That time of year again

It's winter solstice time which is my favorite time of the year!

I consider new years eve on the solstice and every year on the solstice I start my intention list for the next year. I reflect on the past year and what I was able to accomplish and I start to really think about what I want my upcoming year to be like.

This year my theme was pleasure. I wanted to bring pleasure into all areas of my life and to really think about what gives me pleasure in life. This year has been the best year of life in so many ways. I was able to try new ways of thinking, living and eating. I started to focus only on activities that I enjoyed and I even tried new things that I will continue to do for the rest of my life. I shed a lot of the baggage from my past and have been fully present to enjoy my life at the moment. I spent a lot of time this year looking at all areas of my life and releasing people, situations and objects that no longer were bringing me positive energy.

But mostly importantly I had fun this year!
I focused on myself and truly enjoyed my year. I also have been able to bring all this positive joy and energy to those people close to me.

So what does 2012 bring? I have some themes and ideas kicking around in my head. I have many plans for the upcoming year and I have some areas where I just want to stay exactly where I am.

Holiday Parties

This week finds me planning and shopping for numerous holiday parties coming up in the next few weeks.
I just purchased a new Kate Spade cape. I am dress shopping with my stylist.. I mean friend... next week.
And I even will be getting my hair done for the Company Holiday party which is going to be HUGE. I will provide more details after the event but they have hired some big names in the music industry to play the event.

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I am constantly pinching myself to make sure it is not just a dream but in fact my life. This is the life I have been dreaming about for years. This is what I always wanted my life to look like. This is the job I have always wanted. And instead of wasting this time I am being present and relaxing and evolving into an even better version of who I am right at this moment. I have new goals. I have new plans. I have new visions but I am also loving where I am at right now.

I can't wait for the family to be back together later this month. My nephew is so excited to see everyone and all the animals we have in the family. He often tells his mother that the horses really miss him.

What inspires me right now

Sometimes I am inspired by people, sometimes it's a song and sometimes it is a movie. Last night I was inspired a wonderful new movie coming out. Hugo. It's a beautiful movie that combined enough of European charm and music that I now know I must go traveling there soon.

The movie is in 3D which makes it even more beautiful and life like. I loved the story and the fact it takes place in a train station. I have always loved train stations in Europe, they have a special energy about them.

My planning for this summer has officially begun thanks to this movie. It's all I can think of. I am creating a soundtrack of songs to take with me. I am planning what clothing I will want to take over there. I am sure a new wardrobe is in order for this trip. I have started to read the new edition of The New Yorker which is the food edition and of course now I want to take a few side trips to experience restaurants in Denmark, Italy and England. I will do my research on what is happening in the culinary world of Sweden so that I can take my beloved friends out for an incredible meal. There is so much to do and see. I know I can't fit it all into this summer but traveling to Europe is something that I want to become a tradition. It's something that I have always wanted more of since I loved in Scotland all those years ago. It's why I work as hard as I do. So that I can travel and experience life outside of my little Seattle. And it's about to become my reality.

And there is so much to be Thankful for this year. I tear up every time I think about this magical year of my life and how grateful I am for everything and everyone that has helped me over the last few years.

Dreams

I dream of boat trips in the Caribbean with girlfriends. I dream of health retreats with girlfriends in California. I dream of long walks along the highlands of Scotland with old friends. I dream of train rides across Sweden with best friends. I dream of road trips to the Southwest with my camera. I dream of lazy week along adventures across the Southern states taking only back roads. I dream of Spanish adventures with a new male companion that loves food more than anyone else I have ever met. I dream of thick soft sweaters and wellies while in New Zealand. I dream of transferring to the London office of my company where I can enjoy a pint with coworkers.

These are some of my dreams lately and all are within my reach. These dreams will become reality and spawn new dreams. And all these dreams will happen while my health heals, my heart grows, my life at home and work become strong and I stay balanced.

Planning a vacation - or two - or three

This week starts with me planning my first of many vacations coming up for the next year. I am looking at going to a health Spa in California with a best girlfriend this April. I can't wait to swim outside, be in nature, drink fresh juice and just take care of myself.

Next stop, I am off to Sweden! I was thinking about trying to also visit Scotland but with the Olympics this summer, I think it would be best to just go to Sweden, hang with my lovely friends and experience the summer of Sun!

Scotland will be next... I promise friends over there... I will return!

I have so many things I want to do and now it is all possible. With my spine injury healing and my life returning to normal.... I am back to a life I adore full of adventure, fun and wonderful people to experience it with.

Today I am grateful for everything!

First review was a success

Last week marked my first review at my job. I can now tell everyone that I passed with flying colors!

It was almost a huge love fest. This is the first time in my life where I feel successful in a corporate setting. I am part of an amazing marketing team putting out fun products that are extremely successful. I am able to work with partners internally and externally and I then I get to create communication pieces that over 15 million people world wide read. It's pretty incredible when I think of it like that. This is the job I have always dreamed about. This is the job I have worked hard to get and this is the job I want to stay in for a while.

I was extremely happy to hear all the positive feedback from my manager and coworkers. I finally feel settled and happy with my career.
Plus this job allows me to dream again in life. My desire to travel is finally starting to manifest as I am making a good wage now. I can start to save to buy a new car. I can take really good care of myself now. And I can let a lot of the stress over the last ten years fade away.

It's amazing what taking care of yourself and putting your health first can do in terms of changing your life. I am grateful for the hard times because I would never have been able to be this genuinely happy without knowing real pain.

Feeling The Balance

After rereading my last post, I realized it feels like a million years ago. I did get sick that weekend and stayed home. I took care of myself that week and now two weeks later I feel very balanced and happy.

My work has become even more intense as we slide into the busy season and yesterday I easily had the worst day I have had since I started this new job. When I was talking to my coworker today about it I said " You know, yesterday I left smiling and today I came in smiling". Which means even on my worst days, I am still happy where I am at with work. This makes me very happy and this happiness spills into all areas of my life. There is not one place in my life giving me pain right now. I know it won't be like this forever but compared to where I was just a few short years ago, where I am right now is heaven.

I have been clothes shopping lately and all I can say about my new look is "Highland Super Hero" I have a new beautiful green cape from Pendelton and some bright gold boots from Hunter and when I combine these two items... look out!

I am off to enjoy this sunny day in Seattle. One of the last sunny days we will have for a while.

This weekend

This weekend I am making a promise to myself to take it easy. I have been pushing myself too hard the last few weeks and I can feel it in my body.

My work hours have been extended and then when I leave the office, it feels like there is so much to do before the day ends. Plus, weekends are now for chores and social events. Social events tend to win this game which means chores then get pushed to the week when I am exhausted after work.

This system is simply not working for me. I need to find a bit more balance before the really busy season hits in the next few weeks.

I also realized this week that I can not eat oats anymore. They are hurting me the same way wheat has been hurting me. So I am backing off oatmeal and everything with oats.
This has helped me to feel better but this week I have been also suffering from a terrible cold so all I want is comfort.... meaning comfort clothing, comfort food and my comfy bed.

Everything else is life is good. Work is good. Life is good. I am still losing weight while not eating gluten and feeling better everyday.

I really hope it starts to snow in the mountains soon. I am getting very excited thinking about taking some cross country ski classes. I love being outside when it snows and can't wait to learn some new form of exercise. Bring it Winter!

My favorite time of year

I love the Fall!

It's not because of Halloween or Pumpkin beer that makes me giddy this time of year. And I don't normally love the Holidays so that can't be why I love the fall. It's because when the weather turns cooler I can finally pull out my cashmere sweaters and my boots. I can layer my clothing. I can pull out my wonderful scarfs and just look super cute in my knit hat.

This last week or so fall has hit. I am more prepared than ever with some new sweater additions to my wardrobe. For the first time in 10 years I can finally afford to buy new pieces for my wardrobe. With my wonderful new job, I am seriously having to step up my game in my office attire. I now work in the marketing department and it seems to be one of the more formal departments in my company. I love the feeling of looking professional when I come into work everyday. And make up.... For so many years I avoided makeup but I am now having the time of my life playing with makeup. It takes me an additional 5 minutes every morning but is well worth it.

This weekend was not long enough! I am not ready for the work week. Everyone in my office is sick and I have been fighting it for weeks. I feel like I might be losing this fight. I could just use 1 day in my bed resting with nothing to do.

