From Pain to Strength

Sometimes the universe teaches lessons in a very painful way. But once you are able to step out of the pain and see the lesson, life starts to make more sense.

My pain over the last few years has taught me so many wonderful lessons and I am finally able to understand these lessons. I can't believe the feelings of rebirth and freedom I feel now. I have such love and honor for myself. I am a survivor and this lesson makes me want to help others even more than before.

I have recently started to understand the true nature of my old relationship. This is a hard thing to admit and one thing I had been hiding for years. What I have come to realize is that I do not need to repeat this pattern nor take the blame. I am free of the situation and ready to make it to the next level of healing.

This healing will only make my candles stronger and my message more clear.

There is no cosmetic for Beauty like Happiness

If I could hug Dan Baker from Canyon Ranch I might never let go.
I just finished reading What Happy Women Know and I can say with all my soul that this book has truly changed my life and my perspective on life.

If you have a woman you love in your life, please buy her this book right now. Your life will only get better by spreading this book and it's message to all the women in the world.

Tonight I will be doing Yoga and rereading this book.

Starting this weekend I will be working on some business plans and contracts for the future. I am so grateful to have been reunited with a high school friend who is quickly becoming my business partner and biggest supporter in life. She has really given me the strength to look at my life and keep moving forward.
I also have to give a shout out to another high school friend Saskia who has been stepping into her soul's work and life purpose and is ready to learn all about how amazing it is to be a strong and beautiful woman. She started this website on Seasonal Affective Disorder after suffering for many years with the condition. This is her contribution to the the world and bringing together people who need support and can help support others.

Something Big is going to Happen

What a difference a week makes.
Something big is going to happen to Odessa's Herbals and I can't wait to share the news.

I will be hard at work all summer to take the company to the next level. This is by far the most exciting thing I have ever committed too.

I will also be moving this summer to Seattle. This will be truly be a breath of fresh air that is much needed.

I have been hard at work coming up with new candles and new intentions and will be sharing these with everyone soon enough.

But until then, please just know that I am hard at work on myself and getting to the best possible place I can be. The best way for me to share my gift is too be the best person I can on the inside so that you can have the best energy from me.

Happy Sunshine Day!

Time for a tune up

I have filled my schedule with appointments of all kinds for the next month. I am in need of a serious tune up and help.
Ok.... I will now admit it.

I have this wonderful company that helps so many other people but right now I am in need of help. I am physically and emotionally sick. This has been a truly hard month for me. I really never thought I could hurt this much but I hurt way worse then I realize. And it does not seem to stop. My tears are falling so hard and fast all the time. I feel like I am sinking.

Life changes are really hard. Especially when love is involved and commitment. 6 years of commitment where I worked so hard and did the best I could.

Six years to turn around and lost everything including our friendship. Six years to be treated in such a painful way. Six years to just be left and not thought about again.

See, I hurt. This is why I am trying to find a way out before it gets too hard.

Stop those negative thoughts!

Last night was the first Odessa's Girls Night and it was great.
We shared, talked, ate and had nice cocktails.
It was great to be surrounding by really positive and supportive women.

I will let everyone know when the next ladies night is happening.

This week I have been spending a lot of time writing and reflecting on life. I am starting to get into the swing of things and letting go of the need to control or know the future.
One great realization I had was I was giving too much thought and energy to the ending of my relationship.

I need to instead focus on the future. Focus on what I want to create next and what this will feel like. I need to spend time finding out what makes me happy.

I am a little sad but really, I need to focus on what is positive in my life right now. I can not go down the path of self pity! I need to get back my positive energy and love for life. Every time I think about a thought that upsets me I am going to look to the root of that thought to better understand what I want in life. This way I can turn every negative or depressed thought into an action note for my future.

This will also provide a rush of positive energy throughout my body. I will no longer be connecting with the old energy but only with the new fun, sexy, happy, successful, smart and interesting person that I am. I am shedding my old skin to bring out the best of who I am. This person has been in hiding for too long!

Update

Today was a very lonely day for me.
I was reading in the hot tub of a house that I am house sitting and I realized something.

