Once a week

I am now at the point of my back issues that I have to see my Doctor once a week. With my condition getting worse I am needing to change medications at least every week so that I can sleep. Without my medications as soon as I fall asleep I have some nightmare of falling off curbs or cliffs and wake up screaming. What is happening during these dreams is that I am having major muscle spasms that causes my leg to move. No Fun!

But, I am really coming to peace with the situation. I know I will be better soon and that this break has really allowed me to catch up and get everything in my life into a calm and positive state.

This weekend was my nephews 2nd birthday. I hope to have some pictures of it soon. My sister threw a lovely BBQ with close friends of the family that I had not seen in a long time. My nephew was so good with all the people and kids around. He loved it!

This week will be pretty slow but I am hoping to get into the studio at least for a few hours. I miss candle making so much. Plus I have a dinner party on Friday that I am really excited about. I wish I had more to say but things have been calm lately and I am just happy to not be in as much pain as I was a couple of weeks ago.

The Sugar Queen

Last night I finished reading Sara Addison Allen's new book " The Sugar Queen". This book was lovely and a good summertime read. The only negative or not overly loving thing I would say about this book was that it was not magical enough for me. I love ancient herb lore, I love stories about wisdom pasted down by generations of wise women who helped cure the body, mind and spirit. Garden Spells, Sarah's first book catered to this need of mine. The book was filled with meals of intention, gardens full of mystery and secrets best kept not questioning.
However, the book was great and I highly recommend her as an author. She is someone I will keep as one of my favorite authors and I look forward to reading many more books by her.

Today I had lunch with my good friend Jennifer. It was great to be outside of my house and I can not remember the last time I saw Jennifer. I am on a new medication that has allowed a little more freedom in my life. I can walk and sleep more than I was last week. I am not healed and I know that all this medication is doing is covering up the severe amount of pain that I am in but it just feels nice to have a little bit of my life back. I have been unable to go out but once a week before this new medicine so I welcome the chance to go out a couple of times a week.

Jennifer and I will be making candles on Friday which marks the first time I will be back in my studio in almost a month. I miss making candles and getting into my studio. It has been hard to be away but I am lucky enough to have gotten ahead with my orders and I have found someone who can cover for me while I am waiting for surgery and healing.

Pow Wow

I love living by Discovery Park. At night we can hear the sea lions, the trains and a couple of weekends every summer there are Pow Wows that bring drum beating and singing to my window. It touches my heart every time I see the Daylight Center in Discovery Park, a building dedicated to the native Americas that used to live on this land and take care of it.
This building is also where my Grandfather's memorial service was. My grandfather grew up in Montana and spent most of his adult life in Washington DC as a Senator and Congressmen for Washington State. Native Americas were a top priority for him while he was in office many years ago. He was an honorary Blackfoot tribe member in Montana.

I have been thinking about him all morning. I am of course still bed ridden. The last time I had surgery was 15 years ago and my grandfather was still alive. I wish he was here now so I could ask him stories about Montana, Charlie Russell the painter that lived behind his house in Montana and what Washington state was like so many years ago.

But instead I will wait 30 rock, read some new books given to me by my good friend Kim and make cinnamon rolls.

The summer I spent in bed

This is quickly becoming the summer I spent in bed. My back condition is unfortunately getting worse by the day. I have endless doctor appointments and I know that I will be up and running soon enough but until I know exactly which surgery I am going to have, I have to lay in bed and just wait.

I am starting to get a little bored so I just got a new library card and I have been picking books to read. Every night I still am able to get up and take a small walk but it is getting harder and harder. Today I realized that for every decade I have been alive, I have had to have major surgeries. One was due to sickness but mostly now it just revolves around my back. I have never broken a bone but I have more scars than most people do. Some people get all the luck. I just keep thinking about what it would be like if I had this condition 100 years ago. Would I have survived being bed ridden? How did people survive pain that only the strongest pain killers on the market can help tone the pain down. That's right, my pain is so intense that it never disappears with the pain killers but numbs the pain enough that I can sleep for almost two hours without waking up.