My new extended hours at work have not bothered me until this weekend when I realized that I have too much to do on the weekend to prepare for the work week because I am now working much longer days. Normally I don't mind but this weekend I almost cried. That's when I realized that I must be getting sick. I usually have enough energy plus more. So I will hopefully not get too sick but I am not holding my breath. Someone sounds like they are coughing up a lung a couple of offices over from me as I am writing this.

Feeling Great

Three weeks ago I gave up wheat and gluten and I will never look back!

I can't describe how great I feel. My whole body is responding so well to this life change. I no longer feel sick. My back does not hurt. I no longer notice the nerve damage from my spine injury. I can eat and feel full. I can actually enjoy food again. I have energy all day long now. And I just feel at peace all the time.

It's amazing to list all of these changes. I had never realized how food was becoming my enemy. Now that I can look back on the last ten years, I realize how much pain I have been in. I knew 10 years ago that something had gone wrong with my stomach but I never knew what it was. I just knew I was sick, in pain, gaining weight and not happy. Now that I am gluten free and wheat free, I feel the exact opposite!

I have been cooking a lot lately. I am currently obsessed with Quinoa Salads with Goat Cheese. I add a ton of fresh herbs and fresh veggies, use my new dried herb mix for a dressing and then mix it all together. This meal has been my comfort meal as I learn to live without wheat and gluten. This transition has been very easy for me because of all the RAW foods I ate this summer. But I realized that I need to add cooked food back in until I can get to a place of optimal health. Trying to go strictly RAW was stressing me and my body out. Giving up animal products was also making me feel weak and emotionally all over the place. So while I wait for my stomach to recover from the damage done by the what, I decided to just focus on organic, gluten free foods and leave it at that.

It's fall here and that means Cashmere sweater season. This is my favorite time of the year and I am increasing the amount of sweaters and shawls I own. As my body is recovering I am starting to realize that I only want to be comfortable in life so I am clearing away all the clothing I do not like and I am only wearing clothing that feels amazing.

Giving up something

Ever since this spring when I did my Raw month, I started to notice that when I was eating regular food, my stomach would hurt all the time. I thought it was just a sign I needed to return to RAW foods and juicing but I was having trouble doing it. Don't get me wrong... I love Raw foods and I love juice fasts.

I just came to realize I could not live entirely on them at this moment. My new job is wonderful but it is a lot of work and I can't focus so much on what I am or am not eating at the moment. But I was having serious stomach and body pains. My coworker kept talking about his daughter who can't eat gluten and how he is learning to live with that. I then begin to realize that on days when I ate wheat for lunch, I hurt the worst in the afternoon. Then I started to notice that on days when I ate wheat my stomach would bloat up a lot.

So I finally took the plunge and gave up Gluten and Wheat two weeks ago. I thought it was going to be hard but I feel so much now, I am actually enjoying it. I no longer have a bloated stomach. I no longer hurt or feel any kind of inflammation in my body during the afternoon hours. My digestive system is working like a charm and in the last two weeks I have shed over 10 pounds from just giving up wheat.

So I guess I am now gluten free. It's strange to think about how one thing could cause my body to go so wonky for so many years. I feel like I can almost pinpoint when this allergy might have come on. I don't have the typical symptoms that other people have when they get this allergy. But I do know that somehow wheat was causing a lot of really bad things to happen in my body.

Paddle Boarding

This weekend I met up with a new friend and we went Paddle Boarding.
It was simply... Amazing!

I loved every moment of it. Even today, I can feel how much of a work out it was. It uses almost every muscle in your body yet is so simple and easy. It was a beautiful day on Lake Union in Seattle and the water felt very refreshing. I am hoping to go paddle boarding one day after work this week. It would be great to get a couple more sessions in before the weather turns. I did decide this weekend that once there is snow in the mountains, I am going to get a couple of cross-country ski lessons. This will be really good for my back in the same way paddle boarding is.

After paddle boarding we had a healthy lunch and just relaxed in the sunshine. I then spent the evening in a small local town that from Seattle you must take a ferry to get too. I had a wonderful little reunion of sorts with old friends. Then Sunday it was sunny and warm again. I went to the farmers market and got a pedicure.

I am exhausted today in the best way possible. I had such a healthy and fun weekend!

Another Juice Cleanse

Over the last month I have fallen off the RAW wagon hard!

I do not feel good at all. I have a lot less energy, I get bloated every time I eat, my stomach hurts and my moods are pretty low while my brain is foggy.

There is no other reason for this except that I have not been as careful about what I am eating. It's a bummer to realize I have to start from scratch again to get back to where I was just two months ago. But I am willing to do it.

So yesterday I started another juice cleanse. Day one was hard. Day two I do not feel very good but my cravings are finally going away. It has been an emotional journey in many ways to get to day 3. I have spent a good part of the last year totally changing the way I eat and what I eat. But the work never stops. Just in the last month I have resorted to old ways- sort of. I am not eating unhealthy foods. I am just depending on kelp noodles or flax crackers too much and not eating enough veggies. I have been eating more potatoes (not raw) and not enough salads. And I have been eating more than I need. This has been the hardest lesson. If given the chance, I will simply eat more than my body needs.

That's what so amazing about doing a juice cleanse. The realization that I don't actually need that much food right now. My metabolism is very slow from being bed ridden and on the medications I was on. At this point I am not even sure I need to eat two meals a day. With the juice cleanse I realize that 3 juices a day are really all I need.

Today is day 3. I am clear headed. My energy level is back and I am very, very happy. I am so happy to be at this place in my cleanse. I am hoping for maybe 10 days this time. Yesterday afternoon was the turning point. That's when I realized I started to feel really good and my food cravings stopped. My stomach is no longer bloated and I am starting to slim down.

I signed up today for paddle boarding lessons to help me get active again. After realizing this spring that I can not run anymore because it was causing more numbness in my legs.... I got depressed. No other exercise feels as good to me as running did. Just 20 minutes made me feel amazing! I am frustrated by not being able to run and depressed that my spine is simply not going to allow me to do whatever I want. But I recently made a new friend and she loves paddle boarding. It is something I have been wanting to do for a while so I suggested we meet up this weekend to do it. I am so excited! I love the water, I love swimming and I love the idea of being active and using my core muscles. So paddle boarding this summer and then snow shoeing this winter. I can't wait!

Sorry it's been so long!

What a whirlwind last couple of months!

I don't even know where to begin. Tomorrow is my birthday and I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately on the last year and with all honesty I can say..... This year has been one of the best years of my life!

Let me see if I can break it down a bit.

Health- My body is my temple. I have been more active and loving towards my body this year. I have been working out on a constant basis and really taking care of myself. The most important area of growth over the last year for me was my changes in eating habits. Starting on the journey towards a more RAW and vegan diet has been very exciting and the most loving thing I have ever done for myself. My stomach never hurts and I feel like I have unlimited energy all day long. I no longer drink any kind of caffeine and mentally I am in such a strong place and to me it all relates to the changes in my diet. My body is rewarding me so much with all these changes.
On a side note to my health is how much I have grown in terms of my relationship with food. I no longer see it as in the same light. I have really challenge myself to take a different approach with food. Food is no longer a reward in my mind or an excuse. It is simply something I need to live and something that I need to monitor but in a very loving way. I now question everything I eat every time I eat and there is nothing but love for the process. I no longer have the addiction towards food I once had. It is a stable relationship with room to grow!

Work- This last year has been amazing for my career. I finally feel like I found my place in life at the moment. I am in an industry I love! I am in a large corporation I love! I am in a job I love! And I am on a team I love! I know work has it's ups and downs but for me this year has been about proving to myself that I am smart enough to be successful. I finally gave myself permission to be an adult on the job and I am being rewarded beyond belief. I have overcome so many challenges in my career and setbacks that it feels good to finally be in a place of pure joy, growth and excitement over the present and future! And I even got a HUGE promotion at work this month. What an amazing journey!