I am a person that enjoys being in a partnership.

For so many years I thought it was silly to be this kind of person. In fact, I loathed anyone who wanted this sort of thing but today I realized, while it is nice to be alone, it is really nice to know there is someone to talk with after a long adventure who adores you. Ie. A relationship.

So while I get used to the feeling, idea and reality of being alone.... I can't help but think about what I like about relationships. Why I like relationships and what I hope will happen in the future.

I feel so weird, girly and weak just admitting this but it's true. I am embracing this side of myself. My shadow side I call it. For so long I have had to be tough and never need anyone but lately I have come to realize that I am so happy and in love with my life that I would like to share all the amazing things happening to me with someone. I don't feel the need to be saved or supported. I just would like to share my world with someone.

I do miss my old friend. He helped me so much in the last five years but alas, if you love something you must set it free. Only time will tell. I will always love this person and be friends with them. There is no question about that.

Intention, blogging and blue moon

I keep wanting to blog but then I get scared.
Why am I scared? Well, that is a complex question with about a thousand answers. My life is totally up in the air now and as much as I would like to be in control, I am not.

I am a roller coaster of emotion and sometimes this scares me. I know all of this change is truly for the best and I know I even had a large hand in creating this change but when faced with change, fear can get the best of us.

And some days fear has such a hold on me that I have a hard time breathing. And some days I can laugh in the face of fear and scream " You can't get me, I am ready to fight you". But then I sometimes feel like a mad woman explaining it all. How can I appear sane when my heart feels like it is pounding 100 miles per hour and I don't know what I feel half of the time?

But there is this core strong part of me deep inside that is calm, relaxed, prepared and ready to move forward. It is this part of me that is starting to take over and let all the fear and anxiety go. This strong woman is stepping forward and I know that I will be OK. I just have to trust the part of me that is quiet and still and allow it to work it's magic.

This week marks a Blue Moon. For anyone who does not know what a blue moon is, it is the 2ND full moon in one month. This day will have a lot of energy surrounding it and will be a good day for setting intentions and making a treasure map of what you want to create. I will be celebrating this full moon by creating my dream board and spending as much time as I can outside.

Skee Ball and Black Pepper Cheese

Today was a good day. I hung out with a new/old friend who was visiting from LA. We walked, talked and admired about how different yet the same life is for us now versus 13 years ago.

I sometimes forget that I have not seen some people since high school and they know nothing about what life has been like for the last 13 years. These are people that have never heard my stories, nor my adventures nor have any idea how I got to this place that I am at now.

Of course, what is a spent with me that does not involve some sort of game where I can pretend to be really competitive and bring the kid out in me? This day it was skee ball. We played $10.00 worth of games, each games being a quarter. He remarked that it was almost like a work out. His heart was racing from all the action.

We then sat and talked. He told me more about LA. I talked about what it was like to be single after so many years. He talked about working towards a career yet feeling lonely because in LA finding a really smart woman is somewhat hard. We talked about the book he just wrote and I told him my idea about the book I want to work on. It was truly an interesting and fun day.

Sometimes I forget about all the amazing things I have done in life and how much fun I can be. Today brought back those feelings for me. I am serious about my business and career and in no ways am I a flake but sometimes I let the kid come out and dazzle even myself. It is so few and far between when you meet people that you can walk and talk with. Conversations that include everything from good smelling soaps to learning to be grounded to new products I want to create to how to find love in a modern world, these are the things that give me energy and make me love life. This friend is a kindred soul that I hope to continue my conversation with and visit him sometime in LA.

Loss and asking for help

Wow...
What a week it has been. So many emotions, so little time.
Once thing I am excited to announce is that I have lost 5 pounds on my weight loss journey.

Another thing I am excited to announce is the 1st ever Odessa's Herbals Girls Night Out.
I will be making candles and holding a large table at the Black Bottle in Seattle the night of June 7th for any lady that wants to stop by and get some support in life. This plan was created by some friends with my planning, to help me deal with the loss of my relationship. I am so excited for this night, I am even going to make a special candle for the event!