I have been forced to slow down and rethink a lot of things in my life over the last few weeks. In many ways it has brought back part of my youth where all I wanted when I grew up was to live on a farm, grow herbs and really connect with nature. I wanted to help heal people and help them find meaning in their lives. This summer I am being forced by the universe to realize that I do not need to work a corporate job and have a company to live a healthy life. My desire to be successful is not about money, cars or material goods. My desire to be successful stems from wanting to live an authentic life, share my gifts to help people and be my own boss. All of this health stuff has shown me that the life I was living only 5 months ago was very out of balance and I now have time to bring balance back into my world.

So there are many positive parts about this journey. I wish that I did not have to get surgery and that I could move around pain free but I am also really happy to have such a wonderful group of friends and family that have provided amazing support and love.

In the next few weeks I will be having a fund raiser - studio sample sale - party for Odessa's Herbals.
I am lucky enough to have health insurance but I am also facing tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills once I have made it through all the operations. If you have any candles you would like to order for the sample discount please shoot me an email.
I greatly appreciate all the support and friendship that so many have shared with me.

A Few Hours At A Time

Well I am now only able to sleep a few hours at a time because of my back. I have some new appointments with back and nerve specialists in the next two weeks and hopefully will have an answer by the end of the month. I am exhausted and ready to return to a pain free life.

One nice thing about my life right now is that when I wake up around Midnight every night, I take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. It is so quiet and peaceful at this hour. The moon hangs low over the Puget Sound and is a Carmel color. Ahmi loves her midnight walks. The air is cool, the streets are empty and the raccoons are hiding but around somewhere.

I am thinking with all this extra time I have while I am bed ridden that I should write a book about my experiences. Not everybody gets to have over three major surgeries before the age of 31. Life is a lot different when you can not walk or sleep very much. We shall see.

In for a Shock

What started as a simple meeting with the surgeon this morning has turned into something much bigger than I thought it would. It looks like I need a spinal fusion. This will have me take the next year off of pretty much everything while I recover. It is scary but I know it is something I have to get done so I will go in with the strength and determination to heal that I have to make my candle company the number 1 candle company in America. So maybe this rest will be a good thing??

I have nothing else to report since I am still in shock........

My Back

Today I am meeting with a back surgeon to talk about my up coming surgery. At times I feel nervous about this surgery then there are other times where I am at peace with it. I know in the long run this is the right decision and that everything will be fine but sometimes I can not fight the fear. I have had dreams about the surgery which has in some ways, helped calm my fears. In my dream I over hear the doctors talking about how easy the surgery went and how well I am doing post operation.

I am even starting to look forward to daily life where I am not in constant pain. Simple things like taking a walk or feeding my dog have become almost impossible. I long to take a long walk in the park and to pick up my nephew without any fear of hurting myself. Soon enough I will have my energy level back and be able to finish all those little projects that are still not finished due to my back.

Send good energy my way and I will keep everyone updated on the situation.

Today I Eat My Words

This week has produced two new candles. Both candles have stories around the creation of these new candles that I will share with everyone.

First story is about the new Happy Divorce candle. While delivering candles to Glassy Baby, I over heard a customer talking about how excited she was for her up coming vacation. She is going to the East Coast to visit one of her best friends who had just served her husband with divorce papers. This lady was so full of joy as she talked about how much she loved her friend and what a great move this is going to be in her friends life. There was no sadness around this divorce but a feeling of freedom and love for her friend and the situation. Her friend was ready to start living an authentic life full of self love and discovery. It was a great story and inspired me to make this candle. Good Luck!

The other candle I made this week is a giant I Am Sorry candle. This week I spent some time with a dear friend who has a high profile job in Seattle. We have known each other since middle school and as much as I love this person, I still have trouble seeing him for who he is now. A Seattle celebrity. So while we were having dinner the other night, I told him to get over his high profile paranoia and just enjoy life. I understood his point that he had to have a public and private life, but I just never thought he was that big of a star in this small city full of famous music and TV stars. However, last night I went to a party at a famous bands house that provided a situation where I learned a valuable lesson. This band tours the world, has very high selling albums and has been interviewed for all major papers, TV shows etc.... But at the party, everyone was asking me about my other friend. How did I know him, why was he not at the party, could I tell him about how all these people love him? This was a total shock to me and I am now eating my words about what I said to him earlier in the week. He does have a public life and I need to realize and respect this. My friend is still the person I loved in my youth and now I can start to see him through my grownup eyes. He is a gem and deserves all his success and I am very sorry I did not believe him.

