New Years Eve

Tomorrow is a very exciting day!

New Years Eve is the time to put the past to rest and look towards the future with excitement! I will be spending the morning in the pool which is my new favorite e thing to do. Then a lovely afternoon of candle making at my studio which will end with a new years fortune candle for the both of us and lastly, I will make my intention list for 2009.

My health has been improving lately. I have been trying to get to the pool everyday. It has actually been going really well. Much like walking this summer, I am now trying to spend a few hours a day in the pool. Not only does it warm me up so that I can get through this winter, but it has also helped me get over the latest pain hump. So I am happy to go swim with the older ladies that make up my senior citizens class. Yeah, I may look like a youngster but my spine is the spine of a 90 year old!

Life is changing and my outlook has changed for the better!
I can't wait for the new year.

2008 coming to a close

Even though the Solstice already happened, 2008 is almost over according to our modern calendars. This last week that I have been snowed in has been a tough week of reflection. So many things have been going through my mind. I am ready for a fresh start!

This year has been physically and emotionally tough yet I feel more enlighten and clear on what is truly important to me. I have learned that my body is the most important thing to me right now. I am in a race against time because of my spine. It is daunting to realize that one day I will not be able to walk or move around like I do now. Yet, through all this health madness, I have come to realize how simple I want life to be. I have a clear vision of what I want to do with my life and it revolves around my health, my family, my friends and my candles. Everything else is just noise and distraction to me. In the past I put other people and jobs before my health and happiness. Not anymore! When I am on my own life becomes easier, more magical, lucky and meaningful. I am no longer confused or depressed. I am in focus and very happy to be exactly where I am right now.

I have learned, I have changed, I have grown up and matured into the person I always wanted to be. It is a great feeling to realize that with intention work, life has a focus and dreams do come true. Someone told me that the stage I am in is like a butterfly before it comes out of the cocoon. I have to do this process alone so that I when I come back into society I will be more beautiful and peaceful than before. My injury this summer has allowed for me to work through the emotional aspect of learning that I will not always be able to run around like I once was able too. I have come to peace with my situation and allowed myself to grow into a very positive space. Self love and care is the most important thing to each of us. Without this balance I have suffered and watched other's suffer as well. This balance is something that is so delicate and hard to achieve but once I got there, miracles happened all around me.

I want to share this balance with all the people that I come into contact with. I have learned what the extremes look like on both ends and now I know what the balance looks like and it is wonderful. My spine injury has been the best thing that could have happened to me. In many ways it has taught me the importance of being alone but also the importance of community and being able to depend on loved ones. This summer without the help from my father and other very close friends, I would not have been able to move. On the other hand, I spent a lot of time alone this summer coming to peace with myself. I now understand how important living a healthy lifestyle is, everything from yoga, swimming, fresh fruits and veggies to clean air and living life in the slow lane. I still have ambition and dreams, I still want to make the best candles out there and to grow my company into a large and stable company but I will do it a very different way from now on. My company will be built on balance and self care. I must practice what I preach and I am finally at that point. I was so excited to see the Cover of O magazine all about balance and self care. I read the magazine with an eye of self reflection and I am proud to say that I am finally able to say that my life is balanced and full of intention and peace.

2009 is going to be an amazing year!

So many exciting things!

For the last two years I have had a secret hero.
A few years ago I read a little blurb about a company called Bramble Berry Inc. It is a soap making company that not only has a signature line of goods but also has a wonderful store in Bellingham, WA. One of my big plans this summer before I was hurt was to drive up to Bellingham to check out the store. I have always wanted to meet the lady who started this company. Well today I was checking in my emails and I noticed that someone left a comment on my solstice blog. I followed the link and found out that it is in fact my secret hero who found my blog and was kind enough to leave a message. This makes my heart soar and fills me with holiday cheer! Anne-Marie if you are out there, send me an email and let's set up a date for coffee! I would love to meet you and bring you some candles. You are an inspiration and hero of mine!

In other exciting news, it looks like my candles are warming the hearts of many people back East. I just found out that the candles that I shipped back for the sale in NYC are being bought as Client Gifts for some very exciting people and companies. I can not reveal too many details but these contacts are very good contacts for Odessa's Herbals. And actually this news marks an intention I made over 10 years ago. During my time in NYC I had a friend that made these beautiful throw blankets. She received an order for 20 blankets to be given by a very popular and powerful artist who also does a lot of work in the magazine/catalog world. He has very high end clients and friends. I was very excited for my friend and I remember thinking to myself "I intend one day to create a product that he will give to his friends and clients as a holiday gift". This was before I had created Odessa's Herbals and even before I was interested in business. All I knew was that this single act was a dream of mine that I put down on paper as an intention. Skip ten years ahead, a lot of lessons and self reflection learned and poof! I found out today that he is giving my candles as his holiday gift. I just keep smiling and shaking my head watching the way the universe works even when I am bed ridden and sick.

I keep reflecting back on this year and how I truly feel like I have found my life's purpose. I can not imagine a better way to help people and share my personal gifts with the world. When I am on the right path, life becomes so magical and meaningful. I truly hope that everyone I meet and everyone that receives one of my candles can feel this amazing energy and pass it on.

It has snowed so much here and it just keeps coming. I have given upon trying to walk because it is so hard to walk and one fall, well that would just be really bad news for me. So I am staying inside, cleaning and spending quality time with my animals. I just bought some really exciting new books so I will be happy for another few days but I need to get to my studio. I miss candle making and have a few more presents to make before the holidays are over.

Happy Solstice!

It has been snowing nonstop for the last 24 hours here in Seattle. I had planned on a winter solstice dinner with a friend of mine but alas, I am snowed in and he is across town. So instead of a cozy dinner, I have been thinking about the fact that this is the true New Years Eve. What are my intentions for the upcoming year? What do I want to Manifest this year? What direction do I want to move towards?

This year has been such a lesson about Health and Wellness as well as Balance. HWB as I call it. So many of my desires in 2009 revolve around these three words. Health with my body, Wellness with how I live my life and Balance in my everyday life. The key is to live with all three parts have to be practiced at once.

I am really looking forward to this new year. It feels very different in energy for last year. Last year it was a dark winter and I felt heavy at the time. This year has been a really nice fall with a slam of East Coast winter and mix that with the Midwest Sunshine in very cold weather and I am feeling bright and Sunny. And with my recent changes in my body I feel light and strong. So this new year feels good!

I am off to take my lovely dog for a walk in the 10 plus inches of snow and take some pictures. She is so happy to run around and play. It is very sweet.

New Book

I have been trying to figure out how to blog about my new favorite book but it has been hard because I loved this book for so many personal reasons. I read "Julia's Chocolates" by Cathy Lamb this week and loved it. Julie's Chocolates was a nice combination of "Garden Secrets" and "Practical Magic". It was an empowering book for me. Sometimes I read books that fill my heart with love and more importantly hope, this is one of those books. It did not have as much magical realism as I like and I hope that Cathy adds more of this in her next few books and I have a feeling she will be. But if you want a nice easy read that will touch your heart then I recommend this book.

It has been snowing and freezing for the last week or so. It is very unusual weather for the northwest but I am enjoying myself. It has been a while since I have been at my studio, I even had a dream about candle making last night! As soon as I can get over there I will. I have been creating new candles and spending a lot of time perfecting the art of candle making. I will be starting candle making classes next year and I received my first booking this week. I am so excited to spend an evening sharing my love of candle making with my love of teaching people about intention and how to create the life they desire. Over the next few weeks I am going to create an outline of my talk. There is so much to share with these women and I am really excited about this evening.

Lately I have been slowing down in life. While I do not love living in the slow lane, I have been able to really see how magical life is by slowing down this much. Everything in life seems to be perfectly planned and desires become reality so easily when life is lived this slow. I have been reflecting about how out of touch with community our modern life seems to have taken us and how even though we are in a horrible recession, there is still energy for change and creativity that will take us forward and connect us with our local communities once again. As a consumer we have so much power to stop buying products made by machines or overseas and we can empower the companies in the USA to start producing high grade products that support all of us. We all need to just slow down a little in life.