Please email me if you would like to attend or just send some positive vibes my way.

I am also going to start working on a handbook of rituals to help heal the heart, let go of old emotions and create the life you have always wanted to live. I will provide more details when as they come.

So much is up in the air in my life yet with everyday I feel stronger. I am just letting the Universe work it's magic and focusing on the future.

In the middle of the night

I am awake. I am not sure why I am awake but alas, I can not sleep.
I woke up after dreaming that there was some sort of fish in my bed and I was creating fish food for it.

Welcome to the world of my dreams. After some research I pulled this up about what the fish symbolizes:

There are numerous species of fish, but the creature in general holds some prime symbolic meanings:

• fertility
• eternity
• creativity
• femininity
• good luck
• happiness
• knowledge
• transformation

Well, this is true for me on so many levels.

Here is another meaning for the Fish symbol:

Lastly, in Norse and ancient European cultures, the fish had symbolic meanings of adaptability, determination, and the flow of life. It was observed by these cultures that fish often display enormous attributes of adaptability in the wild, and they adopted these characteristics for themselves. Salmon were commonly revered for their determination in their annual pilgrimage to their spawning grounds – the entire journey swum against the current.

More on this to come.

New Crush

Last night my good friend Adam took me to a special screening of the new movie "Knocked Up". This movie was written and directed by Judd Apatow, who is also the co-creator of "Freaks and Geeks", my favorite TV ever.

I love the movie! I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedies about life, real life, the good and the bad.... And the Friends. This is what I admire about Judd. He always casts his friends and in his projects and seems like a great friend. So one of my new goals in life is to become friends with Judd. Not to be in a movie, I have no interest in that, but I would like to interview him about how he has become such an amazing friend. You can feel the energy surrounding all of his projects about what a fun friend he is.

So my new crush is Paul Rudd. He is funny, sweet and an amazing actor. I have netflixed a whole bunch of his movies this weekend for my self care weekend. It will just be me, the animals and Paul Rudd.

Have a great weekend!

Change is in the air

My life is changing right now. Everything that I have come to know as my life for the last five years is now gone or going. Ok, not everything but my partner and I are ending our long term relationship.

This is a good thing in the end.
But I am not there yet. Right now I am sad, confused, heart broken, excited and feel like I am losing my best friend all in one.

I am preparing for a weekend of comfort. I am going to wear my PJ's all day, work in the garden and close down for 48 hrs. straight. I need some me time. I need time to readjust, get ready for the change, figure out what is mine and what I want to keep or get ride of. Including material, emotional and everything else under the sun.
I am also going to have a fire in the fire pit and let go and let my faith take over.

Last night I had the bed to myself for the first time in years. All my animals joined me for a very peaceful night of sleeping. I am so happy to share my life with these little ones. I know they will help me through this and be able to comfort me when I need it the most.

Today I feel cranky - Yesterday I was in a dream state

I have been in a dream state this last week. I saw an old friend on Sunday night and it has caused me to be transported back 10 years ago when we first became friends.
How in so many ways I miss those days. I miss spending all my time with friends. I miss feeling like the world was one big small college campus. I miss feeling excited about what my future would be.
But, there are things I don't miss as well. I don't miss the confusion and heartache. I don't miss the Midwest or trying to be friends with people who are not good for me. I don't miss feeling lost or powerless.

Things are so much better now. Life is finally in full color for me and I love it.

The other strange part about my friends visit is that he is on tour with a very famous band. I went to the show, could not make it to the end since I had to get up early, but took part in a bar/show part of Seattle I never see anymore. It was kind of sad for me.
I remember going to shows or bars to see friends. It was like a family reunion of sorts. Not everyone drank, I rarely did. But we all went to the shows to spend time together.
Seattle has changed so much in my time away. I did not see anyone I knew. I did not feel the energy that was once the Seattle music scene. This crowd felt too big, too much like a meat market, too much like a large university instead of a small liberal arts college.


