mine and the Universe is bringing me the right people at the right time.

Change is in the air

This whole learning to be successful and stand up for yourself lesson is powerful.  I have never been more uncomfortable in learning a lesson yet rewarded so greatly.    I had no idea that stepping into myself and believing in myself could feel so good.]

I moved jobs this week.  It was a swift and sudden move that was all my decision.  My last manager was the archetype of the personality that has been bullying me for years, especially in work and school situations.   In the last two years, I have finally had the confidence to say no more.  I made this most recent job change because I am done with these types of people. I no longer want to engage in this kind of relationship in my life.
 

I prayed for a new job and twice the universe delivered this opportunity.  I couldn't say no the second time and thus I made a quick move.  And now, damn!  I am happy.  
The universe rewarded me with a raise, a great department and a job where I can be successful.  

New Moon

This weekend was a powerful new moon and I am still recovering from it!  The last few days have been all about self care and good friends.  

I spent Saturday with my good friend getting massage and sitting in the sun.  I just needed some quiet down time outside of the city.  I recently found an amazing massage therapist that works across the water from Seattle and is magical with her hands, her words and her energy.  My good friend G and I decided we are going to go see her every month as a much needed girls day.   We are both on a life changing mission and this journey begins with Self Care!

I recently just purchased a new computer that I am using right now to post this blog update!  I am so grateful to be able to just go out and buy a new computer without stressing or the worry that used to go along with purchases. I am going to be working on my website this week and my business plan.  This computer is one step closer to my dream company and a huge step for me.  Even thought lately there has been a lot of stress, my dream and my visions for the future feel so much closer than they ever have. I know this time next year I will be writing about how grateful I am to make my own schedule and how excited I am to take a much needed international vacation.  I know I will be traveling to see clients in NYC, LA,SF and Boston.  I know the magic that we will create together will be life changing for everyone involved.  And I will be making over twice my current salary doing something I am passionate about and that is my life's purpose.  That's the best part!

New moon, new beginnings, new energy.... I can feel it all!

 



 

True Happiness

I am sitting on my deck in the sunshine looking out at tree's and railroad bridge and I feel this deep happiness in my soul.   I am right where I need to be.

This eclipse season has been about deep life lessons.  It hasn't been easy but it's been the growth my soul needed.  I am wiser from all these experiences and so much happier.  My life is full of magic is a way it never has been before and I love it.  Waking up everyday is starting to feel like this fun adventure.  How will magic manifest itself in my life next.  Everything suddenly has a reason.  It's beautiful and fun. 

Saturday is a potent new moon around business and success.   I bet you know what I will be doing!

Making Space and Standing Up For Myself

I have been changing a lot lately.  

It’s exhausting.  Change is hard.  Changing your career dreams is terrifying especially when you don’t have a very supportive manager.   I went from one wolf to another.  Same wolf- different clothing.  It’s frustrating but I know it’s not me. That’s the positive side to all of this.   I am showing up and doing the best I can.   It’s true when they say that  only 10% of managers are qualified to manage.  I look forward to the day when I am out of the corporate world and working for myself and building my empire.   

I have so much empathy for teenagers and college age kids suddenly.  All the growth I have gone through in the last couple of years has been painful and hard.  I had dinner with a dear friend from college on Wednesday that spends most of the year on the road touring with famous bands.  We were talking about the last 7 years of my life and he reminded me that I have been through some very dark moments and yet, I survived.   We laughed about the time he came to visit when I had just found out about my spine disease and I did not know if I would ever be able to walk again.   I had taken a massive amount of pain meds just to see him and ended up getting really sick at dinner.  Yet here I am 7 years later, still walking.   Sometimes it’s good to have an old friend remind you of how far you have come.

Monday I start a new job!  I was able to transfer to a position that is much closer to where my skill set is and at a higher wage.  I am so grateful to have such a strong and supportive network of former coworkers turned friends turned protective champions.   They all saw my struggles and banded together to get me into something better.  I am staying at my favorite company, just returning to a better division.  I am so excited!

My heart is so full of love and gratitude today. 

