Another amazing weekend. This one was more simple than the previous weekends but no less fun. I spent time with just two friends and was really present to both of them. It felt great to have no worries or stress. One amazing habit I have picked up in the last few months that has greatly changed my life is to not go out Sunday through Thursday nights. This time spent at home during the work week, allows me to truly have weekends of fun. I don't have to worry about cleaning or washing my clothes since I do that during the week. Instead I can let my weekends flow organically and I can just be present to whatever fun comes my way.

This weekend included making a RAW Lime Pudding! It was delicious and only had 4 ingredients. Avocado, bananas, lime and lemon zest and juice. You throw it all in a blender and ZING, you have the most amazing pudding ever. You won't miss the lack of dairy or the lack of sugar. We ate this pudding as our dinner and it was so filling. I felt amazing in the morning and loved the fact I could eat something so close to a dessert for dinner! I am already coming up new idea's for future puddings to try. I can't wait to share this dessert with more people.

I also went on a huge hike this weekend that included a large amount of stairs up a giant bluff. I was a little worried as I walked down to the beach that I would not be able to make it back up. After two hours of searching the beach for beach glass with a good friend of mine, we started the long trek up the path. Much to my surprise this climb up the cliff was easy. I sometimes forget about how much exercise I do during the week. Becoming so physically fit has made special adventures like this something I truly love.

One exciting thing that happened this weekend was I was asked by a good friend to come over and meet with her and her husband to teach them about moving towards a RAW lifestyle. They have seen the changes in me over the last six months and are amazed at how moving towards this lifestyle has totally changed not only my physical body but also how this lifestyle has changed my attitude, my energy level and even my skin(I appear much more youthful and healthy looking). Of course I agreed to share this part of my life with them. I am so in love with every change I have made in my life and get very excited about other people opening up to this level of true happiness. So in a few weeks I will have a session with them where I am going to teach them how to make a RAW dinner and then we will go for a huge walk. I am going to experiment with recipes until I find the perfect one to introduce someone who has only ever eaten processed food. Will keep you posted on this development.

Daydreams

Sometimes I have daydreams at work of quitting my job and going to school full time to learn how to become a RAW chef. I read daily raw blogs and I am so inspired by people that get to spend all their time creating amazing food and teaching people about the wonderful transformation that can happen when you start to go RAW. I think this maybe the next step in my life and I am just letting the Universe guide me. I do get very excited by reading these blogs and realizing that there are people out there living the life I would like to live one day.

But I am not sure that 100% raw is for me yet. I hate to admit it that I do get weepy if I don’t eat meat at least once a month. I know this is not that much meat to eat but I would like to be able to get over this issue. I also still crave cheese and sometimes even bread type items. I am slowly cutting these items out of my life and replacing them with amazing RAW foods but it is a slow process and one that I am excited about but also taking my time to balance everything out. I don’t think this type of large life style change can happen really quickly. I want long term new habits to form so this is a process.

I am going to a very interesting Design lecture at the University of Washington tonight. I don’t normally go out during the week but I am making an exception for this event. I am working very hard on bringing in more meaningful hobbies into my life. I want to experiment and live life. Part of this living is me going out and trying new things. So tonight is a venture into a new world of design for me. It is an architecture and space lecture about boundaries and nature. Everything else is pretty good and calm. I have been running every night and am starting to crave the feeling of working out again. It is still cloudy and wet here in the northwest which I must admit is starting to get me down. I love Seattle most of the time but right now it is just too dark and makes me long for the Deep South or LA area. I need sunshine, warm air and t-shirt weather!

New lessons to learn

The last two weeks have been non-stop fun. However, this week I am learning a very tough and needed lesson. I quickly let sugar back into my life and within a week I am feeling it so strongly that I physically hurt. I am exhausted and just straight up tired. My energy level is normal it's just the pain in my body that is causing me issues. All that has changed in my life was the introduction of sugar in a non essential way. argh! So I have been really increasing my raw food and veggies in hopes that this will allow the sugar to leave my body sooner. I am taking it easy and just allowing myself to really feel this pain and discomfort so that in the future when my coworkers bring in donuts everyday for a week, I can back away and say no.

I did buy new work out shoes this week and had a wonderful workout last night in them. It felt like I was jogging on clouds! I also bought some super hot boots and my first ever pair of skinny jeans! This is the first time in 10 years that I am wearing non baggy clothing. I feel so happy to see my body shrinking. I am also very happy at how my confidence level is starting to allow me to wear clothes that actually fit and show off my best assets.

