A vision of the future

This morning I was up early to work. It was snowing such large flakes that the everything was white in record time. I sat in my kitchen, which is my new studio until I can get my leg in better shape, and I made candles. the whole time I had Rick Bass and Montana on my mind. It was so peaceful and meditative. I looked out the windows and watched the snow fall, as I prepared my delivery to Glassy Baby. I thought about what I would like to create for myself in the next few years, a home in the country, a successful company, a larger studio that is either in my home or right next to it. And peaceful Sunday mornings where I work quietly, watch nature and drink a good cup of coffee.

I start my new job today. So for the next month, I will be all work and no fun. Or at least it may appear that way. For me, candle making is my love and fun. I don't mind spending every moment working on candles. I am just so thankful to have had such a wonderful year.

Snow

I don't remember a year where it snowed so early in December. The animals in my house have been eating like they may never get another meal. I kept thinking maybe it's going to be a cold winter, but I did not really believe it.
The flakes are small so I am not too worried about this weekend but I am longing for the South. It was so warm on the East Coast and I loved it.

My knee is getting better. It has gotten a tad smaller and is easier to walk on. This is all good news because I have a weekend of tea light making that needs to happen. I can't wait to get back into the studio. I also just placed an order for new molds. On the East Coast I visited with a very wonderful artist named Michele O'Hana, she is my hero and inspiration. She had so many new idea's for my candles and I can't wait to start creating.

I will keep you updated on the snow storm ( ha ha) happening in Seattle and hopefully will be walking around soon.

Bum Knee

This is what my grandfather used to say when his knee went out.
This is what I am now saying because I can not walk. I am bed ridden and not loving it. I pulled some ligaments on the plane and now I can not move. Or at least I should not move. It is hard to get me to stay still.

I did visit Glassy Baby this morning and I am super excited to say the place was packed. They have almost sold out of the tea lights and I will be bringing in more in the morning. Even with my knee out, I can not stop doing what I love. I am catching up on reading new books. And I have my lap top in bed with me so I can do research for my next projects. But I would love to be at my studio, making candles, smelling the oils and enjoying the heat of the steam rising as I pour candles into the molds.

So hopefully tomorrow I can get to the studio and do what I love. Make candles and relaxing.

But alas, my knee is swollen, I may have to get surgery and I start my new job on Monday. My today is better than yesterday so keep your fingers crossed.

Thank you Berkshire Country!

I had my most successful show this last weekend in the Berkshires!

The Berkshires are home to the Kirpalu Yoga retreat center, Lenox, MA and loads of writers from the past, as well as countless amazing artists from modern times.

I had such a lovely visit to so many small towns. I just drove around on Friday and looked at all the wonderful houses and buildings that I would love to house Odessa's Herbals in. Sunday was my show and I met so many new and wonderful people. I was a little quieter than normal due to a sore throat but it was still amazing to be a part of the sale and see old friends from when I lived in NYC.

I have started to make a list of small towns that I would love to move too in the North East and unless something really big happens, I maybe moving soon! Of course, I always say this and never do because my heart is in the Northwest.

I am now currently in Virginia where my family lives and where I spent half my childhood. It is a very warm fall and I have been totally overdressed. Seattle is colder than the East Coast right now! I am visiting Family members I have not seen in over a year and just enjoying a little relaxation time before I return back to the Holiday season.

Another highlight of my trip so far has been seeing old friends in NYC. I was able to visit two friends that work on Sailboats and live on the water in Long Island. One friend I talk with almost everyday, but the other friend I had not seen or talk with in almost a year. It was so lovely to see Natalie and experience a little of her life. I will be having dinner with her on Monday night before I head back to Hudson.

I will be doing the Ladies Who Launch winter show in Seattle on December 2nd if anybody would like to stock up on candles. I have all new packaging and different pillar sizes to choose from. As well as new candle recipes and colors.

I am so inspired right now to make candles. I miss it more than anything. Next time I go on vacation, I must remember to bring a candle making kit with me! I never thought I could miss something this much, but my days feel empty without being able to make and share my candles with the world.

Look out for Odessa's Herbals coming to stores on the East Coast this summer! I am talking with a few different venues that would love to sell my candles. Wholesale is such a different world and one that I am going to slowly work towards because I still want the energy and passion to remain in my candles while my production volume goes up.

And look out for the new Jennifer Worick candle I am going to make her in honor of her new book!