Life- I guess this is where everything else goes. I have been working on myself over this last year and I can see so much progress in myself. I have been meeting every Saturday morning with a group of ladies I adore and we have all grown so much! It's amazing to see how my relationships have changed over the last year thanks to the wisdom of all these women. I know I have learned to be truly present, I have learned to be patient and I have learned to be dependable. I feel more open to trusting myself, other people and fate. I think one of the best lessons I have learned over the last year is to be truly happy spending time alone. I am my own best friend. While I have an amazing group of friends, family and a wonderful support system, I also know that I am truly all I need in life. It's so different than where I was just a year ago. Such progress!

I am sure there are a million more lessons, events and amazing changes but this is all I can think of for now. I am glad to be back online and updating my blog.

One sad note for me is that I will be missing the Vida Vegan Con blogging conference this year. I was really looking forward to meeting other Vegan and RAW food bloggers but I promise I will try to be at the next one!

Too long

Whoa!

It was been way too long since I last posted. What has happened over the last month?
Let me think:

My work load has gone up four times the amount as normal. My team has crumbled I am the lone person left picking up the pieces. It has been an interesting expereince and I am not unhappy about it. I just have had a lot more work than I can handle and it has zapped my energy away. I am proud of how I have been able to step up and get everything done. And I have been doing a really great job!

I also have been much more social than normal. I have been going out more with new friends and I love it. However.... I do notice that I am not as in balance when I am so social. I had to hide by the end of the weekend because I was getting a little cranky at myself. I think one of my goals this year will be how to live in balance in all situations in life.

I have been eating raw salads everynight with veggies I have been growing in my garden. I have not been as good about having my raw smootie in the morning and lunch I have been slipping off the RAW pathway. But now that the sun is out I am encourage to eat more raw and soak in the beauty of summer.

What a wonderful long weekend!

I am still in a state of bliss from my amazing weekend!

This weekend was filled with new friends that I just adore. I have been making so many wonderful new friends and feeling like I am on this incredible new journey in life. Everything feels different! I feel different! I feel like I have new energy and it is attracting the kind of friends I have always wanted. I am so grateful for all the work I have done over the last couple of years to get here. Exactly where I want to be!

I was able to go to a baseball game this weekend, have lunch with a good friend, attend an amazing BBQ, take a short nap, clean my room, plant more veggies in my garden, enjoy the sunshine, have korean food, have RAW food, read a very empowering book and the list goes on.

I wish every weekend was a three day relax fest like this weekend was! I am so grateful to everyone I was able to interact with this weekend and I wish we could have kept the party going!

One side note, I have never been one to walk away from difficult situations or people. I usually keep trying to work things out way past their experiation date but this weekend I realized that for once I am going to make the right choice. I am going to walk away and not engage with someone that is clearly very unhealthy. I have too many wonderful and positive things happening in my life right now and I just want to keep growing. This is a very healthy decision for me and I feel very strong about it. The Universe is showing me such love right now!

What I Am Dreaming About

This week has been filled with a longing to make some vision maps for my future. I have a vision of what I would like the rest of the year to be like and I need to put it into motion. I just need to actually carve out the time and create the space to put this vision onto paper.

For the most part my next six months includes continuing to put my health and well being on center stage. I want to continue the RAW Foods and working out routine. I would actually like to take it up a notch if possible.
I would like to have some stability in my job. I am not on my career path yet but I know I am getting closer. I just need something I can depend on for a year or so while I get healthier.
I would like to create a larger community of like minded people. I would like this to include men and women. I am finally starting to get serious about wanting to create a partnership with someone while also creating a strong community of people I can count on. It feels good to finally admit this to myself and others. For so long I lived as if I was an Island and did not need anyone but I now see how unhealthy this thought pattern is.
And finally, I would like to live in a clean and well organized living environment. I am not an organized person by any means. It just is not how I think. But as I get older I long to come home to a nice comfortable living environment. This means I must go through all of my personal belongings and clean house. I must release the past and move forward. This is a large undertaking and will require all summer to accomplish but I long for this so I must move forward.

This week I planted my 14 different heirloom tomatoes. I have been eating Arugula, Bib salads all week from my garden. I can't wait for a summer full of fresh tomatoes, basil and Arugula salads! Fresh corn season has hit Seattle and I am really enjoying adding that to my salads as well as a ripe Avocado. I think it's almost lunch time!

I have a new hero!

This week has been a wonderful week. I finally have my spark back! Not only have I had a week full of amazing events, I have also made time to go to the gym! I have not been able to do my laundary but I can do that this weekend.

Let's see where to start....

This week was my first but not my last Geek Girl event. This month it was hosted by Facebook at their sister office in Seattle. It was so amazing to be in a room full of other women in the Tech world. It made me wish I had majored in Computer Science when I was in school. It was a wonderful expereince to hear more about how facebook is built and how the company is run. I loved the fact they hire people not just for projects but because they are talented and then once they have gone through the boot camp session they can pick what projects they want to work on. Imagine a company hiring you just on wanting you to join the company and then allowing you to find out where your strengths are! Sounds divine.

Then last night I met the most amazing lady, Ani Phyo. She is a raw food author and eco lifestyle expert. I was lucky enough to be able to speak with her before the event and was so inspired when I found out she used to work in the Tech world. I felt like all evening she was sharing her story just to me and all about me. We have so many similarties in terms of career, interests and just life goals. I was really inspired by this talk and in awe of the fact she has been able to make a raw version of rice that when I first tried it I just assumed it was brown rice! The talk was at a wonderful resort on Lake Washington and it was a perfect sunny day. I can't wait to try some of her recipes from her new book, including my faborite Korean Food dishes. Over the last year I have been obessed with Korean food. I love all the Kim Chee and side dishes and was so excited when I heard that a large part of her new book is dedicated to these dishes.

I feel more inspired to keep moving forward on my RAW path way and to learn more. I would love to visit Ani in LA and just spend an afternoon talking with her about life. She would be a great mentor and friend.

Sunny Day!

It is finally sunny here!
I can't believe how a little sunshine can improve everything. I feel like a happy little busy bee.

Today I received word that I am going to the Vida Vegan Blogger Confernce this summer in Portland! Not only am I super excited to go to this wonderful event, but it is also my birthday weekend! I can't wait to finally meet all the wonderful people that write my favorite vegan and RAW food blogs. I also love Portland and am looking forward to a weekend away. This was such a great surprise. I needed a little pick me up and this email was just what I needed.

This morning I have been experimenting with RAW/Vegan breakfast options. I had some Chia breakfast cereal with Almond Milk. It was wonderful and super filling. I have been munching on veggies and raw nuts. I am finally starting to feel better and more grounded!

I am going to have to cut down on the running I am doing. I am having some issues with my spine and numbness so it pains me to cut back on my favorite activity but until I know that this is the root cause of my issues it is too risking for me to continue. Lucky for me I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago so I will just transfer to working out there doing things I know won't hurt my spine.

Returning to the RAW

Last week all the little stresses in life seem to wrap up within 24 hours to allow for me to return to life. Some parts of this completion were easy, some parts were hard but I managed to make it through the week and then collapse on the weekend.

I took this weekend off from life. I slept 12 hours on Friday night. I slept 10 hours on Saturday night. I stayed close to home and I did not see anybody. I just needed a weekend to decompress, clean my house and prepare to return to the RAW lifestyle. I was so mentally and physically exhausted I felt like a shell of myself all weekend.

Today I am in a very neutral place. I am happy because I spent the time yesterday to prepare an amazing day of RAW foods. I am going to really push for a RAW work week this week. I need to get back to that place of health. I felt amazing just a month ago when I was RAW 5 days out of the week. I also need to return to moving my body and taking better care of myself. I long for the feeling of getting smaller, waking up with an amazing amount of energy and the overall happiness that I felt all day long.

My job is ending in 6 weeks and I have a couple of things in the works. I am not stressed out or fearful of this transition. I am excited because I know the next thing is right around the corner. And until I know what path I should take I am happy to come into the office and do the work that has brought me joy over the last six months.

I did get a chance this weekend to visit the Vegan RAW cafe on Vashon, Pure. It was a wonderful sunny day and I just needed an Island adventure all alone to soothe my tired soul. After spending a couple of hours in the woods with Ahmi I stopped by Pure for a veggie juice. It was wonderful to see a Vegan cafe packed full of people. I wished I could have tried the RAW arugula Pizza but at that point all I craved was some veggie juice. I look forward to coming back to this cute cafe and trying more off their wonderful menu. It also inspired me to really think about 105degrees again.....

