New Year's Eve

2008.......

I have started to prepare already. I took a long walk this morning and then came home to clean. I am doing a huge purification night tonight. Throwing away, recycling and organizing. I know this does not sound super exciting to everyone but to me. It is the perfect way to spend the new year's eve.
Tomorrow is my day of setting intentions for the next year. Tomorrow I will announce what the theme for this upcoming year will be. I have a couple of area's I want to focus on.

I made it

The holiday orders have been filled and now I have a few days to breathe before product development starts in January for next year!

It was a rush to the finish line but I can not believe I made it. I have to toot my own horn and admit, I am very proud of myself. I did everything I set out to accomplish this year and I am only stronger because of it.

This Christmas was marked by a bit of sadness, yesterday one of my sister's cats died while I was house sitting. It had been very sick for a long time, but not the kind of thing you want on Christmas Day. Lucky, my mother and I were with the Cat as it passed away.

I also am very happy to report that my good friend Lindsay, who also cuts my hair, is going to be in Allure magazine this summer thanks to my bugging a friend who writes for Allure. I got my hair cut on Christmas Eve and was able to tell Lindsay about her upcoming spotlight!
Go Lady! She'd better not get too busy!

Ahmi and I spent the evening last night relaxing and snuggling in my bed. Tonight we go for our first long walk in almost a month. I can now finally walk again!

What I have learned from my new job!

Gift Baskets are awesome!

I am sitting at my new job with a huge food gift basket on my desk and I LOVE IT!

Things are starting to wind down for the holidays at Odessa's Herbals. I made it through the madness but not without a knee that can not bend, a studio where the floor is covered in wax and a realization that maybe, the holidays are not such a good thing(just kidding on that last part).

It has been a struggle to make it but I must admit, I did better than I ever thought I would and I am ready for next year when it will be even better.

I have my first assistant to this little candle company. It is fun to have someone come and help me with all the chores and work that needs to get done. I would have never imagined that I would have to hire someone one year into my company, but alas, it is true.

This maybe the first year that the rain and cloudy weather is getting me down. I long for snow and sunshine. The move is closer than I think. I realize that it is time for me to leave the northwest and branch out on my mine. So we shall see. This has been a common theme in the last few months, but maybe that is a sign?

A little bit of both

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this on my blog, but I grew up moving from the East Coast to the West Coast every year of my life until middle school. For most people, they can not even imagine what this was like. Now, I am not sure I would recommend this type of childhood, it has made me able to feel like every place I am is home. Because I have been in the Northwest the last several years, I seem to forget how much the East Coast is a part of me. I had a wonderful home coming last month when I was there. I am really starting to understand and process part's of my life that just seemed "normal" to me, but that are truly unique.

The only problem with this split life, is that I always long for the Coast I am not on. My mother calls this White Line Fever. I always long to move to be near one Ocean or another. And lucky for me, I can still keep doing this in life. I have pretty much set up my life so that it is totally portable and fluid. And I am always present where I am at.

Wow

Careful what you wish for!

The Glassy Baby Tea Light candles being made by Odessa's Herbals are selling out like mad, without any Internet attention or special announcement. It's amazing!

I am in panic overtime as I try to keep up with demand while doing everything else. This is a good place for me but one that I could not have imagined for myself. Leave it up to the universe because it will always dream bigger for you than you ever would!

I am so grateful that Glassy Baby took a chance with my company and that I am able to produce a product that people are loving.

If you need to get a hold of me for any reason, you may have to wait while I make candles and try to keep up demand.

2007 really is my year for Success!

So sleepy

Some mornings I just want to stay in bed with my dog and cat and sleep! This morning was one of those mornings. I am not sure why, I went to bed early but it does not feel like enough sleep. We are only one week away from the winter solstice and I can not wait! The days will start getting longer and a new year is approaching.

I have been thinking a lot about what my theme is going to be this year. 2007 - my year of success - definitely came to fruition. But I think this next year is going to be more personal. My from my heart and more concerned with my personal life. I want to spend a year traveling, meeting people, connecting with people from my heart, fulfilling every moment with love, and much much more. I will keep you posted when I have more details about it.

Ok, I must get back to work and try to wake up. Coffee is not doing enough for me today but it is still early.

100 boxes ordered for this weekend

I have delivered 300 boxes to Glassy Baby and counting. It is so exciting to see all the wonderful Glassy Baby customers accepting my candles and falling in love with them. Each tea light is hand made by me so it is a special gift to give your loved ones. A gift set totally handmade in the Seattle with love.
Glassy Baby and Odessas Herbal's candles!
A perfect combination.

I finally posted some pictures of my trip back east. I have 5 more rolls to develop next week so look out for even more pictures.

I will let you know when Glassy Baby has posted pictures of my candles.

My knee is finally getting better and my new job rocks so I have been very busy this week.

A vision of the future

This morning I was up early to work. It was snowing such large flakes that the everything was white in record time. I sat in my kitchen, which is my new studio until I can get my leg in better shape, and I made candles. the whole time I had Rick Bass and Montana on my mind. It was so peaceful and meditative. I looked out the windows and watched the snow fall, as I prepared my delivery to Glassy Baby. I thought about what I would like to create for myself in the next few years, a home in the country, a successful company, a larger studio that is either in my home or right next to it. And peaceful Sunday mornings where I work quietly, watch nature and drink a good cup of coffee.