It’s going to be a stretch for me as I will need to learn new skills but ultimately it will open so many  more doors for me.  And its allowing me to get my company started just that much sooner. 

This has been a whirlwind of life lessons that I still need to process before I write about them but I will say they all center around power, confidence, strength, purpose and communication.   And now I need a power nap!

Sometimes Magic Finds You

Yesterday I received a package with a new magical oil in it but there was also a surprise in the package that I was not expecting nor was I wanting it or shall I say, I did not realize I wanted it.   Someone send me a piece of a very sacred South American vine that has a powerful clearing, truth telling and loving magic.  It's not a piece of magic you approach lightly.

The first thing I said when I realized that I was opening was "Sh-t, Sh-t, SH-T!"  and put the bag on my table.  I grabbed my dog and went outside to call my friend to talk to her about this package.   She is the one that told me about this vine and the magic that comes from this vine.  She said she was not going to work with the vine because of how potent and demanding it could be.   It requires respect, it requires attention and love.
We actually had been laughing about this vine earlier in the day because of stories we had been hearing about how this vine was working magic in people's lives and they were not yet ready for it.  So as soon as I received a piece I needed some fresh air.
How do you just receive a piece of this magic? It seems crazy that a piece of this rare vine just showed up in my life.  I guess the thing about this vine is it finds you.  It calls you and shows up in your life.  It's not something you seek out.   It's something that appears when you are ready for it.  If you come at it too early or fast it can be harsh.

After my walk I had a call with my coach and she asked what was going on.  She mentioned that I looked a little stressed.  I said that I had received this South American vine in the mail and I was nervous about it.  Of course she knew all about it and wanted me to show it to her.  I pulled it out of the bag and we both made a noise at the same time.  My little piece of vine is in the shape of a heart.

The heart and opening of my heart is what I am working on right now.  For the last few months I have been working on opening up my heart chakra and opening myself up to love.   It has been hard and exhausting work but so rewarding. It's all part of my life's purpose and my new business.  We both knew as soon as we saw the vine that it was staying with me.  It feels so loving, warm and magical.  Not at all scary like I had thought it would feel.  My coach said, that's because you have done the work and the vine found you to bring you the rewards of the hard work.  So I started to build the vine a little altar in my bedroom and will continue to build it a little home to see how life unfolds with this new addition.

It's funny because everyone that I have mentioned this story too thinks it's perfect.  My friend that had original told me about the vine said she thinks the vine is here to protect me and heal me.  She is excited that this little vine piece found me even if I did not seek it out.

I am so grateful for the Universe and these little magical moments that are becoming a daily occurrence. I am grateful that I have been doing all this work so that I am ready for the magic coming my way.  And I am grateful as my heart is opening and my life is filling up with love.  I have never felt this loved before in my entire life.  

Full Moon Release

The full moon released a lot for me this weekend.  I know it will continue to release all week long.   Some of it was painful but most of it was beautiful and much needed.   I feel like I have moved to the next level in my journey and I am working hard to stay in a place of faith and love.

Friday I had dinner with old coworkers from the gaming world.  But our conversation centered about spiritual matters.  It was perfect. The more I open up about my passions, the more I am connecting to people and making authentic new friends.
Then Mr. Big Man and I had our date and now I feel like we can go back to being friends and I can focus on work and my company.   As much as I like Mr. Big Man, he is not the one.  I know that.  But I do adore his male essence and I need it in my life.  I will always love him.  But he is not the kind of man you settle down with. Or shall I say, he is not the kind of man I settle down with.  However, he will always be in my life and on my mind.  I do know this.  We have been connected together for 4 years and have ebbed and flowed in and out of each others lives.  We recently admitted our feelings but we also know there are barriers to the situation.  And for once, I don't want to fight those barriers or ignore them.  It's ok to love someone and not be with them.  This is something I have never understood until Mr. Big Man.  He has a part of my heart and I have a part of his.  But it's just not the right life time. 