I have also been filled with much love for all my new girlfriends in life. I have been having the best time getting to know them and be able to be a part of their lives. I feel like every week I learn several lessons and this week is no different. Besides not eating sugar, I am learning to call and check in with my girlfriends. Even if it is just for 5 mins. I have never been a phone person and growing up with mostly men, I never really learned the importance of a female support group. This is one of those issues I have wanted to tackle and change because as I get older I can see the importance of this support group and of being in the habit of checking in with people. So I have been working on this with my wonderful friend Jennifer. We have been checking in with each other every evening, discussing how our days went and what kind of food choices we made. She is also very excited about eating better, getting healthier and eating more raw foods. At first I felt weird calling someone to just talk but now it is becoming second nature and I look forward to our calls. It is so nice to have a partner during this new growth phase in life.

Loving so much this morning

It is sunny here in the Northwest and I can feel Summer starting to come slowly to this part of the day. I love Fall when the leaves start to drop and the evenings get dark and cozy but there is something even more magical about the Spring. We are up to 12 hours of day light now with many more to go. The Mountains all around me are clear and snow covered. I love how soft the light is on my drive to work and how when I jog at night now I am not in total darkness. I have been out three nights in a row jogging! I am feeling so much better! I have even finally stopped coughing. So now I have no excuse not to run. I even downloaded an app to help me keep track of steps and distance for my run. This will help me to increase both my time and distance as I now take steps to push me further ahead. This morning as I settle into my desk and check all my blogs that I love to read in the morning, I am starting to see a common theme. Self love for your body! What a great message this morning. I have such a complicated relationship with my body but a deep love for it. I think even after being sick for so long and even with the knowledge of my spine condition, I love my body even more because it is bouncing back so well. My body almost has a mind of it's own. Even when my mind wanted to throw in the towel and give up because I was in so much pain my body refused. And now my body is loving the exercising so much it is rewarding me with easy weight loss and strength. I am starting to tone up all over my body and I can even eat whatever I want now. No more are the days of stomach issues or easy weight gain. Now I am hard pressed to not lose weight or feel ill. My body is rewarding me in so many ways because it is in love with what is changing on the inside and outside. Of course I am rewarding my body with RAW foods, small portions and lots of water. I am rewarding it with wonderful cashmere and cotton. I am rewarding it by showing off instead of hiding. And most of all I am rewarding my whole self with LOVE! Tonight will be day 4 of jogging and 18 days closers to getting in the habit of jogging every night! I will get there.

Truly Blessed

This weekend was one of those weekends where I felt like I was in a french movie. Everything was beautiful, perfectly timed and just the right tempo to keep me happy and fulfilled all weekend long.

It started with ladies night on Friday night at one of my new favorite places in Seattle, Moshi Moshi. With it's sparkling Cherry Tree in the middle,the wood interior that bring earth tones to a comforting level and a bar tender that can make a non-alcoholic taste better than any alcoholic drink I have ever had, it was the perfect night. Let's not forget the wonderful women I spent the evening with! They are my partners on this journey of change that I am so excited about. I truly feel like a butterfly coming out of my cocoon. And a blessed little butterfly at that!

Next was my women's meeting on Saturday morning that then turned into an afternoon spent with a new friend while walking around the SUNNY, perfect Seattle day. I am so excited when I make new friends and this one is a great addition to my life right now. We made plans to do things together. One of my goals for this year is to take the eating part out of spending time with people. I want to do things with friends, learn about things, create new interests and hobbies. I want to walk and talk with them, take a class with them or go somewhere with them. I just don't want it to be all about food or drinking. I want it to be about exploring this wonderful city and experiencing life in a new way. This new friend has the same desire in life and I have a feeling that a new best friendship is about to be born in my life!

Saturday afternoon rolled into Saturday evening where I met up with another good friend and we caught up after not seeing each other for months. She has not seen me since I started my new improvement kick and was blown away by the changes. Cut a little(a lot) of hair off, get a new wardrobe, find the perfect makeup and add a little self confidence and bam! you have a new and beautiful lady! I had not thought that I had changed that much but she was blown away. So we spent the evening catching up and catching the eyes of cute people in one of my other favorite places in Seattle.

Sunday morning I did what I love to do every other Sunday morning. I met up with another good friend for breakfast. My friend works for three hours on Sunday morning and then picks me up for a leisurely Sunday morning adventure. He is one of my best friends and in many ways is my rock that I depend on. I was home before the afternoon and then spent the rest of the day getting ready for my week. I made a RAW dinner and cleaned my room.

It was truly a perfect weekend for me. Everything flowed so easily and perfectly. I had so much energy and was just so grateful to be exactly where I am at right now. Plus, Spring is finally starting to come around to the Northwest and that makes every cell in my body happy. The days are longer and warmer. There is nothing that beats it staying light until 10 at night during those warm summer months!

Moving forward and enjoying the present

My heart goes out to Japan and all the people suffering from this whole experience. What a terrible thing to happen to such a wonderful place and group of people. But I know that the amount of love coming from everyone will help them to move forward and change how we deal with nuclear energy, disaster preparations and everything else. Please donate, pray or do whatever you can for these strong and wonderful people. They need everyone support.