Today I Feel Very Small In My Body

Two steps forward, one step back. This seems to be my motto lately. I have good days and bad, good weeks and slow weeks. This has been a slow week. I am still juggling my desire to get out and see people with my exhaustion level. It is hard to do more than one thing a day and if I really push myself, well then I could be in bed for days afterwards. There is still so much to learn about my new body and what it needs. I am losing weight from this experience and it is not hard at all. It feels like it is just coming off easily. But a lot of this is due to my stomach being so sensitive from all the medication I now have to take. I can hardly eat and when I do it is such a small amount. Of course, all the walks and physical therapy are also helping me to become smaller.

Actually, this week I started my first Senior Citizens Water class. I have to start small and work my way up to being able to do so many things. It felt really great to be in the water. It was a little cold but after the hour long class I had the "wonderful day at the beach" feeling. It also helped that I sat in the Sauna for 30 mins or so as I talked to a very interesting woman about intention work.

This sauna experience brought my core body temperature up so that the cold storm we are having right now is not bothering me at all. Last night I went for a midnight walk in the snow with my dog. I let her be off lease because it was so quiet and peaceful out plus she LOVES the snow. It was almost an east coast snow storm with the large flakes and the orange sky. It was dreamy and so much fun! Of course today I was totally exhausted from all these activities but it was well worth it.

I heard that the New York Sale was a success and everybody loved the candles. I can't wait to see some pictures from the event. I am just happy to know that I was able to ship all those candles and none of them were hurt!

I have a very busy candle week this week. Loads of deliveries to make and new candles to finish before the holidays. Plus, the Solstice and New Years Eve is coming up. These are my personal days of the year when I reflect on the past and look towards the future. What are some of your intentions this year? I will have to think about mine. So many things have changed from last year that I really must think about the new list I will be making on New Years Day.

What a wonderful evening!

Last night's party at Kelley Moore's house was amazing! My date was the perfect gentleman, my friends ended up being invited as well, old friends that I had not seen since before my spinal disease took me down this summer were there and new people were brought into my life. I loved the whole evening! I had an amazing flapperish looking outfit that I had just bought the day of the party and I managed to find a new makeup line I love. It was a busy prepping day for the party but well worth energy.

Today was an art show by my good friend and dinner with her husband and baby. It was so much fun. I can not believe how busy The South Park Art Under $100.00 show was! South Park is a very cute little section of Seattle near Georgetown. I was only able to stay for a few minutes but I was so proud of her.

My energy level is really low due to all my activities yesterday so I have been resting today. I am still trying to learn to manage my body and my energy level without running myself to exhaustion. In many ways I still feel like a stranger in my new post spine injury and my energy levels are just one example.

Tomorrow is candle making and preparing for the week.
My candle sale in NYC is still on for next weekend. I wish I could be there since I just found out my favorite living photographer has a show and video installation at the Whitney right now. But alas, I am still too ill. Next time!

Amazing Day!

I know I should not be excited about this, but today we had the most amazing sunny day here in Seattle. (global warming!) It was a little chilly in the morning but by the afternoon..... Perfection!
I had lunch with a friend and then we drove down to the beach with my dog and had a great time. My face feels nice and happy--full of vitamin D. I was able to take my jacket off and play on the shore for hours. Ahmi was off leash since we were the only one around and she loved it. I am constantly amazed by how beautiful Seattle is. I even saw some cherry trees blooming.

So tomorrow starts the holiday parties. Actually, I missed two this week while preparing for the NYC show. So tomorrow is my first party and it is being thrown by Kelley Moore, our local kick ass Martha Stewart. I am going to dress in clothing that has never been soiled by wax and even wear heels. I am hoping to get my date all lined up and put him in some of his fancy new clothes he just got thanks to his big new contract. I can't wait!

The candles arrive next week for the show..... I have been a little nervous since this will be the first time my candles have been for sale without me! I know the lady who is selling them and she is amazing so I know it will go well but sometimes at night when I am tired I just get so exhausted and nervous!

I am very happy to report that the last few days have been really good days for my back. It is healing and I am getting stronger everyday. I almost felt normal today. I had a slight bit of pain but for the most part, it was like old times.

So many things

Ok, it has been forever since I last posted.
So many things to update everyone about. I was diagnosed with a Back Disease where my disks are falling apart, it is working it's way up my spine. Right now I am in good shape. I am up and walking again, I only have a slight limp and some times I need to take it slow. But it is a far place from this summer when I could not even walk around the block. This is a life long disease that may or may not get worse and has no cure. I have been told not to think about the future and for the most part I am not, but sometimes I do get down and worry what I will look like in 5, 10 or even 20 years. Right now my back looks like the back of an 85 year old so on the inside...... What will it look like in the future?

I was supposed to fly to the east coast last week but had to cancel at the last moment. I was simply not ready to travel and I am still not ready. But I can see myself traveling in a few short months so that makes me happy. I had a lovely holiday with my family and spent a lot of time with my nephew. I also made intention candles all week long and fell in love with my candles again.... I am so happy when I leave my studio!

My candles will be for sale in New York City next weekend at a huge show. My cousin Michele O'Hana will be selling them for me and I can not wait to hear how it goes. I wish I could be there but next time. Plus, when I go back east I always stay upstate so the city is lost on me. Even when I lived there I spent most of my time ready, walking and writing. I am too much of a country girl at heart. Anyways, if you want the address of the show, just send me an email and I will send it along. I know it will be around Broadway and Broom St in SOHO.

I am also preparing for the magazine spread featuring my candles that will be coming out in Seattle Metropolitan magazine next month. I will have more information about that in the next few weeks. And our local Party Planner expert, Kelley Moore is featuring Odessa's Herbals in an upcoming newsletter! So much press lately and it makes me so happy!

A few weeks ago I had a wonderful client throw a party for her girlfriends that featured my candles. It was an amazing afternoon and even the sun came out to shine for us! I am so thankful to Kerri for sharing her passion for my candles and she is truly my angel right now. I will be linking to her website and will post a little bio about her. She is having another candle party in January so let me know if you would like to attend. I am hoping to make this a monthly event.

My heart is full of love for so many people right now. I had a wonderful lunch with a man that I adore today and it just made my day. He is someone who is very special to me and I am so thankful he came back into my life. Sometimes people come back into our lives that just love us like nobody else can. He has always been very special to me but now that we are older, it is just deeper and more rewarding!


Ok, enough of that. I am off to finish up getting everything ready for NYC and then to wash up and sleep. I had a long day of working and walking so I must crash very soon. All I know is that my health is getting better everyday and I am feeling very magical right now. Everything I touch seems to just light up and flow in a very good way. This is the perfect energy for the holiday season!

Staying Flexible

This month has been my lesson about staying flexible. I have been shifting my time from the tealights I produce for Glassy Baby to the Pillars and tealights I make for Odessa's Herbals. It is a very loving and positive change of pace for me. I adore Glassy Baby but my heart and truelove are with Odessa's Herbals and making candles with intention. So I feel blessed to have my customers new and old and I look forward to hearing your wonderful stories.

On the health front I have recently had a bit of an miracle happen. Half of the miracle is good old fashion work which I have spent almost every single day focusing on my spine. but I do believe that a little bit of magic has also helped me to finally become almost totally pain free! I am currently detoxing off all the pain medication and feeling better everyday. I can move freely and have even started to hike a little bit around the huge park I live near.

I will post more today as I must run out for my morning walk but I just wanted to get something up to let my good friends know I am still alive and doing really well.

Not sure what to do

I suddenly have more time in the day to get all those little things I need to do, done. I am not sure how this happened and I am not sure what to do with this new time I have but I am slowly filling it up. As I mentioned my pain levels are very low and my energy and strength are gaining so I feel safe to say..... I am coming back to a normal life.