Today I feel cranky. I want to get in my PJ's and climb into bed. I feel a little scattered with my energy. There are alot of changes happening right now in almost every area of my life and I am ready, but I also get tired as well. I also need to start making better decisions for my life on all area's in my life. I guess I am getting cranky because I am starting to put myself first and this is changing so much and at times it makes me want to resort back to my old ways. However, I have come too far to allow this to happen. So I must just ride this cranky energy out today and realize tomorrow is a new day.

Thread Show Seattle

Thread Show Seattle

Hey everybody!

I was interviewed for this video by some old friends. Ahh... It's good to know people!

Please watch the video and let me know what you think. I am the third vendor they speak with.

So much fun!

What are you doing on May 14th?

I know I will be at the Shop/07 conference in Seattle. I can't wait for the day long conference for anyone in the retail business. This conference was put together by the lovely Melody who was also the leader of the Ladies who Launch incubator I took part in. This incubator has really helped to change my life, pushed Odessa's into something that is more than just a dream and has introduced me to some really great friends.

This day long event has so many speakers that I admire, I feel almost giddy for Monday.

In other news I am working on getting the shopping cart system set up so that my customers can order on line. I am also starting to create gift baskets with special products made by me.

This weekend will be dedicated to the farmer's market, my garden and spending time with my mother.

Take a deep breath

Yesterday was my last candle show for awhile. It was a very special event held in Bothell for the non-profit A Common Bond. It was such an honor to be a part of this fund raiser and to watch how tragedy was able to bring these women together to support each other for the rest of their lives.
I look forward to donating more items and helping to create a candle for this organization.


I was also able to debut my new palm wax candles.
Palm wax is so different from any of the other waxes that I use, I was slightly unsure of what people would think. Turns out they loved it! I got special orders just for the Palm wax candles.

So it looks like I will now offer candles in Soy and Palm wax. I will post some pictures soon!


I am cleaning house and taking it easy today. To say I am exhausted in an understatment! I love running my company but sometimes I get so tired I must take a day or so off.

Odessa's Herbals is going to start offering house party deals. I have not figured out all the detais but I love a house show and I love really being able to connect with my customers. House parties are also good excuses to talk girl talk and bond over candles.
If anyone is interested in helping me plan some of these events, please let me know.

Have a great week!

Things I love

Because I run my own company producing products and thus, I think about products all the time, I thought I would share with my readers some things I love and how I use them in my daily life.

Whether it is a company or product, I think everyone deserves to be in the spotlight. I try to be a aware and conscious shopper. I don't like products tested on animals and I try to shop for products made by smaller companies. So think of this as a consumer guide to things I have loved, just started to love or know that I will love soon enough!

SHIKAI - I feel like my home is becoming a shrine to this company. I use almost all of their products. They are all natural and never tested on animals. In the morning I use their henna shampoo to bring the red notes out in my hair. I use the Sandalwood and Amber body wash to take long bubble baths in and when I really need it, I will use the lotion on my skin. However, the body wash is so gentle it actually makes me feel clean and soft. No more dry skin for me!

Weleda - After spending an afternoon at my local herb shop I realized that this company is what I dream to become one day. They have an organic farm on site where they grow the food that they serve in their cafeteria. There is a school on the "campus" where the children go during the day and are so close to their parents that they get to have lunch together. The products are all natural. I use their deodorant spray in Sage which not only works but has helped calm my hears about breast cancer. I also use their face lotion and Skin food on my my delicate parts, face, hands, feet.

Frans- Their salted caramels are divine. I never knew I could like chocolates so much. Not everyone can handle the sweet and salt of these but that only means more for me! Fran's is a local Seattle company and I hope one day to meet the owner so I can tell her that only valentines day, I only request Fran's salted caramels.

Gaiam - Their organic bedding is amazing. I have yet to buy a set but I am just waiting for this summer to come around. I plan on fixing up my house to make it truly a place I love!

Moon Scents and Magical Blends - (closed ) This company was my favorite catalog when I was a teenager. I loved the shop and always had dreams of visiting it. A few years after learning about the store, the owner decided to just focus on custom blended oils. I have bought a couple of her oils and they are lovely. I do really miss the moonscents store because they always had such wonderful items that I can no longer find.