In other news, I had the most wonderful weekend! I broke down last weekend and finally went to the doctor to get on some antibiotics. It has taken a few days but by Friday I was finally feeling like being social and not just going home to bed so I went out with some new friends! What a fun night!!!! I spent the evening with like minded people. discussing traveling, food, wine and other area's we are passionate about. It was a great way to kick start my weekend.

Saturday I finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. Mine broke on Super Bowl Sunday and I have been without a phone since. I love my new phone and being able to be in touch with my friends again. I even went on a surprise shopping trip Saturday evening with a friend and bought some much need new additions to my wardrobe. I am finally ready to move beyond my much loved Hoodies. I think at this point I maybe just too old to wear hoodies to work. Of course it could have something to do with my awesome job at a large corporation, where I am actually in a position of being very successful and happy. So I bought a couple of new tops and some cardigans in a new style that looks amazing with my new body.

Sunday I usually lay low and prepare for the week. I tend to check in at work and get everything prepared for the week. This Sunday I did spend some time with my mom and catching up with old friends.

This week at work has been filled with laughter and happiness. And I even have started to run again at night. I tried last week to get back into it but my lungs prevented me from getting very far. This week will be different. I feel like my body and energy level are finally on the same page and I am getting that excited feeling about working out again. I really, truly missed it.

Last nights dinner was a success

Last night I made my first meal using Kelp noodles and it was such a wonderful success I wanted to share it with you. And to top it off, I had so much energy after the meal and I feel amazing this morning. I am so used to after eating feeling groggy and not great that I am always surprised when I eat a meal that actually makes me feel incredible.

Spicy Asian Almond Sauce with Kelp Noodles

--I put a couple of handfuls of almonds (or any nut you would like) in a blender
--I then added some sesame oil and chili oil
--Soy Sauce
--Fresh Ginger
--Fresh garlic
-- A bit of water to make the sauce less like peanut butter and more like a sauce
-- a tiny dash of honey

I blended all this up in the blender for about 3 or 4 minutes. It tasted amazing! I did not even miss the peanuts which is usually the sauce I like to use when making a recipe like this.

Kelp Noodles-
These need to be drained and rinsed a couple of times. I then filled a large bowl up with cold water and lemon juice. This takes the crunchy/ squeaky sound out of the noodles that appear if you don't do this step. I let them soak in the lemon juice/ water for almost an hour. I then rinsed and drained them several more times.

Then I put the noodles and any veggies you might have in the house in a large bowl and poured the sauce over them. I added a little extra sauce because the noodle have no taste at all and they will soak up the sauce nicely. For this dinner I put in Red Pepper, Carrot, Arugula and tomatoes.

This dinner was so easy and delicious. Because the sauce was an Asian influenced sauce it worked nicely with the Kelp noodles which are very similar to Asian glass noodles. I was thinking for my next recipe I am going to try a nice Mushroom sauce with the noodles and veggies.

Next time I will also try to take a photograph! I wish I remembered this last night because this meal was truly incredible. I am now starting to understand how eating RAW is actually a lot easier than I realized.

Feeling better!

While the antibiotics are working on my illness, I have been battling with a stomach ache like you would not believe.

Today I worked from home which is a wonderful aspect to my job. I can work from anywhere. This allowed me to go to the store to stock up on probiotics to help my stomach and digestive system deal with the antibiotics. I had a probiotic smoothie for lunch and I will be having a RAW kelp noodle dinner full of veggies. I am hoping this will help me get a full night of sleep tonight. The pills really seem to hit me hard between 12 and 4 am when my stomach has become empty yet I have this large pill dissolving in my system.

But I am feeling better in my sinus and lung area and my energy is finally coming back. Which means I can start up again and go running on a more regular basis. I don't know why I waited so long to go to the doc but I am very happy I did. I missed running everyday. I had no idea how much this one activity has changed my life but it has. The change can be seen in my body, mind and even spirit.

**********
For dinner I made the Kelp Noodles with an Asian style almond sauce, red peppers, carrots and arugula mixed in. It was so good! I feel the best I have felt in a month! YEAH for RAW dinner!!!!!!

Finally getting better!

Yesterday I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I simply am not getting better and it has almost been a month now. So I am now on meds and not super happy about it but hopefully I will be feeling better soon.

It was sunny yesterday and I was able to work from home. I enjoyed sitting next to the window looking out at the Sound and seeing the sun. I looked at the weather this morning and it will now be raining for the next two weeks straight! I am so grateful I can work from home and was able to enjoy yesterday. I was too sick to go outside much but just being able to sit next to the window was good enough for me.

I have a new friend and we went shopping together this weekend. I don't love shopping or having to get dressed up but after reading my new hero/blogger's blog post last week I decided to take the Change your Style, Change your Life challenge. Well, it was not a challenge from her end of things but I decided to make it one for myself. I do want to change the way I dress. As my body tones up and I get healthier I want to feel confident in how I dress and what I look like. This blog written by Sally could not have come at a better time in my life. It is giving me confidence and ideas to change how I dress.