I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel but I feel like I am getting a handle on my condition and I am working towards healing. I feel like I have grown physical, mentally and emotionally while dealing with my health. Things have changed for me and I am starting to grow into my authentic self. This last sentence makes me smile. I am changing in some ways but also returning to a person that I left behind years ago. But this is the person that I am destined to become. I hope this makes sense but if not, just know that I am happier than I have ever been and glad to be working hard. I love my life and my company and am grateful for everything that has happened over these last few years. Sometimes you have to leave a place to realize it is truly your home. ( not a physical space or home)

My holiday orders are flying in and my holiday plans are filling up. But it looks like a good old friend will be visiting Portland at the start of the new year and I will be booking a hotel room for the night in P-town. I also want to do a little business in Portland and .... Shopping! But of course, I will have the old friend reunion dinner and drinks. Nothing too crazy but a nice little visit.

Ok, I must walk now and clean. It is time to move and get some more work down outside my little computer space. Have a great weekend!

I love Una

Today I met Susan who runs Una Clothing and I am in love. She brought with her some of her wonderful arm warmers and I did not take them off all day. I even wore them into my night out on the town. My arms were so warm and I love having my wrists covered. Susan also brought some of her other items and I can not wait to wear them.
Susan was such a delight to spend some time with and I look forward to seeing her again.

My section of Seattle, where the studio is and where I spend all my time is in The New York Times today. I have not read the article but I can tell you all that my studio is right between each hood and I love both of them. Mostly I can be seen in Fremont right now because the walk from my studio to Fremont goes along a canal that is beautiful. But, I do spend a lot of time in Ballard. Two of my favorite places to eat are in that section and Ballard is still small enough that people begin to know who you are and enjoy your company.

I am exhausted so I must keep this short. Life has been good lately. Today, I woke up with no pain. This is the first time this has happened in 8 months. I still had some pain during the day and I am not totally recovered but I am happy to report that things are getting better and I am getting out more.

The other big news to report is that Glassy Baby has opened their third shop! This is so exciting and exhausting. I now have more candles to make and lucky for me that my back is allowing all this work. My body is coming back stronger!
However, if you have any holiday orders get them in now. I will be working like a mad lady to get all the Glassy Baby candles finished and all my special orders done. It will be hard but a really good thing and I am ready for this experience. Just let me sleep all January because I will be exhausted.

Perfect Fall Evening

Last night I headed over to West Seattle to have dinner with some good friends. It was so much fun not only because I can finally eat a little bit after the last six months of not being able to eat, but also after dinner we all put our fall clothing on and went for a lovely walk. Lately I have been trying to combine my social interactions with my need to walk for my back. I want to see people, I just can not have sitting and eating being the focal point of our evening. I have to spend so many hours walking everyday that I now prefer a walk to dinner or drinks.

Last night we walk around their new neighborhood in West Seattle and admired the fall colors. Their little one year old baby carried roses in her hand while she walked down the street. We laughed and enjoyed the evening stroll as I updated them on my back situation and what new developments have occurred. Like for instance, I took a pain reliever the other day that actually worked. All summer long, no matter how many pail killers I had to take, I was never pain free. It was very hard to be in that much pain and on such high doses of pain killers and yet still do not feel any relief. But that is what it was like. I was always in horrible pain. So I am getting better and my pain levels are going down. So exciting!

I can come with a belly full of autumn stew and mashed potatoes and I took another walk with my father and Ahmi before heading off to bed. Even though I had walked at my friends house, I knew that I had also sat down for dinner and this action meant I need to walk for another hour so that when I woke up in the morning, my pain would not be as bad.

Actually, I am off for my first walk of the day. I will take my camera and post some fall pictures.

Midnight walks

Over the last six months I have been watching as my body changes and gets stronger. I love having a Physical Therapist - Coach for working out and getting my body back in a healthy state. Twice a week for over than an hour I worked with Laura watching over me. It has been years since I worked out with weights and I forgot how much I loved it. I am lucky in that my body responds to weight lifting and sculpting. So my body is changing along with what feels like everything else in life.

This week has been slow. My back has been bad so I have been slower than I like. But this has given me loads of time to take slow walks and notice the amazing fall colors in the trees. It has been breath taking! I am still spending 4 to 5 hours a day walking and digesting the change of seasons.

Ok.... I am sleepy. Tomorrow is the end of the candles for the magazine and cleaning up the studio.

Today was the perfect day

I started out my day with a walk to the coffee shop with Ahmi. I bought a paper and read it cover to cover except for the comics. I just did not have time to read those since I went into the studio to keep working on the candles for Seattle Metropolitan magazine. I worry that I have not made enough candles and of course they never look good enough.

After the studio I came home for a nap and another walk with Ahmi. It is so beautiful outside right now. Perfect fall weather!

So many things are happening right now to my company and friends who are doing there own thing. Kelley Moore is in NYC for her first spot on The View. A little birdie tells me that she is going to give a shout out to Glassy Baby! I am so excited to watch The View on Thursday.

I will be having lunch with Jennifer J. who is my main lady at Seattle Opera. She is so awesome and helped to get my candles into their gift bags for their spring fundraiser. I have been wanting to see her for so long but my back sort of derailed this until now.

Speaking of my back, I think that I am finally able to understand the emotional aspect of my illness this summer. Before I was in so much pain all the time that all I could think about was getting rid of the pain. Now that the pain is finally getting better and there are even moments of the day when I realize that I am not in pain, I have been having moments where I get emotional over the giant life changes I have ahead of me. I walking around the book store in Fremont looking for a new book. After twenty minutes I realized that I was looking for a book that I could relate too about my back accident. Alas, this book does not exist or the bookstore did not have a copy but I did pick up a copy of this photography book about what women's bodies really look like. I heard the author on NPR one day talking about how she wanted teenage girls to get an idea about all the different body types that are out there and that trying to be perfect does not exist. I was looking through this book when I stopped one page to discover a woman who had a scar on her back from the top of the spine to her thigh area. She was around my age and had a similar experience. She was struck suddenly with a disease that would forever change how she moved, what her life could be like and what kind of events she could be a part of. She is now a dancer! I can not believe it. The best part of her biography was the last line. It said something like I now live for my body and center my life around it. It sums up what I have been feeling. I now have to create a life around my back. I can no longer live a life without intention. Every aspect of my life revolves around my body and my back. I can not sit for longer than five minutes, I can not lay in bed all day, I must walk for almost 4 hours a day and workout with a trainer. My life revolves around loving and caring for my back and there is nothing that is going to stop me now!

This photograph and story brought tears to my eyes. I finally found that little connection with someone who has gone through a similar experience. My back is breaking down at a very fast rate but there are others out there that have experienced this and found a place of love and peace with the situation.

I will find out the name of this book and post the link in a little bit.

The life of a candle maker

After getting up at 5 am and finishing the first hour long walk of the day, I have four more to go, I am ready to think about the rest of the morning. I did not want to get up at 5 but when I wake up in the morning my back hurts thus causing me to get out of bed, get dressed and wake Ahmi up. After my hour long walk, I can either go back to bed if my back is not hurting too much or I will start my day and this early hour.
It will take me an hour to get ready to leave for my studio. I used to only require twenty minutes or so to get ready for the day but with my new back, it takes me a good hour. Once I am ready I will pack my bag and head to the studio. From here I will take two hour long walks in between making candles and then I will head home.

Yep, it is an exciting life I live!

Ha Ha!

Actually today is turning out to be a great day. Tea lights are on the menu for today at the studio. This means that we can watch whatever we want on the TV so I am planning on a Gilmore Girls marathon. I am sure my assistant Chris, being the dude that he is, will love this marathon. Oh well, it will be good for him! Today is also good because I am in very little pain so far. I was worried since I was on my feet yesterday running around doing errands for almost 12 hours. This is huge for me! The best part?

The hour I spent at Toy's R Us!