I start my new job today. So for the next month, I will be all work and no fun. Or at least it may appear that way. For me, candle making is my love and fun. I don't mind spending every moment working on candles. I am just so thankful to have had such a wonderful year.

Snow

I don't remember a year where it snowed so early in December. The animals in my house have been eating like they may never get another meal. I kept thinking maybe it's going to be a cold winter, but I did not really believe it.
The flakes are small so I am not too worried about this weekend but I am longing for the South. It was so warm on the East Coast and I loved it.

My knee is getting better. It has gotten a tad smaller and is easier to walk on. This is all good news because I have a weekend of tea light making that needs to happen. I can't wait to get back into the studio. I also just placed an order for new molds. On the East Coast I visited with a very wonderful artist named Michele O'Hana, she is my hero and inspiration. She had so many new idea's for my candles and I can't wait to start creating.

I will keep you updated on the snow storm ( ha ha) happening in Seattle and hopefully will be walking around soon.

Bum Knee

This is what my grandfather used to say when his knee went out.
This is what I am now saying because I can not walk. I am bed ridden and not loving it. I pulled some ligaments on the plane and now I can not move. Or at least I should not move. It is hard to get me to stay still.

I did visit Glassy Baby this morning and I am super excited to say the place was packed. They have almost sold out of the tea lights and I will be bringing in more in the morning. Even with my knee out, I can not stop doing what I love. I am catching up on reading new books. And I have my lap top in bed with me so I can do research for my next projects. But I would love to be at my studio, making candles, smelling the oils and enjoying the heat of the steam rising as I pour candles into the molds.

So hopefully tomorrow I can get to the studio and do what I love. Make candles and relaxing.

But alas, my knee is swollen, I may have to get surgery and I start my new job on Monday. My today is better than yesterday so keep your fingers crossed.

Thank you Berkshire Country!

I had my most successful show this last weekend in the Berkshires!

The Berkshires are home to the Kirpalu Yoga retreat center, Lenox, MA and loads of writers from the past, as well as countless amazing artists from modern times.

I had such a lovely visit to so many small towns. I just drove around on Friday and looked at all the wonderful houses and buildings that I would love to house Odessa's Herbals in. Sunday was my show and I met so many new and wonderful people. I was a little quieter than normal due to a sore throat but it was still amazing to be a part of the sale and see old friends from when I lived in NYC.

I have started to make a list of small towns that I would love to move too in the North East and unless something really big happens, I maybe moving soon! Of course, I always say this and never do because my heart is in the Northwest.

I am now currently in Virginia where my family lives and where I spent half my childhood. It is a very warm fall and I have been totally overdressed. Seattle is colder than the East Coast right now! I am visiting Family members I have not seen in over a year and just enjoying a little relaxation time before I return back to the Holiday season.

Another highlight of my trip so far has been seeing old friends in NYC. I was able to visit two friends that work on Sailboats and live on the water in Long Island. One friend I talk with almost everyday, but the other friend I had not seen or talk with in almost a year. It was so lovely to see Natalie and experience a little of her life. I will be having dinner with her on Monday night before I head back to Hudson.

I will be doing the Ladies Who Launch winter show in Seattle on December 2nd if anybody would like to stock up on candles. I have all new packaging and different pillar sizes to choose from. As well as new candle recipes and colors.

I am so inspired right now to make candles. I miss it more than anything. Next time I go on vacation, I must remember to bring a candle making kit with me! I never thought I could miss something this much, but my days feel empty without being able to make and share my candles with the world.

Look out for Odessa's Herbals coming to stores on the East Coast this summer! I am talking with a few different venues that would love to sell my candles. Wholesale is such a different world and one that I am going to slowly work towards because I still want the energy and passion to remain in my candles while my production volume goes up.

And look out for the new Jennifer Worick candle I am going to make her in honor of her new book!

Pomagrantes and late night walks

This weekend I fell in love.

I read a book called Kiss me I'm Single: An Ode To the Solo Life.
While I was reading this book and enjoying being a part of the Crave Show in Seattle, the author Amanda Ford came up and signed some books. I was able to talk with her about how much I was enjoying her book. Reading her book was like reading my cool sister's diary. She has an outlook on life and an energy that is infectious for loving life. I hope to create a candle in her honor because her book made me realize how amazing and loving life is no matter what.

I am off next week for my show in New York. I am also busy making tea lights for Glassy Baby.
Preparing for the Ladies who Launch show in December and my booth at the Rainier Club on Tuesday! It has been a very busy month and I am so sorry I have not written more.

Tomorrow I pick up another 100 pounds of wax and more essential oils. Candle making is quickly becoming the thing I truly love in life. I can be at my studio for 10 or more hours and be so calm and peaceful when I leave all thanks to my love of candle making. I feel so passionate about it. It's like falling in love with your soul mate. No matter how cranky I am when I get to the studio, by the time I leave, I am calm and settled.