I recommend her blog to anyone ready for a change in life or just wants to dress a little bit differently.

My new friend gave me so many idea's of how to bring more color into my life. It was a wonderful day spent with a new friend that is quickly becoming a hero in my book.

LA is calling......

Last night I went running which means I am 20 days away from having this become a habit again. It was a good run. Not as successful as a couple of nights ago but it still felt great.

I had a very successful day yesterday in all area's of my life. I was put on the spot to show off a side project at work and I rocked it! My new job is becoming something I adore. I like the work and I like how much growth there is right now. I am also able to start moving into new marketing areas which is what I am truly passionate about. So I arrived home last night feeling great.
But the best part of my day was receiving a call from a very dear friend that I do not get to see enough because he is always on world tours. He has just settled into the LA area and we made plans for me to come spend some time with him in May!!!!

I adore this man. He is a true soul mate and I can't wait to go visit him. We are going to go paddle boarding and do other fun outdoor adventures. We are even going to go to a outdoor hot spring. I can't wait to see him!

So my dear friends in the LA area... I will be coming to visit in May.

While I was running I decided that this trip was going to only happen if I could use it as a reward for building up my running 5 to 6 days a week. I want to use this trip to motivate me to work out more and just keep enjoying life.

Follow up

So last night I was finally able to go running after more than two weeks away. I was not looking forward to it as I knew it would feel like I was starting from scratch again....But you know what happened?
I ran further than before I got sick. It was very interesting and sort of strange. I was expecting to only run a short distance and then have to walk but every time I started to feel like stopping I seem to break through to the runner's high and just kept going.

Today I am a bit sore which I think is actually a good thing. I felt so good last night and I slept great! Today I feel amazing!
Tonight I have an event to attend so I will be unable to run but Wednesday I will be back on the plan. I am still sick but I think working out might just allow me to kick this cold for good.

So my lesson from this experience is to not let fear get in my way. I was scared to go running after being away so long but I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. This is true in so many areas of life.
Right now is all about me becoming fearless, learning to love my feminine side and learning a life full of positive things!

Today is a start

I don't know if it is the new hair cut that is making all my lady friends want to do make overs on me but something has changed. Every woman I know is spending a lot of time putting make on me and dressing me up.
And for the first time ever I am enjoying it!
I am learning so much about bringing the female energy back into my life. I am soaking up all the wisdom I never learned and I truly enjoying the new healthier and what I think is more beautiful me coming out!

Today was a bit of a turn around day. I took extra vitamins. I ate only an energy bar for lunch at work. I came home and had a raw arugula, red pepper and cashew dip salad and now I am about to go running for the first time in almost two weeks!
I know I won't get far but it's a start. 22 days to build a habit and 5 days to kill it. Well I am about to be 21 days closer to this becoming a habit again. I can really feel the difference between what life was like when I was working out everyday and now and I have to admit. I like life a lot more when I was working out all the time. I felt so much better!
Plus, I am hoping this extra dose of vitamins and raw foods will kick this cold out of my system. I do not want to be sick anymore!

Tomorrow I am going out for a ladies night with some of my best girlfriends. I can't wait!
I have my outfit picked out. It is a garnet hill dress and garnet hill sweater with knee high boots. It will be very feminine and I can't wait to try my new make up!

Crazy Weather

Lucky for me this week the weather has been so crazy I have even more of an excuse not to work out!
Actually... It's not really lucky. I am still sick. I can feel my good habits slipping away as I get further away from working out on a daily basis. I want so badly to work out like I was a month ago but I am still sick and weak. I finally will be receiving health insurance this week so I can go to the doctor. Hopefully they will be able to help me because this cold is getting me down!

I did get an amazing haircut this weekend and had a make over yesterday. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I see a better, healthier and happier person than I have been in years. Now I just need to take all that energy and get back on my workout plan and I will be very happy.

I really hope I feel better soon!

Work is going really well. I was just given the green light to take on a project that I am very excited about and it will give me a lot of exposure in many departments at my company. I am so lucky to be exactly where I am right now!

Working it out

Last night it snowed here in the Northwest, except not in my neighborhood. This means I am the only person at work so far this morning. It's actually really nice and quiet. I have been getting a lot of work done.

Physically I am finally starting to feel a little better. I took the whole weekend last weekend and most of this week off from doing anything but resting. I turned the heat up in my house and just took it easy. I feel better but am not ready for working out yet. I am bummed. 21 days to build a habit and 5 days to crush it. Well my working out habit has been crushed!!!!! I need to get my schedule back.

I am waking up 25 minutes earlier in the morning so I can start transferring my workout time from night to morning. Hopefully this will help me get motivated once I am done being sick.