I am going to work on a vision map this week for myself that includes 105degrees. It's time to get serious about making this dream a reality!

*side note, 105degrees has changed it's name into Matthew Kenney Academy. He is the founder and visionary behind the school. I will need to remember this for future postings.

I was once

I was once the picture of a great work life balance!
I was able to get my job done without any mistakes. I was able to come home and really take care of myself. I had consent energy all day long and felt great.

I am no longer this person and it is making me very upset. Why would I agree easily to becoming so non-present in my life? Why do I associate success with becoming so busy I don't know if I am coming or going? Why are the little things slipping from my grasp?

I just decided this whole thing needs to end right now! I need my life back and I am no longer willing to give up my balance and peace for success. I have been making too many mistakes in all area's of my life to allow this to continue.

But the kicker is that not all of my decisions I have been making are up to me! My mother is moving away so I must spend time with her. My job is becoming more demanding so I must spend time on the weekend working on it......etc etc

At least it feels like I have no control over my time right now. And to top it off, it feels like everyone I know is coming out of the woodwork and wanting to spend time with me. So on top of being so busy I can't see straight, I am too busy to see people that I care about and I feel guilty for turning people away. Arghh!

I knew I would lose my balance a little bit but I had no idea the eye of the strom would hit all at once and that I would suddenly sell myself out by giving up my need for balance. I am my own worst enemy right now.

Need to get the happy back

I need to get my happy back!

These last few weeks have blown all my peace and balance right out the window. I am worn down, bordering on getting a cold, exhausted and I have lost my energy.

It's so strange to take a sudden turn for the worse. My back has been hurting for the first time in almost a year and I am just low grade right now about everything.

I do know several key factors on why this is happening. I have a job change coming up, my mother is moving to the East Coast next week and we have not seen the sun in what feels like months. Plus, I have been allowing for too many things to throw me off my routine in life.

So this week I am slowly going to work towards getting my balance back. I made the decision to not go after a job raise and change and instead to just remain where I am at because as soon as the idea of going after a higher level job came up my health went down hill fast. As soon as I made this decision it just felt right. I need balance before I can return to working towards my career. As weak as that might sound. I simply can not afford another health issue mentally or emotionally at this point.

This means that the next few weeks I will be taking life at a slower pace and trying to spend as much time outside in nature as I can. I will be putting my trust in the Universe and just trying to find my balance in life.

Me Month May

I have been thinking about doing a theme for next month called “Me Month”. Of course every month is me month, but in May I was going to strive to be really exceptional in taking care of myself. Of course if the last two weeks are any indication of what “Me Month” would look like I think I should stay far away!

My last two weeks have been rough. I was exhausted all last week and did not work out very much. I think I was fighting getting sick and I just simply got distracted. This week I found out some shocking news at work that has increased my hours. Shocking in that my job is possibly turning into a full time long term kind of thing. I love working on a project type basis and tend to not take “blue badge” full time employee work. I made a commitment to myself this year to put my health first and my career on the back burner because I needed to focus on my health. It has been very successful and I am happier than I have ever been. Except for this week when I found out I needed to start working harder. First thing I did was throw the RAW foods right out the window. I felt that I needed to take the time I would be preparing food at night and use it towards work. Next went the running. I was already used to not working out from the previous week so I just ignored that as well. Next went my meals for when I was at work. I simply stopped craving RAW during the day and started eating more cooked foods.

NIGHTMARE!

This week my stomach has been hurting from all the cooked foods I have eaten. I have more gas, acid and just general nasty feelings in my stomach than I have had in a very long time. I am not waking up happy or full of energy anymore. My dreams or visions for the future are clouded. I no longer feel in touch with myself, my energy or my surroundings. I also feel less effective at work. And all my insecurities and weaknesses are suddenly loud and very close to the surface. I feel like a raw nerve of doubt and I hate it!

This weekend I am spending some time with friends but then I am quickly getting back on the self-care train. I need to learn to prioritize myself even when the stress of life becomes strong. I need to learn to say no to family, friends and work mates. I need to make grocery shopping a regular habit so I have plenty of RAW foods when I come home exhausted and can’t think of what to do. And I need to learn that it’s ok to fall off the wagon every once in a while and that the best thing is to gently get back up and start again.

One positive note is that I did join a gym this weekend so I can start to lift weights and also use the steam room to relax in. And I am happy to admit that I have been able to notice every time I fell off the wagon that I simply did not feel as good as I had in the previous weeks and my desire was to get back to my healthier lifestyle. None of these thoughts were mean or degrading thoughts. They were loving thoughts of awareness when it came to my health.

Friends and Food

Yesterday I was reminded of a New York Times article I read a couple of years ago titled “Are your friend’s making you fat?”. I spent a good part of the day thinking about this article and my own personal journey. I was inspired and dare I say… A little jealous of Amber’s blog post about all the vegan/ raw food bloggers she got to see over the last week. I am so grateful for my friend Jen because without her own desire and interest in health, I may not have gotten as far into this whole topic/ life style change.

So I thought over how food and friends have affected my life over the last 10 years and if really thought about if I believed in what the article was trying to say. Do my friends and acquaintances really affect my food choices and my eating habits?

After spending an evening thinking about I dare say… I have to agree. …

To some parts of the article and only when thinking about my own life and my own journey. I don’t want to offend anyone nor make this a huge nightmare of a blog post but for the sake of my own journey, I have been affected by other people when it comes to my relationship with food.
But I am also affected by location of where I am living, traveling or visiting. And I am affected by my own mood and general wellbeing. There are so many factors going on but the one I want to focus on is the friendship/ relationship connection.

As I think back about my journey I see how this idea that other people affect me has happened throughout the years.
When I was living in NYC I became very small. I was around people that ate very healthy and very small amounts. I walked everywhere and I learned to say no to most food. When I lived in the Midwest, I gained weight. I was around people that liked to eat fried foods, not move very much and drink a lot. Seattle has always been a up and down city for me. I have friends that are all over the weight range. But I have noticed a shift lately. Because I am becoming so health focused I am moving towards more like minded people. It’s not a matter of judging people. I do believe you can be extremely healthy and also a larger size. But I am more attracted to people that are realistic and real about the relationship between food and how they are living their lives. This has been a natural progression and has happened slowly. I also find that people are becoming more attracted to spending time with me based on my healthy choices. I have spent numerous evenings taking friends to the RAW restaurant here in Seattle. I have been going over to friend’s houses to create RAW meals for them. I am introducing a new lifestyle to a lot of people around me while learning from already healthy people.
Last night I was talking with a friend about how I have noticed my friends that eat really healthy and do not struggle with issues with food have no emotions around food. It is not good or bad to them. It is just a neutral balance situation. I have been very influenced by this way of relating to food. It is something to be neutral about. Some days I will eat great and some days I might have a “treat” but there is no emotion around it but pure love.

I also find that what used to seem normal to me no longer does. And what does seem normal to me now is what tends to be normal to my healthier more balanced friends. There is an interesting quote from the article “Christakis and Fowler suspect that as friends around us become heavier, we gradually change our mental picture of what “obese” looks like and give ourselves tacit permission to add pounds.” So true! I have started to notice this with people around me. My mind set goes very relaxed when I am around certain groups of people and I tend to think about what I am eating. I look at things that are very unhealthy and some friends see these items as being fine. And I know the people around me feel the same way.

This does not mean by any means I will be dropping friends or refuses to see my friends that happen to be a larger size. That will never happen! I am just noticing for myself that I am influenced good or bad by the people around me. This leads me to want to be around healthier people while also being able to help my friends that want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I am never one to judge and I struggle with this issue so much myself that I totally understand where people are at on all sides of the health scale. Because I have been on all sides of the health scale.

But in truth I am finding that the healthier I get, some friends are simply disappearing. Not because of my actions but because …. I don’t really know why but I have some theories.

I have become boring to them. Without my desire to complain over unhealthy food and engage in unhealthy actives, I become less fun to be around. Unless, you want to go running with me, learn about raw foods with me, take a walk, play pinball etc. But if you want to sit in front of me and eat a burger while having me eat one as well…. You will be out of luck.