It is hot today so I am hiding inside. I already got burned for the season and I have to say, I think the pasty white look is wonderful. Let's hear it for being inside and not getting skin cancer!

Summer Reading

Every summer I manage to find a gem of a book that takes me through the summer with a warm and enchanted heart. Last summer it was Good Things by Mia King. This year I found an unbelievable wonderful little good that I read in one day. Nancy Pearl our wonderful superstar Liberian in Seattle turned me onto this book and whenever I see her next I will rush up to thank her. The book is called Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. It is a wonderful sister story much like Alice Hoffmans' Practical Magic book which is a good thing in my view. Both stories combine old herbal lore with Wise Women advice and strength. Garden Spells took place in North Carolina which moved me because that is where my family has our reunion with all 100 members of the family. I feel close to the Earth in North Carolina and love to get lost on the back roads. For a while now I have been dreaming of North Carolina and moving there. It is also home to one of my favorite candle making supply stores. So maybe North Carolina is in my future?

The author of Garden Spells has a new novel that just came out and I can not wait to read it. Garden Spells was about a caterer, the new novel she wrote is about a woman that makes chocolate, my book would be about a candle maker that helps people bring magic into their lives via my candles. I feel a close connection to these stories. Sometimes there are people in this world that have gifts which are accessed through their talents in life. I do not know how better to explain it than with this thought.... Read these books!

We are about to have a heat wave in Seattle and so I will be taking a few days off from making candles. Tomorrow I have a busy social day and Sunday I will clean my studio, room and car.
I go to the surgeon's on Monday and will find out when I will go in for surgery. Hopefully sooner than later. I want my energy back! Chronic pain is hard to live with but I am so lucky to have wonderful friends and family that have helped me prepare for the surgery and all the things I need to get done before I go into the hospital.

Lastly, I have been able to see my wonderful nephew this week a couple of times and I am always in awe of how much he has grown up. He loves to talk and all the kids that live on his block now come over and play with him. He is a truly magical being and life is just not as fun without him.

Favorite day of the year

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year. It is the summer solstice. A day to spend outside enjoying nature. I will be in Discovery Park at this time tomorrow night. Sitting with Ahmi and thinking about what my next steps are in life.

Starting tomorrow I will be building up my candle stock in preparation for back surgery and the start of the Christmas Season. Last night I had a dream that a very good and loving friend of mine who is also a spiritual mentor, was preforming my back surgery. It was a quick surgery and I felt relieved once it was over. This dream has helped me to feel totally comfortable with what the next step in my journey is.

I have been cleaning out some excess inventory and giving little gifts to all the wonderful people that have and supported Odessa's Herbals over this last year. It has been great to give away these candles with love and excitement for the new season arriving soon.

My nephew is growing everyday and making life seem more and more magical every time I see him. He is starting to communicate in sentences and share his feelings. I can see parts of my sister, my brother in law and even parts of other family members in him. He looks like my cousin David right now. He is so sweet and loves to be around people, sharing his favorite things. I took him Blueberries and Cherries the other day along with Bubbly water and a pickle. He got so excited and ran around and let his mother know how happy he was. It was wonderful to see the simple things in life making such a pleasurable experience.

Why I will only use sea salts in my bath

I just read this article from Slate on why products that use small plastic beads to exfoliate your skin are killing the Ocean.

Yuck! Just another reason to switch to all natural products and not be fooled by advertising. You can remove dead skin naturally and often it is best not use such harsh products on your face.

I went to Seattle Metropolitan magazine today to share the Odessa's Herbals story and drop off some candles. It was a lovely office and made me want to get a job for the magazine. I hear it is a great place to work.

Just yesterday the new Ray and Charles Eames stamp came out. I can not wait to pick up some for my treasure chest. The Eames are two of my favorite product designers and movie makers. In college I used to play all their short films for my friends when they came to visit. My roommate at the time hated the movies so much he would flee the house every time I watched one. But I loved these movies. Only truly nerdy designers and movie makers would love these movies.