My other passion in life right now is Rick Bass and his book Winter : Notes from Montana. I keep rereading passages of this book and then taking long walks at Discovery Park to think about what I read. He really is a beautiful writer and his books have me longing to move to Montana or Mississippi to experience a tiny piece of his world. Actually, on my road trip I took this summer with my friend Jeff, we did go near Rick Bass in Montana. Jeff and I decided to drive back from Great Falls, Montana where my family lives to Seattle on Highway 2. We had dinner in a town called Libby, Montana after swimming in the most beautiful Glacier Swimming hole I had ever seen. So in September on a day when it was almost snowing at Glacier, Jeff and I jumped into the water in front of 10 people that all gasped when I jumped in. After 20 minutes we put on our most warm and cozy clothing and kept on driving.

What I did not know at the time was that Rick Bass wrote about his life an hour or so outside of Libby. I now wished we could have stayed longer or gone off deeper into the woods to see what Rick Bass saw while writing this book.

But alas, I will just have to use my imagination and think about my next road trip. I am thinking Mississippi in January.

I am so proud

One of my dear friends Jennifer Worick is a force to behold. Not only is she a New York Times best selling author, a super awesome jewelry maker but she also has become a staple in my life for great advice and support.

A few weeks ago a package arrived at my house. Inside was one of Jennifer's new books, The Prairie Girl's Guide to Life: How to Sew a Sampler Quilt & 49 Other Pioneer Projects for the Modern Girl. What a delight to see my friends book published. I crawled into bed with this book and my dog and had a lovely Saturday afternoon reading and sleeping.

Jennifer has become one of my hero's because she is so passionate about her writing.
I am trying really hard to get her to help me write a book about intention rituals but alas, she maybe too busy being a best selling author and hero to women all over the world.

Please run out and buy her books and show this world that a strong woman who is this talented should be rewarded, celebrated and honored!

One Year Ago

Last year at this time, I lost my best friend Shaun Taylor.
It has taken me almost a year to fully realize how much this is going to affect my life for many years to come. This type of loss never ends. Every moment of the day feels like a reminder of how much I miss him. I often have trouble expressing my emotions and this situation is no different. For the last year I have been pushing myself to put these feelings out of my mind. I became so focused on my company and then my break up and then the move and then.... and then.... and then.....

But now, I am stepping back to realize how great of a loss this is for me and all the people that loved Shaun. Every moment of my life for the last year has carried this loss with me. I have felt more alone and empty in life this year than I ever experienced in the past. It's strange how something like a loss can affect every single situation in your life, even if you are not aware of it.

I am dedicating my company to Shaun. He was the first person I talked too when I realized I wanted to create intention products. Every candle I pour is full of love for Shaun and keeping his memory alive.

I can not tell you the sadness I feel right now. All I want is a hug from him or someone else close enough to me to realize that my emotions run a lot deeper than I could ever describe in my blog.

Goal List

Not even one year ago I made a list of goals for my company.

Yesterday, one of those goals was finally realized. Well, actually all the goals have happened but this goal was the major shoot for the stars, goals.

I am now the official candle maker for Glassy Baby!

This has been a dream of mine for a while and I am so excited about this opportunity.

I will still be making private candles and creating more candles that can be used in traveling containers. I also have been having people come visit me at my studio and help design signature candles for events. So if you ever want to come to the studio to experience what it is like to have a candle made especially for you, then contact me.

Just bought my ticket for the East Coast

I have a candle sale coming up in November on the east coast. This is very exciting to me since one year ago, I launched Odessa's Herbals in NYC.

I will also be seeing old friends, driving around the northeast and seeing my family in VA.
A much needed vacation and adventure!

I am busy preparing for an upcoming Seattle Show at the Rainier Club, my NY show and the holiday season.

Summer of books and writing

This summer has been intense. I have been rereading some of my favorite books by Miller, Nin, Lawrence, Whitman, Dickinson and others. Then I have been writing in my journal and realizing how much writing is a part of my life.

I wish I could share some of the writing I have done here. Maybe one day. For now it will simmer in my notebook and my mind. I feel like an obsessed artist. I am never without my journal. I am addicted to words, to sentences, to passages of the imagination.

I am off next week to Montana. I will be buying a new journal for this trip and recording every moment.

Glassy Baby

My heart is a flutter with my love for my two new glassy baby's.
They are the perfect Seattle colors and just me smile every time I look at them.

Monday was a very special day for me. It was my birthday and the start of a new decade for me. I had a very low key day, which was nice. I spent time with my father and my good friend Jennifer.

This week has been very busy with business meeting in preparations for the upcoming holiday season. I have two exciting things to announce but it looks like they will be delayed until November. Or at least until the end of September.

I will be officially going on my first real vacation the second week in September. I will be out of the office for a whole week. I am looking forward to a little break and some traveling adventures.

Can I shout this from a Moutain?

Can I just tell you all how happy life has made me lately!
This summer there has been downs, but as we get closer to the fall, I have come to realize that the UP's are so much better and stronger.

I attended my monthly Women in Business breakfast and I feel like I am floating. I have had so many wonderful signs from the universe and surprises that everyday is starting to feel like Christmas. My goal list is getting shorter because they are manifesting at a quick rate.