Pomagrantes and late night walks

This weekend I fell in love.

I read a book called Kiss me I'm Single: An Ode To the Solo Life.
While I was reading this book and enjoying being a part of the Crave Show in Seattle, the author Amanda Ford came up and signed some books. I was able to talk with her about how much I was enjoying her book. Reading her book was like reading my cool sister's diary. She has an outlook on life and an energy that is infectious for loving life. I hope to create a candle in her honor because her book made me realize how amazing and loving life is no matter what.

I am off next week for my show in New York. I am also busy making tea lights for Glassy Baby.
Preparing for the Ladies who Launch show in December and my booth at the Rainier Club on Tuesday! It has been a very busy month and I am so sorry I have not written more.

Tomorrow I pick up another 100 pounds of wax and more essential oils. Candle making is quickly becoming the thing I truly love in life. I can be at my studio for 10 or more hours and be so calm and peaceful when I leave all thanks to my love of candle making. I feel so passionate about it. It's like falling in love with your soul mate. No matter how cranky I am when I get to the studio, by the time I leave, I am calm and settled.

My other passion in life right now is Rick Bass and his book Winter : Notes from Montana. I keep rereading passages of this book and then taking long walks at Discovery Park to think about what I read. He really is a beautiful writer and his books have me longing to move to Montana or Mississippi to experience a tiny piece of his world. Actually, on my road trip I took this summer with my friend Jeff, we did go near Rick Bass in Montana. Jeff and I decided to drive back from Great Falls, Montana where my family lives to Seattle on Highway 2. We had dinner in a town called Libby, Montana after swimming in the most beautiful Glacier Swimming hole I had ever seen. So in September on a day when it was almost snowing at Glacier, Jeff and I jumped into the water in front of 10 people that all gasped when I jumped in. After 20 minutes we put on our most warm and cozy clothing and kept on driving.

What I did not know at the time was that Rick Bass wrote about his life an hour or so outside of Libby. I now wished we could have stayed longer or gone off deeper into the woods to see what Rick Bass saw while writing this book.

But alas, I will just have to use my imagination and think about my next road trip. I am thinking Mississippi in January.

I am so proud

One of my dear friends Jennifer Worick is a force to behold. Not only is she a New York Times best selling author, a super awesome jewelry maker but she also has become a staple in my life for great advice and support.

A few weeks ago a package arrived at my house. Inside was one of Jennifer's new books, The Prairie Girl's Guide to Life: How to Sew a Sampler Quilt & 49 Other Pioneer Projects for the Modern Girl. What a delight to see my friends book published. I crawled into bed with this book and my dog and had a lovely Saturday afternoon reading and sleeping.

Jennifer has become one of my hero's because she is so passionate about her writing.
I am trying really hard to get her to help me write a book about intention rituals but alas, she maybe too busy being a best selling author and hero to women all over the world.

Please run out and buy her books and show this world that a strong woman who is this talented should be rewarded, celebrated and honored!

One Year Ago

Last year at this time, I lost my best friend Shaun Taylor.
It has taken me almost a year to fully realize how much this is going to affect my life for many years to come. This type of loss never ends. Every moment of the day feels like a reminder of how much I miss him. I often have trouble expressing my emotions and this situation is no different. For the last year I have been pushing myself to put these feelings out of my mind. I became so focused on my company and then my break up and then the move and then.... and then.... and then.....

But now, I am stepping back to realize how great of a loss this is for me and all the people that loved Shaun. Every moment of my life for the last year has carried this loss with me. I have felt more alone and empty in life this year than I ever experienced in the past. It's strange how something like a loss can affect every single situation in your life, even if you are not aware of it.

I am dedicating my company to Shaun. He was the first person I talked too when I realized I wanted to create intention products. Every candle I pour is full of love for Shaun and keeping his memory alive.

I can not tell you the sadness I feel right now. All I want is a hug from him or someone else close enough to me to realize that my emotions run a lot deeper than I could ever describe in my blog.

Goal List

Not even one year ago I made a list of goals for my company.

Yesterday, one of those goals was finally realized. Well, actually all the goals have happened but this goal was the major shoot for the stars, goals.

I am now the official candle maker for Glassy Baby!

This has been a dream of mine for a while and I am so excited about this opportunity.

I will still be making private candles and creating more candles that can be used in traveling containers. I also have been having people come visit me at my studio and help design signature candles for events. So if you ever want to come to the studio to experience what it is like to have a candle made especially for you, then contact me.