Ok, so suddenly summer has hit Seattle and as much as I kind of like it, I got a terrible sunburn on Sunday. I took my father out to Greenlake for a walk and half way around we stopped for lunch. I am now pink all over. I am looking forward to the Fall!

Back from the Rest

One good thing about the conference yesterday was that I am now energized to make all those phone calls I have been meaning to make, send those emails I have been meaning to send and get all those little things together I have been ignoring because I was losing steam or just not giving those items attention.

I am hitting the pavement and taking applications of retail outlets that would like to carry my candles. This is an exclusive list of companies and people, I want to ensure that the quality of my candles is not hurt at all by my growth as a company. It is a delicate balance between wanting to get my candles out for everyone an wanting to keep my candles at the same level of attention and highest quality ingredients. No matter what I will not compromise my candles or my intentions for my company.

I am also growing my list of board members and mentors that can help guide me to the next level. I have so many wonderful people to thank and I look forward to the day when I can pass along their contact information to everyone!

Today is finally a beautiful day in Seattle. I am enjoying the sunshine while resting my back and checking in with people I have not talked too in a while. I feel very productive today. Which is a good thing.

I might even start to revamp my website soon? This is one of those things I have been meaning to do and finally have the energy and time to do it.

One final note, Glassy Baby came out with a new drinking cup and it is beautiful! I would suggest everyone stop by their shops and check it out, or go to the website. They are amazing and I can not wait for the day when I can bring home my first Glassy Baby "drinker". While your there, feel free to tell them how much you love the Tea Lights.

I was told by the manager today that they now have customers who just come in to buy Tea Lights and nothing else. This warms my heart as I make each candle by hand in my studio and love every moment of it. I have had people ask me if I am sick of candle making yet, as I move into my second month of full time candle making. I always respond with a huge NO! I love candle making even more now than before. I love every part of the process from beginning to end. I could not dream of a better thing to do with my time and energy. I hope this love energy radiates from each tea light as you light them in your favorite glassy baby! There is a person on the other end of that tea light that loves making the high quality product and sends a huge kiss your way for helping her to realize her dreams of owning and running a high quality company with integrity and sound products for the present and future of our planet! ( Wow, that was a mouthful!).

Women in Business

Today I spent the day at a women in business conference in Seattle. It was organized by the group Count Me In. It was an interesting affair. I actually ended up knowing the local judges and some of the presenters. I went in search of brain storming the next phase of my company. I am at a bit of a tipping point for my company, ready to move to the next while maintaining my core beliefs for my company.

This conference has energized me to reach for the stars. I highly recommend this event in the future for all women that want to start or already own a company. It will affirm what you are already feeling, the passion to pave your way.

Tonight included a lovely walk in Discovery Park with my dog. Questions roamed in my head about life and where I am in my life. As someone that started a company with no business experience, I sometimes wonder what I am doing. What kind of idea is it to start a company, why would I want to do this, etc...... I question myself a lot. But I also take time to step back and reflect on how far I have come and how happy it makes me to be able to tell someone that I am building a company with high morals that help other's to live the authentic life that they desire.

Enough rambling.... I am off to bed. Another busy day tomorrow which includes a delivery to glassy baby and hopefully coffee with Jennifer Worick.

I am the sum of all my parts

Recently I have been taking personal inventory of the changes that have occurred in the last year. What an amazing journey it has been, some good and some hard but overall I have to say this is one of my most successful years yet.

The hard part's of this year have revolved around my health. I will be having major surgery in the next month or so due to my bad back. I have had this problem since I was a teenager and must be very careful with my back. No more ski trips for me! I knew the day would come when I needed the surgery again, I just wish it could have happened at a different time. But in many ways this is the perfect time for me to take a break and heal my back. So I will follow the time line that the Universe has provided for me.