I think I am bringing up issues for them that they do not want to deal with. I am admitting that I have a problem and I am actively fixing it. But if my friends don’t want to admit to having an issue or are uncomfortable about admitting it, I am not going to be much fun around it. Unless you understand how healthy it is to face your fears and grow as a person!

Lack of similar interests. This one I understand. I am growing and my interests are growing. I want to expand my life, my mind and my body(in a healthy way). This includes change and a new direction and I am ok with this.

So far now I am just looking at this whole topic on a bigger picture scale and watching how my actions and choices change as I move towards a healthier lifestyle and while also allowing myself to change and grow as a person.

Something Old

Yesterday I was at a loss on what to wear to work. I have been losing weight so quickly that I am now only down to a couple of key items. I feel good about the weight loss and the fact that I am starting to look very healthy and happy. But I am struggling with the fact that I do not have any back up clothing to replace what I can no longer wear. That's right. I have no in between clothing!

I am not sure how it happened. I must have just given away all my in between clothing or never had any to begin with. But I am now at a loss of what to wear.

Last night I did find some relief in pair of pants I don't remember buying. I have not even worn these pants. They are brand new! I have no idea where they came from but they fit for right now. Another two weeks of raw foods and I will be falling out of them as well. But for now I have a very spring looking outfit on that makes me feel cute and that's what I am going to focus on. I will do some shopping this weekend and see what I can come up with. I don't want to invest too much into more clothing right now because I am not yet at my goal size. But things are getting a little silly for me to not buy a couple of key pieces..

And YEAH for being able to let go of the old sizes and donate them to someone that needs them. They are beautiful J.Jill and Ann Taylor pants and I loved them!

Today I am inspired by Gillian Young's blog! This month her theme is food attitude and it really struck a cord with some of the issues I have been working on lately. Gillian is working towards a more healthy and loving relationship with food. This has been happening for me as I transition towards the RAW diet. I am no longer in fear or food or feel guilty about food. I am finding balance in my relationship with food. Special occasions are becoming that, special occasions. I don't eat sweets everyday but when I do I can fully appreciate them instead of the semi-conscious feelings of guilt and disgust. My body is finally starting to be able to guide me towards healthier choices but it also let's me slip from time to time. Radishes are becoming my version of snack foods and I love that! I no longer crave fat, salt, oil or sugar. I crave the natural goodness of RAW foods. I find that this desire towards health is moving into all area's of my life. I am moving around more. I am eating less. I am making better choices in all area.

And I am truly learning to love food and to interact with it on a very healthy level.

The Life Changing Natural Diet

Another lovely weekend...... I am dragging myself today to focus on the fact it is Monday. Oh how I wish I had one more day to continue the fun I had this weekend.

Last night I was reviewing the previous week in my head and you know what I realized? I am now eating RAW 4 days out of the week!!!! This change happened without me evening realizing it. Ever since I tried to go RAW in February I have backed away from trying to push myself into something I am not ready for. Or so I thought! I did not back away but I decide to make the transition a lot more natural. I stopped forcing myself to follow rules and started to just do what felt the best for myself while I also realizing that going RAW was something I was really interested in. It started slowly, my smoothie because totally raw, I started to pack my lunches during the week and then I found when I got home in the evenings the only thing that sounded or looked good to me was a nice salad.

I still struggle on the weekends because I want to be able to hangout with friends and do normal stuff. But I saw some differences this weekend. When I went out with friends on Friday night I ordered a huge salad and loved it! It has radishes in it so of course I had to order it. I then spent yesterday early afternoon with a good friend watching a soccer game from England in a pub. I packed a handful of radishes to eat while watching the game and trying not to drool as everyone around me ate a proper English breakfast. Of course, next to my radishes the English breakfast looked so heavy and kind ...... Well, kind of gross. It is getting easier over time and I know that sometime soon I will be eating 90% RAW.

My friend Jennifer and I have been talking a lot about health and beauty. She is also going through a life changing health realization and it has made my whole process easier to have a pal to talk with. We keep talking about how we need to put our journey into a book of some sort. We both have lost a lot of weight and yet neither of us feels deprived or unhappy at all. We both eat more now than we did before. We both are starting to glow from the inside out and we both are much happier than we have ever been. Where is all this coming from? The foods we put in our bodies!!! So hopefully we can figure out a way to share our stories with every one. We inspire each other everyday and want to share this with everyone we know!

One more exciting note before I start my day. This weekend I found out that my business mentor and dear friend moved away last month. I am somewhat sad but even more excited because I just found out she moved to Oklahoma City!!!! Which is of course, the same city I am dreaming of visiting so that I can attend The 105 Degrees Academy! And not only that but I also just found out they did a TED talk there!!! You can find the information here. To receive this email and find out my business mentor just moved there was what I consider a very strong sign of something new on the horizon.

Loads to think about

I am eating RAW a couple of days out of the week, mostly while I working. I find the routine of being at work easier for me to not be tempted by the old ways. I love how I feel full at lunch yet not sleepy or sluggish. I practically jump out of bed in the morning full of energy. I am happy all day long with loads of positive energy and I feel very balanced in all areas of my life.

And my morning smoothie.... I can't say enough about my morning smoothie.

For the last couple of weeks I have been adding cherries to the mix. Yum! I also switched to Almond Milk and if I need a an extra kick I will throw in a few raw almonds for extra energy. My days have been full of radishes which as you know are my new favorite thing in the world and then in my evenings I am eating salads made up of fresh arugula from my kitchen garden. Truly Divine is all I can say!

I have had some interesting developments this week. For one, two nights this week I have broken my rule and gone out on a week night. It has been OK. I just don't feel as happy at work. I come in and just put my head phones on versus my usual bubbly self. I can feel the imbalance that has developed because I am tired after being out late the night before. And I don't feel as present with people. So next week it's back to the normal way of doing things.

I have been pushing myself to get outside of my comfort zone and this has actually included meeting someone. It's a very new thing and I won't go into to much detail but this person makes me smile, laugh and feel better all around. If nothing more new friends are always good.

I have also been having to give space in situations that I no longer feel are healthy. I am all about being present, honest and loving right now to everyone in my life. And sometimes other people are not on such a peaceful path. I want to be able to hold space for them and be there for them but I also do not want to fall into their drama or unhealthy cycles. I feel that I am accepting that I can not be healthy for these people right now but I can change the dynamic by giving people space and time to work out or at least work on what they need too. While I continue on my peaceful and very fulfilling path in life.

This weekend I will be working in the garden and spending time with good friends. Two of my favorite things. Someone commented last week that my kitchen was becoming very "green". Meaning full of live plants, veggies growing and kitchen herbs. It is quickly becoming my favorite room.

What I am dreaming about

I dream of the 105 Degrees Raw culinary school. I look at their website every day. I read blogs written by people that have attended this school and I think about how every day I know I am getting closer to attending this school! One of the first Raw books I read was written by Matthew Kenney , Entertaining in the Raw. It is a beautiful book that is very daunting to a newbie like me. But I loved the idea of what I could do with Raw foods once I learned more about how to make the food. I loved how in contrast to the hippie Raw restaurants here in the Northwest. This food was beautiful and elegant looking. And the combinations of foods made my mouth water. So simple yet so wonderful sounding. At that time I had no idea he had opened a culinary school and that I would be just a few months later longing to go there.

So besides dreaming of going to this school and being obsessed with RAW blogs, I am also busy at work in the kitchen.

I have not said much about my new job that I started in January but it is for a very large and very famous video game company. I love my job, I love the world of video games and I love my workmates…

But what I love more than any of that is being in the kitchen making RAW food. I love walking in the fruits and veggies aisle at my local CO-OP or farmer’s market and coming up with new ideas. So last night I made a Cherry Kiwi RAW pudding. I also made a glorious salad for lunch today. I also came up with a new smoothie for my breakfast, Cherry Mango Almond Milk.

I seem to be really into Cherries and Radishes right now. Nothing sounds better to me than some fresh Radishes, some blended up frozen Cherries and a lovely arugula and watercress salad! I started my spring garden this weekend. I have micro greens growing right now which if I can resist myself from eating them, will turn into wonderful Heirloom radishes. I planted heirloom carrots and 6 kinds of radishes. What did I tell you about craving radishes! It’s an intense desire. I picked three spots in my yard where I will grow fresh herbs, tomatoes, beans, zucchini and other things. I can’t wait for the first harvest! I will try to post some photos soon of all this gardening. I am so inspired by the RAW community that I can’t wait to share the love. I am even thinking about attending the Vegan Blogger convention happening in Portland this summer. What a whole new life I am cultivating!