Just bought my ticket for the East Coast

I have a candle sale coming up in November on the east coast. This is very exciting to me since one year ago, I launched Odessa's Herbals in NYC.

I will also be seeing old friends, driving around the northeast and seeing my family in VA.
A much needed vacation and adventure!

I am busy preparing for an upcoming Seattle Show at the Rainier Club, my NY show and the holiday season.

Summer of books and writing

This summer has been intense. I have been rereading some of my favorite books by Miller, Nin, Lawrence, Whitman, Dickinson and others. Then I have been writing in my journal and realizing how much writing is a part of my life.

I wish I could share some of the writing I have done here. Maybe one day. For now it will simmer in my notebook and my mind. I feel like an obsessed artist. I am never without my journal. I am addicted to words, to sentences, to passages of the imagination.

I am off next week to Montana. I will be buying a new journal for this trip and recording every moment.

Glassy Baby

My heart is a flutter with my love for my two new glassy baby's.
They are the perfect Seattle colors and just me smile every time I look at them.

Monday was a very special day for me. It was my birthday and the start of a new decade for me. I had a very low key day, which was nice. I spent time with my father and my good friend Jennifer.

This week has been very busy with business meeting in preparations for the upcoming holiday season. I have two exciting things to announce but it looks like they will be delayed until November. Or at least until the end of September.

I will be officially going on my first real vacation the second week in September. I will be out of the office for a whole week. I am looking forward to a little break and some traveling adventures.

Can I shout this from a Moutain?

Can I just tell you all how happy life has made me lately!
This summer there has been downs, but as we get closer to the fall, I have come to realize that the UP's are so much better and stronger.

I attended my monthly Women in Business breakfast and I feel like I am floating. I have had so many wonderful signs from the universe and surprises that everyday is starting to feel like Christmas. My goal list is getting shorter because they are manifesting at a quick rate.

My life is has been changed 100% from what it was a year ago. And yes, this process was and has been very painful but it has also given me strength to push forward and realize my dreams. I sometimes have to pinch myself after leaving a meeting about my company because clients are being so generous and kind. I have met so many amazing people in these last few months of pain, that not only have helped me personally but also professionally. There is so much love out there that I have never been so grateful in my whole life.

I am looking forward to a nice and quiet birthday weekend. I am going to make my new goals list, spend time alone and just prepare for the Studio Opening Party I am having next month. There are about 4 times more people than I can fit into my studio but it is only to be great none the less.

Too Long!

It has been too long since I last updated my blog. Things have been so busy with the move, the dental surgery I had, fixing up my office, seeing out of town friends and just trying to make it through the summer.

It is getting closer to the Fall/Winter which is my favorite time of year. I am really excited for the change of seasons. Maybe it is memories of starting school, but the fall time always makes my brain feel happy.

I had the pleasure of recently meeting Nonie who is an owner of Butter London. This nail salon is my new love. They have special nail products that are without the yucky chemicals in them. I can't say enough good things about this company. I am taking my sister there next week!

I will be taking one last vacation in the beginning of September and then it is work time for me. I have two huge contracts coming up for candles so it will be a very busy winter for me.

If you are ever in Fremont / Ballard stop by my new studio!
I am always up for visitors!

Rest in Peace

Today the most wonderful dog, Ropa, has passed away.

Ropa was my sister's dog and an ex-show dog. She was an older dog but so gentle and sweet. Even though she was so skinny, she hated the heat. She loved carrots and apples and would just come up to you and gently give you a kiss with her nose.

She has been sick for a while but would still get up when I came over and say hello. She will be missed greatly!

So True

" You must be thrust out of a finished cycle in life, and that leap is the most diffucult to make"
- Anais Nin

I have the keys!

On Friday I picked the keys up to my new office!

It was very exciting for me. I started to move boxes Friday night and will keep moving in for the next two weeks. Hopefully by the 20th I should be all unpacked and ready to have guests. I am so thrilled by this office and it's location. I am right on a bike path that connects to two great places so I can walk to either one. And it is next to a train track which means that I get to hear my favorite sound. The train whistle.

Also this weekend I spent an evening with an old friend in Olympia I had not seen in months. It was a good time. We watched some soccer, we watched some BBC and mostly we talked about life. I am hoping to convince him to move to Seattle so we can hangout more as Olympia is no longer my home. We shall see. All I know is that it was great to spend time with someone that makes me laugh.