The theme of this week is taking care of my business. I have had some issues come up from the past that I need to deal with. It's not fun but it's something I have been putting off for years so now I must just bite the bullet and realize that this next year is about me getting my whole life back on track. Anytime a illness takes someone down so hard like I expereinced. It takes a couple of years to get life back on track. I have learned many lessons over this whole expereince and I am just grateful to be in a position where I can actually take care of these issues so they go away forever.
But they do not make for a very exciting life.
But they do make for a responsible and adult life!

Back on the right path

This weekend my brain was all over the place. It was not a very successful nor pleasant weekend. The only thing I can pinpoint is the fact I have not worked out all weekend due to my health. This was an old and not happy brain cycle I went through and totally I feel like a raw nerve today.

I think it's best to start working out again this evening and just take care of myself for the next few days as I cycle out of this negative space and come back into my life that I actually totally adore.

I have been picking out new work related outfit items that I am slowly starting to add to my wardrobe. I am finally at a size where I can wear what I want again....Actually I always could wear those clothes I just did not look as good in them as I did in my brain. But my body size is starting to match what I see when I look in the mirror and this is very exciting. I am still losing weight even though I have not been working out lately. This helps me to feel a little better. Takes a couple of things off my plate of stress.

I am going to start doing yoga again. I need a bit of a stress release and I need to mix up my work out routine. So in March I will join and Gym and start taking yoga classes.

One goal I have for the next month is to start waking up at 5 am and go to the gym or go for a run before work. I had been working out at night when I got home from things but I think that something in me has changed and it might just be easier for me to wake up early and work out in the morning. It will take me a month to start training myself to wake up so early. So far I have been turning the clock back to 5:45 and this seems to be ok. Little by little I will train myself to get up earlier so that I can work out in the morning.

Positive Baby steps is what I am all about right now!

My favorite thing

This week I discovered Smooze!

They are coconut milk based frozen treats and I am in serious love!

They are vegan and so far my fave flavor is the coconut and passion fruit ones. These little treats are the only thing that are soothing to this head cold I can not shake!

I feel like I have been sick for months and I am sick of being sick!

I know little by little I am getting better everyday but this is just getting to be too much. I have not been able to work out because of this head cold yet I don't want to take meds given out by doctors so I am causing myself to suffer in the long run.... I know this...It's just that antibiotics really damage my body and I have taken a lot of them in my past and I don't want to hurt myself with them at this time. I finally feel like I am in a state of health and I don't want to go backwards. I just need to take care of myself over the next two weeks.

Besides being sick.... life is grand!

I am really enjoying focusing my time and energy on myself and my health. This has been long overdue. I wake up every morning filled with happiness about life. I enjoying being excited about the small things in life. I am even embracing how much routine I am building into my life. I love knowing what my schedule is. It really helps to keep me on track.

I must go shopping soon. My clothes are literally falling off me or are so big I look like I am swimming in them. I love them because they are so comfy but I am now boarding on just silly looking. Time for some skinny jeans!

Changes

This week has been good. I have been super aware of my body and everything that goes along with my new healthy lifestyle. My energy is finally returning from my flu and I have been out running with the dog. I went to another RAW restaurant with a good girlfriend this weekend and had a wonderful meal. I am really enjoying life right now.

One area where I am struggling is where do you draw the line between changing yourself and watching people you love refuse to grow in their lives? I am working so hard to change things, I am pushing myself to really try new ways of thinking and new activities. I am opening up more and really pushing my thoughts to see life in a new way. It was been a wonderful and exciting process but in some ways it is leaving other people in the dust.

I think I am just in a transition mode. I am meeting new and healthier people and I have to just admit to myself.... I am changing.... I am not in the same place and that's ok.
It's all about self love and being true to myself. I love the changes that are happening to myself and my life and that is all I am going to focus on.

RAW for a day

Friday was a very emotional and psychological experience for me. I was lucky in that I could leave work early because the hardest part about being raw for the day was sitting at my desk. I felt fine if I was moving around and doing things but just sitting in front of the computer made me think of all the food I suddenly wanted that I would never eat in a million years except for the fact I felt like a caged animal.

So once I left I work I felt a lot better. I had some coconut water and took a long walk. I then went over to a girl friends house and we laughed and talked. Saturday I felt amazing! I was not tired all day. I had a long day and all throughout the day I kept thinking about how great I physical felt. Friday night I was thinking that raw might not be my thing but then by Saturday because I felt so good, I am rethinking the whole experience.

I think I will keep working towards eating a mostly raw diet. But I will also be easier on myself. I learned that I can not tell myself "no" or I will rebel. So I am back to making very small changes over time that will lead to long term effects. Maybe I will try eating only a raw dinner for a week and see how that goes.