Another amazing weekend. This one was more simple than the previous weekends but no less fun. I spent time with just two friends and was really present to both of them. It felt great to have no worries or stress. One amazing habit I have picked up in the last few months that has greatly changed my life is to not go out Sunday through Thursday nights. This time spent at home during the work week, allows me to truly have weekends of fun. I don't have to worry about cleaning or washing my clothes since I do that during the week. Instead I can let my weekends flow organically and I can just be present to whatever fun comes my way.

This weekend included making a RAW Lime Pudding! It was delicious and only had 4 ingredients. Avocado, bananas, lime and lemon zest and juice. You throw it all in a blender and ZING, you have the most amazing pudding ever. You won't miss the lack of dairy or the lack of sugar. We ate this pudding as our dinner and it was so filling. I felt amazing in the morning and loved the fact I could eat something so close to a dessert for dinner! I am already coming up new idea's for future puddings to try. I can't wait to share this dessert with more people.

I also went on a huge hike this weekend that included a large amount of stairs up a giant bluff. I was a little worried as I walked down to the beach that I would not be able to make it back up. After two hours of searching the beach for beach glass with a good friend of mine, we started the long trek up the path. Much to my surprise this climb up the cliff was easy. I sometimes forget about how much exercise I do during the week. Becoming so physically fit has made special adventures like this something I truly love.

One exciting thing that happened this weekend was I was asked by a good friend to come over and meet with her and her husband to teach them about moving towards a RAW lifestyle. They have seen the changes in me over the last six months and are amazed at how moving towards this lifestyle has totally changed not only my physical body but also how this lifestyle has changed my attitude, my energy level and even my skin(I appear much more youthful and healthy looking). Of course I agreed to share this part of my life with them. I am so in love with every change I have made in my life and get very excited about other people opening up to this level of true happiness. So in a few weeks I will have a session with them where I am going to teach them how to make a RAW dinner and then we will go for a huge walk. I am going to experiment with recipes until I find the perfect one to introduce someone who has only ever eaten processed food. Will keep you posted on this development.

Daydreams

Sometimes I have daydreams at work of quitting my job and going to school full time to learn how to become a RAW chef. I read daily raw blogs and I am so inspired by people that get to spend all their time creating amazing food and teaching people about the wonderful transformation that can happen when you start to go RAW. I think this maybe the next step in my life and I am just letting the Universe guide me. I do get very excited by reading these blogs and realizing that there are people out there living the life I would like to live one day.

But I am not sure that 100% raw is for me yet. I hate to admit it that I do get weepy if I don’t eat meat at least once a month. I know this is not that much meat to eat but I would like to be able to get over this issue. I also still crave cheese and sometimes even bread type items. I am slowly cutting these items out of my life and replacing them with amazing RAW foods but it is a slow process and one that I am excited about but also taking my time to balance everything out. I don’t think this type of large life style change can happen really quickly. I want long term new habits to form so this is a process.

I am going to a very interesting Design lecture at the University of Washington tonight. I don’t normally go out during the week but I am making an exception for this event. I am working very hard on bringing in more meaningful hobbies into my life. I want to experiment and live life. Part of this living is me going out and trying new things. So tonight is a venture into a new world of design for me. It is an architecture and space lecture about boundaries and nature. Everything else is pretty good and calm. I have been running every night and am starting to crave the feeling of working out again. It is still cloudy and wet here in the northwest which I must admit is starting to get me down. I love Seattle most of the time but right now it is just too dark and makes me long for the Deep South or LA area. I need sunshine, warm air and t-shirt weather!

New lessons to learn

The last two weeks have been non-stop fun. However, this week I am learning a very tough and needed lesson. I quickly let sugar back into my life and within a week I am feeling it so strongly that I physically hurt. I am exhausted and just straight up tired. My energy level is normal it's just the pain in my body that is causing me issues. All that has changed in my life was the introduction of sugar in a non essential way. argh! So I have been really increasing my raw food and veggies in hopes that this will allow the sugar to leave my body sooner. I am taking it easy and just allowing myself to really feel this pain and discomfort so that in the future when my coworkers bring in donuts everyday for a week, I can back away and say no.

I did buy new work out shoes this week and had a wonderful workout last night in them. It felt like I was jogging on clouds! I also bought some super hot boots and my first ever pair of skinny jeans! This is the first time in 10 years that I am wearing non baggy clothing. I feel so happy to see my body shrinking. I am also very happy at how my confidence level is starting to allow me to wear clothes that actually fit and show off my best assets.

I have also been filled with much love for all my new girlfriends in life. I have been having the best time getting to know them and be able to be a part of their lives. I feel like every week I learn several lessons and this week is no different. Besides not eating sugar, I am learning to call and check in with my girlfriends. Even if it is just for 5 mins. I have never been a phone person and growing up with mostly men, I never really learned the importance of a female support group. This is one of those issues I have wanted to tackle and change because as I get older I can see the importance of this support group and of being in the habit of checking in with people. So I have been working on this with my wonderful friend Jennifer. We have been checking in with each other every evening, discussing how our days went and what kind of food choices we made. She is also very excited about eating better, getting healthier and eating more raw foods. At first I felt weird calling someone to just talk but now it is becoming second nature and I look forward to our calls. It is so nice to have a partner during this new growth phase in life.

Loving so much this morning

It is sunny here in the Northwest and I can feel Summer starting to come slowly to this part of the day. I love Fall when the leaves start to drop and the evenings get dark and cozy but there is something even more magical about the Spring. We are up to 12 hours of day light now with many more to go. The Mountains all around me are clear and snow covered. I love how soft the light is on my drive to work and how when I jog at night now I am not in total darkness. I have been out three nights in a row jogging! I am feeling so much better! I have even finally stopped coughing. So now I have no excuse not to run. I even downloaded an app to help me keep track of steps and distance for my run. This will help me to increase both my time and distance as I now take steps to push me further ahead. This morning as I settle into my desk and check all my blogs that I love to read in the morning, I am starting to see a common theme. Self love for your body! What a great message this morning. I have such a complicated relationship with my body but a deep love for it. I think even after being sick for so long and even with the knowledge of my spine condition, I love my body even more because it is bouncing back so well. My body almost has a mind of it's own. Even when my mind wanted to throw in the towel and give up because I was in so much pain my body refused. And now my body is loving the exercising so much it is rewarding me with easy weight loss and strength. I am starting to tone up all over my body and I can even eat whatever I want now. No more are the days of stomach issues or easy weight gain. Now I am hard pressed to not lose weight or feel ill. My body is rewarding me in so many ways because it is in love with what is changing on the inside and outside. Of course I am rewarding my body with RAW foods, small portions and lots of water. I am rewarding it with wonderful cashmere and cotton. I am rewarding it by showing off instead of hiding. And most of all I am rewarding my whole self with LOVE! Tonight will be day 4 of jogging and 18 days closers to getting in the habit of jogging every night! I will get there.

Truly Blessed

This weekend was one of those weekends where I felt like I was in a french movie. Everything was beautiful, perfectly timed and just the right tempo to keep me happy and fulfilled all weekend long.

It started with ladies night on Friday night at one of my new favorite places in Seattle, Moshi Moshi. With it's sparkling Cherry Tree in the middle,the wood interior that bring earth tones to a comforting level and a bar tender that can make a non-alcoholic taste better than any alcoholic drink I have ever had, it was the perfect night. Let's not forget the wonderful women I spent the evening with! They are my partners on this journey of change that I am so excited about. I truly feel like a butterfly coming out of my cocoon. And a blessed little butterfly at that!

Next was my women's meeting on Saturday morning that then turned into an afternoon spent with a new friend while walking around the SUNNY, perfect Seattle day. I am so excited when I make new friends and this one is a great addition to my life right now. We made plans to do things together. One of my goals for this year is to take the eating part out of spending time with people. I want to do things with friends, learn about things, create new interests and hobbies. I want to walk and talk with them, take a class with them or go somewhere with them. I just don't want it to be all about food or drinking. I want it to be about exploring this wonderful city and experiencing life in a new way. This new friend has the same desire in life and I have a feeling that a new best friendship is about to be born in my life!