Dylan was in need of new toys and I needed to get to the voting office before registration closed. So I decided my nephew needs some new toys. Whoa Nelly! The toy store was amazing. I usually save my shopping for small family owned stores. I like to spend my money knowing I am supporting another small business owner but today I thought I would explore my options. I ended up getting him three toys, all boy related toys. He loves the one I gave him last night. I am going to spread these toys out over a few weeks so that I can keep the boy excited.

So because I am feeling so well, I am going to take it extra slow this morning. Strange logic? I know but it is best to take it slow after such a long day. I am happy that I am in very much pain and it is best to rest to keep this feeling going by taking it easy.

I am also making candles for an upcoming issue of Seattle Meteropolitian Magazine. I am not making intention candles so we can watch TV. When I make my intention candles I give them my full attention. Intention takes attention and that starts from the creation of thought. I will be posting some photos of my new candle molds.

My comfort item

Everyone has one. That item in your closet that brings you feelings of joy, comfort and safety. This item has been with you longer than most of your friends. It could be your favorite band shirt, your baby blanket or for me it is an extra large grey cashmere scarf. This scarf was given to me by my adopted aunty Reni Moriarity. Reni is always a hero and mentor of mine. She throws the best dinner parties, she is an amazing cook and always has funny stories about country life. Her house is a log cabin made by her husband. It is my dream of a home. I long to be a child again so I can go spend the weekend in the country with Reni. I grew up getting to spend the night in the loft beds that Mark (her husband) built.

So today my grey cashmere scarf came out for my 6 am walk. I had visions of wearing this scarf when I was 16 and met my first boyfriend. I thought about wearing this item when I lived in NYC and the Midwest. I wrapped my head and neck up and walked out into the mist. Ahmi was really happy to be out before all the other dogs came out.

I just got back from hanging out with my nephew. He is under the weather and just wanted to snuggle. Right now the curious George that I bought him is his comfort toy. He likes to bring the George with him when we go on our adventures. Today I tried to make cookies but alas, I think I mixed the cookies and kid's play dough recipe mixed up. The cookies were awful! But Dylan had fun and the times passed by very quickly so I can over look the awful cookies. They were so bad Dylan did not even want to eat them.

I hang my head in shame today because I have lost my golden touch in the kitchen!

Helper Bee

I have a new helper and it is making my life so much easier!
I am still very limited in what I can do and the amount of hours I can be in my studio, but with the two of us there, the candles are flying off the shelf.

This weekend I am going to work on getting my shopping cart set up online so that candle orders can be place via my website. This is very exciting and I now have the technology to do it.

I saw my doctor today about my back. Things are looking better. My strength is coming back and my control over my right leg is getting better. I do not have to see the doctor for two weeks which marks the first time in three months that I do not have to see a doctor for over a week. Keep your fingers crossed that I do not have another flare-up and become bed ridden again.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. I have an auction to attend tomorrow evening and a party to go to on Sunday. I am exhausted just thinking about it all. I also will be making candles this weekend and trying out my new candle molds. That reminds me, I should take my new camera this weekend so that I can take some pictures of the new gift sets. Each candle is scented with just essential blends that smell wonderful but are less expensive for the conservative customer. I have been working with many of my customers to make sure that they can still enjoy my wonderful candles, live the best life they can while needing to scale back on expenses. The pinch is happening all over this country and no one is immune.

This week my nephew came running across the room saying "Love you Aunty! Love you".
This is my moment of zen for the week.

The Long Road

After several shots into my spine, a course of new nerve medicine and endless walks during the day, I am now finally getting out of my house. I have a very strict schedule now that also has to be flexible enough so that I can drop everything and come home to rest if I need too. I walk 4 to 5 times a day, I have stretches I must do several times a day and I can only do something for no longer than four hours. I am still unable to sit down and driving is limited but I can make candles and that is all I care about right now. Recovery is going to take a year or more but at least I do not have to get the spinal fusion.

So I just invested in warm winter clothing for my daily walks and I will be getting some shoes this week. Can I just tell you how much I love Lucy clothing? My new outfit keeps me warm and feels amazing to wear even when I take my walks at 3 am.

My body is changing. It's weird to watch my body become toned as I think about two months ago when I could not even get out of bed. I am so lucky to have such a strong body that responds to all this movement. It has been years since I worked out and I am now starting to see the importance of working out. My back is stronger and my leg works better as time moves on. I can almost walk like a normal person. For a while it looked like I would never walk normal again. My left leg is permanently numb and weak from my first spine injury. This summer my right leg became so weak that the nerve started to die. I could hardly control my legs and it was very noticeable. I don't know if you have ever seen someone with nerve damage or a disease that affects the nervous system but it becomes very hard to simply move your legs to walk.

Ok, I am off for my last walk of the day. I will be able to blog more now that I am finally healing and I will soon have fun new stories.

The Good News

So after almost two weeks, I have some good news. The Physical Therapist has seen some strength return to my leg and it looks good. Small changes of course but very important in terms of my rehab to walk again.

Candle making starts up again this week and I am also doing my physical therapy. This is about all I can fit into a day right now. I am watching Gilmore Girls as an ode to my sister. It is fun.
I have never watched the show but she has seen every episode so at some point I knew I needed to watch it. It made me realize that it is her "Northern Exposure" . Northern Exposure is my dream world, especially when I was in my teen years. I longed to live in a town dominated by Native American couture and social rules. My sister growing up on the East Coast, loved a life where she could go to her room, read her books and study at really good schools. My sister and I are like night and day but I hate going a day without talking to her. So I am peering into her life, with my nails painted pink and watching her favorite show. I feel so close!


I will let you all know how candle making is going when I blog next.

Today

This morning was filled with writing at Cafe Fiore in Old Town Ballard. I have had a writing assignment for myself that was given in the beginning of June. However, with my health crisis I had not been able to work on this project but because of my birthday coming up and the monster life changes I am starting to implement, I decided that this morning was the morning to leave the house and office and just focus on myself.
I had the Seville drink which includes bittersweet coca and orange zest. It was not overly sweet and the flavors were just right for my stomach. I am for the most part of a totally fresh diet with coffee and toast thrown in as treats. I was able to stand and write which is better on my back and this marked the first morning I have been able to leave the house alone and not go to a doctors office. It was nice. I had to leave after only an hour because my leg started to bother me but I am very grateful for that hour I was able to do something I had been trying to do for months.

Yesterday was another hard day for me. The large scale life changes of my situation has started to sink in and my understanding of life as I have known it will never be repeated has finally hit me. I am no longer the same person. I have met various people as I traveled in life who always had these health issues that changed their lives or robbed their lives of what they were doing just prior to the injury. I had never been able to relate since all my health issues started so early and I was always able to bounce back right away. But not this time. I can now join the club of health related life changing events and the aftermath it leaves behind. But I am lucky that I had enough time to prepare for it that my company remains intact and running smoothly!

This weekend that just passed allowed enough sunshine for me to walk around Green Lake with two wonderful lady friends of mine. They are both kind enough to take the time and walk really slow with me as I begin rehabilitation to be able to walk again. It is hard. I feel and must look like an old person trying very hard to move. It is such a difference from five months ago where I was a busy bee. But with each step I hurt less and it's one step closer to healing.

This holiday weekend coming up marks my family birthday celebration. I am having a very small and intimate affair with my family to celebrate my birthday but also and more importantly to celebrate my family and the love and help they have provided for me as I return to a more normal and social life. My nephew will really be the bell of the ball and I have requested digital camera's to be brought so I can photograph him. Actually this was something I was realizing I really need to purchase along with a PC computer. Maybe I will just go ahead and purchase these two items. I know my life will be different with them and I know they will really benefit my company. I just am scared because they feel like such huge purchases.

Ok, I am off to read the new Paulo Coelho book, Brida and rest. I need to conserve my energy this week so I can be fully present for this weekend.