Cleaning House

I have been sorting through old boxes from College. It is amazing to see all the letters people wrote to me and all my old pictures. What a magical time in life. I wish I could have enjoyed college more. It was hard for me to be away from my home and Seattle. I went to college in the Midwest so I really tended to feel out of place compared to the West Coast. I also had a close knit group of friends in Seattle and a boyfriend that I loved. So compared to most people that came to college to feel free, I felt uneasy and sad. I did not want to let go of my old life. I wanted to run back to it. But times are different now. I want to run towards the future while being completely present in the moment. I do not long to be anywhere but where I am at this moment. That feels good.

I also want to state that I love throwing out, donating and basically getting rid of everything I can in life. It feels so cleansing and fruitful to get out the old and let the new come in!

Thoughts for the Day

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other one is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Never lose your childlike enthusiasm and things will come your way
- Federico Fellini

These are two quotes that touch my heart today. I pick up the keys to my new candle studio next Monday. I am in such awe over this whole experience. Never would I have guessed that life would turn out this way. But you know what, it all makes sense. It is all in divine timing and order. I feel like a huge ball of positive energy and love towards the universe right now.
I keep thinking about what someone has been telling me for the last six months, that I was going to need a bigger space for my candles. I could never even think about what he was saying because it felt too far away or not in line with reality at the time. I just kept saying.. Ok.... Yeah Right......
He also kept talking about a larger company ordering a ton of candles.
To this again I thought.... Ok.... Yeah Right....

Both things are happening faster than I could even dream of. In two to three weeks I will be announcing my exciting news. In two weeks I will be moved to Seattle. In two weeks life will be new and better.

Odessa's Herbals is Moving!!!!!!

Yesterday I signed the lease for the new candle making space in Ballard.
This means Odessa's Herbals is moving to the big city; Seattle, WA.

I am so excited about this space. It is in my favorite hood. Close to my family, coffee shops and so much more. Plus, Ahmi will be with me all day long as I make candles!

I hope to take some pictures once the studio is all set up and even have a studio warming party! It will be such a treat to have this space and enough room for my wonderful couch and chairs which will allow for visitors at any time.

So starting August 1st the candle company will be up and running with full production happening. Email me any orders or questions. Also, if you want to stop by the shop let me know! I can't wait to share this wonderful space!

Caravaggio

When I was in high school I became obsessed with the Italian painter, Caravaggio. His use of light and dark colors, images and themes made me weak in the knees. I studied his work, talked to as many professional artists as I could about him and spent many an afternoon day dreaming about his life.

Finally when I was in college I had the opportunity to travel to Rome. The whole week we were there I wanted to see as many Caravaggio's as I could. Forget the Vatican. Take me to the darker side of Religion. I wanted to see this man's work up close. I spent hours in front of his work seeing new things appear out of no where after looking at his paintings for over an hour. He work is truly amazing!

Last night it was hot in Seattle. I had a lovely conversation for over an hour on the phone with a good friend and I was feeling restless. I could not sleep. Talking to this friend makes me giddy and full of energy. I wandered down stairs to see what my father was doing and noticed that Caravaggio was on TV. This is when I discovered the PBS Show, Simon Schama's Power of Art. What a wonderful treasure this TV show. He adds new depth to Caravaggio's work and life. I was transported back to high school, sitting in the living room, watching TV with my father and talking about art. It was a great feeling. I realized what an amazing family I have. My father and grandfather also encouraged me to be interested in art, culture, history and politics. I have a rich library of experiences and memories thanks to these two men.

I am so excited to see the rest of the Series.
If you get a chance, please watch this show. It is a real treat for any art lover or history buff.

Back in the comfort of the city

It's amazing how much better I feel in Seattle. I really have changed so much in the last two months and I embrace this new person with love and acceptance.

The book writing is starting up next week. My good friend Jennifer and I are going to start meeting on a regular basis to put the purposal together. I have many of the chapters outlined and the intention work already written down. This is going to be so much fun.

I also have almost secured a new work studio for my company. This has been a huge relief to finally find a place where I can expand and grow with my company. I am still in the negotian phase of getting my exciting news out in the public but let's just say, it is a huge thing for my company.

Ahmi and I have another adventure coming up this weekend and it includes a lake, swimming and meeting new people and seeing old and dear friends. This will be much needed relief from this heat wave happening out on the west coast.