My life is has been changed 100% from what it was a year ago. And yes, this process was and has been very painful but it has also given me strength to push forward and realize my dreams. I sometimes have to pinch myself after leaving a meeting about my company because clients are being so generous and kind. I have met so many amazing people in these last few months of pain, that not only have helped me personally but also professionally. There is so much love out there that I have never been so grateful in my whole life.

I am looking forward to a nice and quiet birthday weekend. I am going to make my new goals list, spend time alone and just prepare for the Studio Opening Party I am having next month. There are about 4 times more people than I can fit into my studio but it is only to be great none the less.

Too Long!

It has been too long since I last updated my blog. Things have been so busy with the move, the dental surgery I had, fixing up my office, seeing out of town friends and just trying to make it through the summer.

It is getting closer to the Fall/Winter which is my favorite time of year. I am really excited for the change of seasons. Maybe it is memories of starting school, but the fall time always makes my brain feel happy.

I had the pleasure of recently meeting Nonie who is an owner of Butter London. This nail salon is my new love. They have special nail products that are without the yucky chemicals in them. I can't say enough good things about this company. I am taking my sister there next week!

I will be taking one last vacation in the beginning of September and then it is work time for me. I have two huge contracts coming up for candles so it will be a very busy winter for me.

If you are ever in Fremont / Ballard stop by my new studio!
I am always up for visitors!

Rest in Peace

Today the most wonderful dog, Ropa, has passed away.

Ropa was my sister's dog and an ex-show dog. She was an older dog but so gentle and sweet. Even though she was so skinny, she hated the heat. She loved carrots and apples and would just come up to you and gently give you a kiss with her nose.

She has been sick for a while but would still get up when I came over and say hello. She will be missed greatly!

So True

" You must be thrust out of a finished cycle in life, and that leap is the most diffucult to make"
- Anais Nin

I have the keys!

On Friday I picked the keys up to my new office!

It was very exciting for me. I started to move boxes Friday night and will keep moving in for the next two weeks. Hopefully by the 20th I should be all unpacked and ready to have guests. I am so thrilled by this office and it's location. I am right on a bike path that connects to two great places so I can walk to either one. And it is next to a train track which means that I get to hear my favorite sound. The train whistle.

Also this weekend I spent an evening with an old friend in Olympia I had not seen in months. It was a good time. We watched some soccer, we watched some BBC and mostly we talked about life. I am hoping to convince him to move to Seattle so we can hangout more as Olympia is no longer my home. We shall see. All I know is that it was great to spend time with someone that makes me laugh.

Cleaning House

I have been sorting through old boxes from College. It is amazing to see all the letters people wrote to me and all my old pictures. What a magical time in life. I wish I could have enjoyed college more. It was hard for me to be away from my home and Seattle. I went to college in the Midwest so I really tended to feel out of place compared to the West Coast. I also had a close knit group of friends in Seattle and a boyfriend that I loved. So compared to most people that came to college to feel free, I felt uneasy and sad. I did not want to let go of my old life. I wanted to run back to it. But times are different now. I want to run towards the future while being completely present in the moment. I do not long to be anywhere but where I am at this moment. That feels good.

I also want to state that I love throwing out, donating and basically getting rid of everything I can in life. It feels so cleansing and fruitful to get out the old and let the new come in!

Thoughts for the Day

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other one is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Never lose your childlike enthusiasm and things will come your way
- Federico Fellini

These are two quotes that touch my heart today. I pick up the keys to my new candle studio next Monday. I am in such awe over this whole experience. Never would I have guessed that life would turn out this way. But you know what, it all makes sense. It is all in divine timing and order. I feel like a huge ball of positive energy and love towards the universe right now.
I keep thinking about what someone has been telling me for the last six months, that I was going to need a bigger space for my candles. I could never even think about what he was saying because it felt too far away or not in line with reality at the time. I just kept saying.. Ok.... Yeah Right......
He also kept talking about a larger company ordering a ton of candles.
To this again I thought.... Ok.... Yeah Right....

Both things are happening faster than I could even dream of. In two to three weeks I will be announcing my exciting news. In two weeks I will be moved to Seattle. In two weeks life will be new and better.

Odessa's Herbals is Moving!!!!!!

Yesterday I signed the lease for the new candle making space in Ballard.
This means Odessa's Herbals is moving to the big city; Seattle, WA.

I am so excited about this space. It is in my favorite hood. Close to my family, coffee shops and so much more. Plus, Ahmi will be with me all day long as I make candles!

I hope to take some pictures once the studio is all set up and even have a studio warming party! It will be such a treat to have this space and enough room for my wonderful couch and chairs which will allow for visitors at any time.

So starting August 1st the candle company will be up and running with full production happening. Email me any orders or questions. Also, if you want to stop by the shop let me know! I can't wait to share this wonderful space!

Caravaggio

When I was in high school I became obsessed with the Italian painter, Caravaggio. His use of light and dark colors, images and themes made me weak in the knees. I studied his work, talked to as many professional artists as I could about him and spent many an afternoon day dreaming about his life.