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab - Ariel introduced me to this company and I am now obsessed. Oh, this brings the old Goth girl out in me. I love the website and I will be ordering some oils this weekend. I love supporting a company that is only opens their doors to the public on full moons! One day I will travel to LA around a full moon so I can see the real deal.



I will keep updating my blog with more items I love but this is a good start for now.

Starting Over

I am so sorry it has been a while since I last posted.
Things have been very busy and wonderful around these parts.

The Thread show was great. I met so many people and really connected with my customers. I really hope that everyone who purchased a candle at the event will share their stories with me as time goes on.
I also meet some really amazing designers and was able to trade candles for great items. I will be adding links in the next few weeks.

I also had the Rainier Club slumber party last weekend. That was so much fun!
It was great to be sitting in a room full of wonderful women, in my PJ's and talking girl talk.
I felt so lucky to be a part of the night and it also felt great to share my candles with everyone who attended the event.
At the slumber party there was a Tarot card reader, giving everyone readings. I loved it!
It has been too long since someone gave me a reading. I am usually on the other end.

I am almost giddy about what the reader said. I will provide more details in the next few months!

One area that I feel really good about today is the fact that I have joined weight watchers again. Like many other people in this world, I need to learn to eat better. In so many different area's of my life I am truly content, and I have always felt really grounded in my body. I think joining Weight Watchers for me is more about the structure and community that anything else. As I get older I have realized that I like structure. I like getting up at the same time every morning and knowing what my day looks like. As my life becomes more full with plans, candles, work, company issues, I began to realize that there were certain areas that I felt I was getting weak on. One of these area's is my weight. I also started to think about how much I have created or manifested this amazing and happy life I am living right now so it seemed so natural to tackle the issue of my weight. I have been working through issues surrounding working, relationships, family, self worth, friendships, money.... You name it, I have been working through it and feeling better everyday.

I also was inspired to create a healthy weight candle for my journey. This candle will help me become more aware when I eat dinner and inspire me to become healthier everyday.

I will update on my weight loss journey and let you all know when I have discovered something amazing. This is just another self journey that I am ready to take on and learn from!



Spring has come around to these parts and much of Sunday was spent in the garden. I have a new bed to plant tall flowers. I need an Evergreen plant that will get over 6 feet tall if anyone has a suggestion.

This weekend was also Arts Walk in Olympia complete with a parade and loads of fun costumes. I had not been to the parade in almost four years but with the recent arrival of my mother to Olympia, I agreed to go downtown and watch it. I am so glad I did. Olympia has such a wonderful community. There were babies and grandparents in the parade. It was so beautiful to see everyone having such a fun time. The children colored the streets with sidewalk chalk and the older people talked with friends. There were dogs and face painting.

I also made candles this weekend and cooked.

Today is the calm before the ?

Today is my last day before my big Thread show.
It's funny. Before the Crave party I was scared and panic. This time around I feel calm and OK with the fact that I don't have over 100 candles to take, or that I don't have every candle I make or that I have about 100 things to do today before the event tomorrow.

None of these events are stressing me out because I know what I have is perfect and that no matter what..... I will have a good time.

This will also be another learning experience for me. I learned from my last show and I will learn from this show. Plus, I can't wait to meet new customers and make some new friends.

For me owning Odessa's Herbals and making the products has given me a sense of confidence I have never had before. There is something about creating a product that uses my expert knowledge and my passions. This something has helped me to feel complete, whole and truly happy. I am not just me anymore, I am a person who is so full of love and passion for life that I want to share it with the world. I am also able to take on activities that in the past would have scared the living daylights out of me, I now can take those activities on and not get scared. I can face the unknown and feel good about myself.

Plus, I have the added bonus of making a new candle for each situation and knowing by me lighting the candle that everything will turn out right and I can now help another person.