This weekend was also full of time spent in a city I used to live in but no longer do. It was a little hard on me because life is so different than it was 5 to 10 years ago. I do not like to be haunted by the past but I was for a few hours this weekend.
But I also loved that I kept thinking about how much I love my life right now. I feel free for the first time in years. I am really having fun exploring what my heart desires and my spirit wants. I am never lonely, I have a great job and my health is in the best shape it's been in since I was a teenager. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my freedom and my future. So this weekend was not so bad as I look back on the experience. It was a small pain in an otherwise life I adore!

I am excited for it to be the start of the week. This means I am back to my work out routine and the simple life. I love weekends but I really look forward to the routine of the week.

RAW Morning

Today I am attempting a totally raw day.

So far so good.

I do miss my morning cup of decaf and my morning earl grey tea. Both include a little sugar and milk. I also forgot my water bottle which is a huge bummer for me because I drink from it all day! I do have a giant cup with me that I drink my morning smoothie out of so I will use that. It just requires getting up from my desk more.

There have been a couple of panic moments this morning when my brain starts to scream at me that I need to eat some type of junk. I don't know if it is the salt, the sugar spike or the fat but there is something that my brain is upset about. If I calmly think about the fact I have loads of veggies, raw flax crackers and really good cashew dip the panic stops. I think it is just because it is something so different that my normal day. This level of panic is nothing compared to if i tried this six months ago. I am already eating so healthy anyways that for the most part this is a smooth transitation. Or it should be. But my stubborn side comes back with cravings for foods I don't even like anymore.

But like the days I had to detox off all the medications for my spine and when I decided to give up sugar for two months, I can do this. I just need to give myself loving thoughts of how much better I will feel tomorrow. Going to a totally raw diet is a long term process and this is just a small first step.

This weekend is so packed with events. Snowshoeing, shopping, super bowl(maybe), dinner with friends tonight. I am so blessed to have all these wonderful events to look forward too.

Going for a RAW day

Today has me searching out blogs about people living on Raw Diet lifestyle. I am not looking to hire someone, pay someone or buy anything. What I am looking for is a true account of someone that has decided to go towards the Raw Diet path and the what the journey has looked like. Long gone are the days of blogs being about actual people and what they are up too. Or at least my search engine is not bringing that information up.

If anyone knows a good blog please send it this way!

I have spent the morning looking over green smoothie recipes as well as Raw cashew dip recipes. I can't wait to get home and try it out. I am going to shoot for a raw day tomorrow. I need to stop by my local co-op tonight and pick up things for my lunch tomorrow. I will make things a head of time and bring them in tomorrow so I won't be tempted by the 10 different food stands we have in our cafeteria. I am joining some girl friends for dinner tomorrow night and we have already agreed on a raw dinner so it's just the day time I need to think about. Since I was already doing a raw dinner trying for the whole day seemed like an easy thing to do.

After my Raw meal on Tuesday I felt great all day yesterday. I had a very healthy eating day and even today I can still think about how vibrant and alive the food was. I really noticed a difference yesterday in my body and mind. I have to admit Monday and Tuesday of this week I ate sugar and I did have a bit of a sugar desire yesterday but I just keep replacing the idea of sugar with raw foods. The lesson I did learn this week was eating anything with sugar in it is a slippery slope. I started craving it more than usual and trying to trick myself into eating more of it. So scary how easily those desires start to creep up again.

I will let you know how my raw day goes. This is a big experiment but I am very excited to see how I feel throughout the day. After all the strides I have been making since this fall, what was once a scary idea... Eating healthy, giving up the foods I once loved, exercising everyday.. now does not seem so scary. I can go a day eating only raw foods. I won't feel deprived. I know I will actually end up feeling great.

Not much else is going on in life. I am just really focusing on getting used to working during the day and then motivating myself to work out at night. I have been very good in clearing my life so I can focus on building a healthy routine for myself and my life.
For the first time in three years I will be going shopping for new clothes this weekend. I have lost enough weight that I look like I am swimming in my clothes. I am actually getting very excited about my body. For the first time since I was a teenager, I looked at myself in a full body mirror and I loved what I saw! I can't tell you how amazing this felt. I felt nothing but true love for myself and my body. It was a beautiful moment in time for me. I think about this often because it makes me realize how many times I looked at myself and thought the opposite thing.

2011 is truly all about pleasure!

Learning about myself

Wow!

Whatever has changed in my life I wish it to keep on changing! Miracles are all around me and it is wonderful to be a part of them.

I had an amazing week last week. I am really enjoying my new job and have been approaching this job with a new way of thinking. I am coming in everyday in a state of abundance. I know a lot of people are trying to up each other to show off in the office and they tend to live in a constant state of fear about working or the lack of jobs. I am coming in everyday knowing that I work hard, that I play fair and that the universe will provide. This has been a great change for me and I can see how it has made my once nervous coworkers more at ease and more open to doing things in a group setting. We all have our strengths and need to work as a team. To have my coworkers more at ease makes our work environment a great place to come in everyday and have fun. I am feeling very confident in this new position and situation.