Finally when I was in college I had the opportunity to travel to Rome. The whole week we were there I wanted to see as many Caravaggio's as I could. Forget the Vatican. Take me to the darker side of Religion. I wanted to see this man's work up close. I spent hours in front of his work seeing new things appear out of no where after looking at his paintings for over an hour. He work is truly amazing!

Last night it was hot in Seattle. I had a lovely conversation for over an hour on the phone with a good friend and I was feeling restless. I could not sleep. Talking to this friend makes me giddy and full of energy. I wandered down stairs to see what my father was doing and noticed that Caravaggio was on TV. This is when I discovered the PBS Show, Simon Schama's Power of Art. What a wonderful treasure this TV show. He adds new depth to Caravaggio's work and life. I was transported back to high school, sitting in the living room, watching TV with my father and talking about art. It was a great feeling. I realized what an amazing family I have. My father and grandfather also encouraged me to be interested in art, culture, history and politics. I have a rich library of experiences and memories thanks to these two men.

I am so excited to see the rest of the Series.
If you get a chance, please watch this show. It is a real treat for any art lover or history buff.

Back in the comfort of the city

It's amazing how much better I feel in Seattle. I really have changed so much in the last two months and I embrace this new person with love and acceptance.

The book writing is starting up next week. My good friend Jennifer and I are going to start meeting on a regular basis to put the purposal together. I have many of the chapters outlined and the intention work already written down. This is going to be so much fun.

I also have almost secured a new work studio for my company. This has been a huge relief to finally find a place where I can expand and grow with my company. I am still in the negotian phase of getting my exciting news out in the public but let's just say, it is a huge thing for my company.

Ahmi and I have another adventure coming up this weekend and it includes a lake, swimming and meeting new people and seeing old and dear friends. This will be much needed relief from this heat wave happening out on the west coast.

Gain

So today I am making candles like a machine. They are turning out perfect and I really feel in the flow of life.
I have also started to pack the house I once lived in up.
New year, new life, new home, new me.

I keep thinking about Diving Timing and how perfect the world is no matter how much pain I am in. There is a reason for all of this turmoil. I just have to let life happen and discover what the reasons might be.

I am fighting the sad and lonely side of me. Well, not fighting but saying hello and promising that soon we will not have to return to this place that hurts me. I am talking to these parts of my personality and assuring them that we will not make another mistake like this one. Don't get me wrong, I will make plenty of mistakes in life. But I have also worked very hard to learn what went wrong this time so I can avoid it in the future.

This always makes me feel better. It is amazing to know that I have a wonderful life ahead of me and it is totally open.

I have a lot of orders coming up in the next month. I was going to wait until September to start the candles up again but I missed it. Candle making is such a huge part of me that I can not turn away from it. Especially since it helps so many people. So I have gained that part of my life back. I have gained confidence and strength and I have gained my own respect for myself and my future.

Loss

I seem to have forgotten how to do the one thing I truly love to do.
Well, maybe forgotten is a harsh word but this weekend I need to make a large number of candles for a wedding and it is not going too well.

Maybe it is being in a home I once lived in but no longer feel connected too. Maybe it is all the loss I have experienced in the last year that has me feeling tipsy in life.
Maybe it is the fact that I have not made candles in over two months and I realized this week that I truly missed it. Or maybe it is the fact that I am trying hard to sit in my Yin energy and that is not a familiar feeling for me.

But I feel like a stranger in my life and in my body.
I have lost over 20 pounds. I am now starting to have to wear clothes that I bought in 2000. Good thing I kept them. I feel younger than my age and more unsteady than I should in most areas of my life.

Except for my company and my work. For the first time in my life I am truly happy going into the office everyday, then coming home and working on my projects every evening. No time is wasted for I have too much to do and the desire to see it all manifest. So this is my one area of comfort. My one calm area. The one thing I can depend on. Except of course for myself. Because no matter what changes on the outside, inside I have everything I need in life. In me is a strength and love that is so strong I will never feel alone again.

So I am learning to sit inside myself and only focus on being a strong and powerful woman. This is hard since I am so used to doing, being, changing, working, moving, anything that ends in ING and requires movement of some sort is where I have spent the last six years. But now I am stepping back into my strength and just being. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just being totally present in the moment.

First Steps

Last night I went to my sisters house in the evening after work.
She was on the computer and I was cutting some cheese for a snack. We were talking and laughing and not looking at Dylan (my nephew). I suddenly look down at him to witness him taking his first two steps.

The look on his face was so amazing. It was a look of excitement, fear, concentration and experiencing the unknown. He fell down and then starting clapping at himself. He was so happy to have taken his first steps. I luckily caught him in the act early enough to tell my sister to look down at him so she could see it as well.

I am so proud of this little guy.
He also gave me two of the biggest kisses on my cheek last night.

I feel like Dylan right now. I feel like I am finally taking my first steps in life. I have so much in common with my nephew right now. When I get to see him he brings all my joy out in life. We are on the same ride in this life and I could not have asked for a better companion.

Astral Weeks

My heart is a flutter with love right now.
Love for my life, love for the summer, love for my friends and love for love.
I feel like Van Morrison's Astral Weeks album. The new world is new and I am a young lover experiencing life again.