Gain

So today I am making candles like a machine. They are turning out perfect and I really feel in the flow of life.
I have also started to pack the house I once lived in up.
New year, new life, new home, new me.

I keep thinking about Diving Timing and how perfect the world is no matter how much pain I am in. There is a reason for all of this turmoil. I just have to let life happen and discover what the reasons might be.

I am fighting the sad and lonely side of me. Well, not fighting but saying hello and promising that soon we will not have to return to this place that hurts me. I am talking to these parts of my personality and assuring them that we will not make another mistake like this one. Don't get me wrong, I will make plenty of mistakes in life. But I have also worked very hard to learn what went wrong this time so I can avoid it in the future.

This always makes me feel better. It is amazing to know that I have a wonderful life ahead of me and it is totally open.

I have a lot of orders coming up in the next month. I was going to wait until September to start the candles up again but I missed it. Candle making is such a huge part of me that I can not turn away from it. Especially since it helps so many people. So I have gained that part of my life back. I have gained confidence and strength and I have gained my own respect for myself and my future.

Loss

I seem to have forgotten how to do the one thing I truly love to do.
Well, maybe forgotten is a harsh word but this weekend I need to make a large number of candles for a wedding and it is not going too well.

Maybe it is being in a home I once lived in but no longer feel connected too. Maybe it is all the loss I have experienced in the last year that has me feeling tipsy in life.
Maybe it is the fact that I have not made candles in over two months and I realized this week that I truly missed it. Or maybe it is the fact that I am trying hard to sit in my Yin energy and that is not a familiar feeling for me.

But I feel like a stranger in my life and in my body.
I have lost over 20 pounds. I am now starting to have to wear clothes that I bought in 2000. Good thing I kept them. I feel younger than my age and more unsteady than I should in most areas of my life.

Except for my company and my work. For the first time in my life I am truly happy going into the office everyday, then coming home and working on my projects every evening. No time is wasted for I have too much to do and the desire to see it all manifest. So this is my one area of comfort. My one calm area. The one thing I can depend on. Except of course for myself. Because no matter what changes on the outside, inside I have everything I need in life. In me is a strength and love that is so strong I will never feel alone again.

So I am learning to sit inside myself and only focus on being a strong and powerful woman. This is hard since I am so used to doing, being, changing, working, moving, anything that ends in ING and requires movement of some sort is where I have spent the last six years. But now I am stepping back into my strength and just being. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just being totally present in the moment.

First Steps

Last night I went to my sisters house in the evening after work.
She was on the computer and I was cutting some cheese for a snack. We were talking and laughing and not looking at Dylan (my nephew). I suddenly look down at him to witness him taking his first two steps.

The look on his face was so amazing. It was a look of excitement, fear, concentration and experiencing the unknown. He fell down and then starting clapping at himself. He was so happy to have taken his first steps. I luckily caught him in the act early enough to tell my sister to look down at him so she could see it as well.

I am so proud of this little guy.
He also gave me two of the biggest kisses on my cheek last night.

I feel like Dylan right now. I feel like I am finally taking my first steps in life. I have so much in common with my nephew right now. When I get to see him he brings all my joy out in life. We are on the same ride in this life and I could not have asked for a better companion.

Astral Weeks

My heart is a flutter with love right now.
Love for my life, love for the summer, love for my friends and love for love.
I feel like Van Morrison's Astral Weeks album. The new world is new and I am a young lover experiencing life again.

My weekend get away was amazing. Just what I needed to wake up and bring back all my positive energy. Ahmi my dog, was the perfect guest. She loved her hosts and we took her with us everywhere we went. She was so calm and peaceful.

I have many more adventures coming up in the next two months.
I am feeling such a creative burst of energy that I can hardly sit still. I recently found a novel I started writing when I was 14 and driving across the country. I have started to work on that again along with my other writing I do on a daily basis.

I have also really been opening my heart up more to those around me. I am working on living a more authentic life and that means allowing myself to open up to people more. It feels amazing to really connect with people and be totally present in our conversations. Every time I do this I can feel my heart opening more and more.

My coworker today noted that my true self was starting to come out. The happy, energetic, people loving and positive side that loves to be busy, to spend time with people and to be creative on a daily basis. She said she was really excited to see me coming back into my own world and filling her days up with love and positive energy.