Trying for a normal day tomorrow

I have made plans for a walk around green lake with my good friend Jennifer and then we are off to a bookstore to look for something new to read to help my brain come back. All the medication I have been on has made my brain feel soft. So soft in fact that I was thinking about getting cable tv. This is bad.... I have not have TV since 2002 and I don't miss it. But lately I have been learning all about these great TV shows like Brothers & Sisters, The Office and 30 Rock. So for now i will fight the TV temptation and get back to making candles and renting DVD's.

This week is my birthday week and the first week I will be in my studio making candles since June. I am really looking forward to getting my routine back with candles, taking care of my health this week and next Sunday is a small family party that I am really looking forward too. I even invited a few friends to meet my family so it should be a good bbq.

So much has changed since my birthday week last year. Jennifer took me out for dinner that night. It was a very quiet and low key birthday year. This year there was a party for me last week and another party this week. This will be a reflection week for me and I am sure I will blog about it. I am going to sit down and go over all the changes that have happened in this year. I want to look at what I have accomplished since last August and where I want to go for the rest of the year. Of course we all know it includes a lot of doctor visits. I am starting Physical Rehabilitation soon and I have a long way to go to get back to where I was just 4 short months ago. But I am ready to give my back and body the attention it needs.

I received notice today about the craft sale I was a part of last Thanksgiving in The Berkshires. I am planning on returning this late fall to the area for another sale. I need to check if that craft show is still happening or I may have another outlet to sell my candles. I will keep everyone updated on my traveling plans and future candle sales.

Getting better everyday

You know it's bad when the cashier at the local grocery store is excited when I tell them that I am doing OK for the day. Today the cashier said "Coming from you, I know OK is a good thing". This is actually a really sweet story. I have been shopping at that Grocery Store for almost 20 years and many friends that I grew up with worked at this store. So this little store is a piece of my past and has survived the big bigger stores moving closer to the neighborhood. And yet I know when I walk into this store, there is a feeling of family history in this store. Years of shopping there with my grandfather, my father and now my nephew.

Yesterday morning I got a whole two hours with my nephew. He tired the both of us out but it was amazing. We spent time outside creating new games, learning new words and enjoying the cooler weather. Today I meet with a new doctor that is in charge of my rehabilitation. It is a long road ahead but I am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I even have the desire to cook and get back into my studio.

I have been thinking a lot about what has happened to me this summer. I have started to call it "The summer that changed my life". I am finally able see this while situation as a life lesson that will change my whole life. This idea has become less daunting with every good day I have. My life will never be the same as it once was, but I can now finally put my health and my well being first. In fact, I am pretty much forced to put these things first. But I know that this situation is helping me to create the life I truly want to live. I have already witnessed changes in me that are self loving and protective towards myself.

And to top it off, for the first year ever, I have let my friends to celebrate with me, how wonderful I am. There was a party given for me last Saturday that was a huge love fest for my friends that had not seen me since my injury. Before the summer that changed my life I would not have allowed such an event. I would not have slowed down enough to allow someone else to take care of me. But now, I understand how loving this party was. Not just for myself, but it was a loving thing these people did for everyone that came to the party, and it was a loving thing that they did for themselves. Does this make sense? Sometimes my words and thoughts get all twisted in my mind and i have a hard time writing it down. But as I keep experiencing this new life, I will keep writing about it until it makes sense.

What I love today

Ah Garnet Hill I love you!


I have been staring at the new Garnet Gill catalog and wishing that I could make a candle for Garnet Hill in exchange for whatever I want out of all the products they sell. It would be amazing to meet the designers from this company and take a tour of their headquarters. Garnet Hill is one of the few companies that I receive the catalog from and buy things. They have a special place in my heart. Next time I go to my studio I am going to start creating a garnet hill candle to starting changing my bedroom and then my wardrobe into one from the catalog.

Another day, another doctor. I have now seen more than 3 specialist and each person tells me something different. So far I am leaning towards the holistic plan. I will start an intensive physical therapy routine along with a weekly accupunctucter session and daily walks. I am also going to see a nutritionist and massage therapist as well as others on a more long term basis.

Actually it is not so bad. I am very lucky to be making candles full time and not working at a corporate job. I can focus on my health right now and maintain my company.

Coming back to Life

What a trying time it has been lately.
Life has been dealing some pretty heavy lessons lately. These lessons become larger and mean more than when i was younger. But i like how I have been dealing with these lessons. I am growing up and learning to turn all these blows into positive life changes that I can be proud of.

After almost three months of being bed ridden experiencing the worst pain I have ever felt in my body and becoming totally helpless and unable to function without the love of friends and family. My first doctor told me I need a very servere surgery that would have left me a year to recovery from and more complications to arise from the surgery, as I get older. I do not cry often but just the thought of this surgery caused me to cry and become fearful for my body and life. I never have felt as weak and vulnerable as I did when thinking about getting this surgery.

However, after waiting a month to see the best back doctor in Seattle and learning more about my condition or disease that is affecting the disks in my back, I feel like I have been given a second chance. With the guidance and information that this docotr has shared with my family and myself, I am sure that I can stop this disease from becoming worse and I maybe be able to reverse it a little bit. No surgery required right now and maybe none in the future. So for the next six months or longer, I am going for a total life makeover. I will be meeting with Physical Therapists, accupuncterist, Yoga and Pilate teachers and other people that can guide me to a healthier lifestyle and mindset. I feel like I have truly been given a gift for a second chance and I do not want it to pass me by. So my candles and my body will be the only two things I will be focusing in life for now.

After this whole experience life seems a lot faster and fragile then before. I feel my worldview has opened up and I see that my little spot in this universe is so small and yet touches so many. Oneday you could wake up where everything has changed from what it used to be, but this is not a bad thing. This little area, my spot in life is mine to create, change, evolve and learn to love. Like a garden I must tend too my spot and make sure that it is healthy.

I am looking forward to my annual trip back to the North East. I can't wait for the fall to arrive. I think it maybe my favorite time of year, actually thats not true. Maybe it is just my new mindset but the rythem of each season makes my heart warm. Fall is when my little nephew will start school for the first time ever. Fall is when production at Odessa's Herbals starts to heat up. Fall is when the best feeling in the world is a warm cup of tea, my favorite cashmere sweater and a walk with Ahmi.

Speaking of walks with Ahmi, I should get outside and give my body a nice evening walk with my father and dog.

Once a week

I am now at the point of my back issues that I have to see my Doctor once a week. With my condition getting worse I am needing to change medications at least every week so that I can sleep. Without my medications as soon as I fall asleep I have some nightmare of falling off curbs or cliffs and wake up screaming. What is happening during these dreams is that I am having major muscle spasms that causes my leg to move. No Fun!

But, I am really coming to peace with the situation. I know I will be better soon and that this break has really allowed me to catch up and get everything in my life into a calm and positive state.

This weekend was my nephews 2nd birthday. I hope to have some pictures of it soon. My sister threw a lovely BBQ with close friends of the family that I had not seen in a long time. My nephew was so good with all the people and kids around. He loved it!

This week will be pretty slow but I am hoping to get into the studio at least for a few hours. I miss candle making so much. Plus I have a dinner party on Friday that I am really excited about. I wish I had more to say but things have been calm lately and I am just happy to not be in as much pain as I was a couple of weeks ago.

The Sugar Queen

Last night I finished reading Sara Addison Allen's new book " The Sugar Queen". This book was lovely and a good summertime read. The only negative or not overly loving thing I would say about this book was that it was not magical enough for me. I love ancient herb lore, I love stories about wisdom pasted down by generations of wise women who helped cure the body, mind and spirit. Garden Spells, Sarah's first book catered to this need of mine. The book was filled with meals of intention, gardens full of mystery and secrets best kept not questioning.
However, the book was great and I highly recommend her as an author. She is someone I will keep as one of my favorite authors and I look forward to reading many more books by her.