Saturday I did some work and just napped.   I was tired from such an exhausting week.  I thought my new job would be a much needed break from my last job but it turns out not to be the case.   I am working to move to another area that would be closer to the gaming industry again.  I don't want to work like I did when I was younger and had to put in 50 plus hour weeks.  It's not worth it to me anymore in life.   I had two great meetings with old coworkers on Friday morning and I hope to move into a new division soon. 
Saturday night I went out with my girlfriends to a dance club and just enjoyed being out in public.   I am finally feeling like being out in public is fun again.   I am official half my old body size now.   I feel like my old self!  I love the fact that I no longer feel nervous about my body anymore.  And that my body is handling all this change in such a great and loving way.

I have a very busy next few weeks.   I am starting to network again as I build my board of directors for my new company.  I just received my business cards and they look amazing!   I need to work on my website this week and some other "paperwork"  type work.  But it's all being done with love and excitement because everyone I have talked too about my company is so excited about it.  I have gotten the best feedback and guidance from my mentors.  I just have a couple of steps to take before I launch this baby.  I have never been more determined or focused or happy in my entire life.  This is it.  This is my life's purpose and it's big,  it's going to be public and soon enough it will be mainstream.

I love this life!

Symbiotic

This weekend was intense and so very powerful.  I can barely speak today as I am still swirling from my time  with master mentor and coach Jen L. from the East Coast.  We had so many moments where magic showed itself.  From Owls singing to me as I built my threshold altar after Jen mentioned sometimes she could hear owls but not often, to me writing things in my journal that she said to me in the exact same way 1 hour later, to her reading me a poem that she has been obsessed with for 3 days that related to my journey.  She kept saying she could not figure out why she was so obsessed with the poem and suddenly it all made sense.   I had been sharing my magic with her before I even arrived to the Island. 
Every time we turned around there were moments that were beautiful and perfect.

She heard my big dream and knows it is going to manifest.  She can she see it as clearly as I can.  She also witnessed all my fears and we released them.

Today I am Bone Tired.  So tired I can't even talk.   I feel like I ran a marathon this weekend.  I wish I could just sit at the beach in silence and journal because I discovered so much about myself, my heart and my journey this weekend. 

The Threshold has been crossed.
I am no longer the same.
I left my old journey behind and I stand here in a new place.

I am so ready for this BIG DREAM.

New moon

Friday night is a very powerful night for setting intentions.   I just finished my ritual and now I am off to a salt bath then bed.  I am feeling blessed and magical.

Cup of Tea and A Magical Island Adventure

With the new moon and eclipse happening this week, I can feel myself crossing over a threshold of sorts.  I am entering into a new phase in my life and the universe is throwing doors open for me and welcoming me to my life's purpose and path.  I feel like pinching myself everyday.

While there is a large part of me that is excited about what's happening, it's also exhausting.  I made the decision to clean my life and energy field out.  It's been clearing up quickly and lessons have been coming fast.  I am lucky in that I know what's happening so I am not fighting any of these amazing changes.   I am allowing for these big life changes to happen and I am grateful for them but geez, I could use a week at the beach to just recharge.  This has been the most exhausting work I have ever done.

On the other hand, doors are flying open and I am being invited to meet the top of the top in the industry I am about to enter.  People are entering into my life and inviting me to work with them in a way that I have never experienced.  My life is seriously on the verge of change in the best way.  My dreams are quickly becoming reality.  It almost feels like I can't dream fast enough to keep up with how much stuff is manifesting right now.

I had the best massage the other day from someone new.  She said to me early on, "You are like a seed about to burst with new life".   I can feel it.   I said, that's funny because I am about to start a small new little company.  She said "Nothing is going to be small about this company.  It's going to be way bigger and more amazing than you even realize".   I almost started crying with excitement and fear.

I am ready to walk the path that I know I should be walking.  I am ready for my dreams to become reality.  I am so ready to launch this baby into the world.

I am preparing for a magical adventure this weekend on one of our local island with a very powerful lady from the East Coast.  She has been preparing for our session all week.  I can't wait to see what kind of magic we can do together!   I have stones, candles, oils, flowers and herbs all ready to take with me.   I am ready to cross my threshold and enter into something new.  

Update On The Everyday Stuff

I realized this morning that I have not updated lately on my everyday life.  So today is dedicated to the normal, the everyday things that make life what it is.