Saturday afternoon rolled into Saturday evening where I met up with another good friend and we caught up after not seeing each other for months. She has not seen me since I started my new improvement kick and was blown away by the changes. Cut a little(a lot) of hair off, get a new wardrobe, find the perfect makeup and add a little self confidence and bam! you have a new and beautiful lady! I had not thought that I had changed that much but she was blown away. So we spent the evening catching up and catching the eyes of cute people in one of my other favorite places in Seattle.

Sunday morning I did what I love to do every other Sunday morning. I met up with another good friend for breakfast. My friend works for three hours on Sunday morning and then picks me up for a leisurely Sunday morning adventure. He is one of my best friends and in many ways is my rock that I depend on. I was home before the afternoon and then spent the rest of the day getting ready for my week. I made a RAW dinner and cleaned my room.

It was truly a perfect weekend for me. Everything flowed so easily and perfectly. I had so much energy and was just so grateful to be exactly where I am at right now. Plus, Spring is finally starting to come around to the Northwest and that makes every cell in my body happy. The days are longer and warmer. There is nothing that beats it staying light until 10 at night during those warm summer months!

Moving forward and enjoying the present

My heart goes out to Japan and all the people suffering from this whole experience. What a terrible thing to happen to such a wonderful place and group of people. But I know that the amount of love coming from everyone will help them to move forward and change how we deal with nuclear energy, disaster preparations and everything else. Please donate, pray or do whatever you can for these strong and wonderful people. They need everyone support.



In other news, I had the most wonderful weekend! I broke down last weekend and finally went to the doctor to get on some antibiotics. It has taken a few days but by Friday I was finally feeling like being social and not just going home to bed so I went out with some new friends! What a fun night!!!! I spent the evening with like minded people. discussing traveling, food, wine and other area's we are passionate about. It was a great way to kick start my weekend.

Saturday I finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. Mine broke on Super Bowl Sunday and I have been without a phone since. I love my new phone and being able to be in touch with my friends again. I even went on a surprise shopping trip Saturday evening with a friend and bought some much need new additions to my wardrobe. I am finally ready to move beyond my much loved Hoodies. I think at this point I maybe just too old to wear hoodies to work. Of course it could have something to do with my awesome job at a large corporation, where I am actually in a position of being very successful and happy. So I bought a couple of new tops and some cardigans in a new style that looks amazing with my new body.

Sunday I usually lay low and prepare for the week. I tend to check in at work and get everything prepared for the week. This Sunday I did spend some time with my mom and catching up with old friends.

This week at work has been filled with laughter and happiness. And I even have started to run again at night. I tried last week to get back into it but my lungs prevented me from getting very far. This week will be different. I feel like my body and energy level are finally on the same page and I am getting that excited feeling about working out again. I really, truly missed it.

Last nights dinner was a success

Last night I made my first meal using Kelp noodles and it was such a wonderful success I wanted to share it with you. And to top it off, I had so much energy after the meal and I feel amazing this morning. I am so used to after eating feeling groggy and not great that I am always surprised when I eat a meal that actually makes me feel incredible.

Spicy Asian Almond Sauce with Kelp Noodles

--I put a couple of handfuls of almonds (or any nut you would like) in a blender
--I then added some sesame oil and chili oil
--Soy Sauce
--Fresh Ginger
--Fresh garlic
-- A bit of water to make the sauce less like peanut butter and more like a sauce
-- a tiny dash of honey

I blended all this up in the blender for about 3 or 4 minutes. It tasted amazing! I did not even miss the peanuts which is usually the sauce I like to use when making a recipe like this.

Kelp Noodles-
These need to be drained and rinsed a couple of times. I then filled a large bowl up with cold water and lemon juice. This takes the crunchy/ squeaky sound out of the noodles that appear if you don't do this step. I let them soak in the lemon juice/ water for almost an hour. I then rinsed and drained them several more times.

Then I put the noodles and any veggies you might have in the house in a large bowl and poured the sauce over them. I added a little extra sauce because the noodle have no taste at all and they will soak up the sauce nicely. For this dinner I put in Red Pepper, Carrot, Arugula and tomatoes.

This dinner was so easy and delicious. Because the sauce was an Asian influenced sauce it worked nicely with the Kelp noodles which are very similar to Asian glass noodles. I was thinking for my next recipe I am going to try a nice Mushroom sauce with the noodles and veggies.

Next time I will also try to take a photograph! I wish I remembered this last night because this meal was truly incredible. I am now starting to understand how eating RAW is actually a lot easier than I realized.

Feeling better!

While the antibiotics are working on my illness, I have been battling with a stomach ache like you would not believe.

Today I worked from home which is a wonderful aspect to my job. I can work from anywhere. This allowed me to go to the store to stock up on probiotics to help my stomach and digestive system deal with the antibiotics. I had a probiotic smoothie for lunch and I will be having a RAW kelp noodle dinner full of veggies. I am hoping this will help me get a full night of sleep tonight. The pills really seem to hit me hard between 12 and 4 am when my stomach has become empty yet I have this large pill dissolving in my system.

But I am feeling better in my sinus and lung area and my energy is finally coming back. Which means I can start up again and go running on a more regular basis. I don't know why I waited so long to go to the doc but I am very happy I did. I missed running everyday. I had no idea how much this one activity has changed my life but it has. The change can be seen in my body, mind and even spirit.

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For dinner I made the Kelp Noodles with an Asian style almond sauce, red peppers, carrots and arugula mixed in. It was so good! I feel the best I have felt in a month! YEAH for RAW dinner!!!!!!

Finally getting better!

Yesterday I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I simply am not getting better and it has almost been a month now. So I am now on meds and not super happy about it but hopefully I will be feeling better soon.

It was sunny yesterday and I was able to work from home. I enjoyed sitting next to the window looking out at the Sound and seeing the sun. I looked at the weather this morning and it will now be raining for the next two weeks straight! I am so grateful I can work from home and was able to enjoy yesterday. I was too sick to go outside much but just being able to sit next to the window was good enough for me.

I have a new friend and we went shopping together this weekend. I don't love shopping or having to get dressed up but after reading my new hero/blogger's blog post last week I decided to take the Change your Style, Change your Life challenge. Well, it was not a challenge from her end of things but I decided to make it one for myself. I do want to change the way I dress. As my body tones up and I get healthier I want to feel confident in how I dress and what I look like. This blog written by Sally could not have come at a better time in my life. It is giving me confidence and ideas to change how I dress.

I recommend her blog to anyone ready for a change in life or just wants to dress a little bit differently.

My new friend gave me so many idea's of how to bring more color into my life. It was a wonderful day spent with a new friend that is quickly becoming a hero in my book.

LA is calling......

Last night I went running which means I am 20 days away from having this become a habit again. It was a good run. Not as successful as a couple of nights ago but it still felt great.

I had a very successful day yesterday in all area's of my life. I was put on the spot to show off a side project at work and I rocked it! My new job is becoming something I adore. I like the work and I like how much growth there is right now. I am also able to start moving into new marketing areas which is what I am truly passionate about. So I arrived home last night feeling great.
But the best part of my day was receiving a call from a very dear friend that I do not get to see enough because he is always on world tours. He has just settled into the LA area and we made plans for me to come spend some time with him in May!!!!

I adore this man. He is a true soul mate and I can't wait to go visit him. We are going to go paddle boarding and do other fun outdoor adventures. We are even going to go to a outdoor hot spring. I can't wait to see him!

So my dear friends in the LA area... I will be coming to visit in May.

While I was running I decided that this trip was going to only happen if I could use it as a reward for building up my running 5 to 6 days a week. I want to use this trip to motivate me to work out more and just keep enjoying life.

Follow up

So last night I was finally able to go running after more than two weeks away. I was not looking forward to it as I knew it would feel like I was starting from scratch again....But you know what happened?
I ran further than before I got sick. It was very interesting and sort of strange. I was expecting to only run a short distance and then have to walk but every time I started to feel like stopping I seem to break through to the runner's high and just kept going.