Today I had lunch with my good friend Jennifer. It was great to be outside of my house and I can not remember the last time I saw Jennifer. I am on a new medication that has allowed a little more freedom in my life. I can walk and sleep more than I was last week. I am not healed and I know that all this medication is doing is covering up the severe amount of pain that I am in but it just feels nice to have a little bit of my life back. I have been unable to go out but once a week before this new medicine so I welcome the chance to go out a couple of times a week.

Jennifer and I will be making candles on Friday which marks the first time I will be back in my studio in almost a month. I miss making candles and getting into my studio. It has been hard to be away but I am lucky enough to have gotten ahead with my orders and I have found someone who can cover for me while I am waiting for surgery and healing.

Pow Wow

I love living by Discovery Park. At night we can hear the sea lions, the trains and a couple of weekends every summer there are Pow Wows that bring drum beating and singing to my window. It touches my heart every time I see the Daylight Center in Discovery Park, a building dedicated to the native Americas that used to live on this land and take care of it.
This building is also where my Grandfather's memorial service was. My grandfather grew up in Montana and spent most of his adult life in Washington DC as a Senator and Congressmen for Washington State. Native Americas were a top priority for him while he was in office many years ago. He was an honorary Blackfoot tribe member in Montana.

I have been thinking about him all morning. I am of course still bed ridden. The last time I had surgery was 15 years ago and my grandfather was still alive. I wish he was here now so I could ask him stories about Montana, Charlie Russell the painter that lived behind his house in Montana and what Washington state was like so many years ago.

But instead I will wait 30 rock, read some new books given to me by my good friend Kim and make cinnamon rolls.

The summer I spent in bed

This is quickly becoming the summer I spent in bed. My back condition is unfortunately getting worse by the day. I have endless doctor appointments and I know that I will be up and running soon enough but until I know exactly which surgery I am going to have, I have to lay in bed and just wait.

I am starting to get a little bored so I just got a new library card and I have been picking books to read. Every night I still am able to get up and take a small walk but it is getting harder and harder. Today I realized that for every decade I have been alive, I have had to have major surgeries. One was due to sickness but mostly now it just revolves around my back. I have never broken a bone but I have more scars than most people do. Some people get all the luck. I just keep thinking about what it would be like if I had this condition 100 years ago. Would I have survived being bed ridden? How did people survive pain that only the strongest pain killers on the market can help tone the pain down. That's right, my pain is so intense that it never disappears with the pain killers but numbs the pain enough that I can sleep for almost two hours without waking up.

I have been forced to slow down and rethink a lot of things in my life over the last few weeks. In many ways it has brought back part of my youth where all I wanted when I grew up was to live on a farm, grow herbs and really connect with nature. I wanted to help heal people and help them find meaning in their lives. This summer I am being forced by the universe to realize that I do not need to work a corporate job and have a company to live a healthy life. My desire to be successful is not about money, cars or material goods. My desire to be successful stems from wanting to live an authentic life, share my gifts to help people and be my own boss. All of this health stuff has shown me that the life I was living only 5 months ago was very out of balance and I now have time to bring balance back into my world.

So there are many positive parts about this journey. I wish that I did not have to get surgery and that I could move around pain free but I am also really happy to have such a wonderful group of friends and family that have provided amazing support and love.

In the next few weeks I will be having a fund raiser - studio sample sale - party for Odessa's Herbals.
I am lucky enough to have health insurance but I am also facing tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills once I have made it through all the operations. If you have any candles you would like to order for the sample discount please shoot me an email.
I greatly appreciate all the support and friendship that so many have shared with me.

A Few Hours At A Time

Well I am now only able to sleep a few hours at a time because of my back. I have some new appointments with back and nerve specialists in the next two weeks and hopefully will have an answer by the end of the month. I am exhausted and ready to return to a pain free life.

One nice thing about my life right now is that when I wake up around Midnight every night, I take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. It is so quiet and peaceful at this hour. The moon hangs low over the Puget Sound and is a Carmel color. Ahmi loves her midnight walks. The air is cool, the streets are empty and the raccoons are hiding but around somewhere.

I am thinking with all this extra time I have while I am bed ridden that I should write a book about my experiences. Not everybody gets to have over three major surgeries before the age of 31. Life is a lot different when you can not walk or sleep very much. We shall see.

In for a Shock

What started as a simple meeting with the surgeon this morning has turned into something much bigger than I thought it would. It looks like I need a spinal fusion. This will have me take the next year off of pretty much everything while I recover. It is scary but I know it is something I have to get done so I will go in with the strength and determination to heal that I have to make my candle company the number 1 candle company in America. So maybe this rest will be a good thing??

I have nothing else to report since I am still in shock........

My Back

Today I am meeting with a back surgeon to talk about my up coming surgery. At times I feel nervous about this surgery then there are other times where I am at peace with it. I know in the long run this is the right decision and that everything will be fine but sometimes I can not fight the fear. I have had dreams about the surgery which has in some ways, helped calm my fears. In my dream I over hear the doctors talking about how easy the surgery went and how well I am doing post operation.

I am even starting to look forward to daily life where I am not in constant pain. Simple things like taking a walk or feeding my dog have become almost impossible. I long to take a long walk in the park and to pick up my nephew without any fear of hurting myself. Soon enough I will have my energy level back and be able to finish all those little projects that are still not finished due to my back.

Send good energy my way and I will keep everyone updated on the situation.

Today I Eat My Words

This week has produced two new candles. Both candles have stories around the creation of these new candles that I will share with everyone.

First story is about the new Happy Divorce candle. While delivering candles to Glassy Baby, I over heard a customer talking about how excited she was for her up coming vacation. She is going to the East Coast to visit one of her best friends who had just served her husband with divorce papers. This lady was so full of joy as she talked about how much she loved her friend and what a great move this is going to be in her friends life. There was no sadness around this divorce but a feeling of freedom and love for her friend and the situation. Her friend was ready to start living an authentic life full of self love and discovery. It was a great story and inspired me to make this candle. Good Luck!

The other candle I made this week is a giant I Am Sorry candle. This week I spent some time with a dear friend who has a high profile job in Seattle. We have known each other since middle school and as much as I love this person, I still have trouble seeing him for who he is now. A Seattle celebrity. So while we were having dinner the other night, I told him to get over his high profile paranoia and just enjoy life. I understood his point that he had to have a public and private life, but I just never thought he was that big of a star in this small city full of famous music and TV stars. However, last night I went to a party at a famous bands house that provided a situation where I learned a valuable lesson. This band tours the world, has very high selling albums and has been interviewed for all major papers, TV shows etc.... But at the party, everyone was asking me about my other friend. How did I know him, why was he not at the party, could I tell him about how all these people love him? This was a total shock to me and I am now eating my words about what I said to him earlier in the week. He does have a public life and I need to realize and respect this. My friend is still the person I loved in my youth and now I can start to see him through my grownup eyes. He is a gem and deserves all his success and I am very sorry I did not believe him.

It is hot today so I am hiding inside. I already got burned for the season and I have to say, I think the pasty white look is wonderful. Let's hear it for being inside and not getting skin cancer!

Summer Reading

Every summer I manage to find a gem of a book that takes me through the summer with a warm and enchanted heart. Last summer it was Good Things by Mia King. This year I found an unbelievable wonderful little good that I read in one day. Nancy Pearl our wonderful superstar Liberian in Seattle turned me onto this book and whenever I see her next I will rush up to thank her. The book is called Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. It is a wonderful sister story much like Alice Hoffmans' Practical Magic book which is a good thing in my view. Both stories combine old herbal lore with Wise Women advice and strength. Garden Spells took place in North Carolina which moved me because that is where my family has our reunion with all 100 members of the family. I feel close to the Earth in North Carolina and love to get lost on the back roads. For a while now I have been dreaming of North Carolina and moving there. It is also home to one of my favorite candle making supply stores. So maybe North Carolina is in my future?

The author of Garden Spells has a new novel that just came out and I can not wait to read it. Garden Spells was about a caterer, the new novel she wrote is about a woman that makes chocolate, my book would be about a candle maker that helps people bring magic into their lives via my candles. I feel a close connection to these stories. Sometimes there are people in this world that have gifts which are accessed through their talents in life. I do not know how better to explain it than with this thought.... Read these books!