My job is good.  It's exactly what I wanted.  I have a flexible schedule.  I have a better manager and I am back at a company I love.   I come into the office most days but no one is watching me and the clock.   I deliver my work on time and I am given the freedom I need to be the best employee I can be.  Pure Bliss!
And I get to work from home whenever I want.  This is so important to me and my health!

I am slightly overbooked right now in life.   I need to clear my social calendar out a bit because I am feeling the frazzled side come out.   I haven't been able to just relax and read a book lately.  I haven't been writing as much as I need.   But I am doing so much good work right now that I am not worried. And I am connecting with friends so I am not ready to give up the frazzle just yet.

One big decision I made this week is I have decided that I am going to invest in some meal prep services for during the week.  I am so busy that making dinner at night is stressing me out.  I can afford to have meals delivered and if it means that I get to spend more time relaxing and taking care of other things during the week than I am going to invest in that right now.   It feels so good to make this decision.

So next week marks my first week!  I can't wait!
One of the many perks of working in the tech field. 

Cutting Cords

The last few weeks while I have been getting body work and energy work done, everyone kept mentioning some sort of huge energy hook in my left shoulder.   I had no idea what it was in reference too but three different people I work with all mentioned it to me in different sessions.

Today I met with a very powerful mentor of one of my coaches and she not only noticed it but she was able to tell me exactly where this hook came from and why I had it.

WOW.
All I can say is I finally feel free.

I feel healed.
I no longer feel like I am at fault for my past pains which has been a huge block for me.

Is anyone else feeling these changing tides?  So much change happening all around.  I know some people are having a really hard time with it but I feel like all of this stuff that is happening is so cleansing and  beautiful.  But I am ready for true change.  I had given up on the need to control once I hit my Saturn retuning and these last few years have prepared me to be ready to totally cleanse my life.  So all these changes,  all this tense energy, all this pain is being put to good use.  I am going deep into it and coming out stronger.

My best advice to my loved ones around me having a hard time is to go deep and let go.  Just let go of everything.  People, relationships, work, dreams, ego, shoulds/woulds, just go deep and let the universe blow your life up.  Because you will come out new, refreshed and ready to do what you are meant to do.

It's the best thing that will ever happen to you. 

A Little Down Time

Today I need a little down time to recharge.  I have made no plans except to be totally open to see what happens.  So far I have gone from reading to cleaning to art to seeing the beauty in my home with my best fur friend.

This full moon in Virgo was intense in the best way.  The front half of the week was slightly miserable.  Everyone was cranky and life just felt hard.  But Thursday everything had turned around to a love filled world.   I am always amazed at the power of the moon and how sensitive we are to it.

I am feeling like I am back on track after a couple of weeks of feeling off balanced.  It feels good to be grounded again.  I am back to planning my new company.  To my self care routine.  To making art and adding joy in my life.  Ahhhh.  Feels so good to be back on the right track!  I spent this week really connecting with friends.  I needed just a week to see people and talk; to reconnect and share with them.  Just a week to let go and just let life guide me.

This week also marked a lot of healing and releasing.  It was beautiful.  For the first time in years, I have real space in my life thanks to the healing old wounds from the past.  And it all happened in a really gentle and sweet way.   I am so grateful for 2015 and my life.  

Feeling Settled

I am feeling so good today.   I am feeling settled and free.

It's amazing what a little sunshine and calming of the mind can do.  All the discomfort from the last month is gone.  Magic is happening and I am so grateful.

I am seeing old friends and coworkers coming back into my life.  I am showering people with love and making amazing new friends that are aligned with where I am in life right now.  I want to pinch myself because I am on the right path and it feels so good.

The cherry trees are blooming in Seattle and Spring is in full swing.  Tonight is a very powerful full moon in Virgo and it's energy is kicking my tush in a good way.  I need to get focused with my feet on the group.  I have been living a little up in the air lately so I am ready to spend the weekend really getting grounded.

Getting grounded and being present.  

Morning Walk

I am so grateful to live in such a beautiful place.  Sometimes I feel like I am in such a hurry to get everything done that I don't take enough to just enjoy how beautiful my little world is.