Today I am a bit sore which I think is actually a good thing. I felt so good last night and I slept great! Today I feel amazing!
Tonight I have an event to attend so I will be unable to run but Wednesday I will be back on the plan. I am still sick but I think working out might just allow me to kick this cold for good.

So my lesson from this experience is to not let fear get in my way. I was scared to go running after being away so long but I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. This is true in so many areas of life.
Right now is all about me becoming fearless, learning to love my feminine side and learning a life full of positive things!

Today is a start

I don't know if it is the new hair cut that is making all my lady friends want to do make overs on me but something has changed. Every woman I know is spending a lot of time putting make on me and dressing me up.
And for the first time ever I am enjoying it!
I am learning so much about bringing the female energy back into my life. I am soaking up all the wisdom I never learned and I truly enjoying the new healthier and what I think is more beautiful me coming out!

Today was a bit of a turn around day. I took extra vitamins. I ate only an energy bar for lunch at work. I came home and had a raw arugula, red pepper and cashew dip salad and now I am about to go running for the first time in almost two weeks!
I know I won't get far but it's a start. 22 days to build a habit and 5 days to kill it. Well I am about to be 21 days closer to this becoming a habit again. I can really feel the difference between what life was like when I was working out everyday and now and I have to admit. I like life a lot more when I was working out all the time. I felt so much better!
Plus, I am hoping this extra dose of vitamins and raw foods will kick this cold out of my system. I do not want to be sick anymore!

Tomorrow I am going out for a ladies night with some of my best girlfriends. I can't wait!
I have my outfit picked out. It is a garnet hill dress and garnet hill sweater with knee high boots. It will be very feminine and I can't wait to try my new make up!

Crazy Weather

Lucky for me this week the weather has been so crazy I have even more of an excuse not to work out!
Actually... It's not really lucky. I am still sick. I can feel my good habits slipping away as I get further away from working out on a daily basis. I want so badly to work out like I was a month ago but I am still sick and weak. I finally will be receiving health insurance this week so I can go to the doctor. Hopefully they will be able to help me because this cold is getting me down!

I did get an amazing haircut this weekend and had a make over yesterday. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I see a better, healthier and happier person than I have been in years. Now I just need to take all that energy and get back on my workout plan and I will be very happy.

I really hope I feel better soon!

Work is going really well. I was just given the green light to take on a project that I am very excited about and it will give me a lot of exposure in many departments at my company. I am so lucky to be exactly where I am right now!

Working it out

Last night it snowed here in the Northwest, except not in my neighborhood. This means I am the only person at work so far this morning. It's actually really nice and quiet. I have been getting a lot of work done.

Physically I am finally starting to feel a little better. I took the whole weekend last weekend and most of this week off from doing anything but resting. I turned the heat up in my house and just took it easy. I feel better but am not ready for working out yet. I am bummed. 21 days to build a habit and 5 days to crush it. Well my working out habit has been crushed!!!!! I need to get my schedule back.

I am waking up 25 minutes earlier in the morning so I can start transferring my workout time from night to morning. Hopefully this will help me get motivated once I am done being sick.

The theme of this week is taking care of my business. I have had some issues come up from the past that I need to deal with. It's not fun but it's something I have been putting off for years so now I must just bite the bullet and realize that this next year is about me getting my whole life back on track. Anytime a illness takes someone down so hard like I expereinced. It takes a couple of years to get life back on track. I have learned many lessons over this whole expereince and I am just grateful to be in a position where I can actually take care of these issues so they go away forever.
But they do not make for a very exciting life.
But they do make for a responsible and adult life!

Back on the right path

This weekend my brain was all over the place. It was not a very successful nor pleasant weekend. The only thing I can pinpoint is the fact I have not worked out all weekend due to my health. This was an old and not happy brain cycle I went through and totally I feel like a raw nerve today.

I think it's best to start working out again this evening and just take care of myself for the next few days as I cycle out of this negative space and come back into my life that I actually totally adore.

I have been picking out new work related outfit items that I am slowly starting to add to my wardrobe. I am finally at a size where I can wear what I want again....Actually I always could wear those clothes I just did not look as good in them as I did in my brain. But my body size is starting to match what I see when I look in the mirror and this is very exciting. I am still losing weight even though I have not been working out lately. This helps me to feel a little better. Takes a couple of things off my plate of stress.

I am going to start doing yoga again. I need a bit of a stress release and I need to mix up my work out routine. So in March I will join and Gym and start taking yoga classes.

One goal I have for the next month is to start waking up at 5 am and go to the gym or go for a run before work. I had been working out at night when I got home from things but I think that something in me has changed and it might just be easier for me to wake up early and work out in the morning. It will take me a month to start training myself to wake up so early. So far I have been turning the clock back to 5:45 and this seems to be ok. Little by little I will train myself to get up earlier so that I can work out in the morning.

Positive Baby steps is what I am all about right now!

My favorite thing

This week I discovered Smooze!

They are coconut milk based frozen treats and I am in serious love!

They are vegan and so far my fave flavor is the coconut and passion fruit ones. These little treats are the only thing that are soothing to this head cold I can not shake!

I feel like I have been sick for months and I am sick of being sick!

I know little by little I am getting better everyday but this is just getting to be too much. I have not been able to work out because of this head cold yet I don't want to take meds given out by doctors so I am causing myself to suffer in the long run.... I know this...It's just that antibiotics really damage my body and I have taken a lot of them in my past and I don't want to hurt myself with them at this time. I finally feel like I am in a state of health and I don't want to go backwards. I just need to take care of myself over the next two weeks.

Besides being sick.... life is grand!

I am really enjoying focusing my time and energy on myself and my health. This has been long overdue. I wake up every morning filled with happiness about life. I enjoying being excited about the small things in life. I am even embracing how much routine I am building into my life. I love knowing what my schedule is. It really helps to keep me on track.

I must go shopping soon. My clothes are literally falling off me or are so big I look like I am swimming in them. I love them because they are so comfy but I am now boarding on just silly looking. Time for some skinny jeans!

Changes

This week has been good. I have been super aware of my body and everything that goes along with my new healthy lifestyle. My energy is finally returning from my flu and I have been out running with the dog. I went to another RAW restaurant with a good girlfriend this weekend and had a wonderful meal. I am really enjoying life right now.

One area where I am struggling is where do you draw the line between changing yourself and watching people you love refuse to grow in their lives? I am working so hard to change things, I am pushing myself to really try new ways of thinking and new activities. I am opening up more and really pushing my thoughts to see life in a new way. It was been a wonderful and exciting process but in some ways it is leaving other people in the dust.

I think I am just in a transition mode. I am meeting new and healthier people and I have to just admit to myself.... I am changing.... I am not in the same place and that's ok.
It's all about self love and being true to myself. I love the changes that are happening to myself and my life and that is all I am going to focus on.

RAW for a day

Friday was a very emotional and psychological experience for me. I was lucky in that I could leave work early because the hardest part about being raw for the day was sitting at my desk. I felt fine if I was moving around and doing things but just sitting in front of the computer made me think of all the food I suddenly wanted that I would never eat in a million years except for the fact I felt like a caged animal.

So once I left I work I felt a lot better. I had some coconut water and took a long walk. I then went over to a girl friends house and we laughed and talked. Saturday I felt amazing! I was not tired all day. I had a long day and all throughout the day I kept thinking about how great I physical felt. Friday night I was thinking that raw might not be my thing but then by Saturday because I felt so good, I am rethinking the whole experience.

I think I will keep working towards eating a mostly raw diet. But I will also be easier on myself. I learned that I can not tell myself "no" or I will rebel. So I am back to making very small changes over time that will lead to long term effects. Maybe I will try eating only a raw dinner for a week and see how that goes.

This weekend was also full of time spent in a city I used to live in but no longer do. It was a little hard on me because life is so different than it was 5 to 10 years ago. I do not like to be haunted by the past but I was for a few hours this weekend.
But I also loved that I kept thinking about how much I love my life right now. I feel free for the first time in years. I am really having fun exploring what my heart desires and my spirit wants. I am never lonely, I have a great job and my health is in the best shape it's been in since I was a teenager. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my freedom and my future. So this weekend was not so bad as I look back on the experience. It was a small pain in an otherwise life I adore!

I am excited for it to be the start of the week. This means I am back to my work out routine and the simple life. I love weekends but I really look forward to the routine of the week.