My weekend get away was amazing. Just what I needed to wake up and bring back all my positive energy. Ahmi my dog, was the perfect guest. She loved her hosts and we took her with us everywhere we went. She was so calm and peaceful.

I have many more adventures coming up in the next two months.
I am feeling such a creative burst of energy that I can hardly sit still. I recently found a novel I started writing when I was 14 and driving across the country. I have started to work on that again along with my other writing I do on a daily basis.

I have also really been opening my heart up more to those around me. I am working on living a more authentic life and that means allowing myself to open up to people more. It feels amazing to really connect with people and be totally present in our conversations. Every time I do this I can feel my heart opening more and more.

My coworker today noted that my true self was starting to come out. The happy, energetic, people loving and positive side that loves to be busy, to spend time with people and to be creative on a daily basis. She said she was really excited to see me coming back into my own world and filling her days up with love and positive energy.

Dreamy Night

Have you ever just had one of those nights when as you are walking home, you realize how amazing life is?

Last night I hosted my AIGA social event and it was awesome. So many wonderful people turned out and I even made 5 new lady friends. I had so much fun and not once was I reminded of the pain in my heart. This is such a great sign. I was able to laugh, flirt and pick records for the DJ all while being totally present in the moment.

Tonight is another busy social night for me as well as my adventure this weekend.

Sometimes the Universe likes to shake things up for us so that we can realize how amazing, strong and beautiful we are!

This weekend

This weekend my dog and I are going on vacation.
I can't wait for the adventure, the open road and a companion that loves to stick her nose out the window.

We are going to stay with an old friend. My dog and I are both ready to receive loads of love from this person and just settle into how amazing we are.

I have a heart that has healed and is stronger and more open than before. I am letting my guard down and letting love into my life. Through all the pain I have found myself, my core and my strength.

Thanks to all who have helped me over the last month or so. Without your help I would not have been able to heal, to be open to love and be able to love myself as much as I do now!

I am finally feeling better

I have been spending so much time in Discovery Park lately that I feel like the park is my home. Everyday I walk in the fields of grass, look at the Mountains and release all of my fears to the Universe.

This weekend I spent all day on Saturday with a very good and old friend. We talked, walked and went to a bookstore.

I am feeling much better and much more grounded. I am living totally in the present and being grateful for every moment. This is a time of healing for me. I know at the other end of this experience my heart is will be even more open and I will be closer to being totally present in my body. My spirit and soul are returning to my body and I am so grateful to be working with such amazing people to help me through this tough time.

I have also been very grateful to all the people in my life that have come out of the wood work to show love and appreciation for me. I could not have done this without the support of all of my lovely friends and associates. I truly feel loved every moment of everyday because of the kind words, actions and hugs I have received from so many. I am truly blessed with wonderful people in my life and I hope one day to provide them with the support and love they have given me.

From Pain to Strength

Sometimes the universe teaches lessons in a very painful way. But once you are able to step out of the pain and see the lesson, life starts to make more sense.

My pain over the last few years has taught me so many wonderful lessons and I am finally able to understand these lessons. I can't believe the feelings of rebirth and freedom I feel now. I have such love and honor for myself. I am a survivor and this lesson makes me want to help others even more than before.

I have recently started to understand the true nature of my old relationship. This is a hard thing to admit and one thing I had been hiding for years. What I have come to realize is that I do not need to repeat this pattern nor take the blame. I am free of the situation and ready to make it to the next level of healing.

This healing will only make my candles stronger and my message more clear.

There is no cosmetic for Beauty like Happiness

If I could hug Dan Baker from Canyon Ranch I might never let go.
I just finished reading What Happy Women Know and I can say with all my soul that this book has truly changed my life and my perspective on life.

If you have a woman you love in your life, please buy her this book right now. Your life will only get better by spreading this book and it's message to all the women in the world.

Tonight I will be doing Yoga and rereading this book.

Starting this weekend I will be working on some business plans and contracts for the future. I am so grateful to have been reunited with a high school friend who is quickly becoming my business partner and biggest supporter in life. She has really given me the strength to look at my life and keep moving forward.
I also have to give a shout out to another high school friend Saskia who has been stepping into her soul's work and life purpose and is ready to learn all about how amazing it is to be a strong and beautiful woman. She started this website on Seasonal Affective Disorder after suffering for many years with the condition. This is her contribution to the the world and bringing together people who need support and can help support others.

Something Big is going to Happen

What a difference a week makes.
Something big is going to happen to Odessa's Herbals and I can't wait to share the news.

I will be hard at work all summer to take the company to the next level. This is by far the most exciting thing I have ever committed too.

I will also be moving this summer to Seattle. This will be truly be a breath of fresh air that is much needed.

I have been hard at work coming up with new candles and new intentions and will be sharing these with everyone soon enough.

But until then, please just know that I am hard at work on myself and getting to the best possible place I can be. The best way for me to share my gift is too be the best person I can on the inside so that you can have the best energy from me.

Happy Sunshine Day!

Time for a tune up

I have filled my schedule with appointments of all kinds for the next month. I am in need of a serious tune up and help.
Ok.... I will now admit it.