I did have a very exciting dinner with my business mentor the other day. She might have a chance to build a super star team for a new position and asked if I would be interested in joining her. I was so flattered and excited about this. I don't know what will happen but to have someone think of me in this way made my night. Especially since I met this woman at a very dark time in my life but worked very hard to prove myself as a colleague and equal. I look forward to seeing where fate and life take me!

My eating this week has been off. I am not stressed or upset. Actually I am the happiest I have been in a long time. When I actually think back on my eating over the last week it is not that bad. I might have had what I consider a bad lunch but then I will skip dinner or just make it a vegetable for dinner. Or I wake up craving vegetables for breakfast and steam some up. I think it was more the lack of thought that makes me upset. I was on auto pilot this weekend, celebrating life and I did not get my run in during the evenings. I just sort of slacked and by Monday I felt physically bad. I felt and looked bloated. But I have been kind on myself. I keep reminding myself that it is small steps that will lead to long term changes in life. So I had a relaxing weekend in which I did not worry about things but I now see how important it is to not live on autopilot. I need to give my attention to every part of life on a daily basis. Maybe over time as I created new healthier habits I can live on auto pilot but I would rather not.

Monday night as soon as I got home I immediately put my workout clothes on and went out for a run before I could even make an excuse. I actually had a very successful work out and I felt a lot better.
I keep learning lessons that will one day become second nature. Sugarary things like Cake make my stomach upset. Red meat is only good for me once a month. I need to increase my vegetables while staying away from bread. I can have small little treats but anything close to a normal serving is not good for me.
And I need to work out everyday.

Last night I went to a raw restaurant and tried Kelp Noodles. They are a lot like glass noodles from any Asian restaurant. Except kelp noodles are kind of crunchy sounding when you eat them. It was a wonderful mean of noodles, veggies and a ginger sauce. I left full and happy. I could see using the noodles in place of pasta for most things. It was nice to open myself up to trying new foods. Before I went out to eat, I went for my nightly run. It has been hard to enjoy it the last few nights because I slacked so much but I will keep it up. At some point it will get easier...... I hope

I want to tell you something

So far 2011 has been amazing, fulfilling and just plain great!
I love my new job. I have this great group of coworkers and I even adore my manger. I am working in a department that is geared towards younger, more creative types so I fit right in. I love that you can hear people laughing while they work. We have a lot of work on a daily basis and some days there is stress but for the most part everyone is in a good mood and it is just fun to go there during the week.

But there is something that I want to share with my blog readers that has been on my mind for a long time. Before when I used my blog as a place for my company I tried not to get super personal because it was all about my candles. But now this blog has turned back into a place where I can share what is going on in my life and I am ready to admit something.

For the last ten years of my life I have been very overweight. It has been a struggle for me. For the longest time I never wanted to talk about or admit that my weight had gotten out of hand. I literally thought that I had no idea how it had happened, I could not understand why I kept gaining weight. I lived with my head in the ground and just pretended or ignored that my body was becoming so unhealthy. One of the hardest things about my back injury was the doctor telling me that I had to lose weight and I was obese. This made me so angry. I thought how dare he say something like that when I am hurt and so weak.

After my spine injury I started making very small changes while again ignoring what needed to happen. I needed to become real about the fact that I had to lose weight. I have a long road ahead of me and for the longest time I thought I had to go about this alone. But then something changed this fall and now I am ready to talk about it.

Sometime starting in September I began to have the desire to go jogging. This is something I have never felt. I hated exercising and moving. It hurt and I was always too tired to do it. But slowly this desire to start running was getting louder. I would constantly tell myself I could not do it because of my back, even though I had no idea if this was true or not. But around the same time that I started to change the way I was thinking I decided to also start jogging. At first I could not make it to the end of the block. But I did enjoy the way I felt after that first day. So I went out the next night as well. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I can't believe how much these little steps have changed my life. I am now up to a mile at a time of running and hoping to increase this to 5 by this summer.

I think what helped this awakening was being so poor I could not go out at night. I could not distract or excuse myself from working out because I simple had nothing else to do with myself. Over time I started waking up excited to be able to work out at night. I thought about it all day. I felt so good and alive after my run that I wanted to do nothing but work out. It has become a good obsession.

My body did not change much at first, infact I did not lose any weight. I did notice my pants getting a little bit bigger but nothing noticeable. As I kept up running I started to take small steps to change my eating habits. I drank more water. I started eating dinner earlier and then eating nothing after 8 pm. I stopped craving junk food and started to notice how what I put into my body would affect how much I could run at night or how well I felt physically the next day.

Last month I started getting serious about really changing my eating habits. I lost weight over the holidays and now I want to lose more and I am finally started to see the connection between food and weight. I started to notice that when I eat any form of junk food it makes my stomach hurt and I just feel terrible. I have been thinking about going RAW for a month long trial to see how my body will do. I have been more open to healthier foods and trying new things out.