We are about to have a heat wave in Seattle and so I will be taking a few days off from making candles. Tomorrow I have a busy social day and Sunday I will clean my studio, room and car.
I go to the surgeon's on Monday and will find out when I will go in for surgery. Hopefully sooner than later. I want my energy back! Chronic pain is hard to live with but I am so lucky to have wonderful friends and family that have helped me prepare for the surgery and all the things I need to get done before I go into the hospital.

Lastly, I have been able to see my wonderful nephew this week a couple of times and I am always in awe of how much he has grown up. He loves to talk and all the kids that live on his block now come over and play with him. He is a truly magical being and life is just not as fun without him.

Favorite day of the year

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year. It is the summer solstice. A day to spend outside enjoying nature. I will be in Discovery Park at this time tomorrow night. Sitting with Ahmi and thinking about what my next steps are in life.

Starting tomorrow I will be building up my candle stock in preparation for back surgery and the start of the Christmas Season. Last night I had a dream that a very good and loving friend of mine who is also a spiritual mentor, was preforming my back surgery. It was a quick surgery and I felt relieved once it was over. This dream has helped me to feel totally comfortable with what the next step in my journey is.

I have been cleaning out some excess inventory and giving little gifts to all the wonderful people that have and supported Odessa's Herbals over this last year. It has been great to give away these candles with love and excitement for the new season arriving soon.

My nephew is growing everyday and making life seem more and more magical every time I see him. He is starting to communicate in sentences and share his feelings. I can see parts of my sister, my brother in law and even parts of other family members in him. He looks like my cousin David right now. He is so sweet and loves to be around people, sharing his favorite things. I took him Blueberries and Cherries the other day along with Bubbly water and a pickle. He got so excited and ran around and let his mother know how happy he was. It was wonderful to see the simple things in life making such a pleasurable experience.

Why I will only use sea salts in my bath

I just read this article from Slate on why products that use small plastic beads to exfoliate your skin are killing the Ocean.

Yuck! Just another reason to switch to all natural products and not be fooled by advertising. You can remove dead skin naturally and often it is best not use such harsh products on your face.

I went to Seattle Metropolitan magazine today to share the Odessa's Herbals story and drop off some candles. It was a lovely office and made me want to get a job for the magazine. I hear it is a great place to work.

Just yesterday the new Ray and Charles Eames stamp came out. I can not wait to pick up some for my treasure chest. The Eames are two of my favorite product designers and movie makers. In college I used to play all their short films for my friends when they came to visit. My roommate at the time hated the movies so much he would flee the house every time I watched one. But I loved these movies. Only truly nerdy designers and movie makers would love these movies.

Ok, so suddenly summer has hit Seattle and as much as I kind of like it, I got a terrible sunburn on Sunday. I took my father out to Greenlake for a walk and half way around we stopped for lunch. I am now pink all over. I am looking forward to the Fall!

Back from the Rest

One good thing about the conference yesterday was that I am now energized to make all those phone calls I have been meaning to make, send those emails I have been meaning to send and get all those little things together I have been ignoring because I was losing steam or just not giving those items attention.

I am hitting the pavement and taking applications of retail outlets that would like to carry my candles. This is an exclusive list of companies and people, I want to ensure that the quality of my candles is not hurt at all by my growth as a company. It is a delicate balance between wanting to get my candles out for everyone an wanting to keep my candles at the same level of attention and highest quality ingredients. No matter what I will not compromise my candles or my intentions for my company.

I am also growing my list of board members and mentors that can help guide me to the next level. I have so many wonderful people to thank and I look forward to the day when I can pass along their contact information to everyone!

Today is finally a beautiful day in Seattle. I am enjoying the sunshine while resting my back and checking in with people I have not talked too in a while. I feel very productive today. Which is a good thing.

I might even start to revamp my website soon? This is one of those things I have been meaning to do and finally have the energy and time to do it.

One final note, Glassy Baby came out with a new drinking cup and it is beautiful! I would suggest everyone stop by their shops and check it out, or go to the website. They are amazing and I can not wait for the day when I can bring home my first Glassy Baby "drinker". While your there, feel free to tell them how much you love the Tea Lights.

I was told by the manager today that they now have customers who just come in to buy Tea Lights and nothing else. This warms my heart as I make each candle by hand in my studio and love every moment of it. I have had people ask me if I am sick of candle making yet, as I move into my second month of full time candle making. I always respond with a huge NO! I love candle making even more now than before. I love every part of the process from beginning to end. I could not dream of a better thing to do with my time and energy. I hope this love energy radiates from each tea light as you light them in your favorite glassy baby! There is a person on the other end of that tea light that loves making the high quality product and sends a huge kiss your way for helping her to realize her dreams of owning and running a high quality company with integrity and sound products for the present and future of our planet! ( Wow, that was a mouthful!).

Women in Business

Today I spent the day at a women in business conference in Seattle. It was organized by the group Count Me In. It was an interesting affair. I actually ended up knowing the local judges and some of the presenters. I went in search of brain storming the next phase of my company. I am at a bit of a tipping point for my company, ready to move to the next while maintaining my core beliefs for my company.

This conference has energized me to reach for the stars. I highly recommend this event in the future for all women that want to start or already own a company. It will affirm what you are already feeling, the passion to pave your way.

Tonight included a lovely walk in Discovery Park with my dog. Questions roamed in my head about life and where I am in my life. As someone that started a company with no business experience, I sometimes wonder what I am doing. What kind of idea is it to start a company, why would I want to do this, etc...... I question myself a lot. But I also take time to step back and reflect on how far I have come and how happy it makes me to be able to tell someone that I am building a company with high morals that help other's to live the authentic life that they desire.

Enough rambling.... I am off to bed. Another busy day tomorrow which includes a delivery to glassy baby and hopefully coffee with Jennifer Worick.

I am the sum of all my parts

Recently I have been taking personal inventory of the changes that have occurred in the last year. What an amazing journey it has been, some good and some hard but overall I have to say this is one of my most successful years yet.

The hard part's of this year have revolved around my health. I will be having major surgery in the next month or so due to my bad back. I have had this problem since I was a teenager and must be very careful with my back. No more ski trips for me! I knew the day would come when I needed the surgery again, I just wish it could have happened at a different time. But in many ways this is the perfect time for me to take a break and heal my back. So I will follow the time line that the Universe has provided for me.

In the positive area's of my life, I am now making candles full time. I may return to some contract work in the future but for now, I am a full time employee for myself. I have grown my company far past my dreams of what it might become and turned all these dreams into reality. I spend much of my mental time in the present and rarely reflect on what I am doing, but when I do look back over what I have built in the last year, I smile! All of my intentions have come true and I am helping other's. What more could a person want out of life? Helping other's while creating a life I am proud of. Good friends, a wonderful city, the chance to travel, being able to meet and create products for people I come to know and adore all while building a woman owned company!

Today I will be at a woman in business conference that the Governor will be speaking at. It is time for me to start thinking about taking my company to the next level. A larger space, employee's, maybe some retail sales, revamping my studio space to host candle gatherings and traveling more. So hopefully this conference will be a great networking opportunity while I learn how to take my company to the next level. I will keep everyone posted.

One last shout out. My wonderful friend Rob has a short film in the Seattle Film Festival this year. The premiere will be this week in Seattle. I am so proud and excited for Rob. He is an inspiration to me and a hero of mine. One day we will all be watching his films in theater's across the world.

Once Again

Once again my body has told me to slow down. I have been having some back issues for the last six months and now it is changing my routine. So I finally got an MRI yesterday and I should know more on Monday. I have always had a bad back and required surgery at 16. I am afraid that once again I will require surgery in the next few weeks. I am working hard against this option but it maybe the best option. So please keep me in your thoughts and hearts!