I have this wonderful company that helps so many other people but right now I am in need of help. I am physically and emotionally sick. This has been a truly hard month for me. I really never thought I could hurt this much but I hurt way worse then I realize. And it does not seem to stop. My tears are falling so hard and fast all the time. I feel like I am sinking.

Life changes are really hard. Especially when love is involved and commitment. 6 years of commitment where I worked so hard and did the best I could.

Six years to turn around and lost everything including our friendship. Six years to be treated in such a painful way. Six years to just be left and not thought about again.

See, I hurt. This is why I am trying to find a way out before it gets too hard.

Stop those negative thoughts!

Last night was the first Odessa's Girls Night and it was great.
We shared, talked, ate and had nice cocktails.
It was great to be surrounding by really positive and supportive women.

I will let everyone know when the next ladies night is happening.

This week I have been spending a lot of time writing and reflecting on life. I am starting to get into the swing of things and letting go of the need to control or know the future.
One great realization I had was I was giving too much thought and energy to the ending of my relationship.

I need to instead focus on the future. Focus on what I want to create next and what this will feel like. I need to spend time finding out what makes me happy.

I am a little sad but really, I need to focus on what is positive in my life right now. I can not go down the path of self pity! I need to get back my positive energy and love for life. Every time I think about a thought that upsets me I am going to look to the root of that thought to better understand what I want in life. This way I can turn every negative or depressed thought into an action note for my future.

This will also provide a rush of positive energy throughout my body. I will no longer be connecting with the old energy but only with the new fun, sexy, happy, successful, smart and interesting person that I am. I am shedding my old skin to bring out the best of who I am. This person has been in hiding for too long!

Update

Today was a very lonely day for me.
I was reading in the hot tub of a house that I am house sitting and I realized something.

I am a person that enjoys being in a partnership.

For so many years I thought it was silly to be this kind of person. In fact, I loathed anyone who wanted this sort of thing but today I realized, while it is nice to be alone, it is really nice to know there is someone to talk with after a long adventure who adores you. Ie. A relationship.

So while I get used to the feeling, idea and reality of being alone.... I can't help but think about what I like about relationships. Why I like relationships and what I hope will happen in the future.

I feel so weird, girly and weak just admitting this but it's true. I am embracing this side of myself. My shadow side I call it. For so long I have had to be tough and never need anyone but lately I have come to realize that I am so happy and in love with my life that I would like to share all the amazing things happening to me with someone. I don't feel the need to be saved or supported. I just would like to share my world with someone.

I do miss my old friend. He helped me so much in the last five years but alas, if you love something you must set it free. Only time will tell. I will always love this person and be friends with them. There is no question about that.

Intention, blogging and blue moon

I keep wanting to blog but then I get scared.
Why am I scared? Well, that is a complex question with about a thousand answers. My life is totally up in the air now and as much as I would like to be in control, I am not.

I am a roller coaster of emotion and sometimes this scares me. I know all of this change is truly for the best and I know I even had a large hand in creating this change but when faced with change, fear can get the best of us.

And some days fear has such a hold on me that I have a hard time breathing. And some days I can laugh in the face of fear and scream " You can't get me, I am ready to fight you". But then I sometimes feel like a mad woman explaining it all. How can I appear sane when my heart feels like it is pounding 100 miles per hour and I don't know what I feel half of the time?

But there is this core strong part of me deep inside that is calm, relaxed, prepared and ready to move forward. It is this part of me that is starting to take over and let all the fear and anxiety go. This strong woman is stepping forward and I know that I will be OK. I just have to trust the part of me that is quiet and still and allow it to work it's magic.

This week marks a Blue Moon. For anyone who does not know what a blue moon is, it is the 2ND full moon in one month. This day will have a lot of energy surrounding it and will be a good day for setting intentions and making a treasure map of what you want to create. I will be celebrating this full moon by creating my dream board and spending as much time as I can outside.

Skee Ball and Black Pepper Cheese

Today was a good day. I hung out with a new/old friend who was visiting from LA. We walked, talked and admired about how different yet the same life is for us now versus 13 years ago.

I sometimes forget that I have not seen some people since high school and they know nothing about what life has been like for the last 13 years. These are people that have never heard my stories, nor my adventures nor have any idea how I got to this place that I am at now.

Of course, what is a spent with me that does not involve some sort of game where I can pretend to be really competitive and bring the kid out in me? This day it was skee ball. We played $10.00 worth of games, each games being a quarter. He remarked that it was almost like a work out. His heart was racing from all the action.

We then sat and talked. He told me more about LA. I talked about what it was like to be single after so many years. He talked about working towards a career yet feeling lonely because in LA finding a really smart woman is somewhat hard. We talked about the book he just wrote and I told him my idea about the book I want to work on. It was truly an interesting and fun day.

Sometimes I forget about all the amazing things I have done in life and how much fun I can be. Today brought back those feelings for me. I am serious about my business and career and in no ways am I a flake but sometimes I let the kid come out and dazzle even myself. It is so few and far between when you meet people that you can walk and talk with. Conversations that include everything from good smelling soaps to learning to be grounded to new products I want to create to how to find love in a modern world, these are the things that give me energy and make me love life. This friend is a kindred soul that I hope to continue my conversation with and visit him sometime in LA.