Energy always amazes me

So I had my energy healing last night and I have to say, Elaine amazes me every time we talk. At first when I begin working with Elaine I had experienced some not so great energy workers and I had closed myself off for the most part. But, working with Elaine has allowed me to not only open up about the unknown and unseen but I am actually experiencing events that I never knew I could.

Elaine helped me to better understand a relationship from my past. I could not figure out why this person would never leave my life. Elaine was not only able to pinpoint a story that best described our relationship, but she was able to help me release the energy cords connected to this person.

Today I feel free and light. I am excited for the changes and the future. I no longer feel the pain around this person. I feel at peace for my actions and I have a better understanding of why things did not work out. It makes perfect sense on why I wanted to travel and explore instead of settling down and being in a relationship.

My heart feels healed and I know things will only get better.

I did it!

My good friend Jeff came over this morning and helped me to create a Soy Wax Blend that I love!

Sometimes a good friend is what you need the most and today, Jeff saved me big time.

Plus, I can't ever be cranky around Jeff. He won't allow it.

So I have been making candles all day and will continue into the night. I must buy more molds due to the Soy taking longer to cool but I am so happy with switching to something all natural that I can't imagine ever going back.

Sunday

Is it terrible to feel uninspired?
Today I woke up and just feel kinda cranky. I am not sure why but today just feels like an off day.

I think I will work in my garden and ask the universe for advice.

I have a dilemma with my candles. I am starting to make a 100% soy pillar but it is just such a different wax than the food grade Paraffin I have been using. Soy is softer, not shiny and does not make candles I love.....Yet.....
But the benefits of Soy are greater than the Paraffin so I will keep trying.
Plus, my market keeps asking for it.

Sometimes it just takes time to find the perfect mix. This is the experiment phase of creating a product.

Change is good.

I just need to take some time to do something else for a few hours.

Good Day Sunshine!

The sun is out in the Northwest!

What a wonderful day to wake up and see the rainbows across my bedroom. I have a lovely little crystal ball that I hung in my office to bring me luck and light. This morning it was glowing!

I am pretty busy and calm right now in life. My energy feels like it is at a really high vibration and I am filled with love. I am going to get an energy session with Elaine next week to work on cutting some more cords that are attaching me to the past. I can't wait for this session. Every time I work with Elaine, I get the most amazing results. Over time I have been able to see how much she has helped me to move forward.

At work this week I have been listening to Debbie Ford's Hay House Radio Show. Debbie Ford works with our dark sides and teaches people how to face what they fear, love it and start to make better choices. This has been a real eye opener for me. It feels good to admit my dark side and then face it so that it becomes light again. I think that's why I wanted to meet with Elaine. I have come to realize that there is some anger I have been ignoring and I am ready to release it.

Should make for an interesting week!

I had the best time last weekend!

I went to San Fran for the weekend. It was a combination of work and pleasure, but mostly pleasure. This was a college reunion for a group of my best friends and a chance for me to catch up with some design folks I admire. Every time my college friends get together, we laugh, cook amazing meals, talk, play games, enjoy each other's company and there are always hugs!

I was able to stop by one of my favorite design studios, Neutron and pick up a copy of their amazing new book on trends and design called Zag. I met Neutron a few years ago while helping to set up the Brand Gap conference in Portland.
Another amazing person I saw was Jody Turner. She is my hero and mentor in so many ways. Jody Turner is a trend expert, a business woman and a compassionate future leader. If you have not heard Jody speak or check out her website, I highly recommend her work. She will give you hope for our future generations.

This next month is going to be a busy one for me. I have the Thread show coming up in less than two weeks. I have the Rainier Club slumber party. I just donated some candles to the DIFFA ( Design Industries Foundation Fighting Aids) for their upcoming event, Glam2. And I have the in home fund raiser in May.

Another wonderful person I met with was Vera in San Fran. We had a really interesting discussion about energy. Our discussion helped me to realize how all the work I have done over the last few years to rid myself of old pain has worked. I can go through the day without one negative thought about myself. It is such a wonderful feeling to realize when you are in the perfect energy space. I am able to release desires and trust that the universe will provide.