In other news, I have been working hard on the Glassy Baby candles since they are the number 1 seller at Glassy Baby. I am also deep in product development for some other projects which I will be talking about soon.

Pouring Rain

It is raining in Seattle. Actually, pouring showers is more like it. Perfect candle making weather. It has been busy around these parts!

My candles are now a top selling item at Glassy Baby! This warms my heart just thinking about all the people all over lighting my candles. Actually, a few weeks ago I was delivering candles to Glassy Baby when I ran into an old friend that I met in Scotland in 2002. We had not seen each other for years and she was amazed to find out that the candles she had been buying for months now were being made by her good friend. We had lunch this week and I am just so happy to be back in touch with her.

My nephew is on the east coast and life is not as much fun without him! I can't wait for his return this weekend.

Life is calm

I finally have a moment to write!

I am over half way done with the large order, I am on a regular schedule and I just found out that I am going to need to be ready for larger orders more often!

I feel so free and balanced.

Glassy Baby just opened a second shop in Seattle. I visited the new space a few weeks ago and it is so beautiful!

Whoa it's been a long time

I can not believe it has been almost two weeks since I last posted. What an amazing two weeks!
First, the candles are flying off the shelf. I am packing boxes, pouring wax and setting everything up all at once. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is going to be amazing.

I have also been able to spend a good amount of time with my nephew. Every moment with him is the highlight of my day. We have so much fun together and I love watching him learn to grow up and talk.

Spring may one day show up in Seattle but it still feels so far away..... On the one hand, I love the cloudy days because it means I do not feel guilty for making candles inside all day. On the other hand, I can't wait for the summer to take long walks at night in the warm air. So far we are almost to the summer solstice and we have only had one day that was warmer than 75 degrees.

I am hoping to travel to the East Coast in a few weeks unless something major happens. I always think nothing will happen and then a huge order comes in so it is best for me not to plan anything anymore and just go when I can.

All I want to do is be somewhere else

This really has to stop. I am just staring at my screen with nothing on my mind. I have no work yet I feel like I must make it to the end of my contract since I like to finish what I started. But my mind is turning to mush while I wait out the hours.

So painful!

I am thinking of what I want to change in life now that I will have more free time. I am going to get my bike out of the basement and start riding it again! I also want to walk more and maybe even start to go swimming. I will return to the library to catch up on books I have missed since being on the Eastside of the city. Candles will be made everyday, but now, I can start to love it again. I never stopped loving it but I did feel overwhelmed!

I need a serious spring cleaning in my room and car. I will be spending much more time with my animals, I feel like I have been ignoring them lately. And hopefully, I will be able to see my Nephew, the love of my life.

And one last thing, I will Blog more! I have been so bad about blogging lately. So my dear readers, I will be back and better than ever. Oh and one last thing, I now have the time to set up a shopping cart and my account on Etsy! This is so exciting and something I have been wanting to do forever. So look out for new updates!

The waiting game

Only three more days until my new life and all I can do is wait. I am not very good at waiting. I keep staring at my computer wishing that I could just run out of here and get to the studio. But I am a good employee and I will finish up my time here so that my coworkers lives are not affected. But I just want out!

This change is going to be strange at first but really good as well. I will have more me time, more time to spend with my beloved dog and family and more time to make and SHIP candles. So excited!

So I am leaving my current gig which has been a great experience and I am ready to do something new. But in between this time, I will focus on the candles and the fact that Spring may come soon enough to the Northwest! All I can say is, I look forward to days spent outside in the sunshine, taking long walks and relaxing.

I also have a feeling that there are more changes coming in the future. I can feel them before I know that they are exactly. I am not searching nor trying to create something but I am allowing it to come to me which is the BEST place to be.

So over the next few months this blog may get more personal as I spread my joy about everything that is happening in my life, my company's life and the life of those around me!

A Shout Out

One of my goals this year was to get mentioned in The Seattle Times "Girl About Town". Every week I read her column and think, I can't wait for the day when I get a shout out from this Girl About Town.

Well, along with everything else in my life, start small in my motto. So below is the small mention in this weeks "Girl About Town". However, not only did I make the candles for the Seattle Opera Gala, I also made the candles for the Dinner Impossible episode that will be airing this week. So I got almost two mentions. While you read this, just keep thinking..... Start Small!

"THE SEATTLE OPERA GALA'S "Springtime Serenade" at McCaw Hall was home to the 10-pound swag bag, chock-full of soy candles, gift certificates, flower and vegetable seeds, cocktail recipes, opera CDs and even a blanket. Turns out there is, in fact, a person assigned the title of "Swag Bag Chair." Who knew? In the spirit of the evening, each table setting featured a "blooming aria" — a line of opera printed onto card stock and pinned into a live fuchsia carnation. .

New Changes

The world is never ending with changes. I am learning how to roll with everything and just keep my focus on my candles, my health and my love for life.

I have a job change coming up, which is actually really good because I need a bit of a break from my double life I am living right now. I am exhausted and ready to put all my energy into my company.

So as of next week, I will be taking long walks, making candles and being grounded in how amazing life is.

Plus, I have a super cute new hair do thanks to my friend Lindsay at 7 salon in Seattle! I love it.

Whoa Nelly

Just when I think life might slow down, the Universe says HA! to me.

I just received a huge order for candles. We are talking in the hundreds. So now I am forced to stop being so lazy ( yeah right ) and get to work. I know this is a good problem to have but sometimes I am just so whiny! I just want to be lazy and do nothing.

So if you need me in the next month, I will be either at work, sleeping or in my studio.
I just want to tell all my friends now, that I am sorry I never get to see you anymore. I promise to oneday take you all out and thank you for having such a distant friend. You are all so good to me!

Seeds of Compassion

This last weekend was an amazing weekend for everyone that was in Seattle. Not only did the Dali Lama come to town but also Archbishop Desmond Tutu was here as well.

I watched the city change for this weekend. The sun came out, the traffic was slow because 150,000 people came to see these men. But there was an air of hope and kindness that circled the city. Everyone talked about how amazing it was to see these men, how it made them really think about compassion and how funny these men were. They show their emotion and that allows them to be able to reach out and help people.

I hope this conference will continue and expand. It touched people's lives and should be an everyday event. We should all be more compassionate and laugh more.

Saturday in Seattle

Wow!

Saturday in Seattle was amazing. It was so warm and sunny and being outside was a requirement for all in this city. I saw the baby gorilla at the zoo, had an Orangutan smile at me, watched my nephew fall in love with snakes and spent time with my family. It was a perfect day.

And now I am back in the candle making mode and have to make up some time that I missed this weekend. I have a lot of work to do this week and late nights will happen, but I really can not complain since I love everything I do.

My nephew now has a name for me and can ask my sister for me when he misses me. I am so proud!

Another great thing about Saturday? My 10 pm walk in the park with my dog. The moon was bright, the water was glowing and it smelled like heaven. The spring frogs are out and the plants and trees are starting to wake up.

The Sun is Out

Spring is finally here!
When the sun comes out all I can think about is health and wellness. I get so motivated to be outside moving and eating only fresh foods. I love the spring and summer in the Northwest and look forward to a new summer full of wonderful things.

Today I am starting my spring cleanse. I will be cleaning my house, cleaning my studio, cleaning my body and cleaning my car. I spent Monday at a Spa getting my monthly salt scrub and detox wrap. I feel amazing!
Today I start my spring diet. I eat really well in the winter time but now is the time for all fresh fruits and veggies. I am so excited to start a new routine for the new season.

This weekend is going to be full of family and candles. My aunty came into town and it has been so wonderful to have her around. All my huge candle deadlines are coming up this week so I will have some late nights but I am not worried at all. Deadlines are no longer a problem for me. In college I hated deadlines. I was never good at them and always waited to the last minute. Now, I start early, do something everyday and always set my deadlines early in case anything happens. It is amazing how different life is when one is so full of passion for what they do. I enjoy all deadlines and feel great every time I hand off my candles.