In the positive area's of my life, I am now making candles full time. I may return to some contract work in the future but for now, I am a full time employee for myself. I have grown my company far past my dreams of what it might become and turned all these dreams into reality. I spend much of my mental time in the present and rarely reflect on what I am doing, but when I do look back over what I have built in the last year, I smile! All of my intentions have come true and I am helping other's. What more could a person want out of life? Helping other's while creating a life I am proud of. Good friends, a wonderful city, the chance to travel, being able to meet and create products for people I come to know and adore all while building a woman owned company!

Today I will be at a woman in business conference that the Governor will be speaking at. It is time for me to start thinking about taking my company to the next level. A larger space, employee's, maybe some retail sales, revamping my studio space to host candle gatherings and traveling more. So hopefully this conference will be a great networking opportunity while I learn how to take my company to the next level. I will keep everyone posted.

One last shout out. My wonderful friend Rob has a short film in the Seattle Film Festival this year. The premiere will be this week in Seattle. I am so proud and excited for Rob. He is an inspiration to me and a hero of mine. One day we will all be watching his films in theater's across the world.

Once Again

Once again my body has told me to slow down. I have been having some back issues for the last six months and now it is changing my routine. So I finally got an MRI yesterday and I should know more on Monday. I have always had a bad back and required surgery at 16. I am afraid that once again I will require surgery in the next few weeks. I am working hard against this option but it maybe the best option. So please keep me in your thoughts and hearts!

In other news, I have been working hard on the Glassy Baby candles since they are the number 1 seller at Glassy Baby. I am also deep in product development for some other projects which I will be talking about soon.

Pouring Rain

It is raining in Seattle. Actually, pouring showers is more like it. Perfect candle making weather. It has been busy around these parts!

My candles are now a top selling item at Glassy Baby! This warms my heart just thinking about all the people all over lighting my candles. Actually, a few weeks ago I was delivering candles to Glassy Baby when I ran into an old friend that I met in Scotland in 2002. We had not seen each other for years and she was amazed to find out that the candles she had been buying for months now were being made by her good friend. We had lunch this week and I am just so happy to be back in touch with her.

My nephew is on the east coast and life is not as much fun without him! I can't wait for his return this weekend.

Life is calm

I finally have a moment to write!

I am over half way done with the large order, I am on a regular schedule and I just found out that I am going to need to be ready for larger orders more often!

I feel so free and balanced.

Glassy Baby just opened a second shop in Seattle. I visited the new space a few weeks ago and it is so beautiful!

Whoa it's been a long time

I can not believe it has been almost two weeks since I last posted. What an amazing two weeks!
First, the candles are flying off the shelf. I am packing boxes, pouring wax and setting everything up all at once. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is going to be amazing.

I have also been able to spend a good amount of time with my nephew. Every moment with him is the highlight of my day. We have so much fun together and I love watching him learn to grow up and talk.

Spring may one day show up in Seattle but it still feels so far away..... On the one hand, I love the cloudy days because it means I do not feel guilty for making candles inside all day. On the other hand, I can't wait for the summer to take long walks at night in the warm air. So far we are almost to the summer solstice and we have only had one day that was warmer than 75 degrees.

I am hoping to travel to the East Coast in a few weeks unless something major happens. I always think nothing will happen and then a huge order comes in so it is best for me not to plan anything anymore and just go when I can.

All I want to do is be somewhere else

This really has to stop. I am just staring at my screen with nothing on my mind. I have no work yet I feel like I must make it to the end of my contract since I like to finish what I started. But my mind is turning to mush while I wait out the hours.

So painful!

I am thinking of what I want to change in life now that I will have more free time. I am going to get my bike out of the basement and start riding it again! I also want to walk more and maybe even start to go swimming. I will return to the library to catch up on books I have missed since being on the Eastside of the city. Candles will be made everyday, but now, I can start to love it again. I never stopped loving it but I did feel overwhelmed!

I need a serious spring cleaning in my room and car. I will be spending much more time with my animals, I feel like I have been ignoring them lately. And hopefully, I will be able to see my Nephew, the love of my life.

And one last thing, I will Blog more! I have been so bad about blogging lately. So my dear readers, I will be back and better than ever. Oh and one last thing, I now have the time to set up a shopping cart and my account on Etsy! This is so exciting and something I have been wanting to do forever. So look out for new updates!