I have now lost over 20 pounds and I went down two pant sizes. I am happier about my life, my body and myself. And I am ready to share my journey with the world.

What I have uncovered lately that has been really shaking my life up is the emotional connection between food, emotions and life. I recently received my first pay check in a long time. It is more money than I have had in over two years. At first I wanted to go out and buy a bottle or two of wine, some fancy cheese and a big dessert. But then I realized that I really didn't want to eat or drink any of those things. So again I tried to think about what to do to celebrate. It made me realize how all these years I have been lying to myself. I have tied celebrating and happiness with food which is a terrible thing. Why if I am happy about something would I think to put in fat, sugar and other bad things into my body as a way to celebrate? I am just hurting myself in the long run.

Everyday has been a lesson for me and my body. I am looking forward to sharing this journey with my readers. I can't believe how much my mind, my body and my life has transformed since I started to work out. It has changed everything about me and my life. I am coming to a deeper understanding of myself and my body. I am just so happy to finally be getting in touch with myself again. I feel like all that weight blocked me from myself and now slowly I am waking up to myself.

2011 has been such a life affirming and magical year so far. It feels so good to admit these things to the world. I feel lighter and more free! I can't wait to see what happens next but until then I must go running!

2011 is all about ..... pleasure

I have been trying to think of what my goal is this new year and the only word that seems to sum it up is pleasure!

I intend for this upcoming year to be one where I explore what brings pleasure into my life. This includes snowshoeing, cross country skiing, jogging, time spent with family and friends. Pleasure is having a job I enjoy working at and using my time off to expand my life. Pleasure is balancing my life and emotions so that I can be in a graceful state at all times. Pleasure is traveling and taking good care of my body, mind and spirit. Pleasure is all about love and taking good care of myself and that sometimes includes the word "no". Pleasure is about being as healthy as I can so I can explore more about what I want in life. Pleasure is about being in tuned with my spirit so that I make wise choices.

2011 is all about pleasure!

Free Time

Without having to worry about finding a new job and with my business class ending, I am suddenly faced with a lot more free time. It feels odd to wake up not stressed about life. I have not been able to wake up full of stress since before my spine injury. Now I wake up happy and excited. I know that there will be challenges ahead and I still have many areas to focus on but for that brief first few moments in the morning... I wake up a grateful and hope filled woman!

So with all my new free time I have been cooking. I love to cook and find it a very creative release. I love mixing flavors and trying new things. It also does not help me that Bravo has been replaying Top Chef which if I watch while cooking... Well let's just say I can get in a lot of trouble! So I have been cooking, jogging and spending time with family and friends. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am really enjoying this time of year. Yesterday I signed all my paper work for my new job so I now I can have fun for the rest of the year. I am even thinking about making a couple of candles for people. I feel that spark of creative energy is back in a big way!

Times are changing!

Wow!
After six grueling months of looking for work, I am happy to announce I accepted a position yesterday!!!!

This has been an extremely tough time for me. September and October were very dark periods that I hope never return. Being out of work at this point in time is a very painful, life changing and ego shattering experience. It often felt like a roller coaster ride just trying to keep my head above water and not give up. I had to change my lifestyle, my mental mindset and almost everything else just to survive. It has been tough but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am so grateful for this!

I start my new gig around the first of the year so I get to sit back and enjoy the holidays. I have a couple of weeks to get my life in order and get ready to return to work. I also get to really, truly relax in a way I have not been able too since this summer. I don't have to worry, feel guilty or frustrated. I can spend my time enjoying life, volunteering and making small presents to express to people how grateful I am to have them in my life.

What feels very special about this whole experience is that when I realized I had stopped dreaming and started my new positive dream journal, one of the first entries was about my new job. I described the team, the work I would be doing and the time frame of when this new job would come to me. I really felt connected to this job and knew it would happen. Something in that single action just clicked in my brain and I knew the job was coming my way. I then let it go right after I wrote my journal entry and I focused on just trying to enjoy life. I did not stress when it appeared the time line was getting close. I did not doubt that my dream would not come true. I did not let false pathways get me down.

I did my part of the journal entry. I interviewed. I kept applying for jobs. I met and spoke with everyone I could about my situation. But most importantly I lived life. I spent time with family and friends. I worked out with my dog. I started painting again. I cleaned my room. I cooked dinner. I basically lived my life with the knowledge that the right thing would happen in my job search.
And it did!

It has been a long time since I worked on manifesting positive things in my life. I suffered this summer from a crisis of faith. I struggled to understand what was happening in my life and worked very hard not to be upset about it. I felt so alone and powerless. But today I realized that I faced my crisis of faith and worked through it. Tough times still happen. I had someone crash into my car the other day while I was in it. I broke a crown last night. I still don't have all the answers in my life but I have been able to gain some of my faith back. I have been able to see experience what real joy feels like and I have been able to keep my head above water. These are all wonderful things in life!