The waiting game

Only three more days until my new life and all I can do is wait. I am not very good at waiting. I keep staring at my computer wishing that I could just run out of here and get to the studio. But I am a good employee and I will finish up my time here so that my coworkers lives are not affected. But I just want out!

This change is going to be strange at first but really good as well. I will have more me time, more time to spend with my beloved dog and family and more time to make and SHIP candles. So excited!

So I am leaving my current gig which has been a great experience and I am ready to do something new. But in between this time, I will focus on the candles and the fact that Spring may come soon enough to the Northwest! All I can say is, I look forward to days spent outside in the sunshine, taking long walks and relaxing.

I also have a feeling that there are more changes coming in the future. I can feel them before I know that they are exactly. I am not searching nor trying to create something but I am allowing it to come to me which is the BEST place to be.

So over the next few months this blog may get more personal as I spread my joy about everything that is happening in my life, my company's life and the life of those around me!

A Shout Out

One of my goals this year was to get mentioned in The Seattle Times "Girl About Town". Every week I read her column and think, I can't wait for the day when I get a shout out from this Girl About Town.

Well, along with everything else in my life, start small in my motto. So below is the small mention in this weeks "Girl About Town". However, not only did I make the candles for the Seattle Opera Gala, I also made the candles for the Dinner Impossible episode that will be airing this week. So I got almost two mentions. While you read this, just keep thinking..... Start Small!

"THE SEATTLE OPERA GALA'S "Springtime Serenade" at McCaw Hall was home to the 10-pound swag bag, chock-full of soy candles, gift certificates, flower and vegetable seeds, cocktail recipes, opera CDs and even a blanket. Turns out there is, in fact, a person assigned the title of "Swag Bag Chair." Who knew? In the spirit of the evening, each table setting featured a "blooming aria" — a line of opera printed onto card stock and pinned into a live fuchsia carnation. .

New Changes

The world is never ending with changes. I am learning how to roll with everything and just keep my focus on my candles, my health and my love for life.

I have a job change coming up, which is actually really good because I need a bit of a break from my double life I am living right now. I am exhausted and ready to put all my energy into my company.

So as of next week, I will be taking long walks, making candles and being grounded in how amazing life is.

Plus, I have a super cute new hair do thanks to my friend Lindsay at 7 salon in Seattle! I love it.

Whoa Nelly

Just when I think life might slow down, the Universe says HA! to me.

I just received a huge order for candles. We are talking in the hundreds. So now I am forced to stop being so lazy ( yeah right ) and get to work. I know this is a good problem to have but sometimes I am just so whiny! I just want to be lazy and do nothing.

So if you need me in the next month, I will be either at work, sleeping or in my studio.
I just want to tell all my friends now, that I am sorry I never get to see you anymore. I promise to oneday take you all out and thank you for having such a distant friend. You are all so good to me!

Seeds of Compassion

This last weekend was an amazing weekend for everyone that was in Seattle. Not only did the Dali Lama come to town but also Archbishop Desmond Tutu was here as well.

I watched the city change for this weekend. The sun came out, the traffic was slow because 150,000 people came to see these men. But there was an air of hope and kindness that circled the city. Everyone talked about how amazing it was to see these men, how it made them really think about compassion and how funny these men were. They show their emotion and that allows them to be able to reach out and help people.

I hope this conference will continue and expand. It touched people's lives and should be an everyday event. We should all be more compassionate and laugh more.

Saturday in Seattle

Wow!

Saturday in Seattle was amazing. It was so warm and sunny and being outside was a requirement for all in this city. I saw the baby gorilla at the zoo, had an Orangutan smile at me, watched my nephew fall in love with snakes and spent time with my family. It was a perfect day.

And now I am back in the candle making mode and have to make up some time that I missed this weekend. I have a lot of work to do this week and late nights will happen, but I really can not complain since I love everything I do.

My nephew now has a name for me and can ask my sister for me when he misses me. I am so proud!

Another great thing about Saturday? My 10 pm walk in the park with my dog. The moon was bright, the water was glowing and it smelled like heaven. The spring frogs are out and the plants and trees are starting to wake up.