Loss and asking for help

Wow...
What a week it has been. So many emotions, so little time.
Once thing I am excited to announce is that I have lost 5 pounds on my weight loss journey.

Another thing I am excited to announce is the 1st ever Odessa's Herbals Girls Night Out.
I will be making candles and holding a large table at the Black Bottle in Seattle the night of June 7th for any lady that wants to stop by and get some support in life. This plan was created by some friends with my planning, to help me deal with the loss of my relationship. I am so excited for this night, I am even going to make a special candle for the event!

Please email me if you would like to attend or just send some positive vibes my way.

I am also going to start working on a handbook of rituals to help heal the heart, let go of old emotions and create the life you have always wanted to live. I will provide more details when as they come.

So much is up in the air in my life yet with everyday I feel stronger. I am just letting the Universe work it's magic and focusing on the future.

In the middle of the night

I am awake. I am not sure why I am awake but alas, I can not sleep.
I woke up after dreaming that there was some sort of fish in my bed and I was creating fish food for it.

Welcome to the world of my dreams. After some research I pulled this up about what the fish symbolizes:

There are numerous species of fish, but the creature in general holds some prime symbolic meanings:

• fertility
• eternity
• creativity
• femininity
• good luck
• happiness
• knowledge
• transformation

Well, this is true for me on so many levels.

Here is another meaning for the Fish symbol:

Lastly, in Norse and ancient European cultures, the fish had symbolic meanings of adaptability, determination, and the flow of life. It was observed by these cultures that fish often display enormous attributes of adaptability in the wild, and they adopted these characteristics for themselves. Salmon were commonly revered for their determination in their annual pilgrimage to their spawning grounds – the entire journey swum against the current.

More on this to come.

New Crush

Last night my good friend Adam took me to a special screening of the new movie "Knocked Up". This movie was written and directed by Judd Apatow, who is also the co-creator of "Freaks and Geeks", my favorite TV ever.

I love the movie! I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedies about life, real life, the good and the bad.... And the Friends. This is what I admire about Judd. He always casts his friends and in his projects and seems like a great friend. So one of my new goals in life is to become friends with Judd. Not to be in a movie, I have no interest in that, but I would like to interview him about how he has become such an amazing friend. You can feel the energy surrounding all of his projects about what a fun friend he is.

So my new crush is Paul Rudd. He is funny, sweet and an amazing actor. I have netflixed a whole bunch of his movies this weekend for my self care weekend. It will just be me, the animals and Paul Rudd.

Have a great weekend!

Change is in the air

My life is changing right now. Everything that I have come to know as my life for the last five years is now gone or going. Ok, not everything but my partner and I are ending our long term relationship.

This is a good thing in the end.
But I am not there yet. Right now I am sad, confused, heart broken, excited and feel like I am losing my best friend all in one.

I am preparing for a weekend of comfort. I am going to wear my PJ's all day, work in the garden and close down for 48 hrs. straight. I need some me time. I need time to readjust, get ready for the change, figure out what is mine and what I want to keep or get ride of. Including material, emotional and everything else under the sun.
I am also going to have a fire in the fire pit and let go and let my faith take over.

Last night I had the bed to myself for the first time in years. All my animals joined me for a very peaceful night of sleeping. I am so happy to share my life with these little ones. I know they will help me through this and be able to comfort me when I need it the most.

Today I feel cranky - Yesterday I was in a dream state

I have been in a dream state this last week. I saw an old friend on Sunday night and it has caused me to be transported back 10 years ago when we first became friends.
How in so many ways I miss those days. I miss spending all my time with friends. I miss feeling like the world was one big small college campus. I miss feeling excited about what my future would be.
But, there are things I don't miss as well. I don't miss the confusion and heartache. I don't miss the Midwest or trying to be friends with people who are not good for me. I don't miss feeling lost or powerless.

Things are so much better now. Life is finally in full color for me and I love it.

The other strange part about my friends visit is that he is on tour with a very famous band. I went to the show, could not make it to the end since I had to get up early, but took part in a bar/show part of Seattle I never see anymore. It was kind of sad for me.
I remember going to shows or bars to see friends. It was like a family reunion of sorts. Not everyone drank, I rarely did. But we all went to the shows to spend time together.
Seattle has changed so much in my time away. I did not see anyone I knew. I did not feel the energy that was once the Seattle music scene. This crowd felt too big, too much like a meat market, too much like a large university instead of a small liberal arts college.


Today I feel cranky. I want to get in my PJ's and climb into bed. I feel a little scattered with my energy. There are alot of changes happening right now in almost every area of my life and I am ready, but I also get tired as well. I also need to start making better decisions for my life on all area's in my life. I guess I am getting cranky because I am starting to put myself first and this is changing so much and at times it makes me want to resort back to my old ways. However, I have come too far to allow this to happen. So I must just ride this cranky energy out today and realize tomorrow is a new day.

Thread Show Seattle

Thread Show Seattle

Hey everybody!

I was interviewed for this video by some old friends. Ahh... It's good to know people!

Please watch the video and let me know what you think. I am the third vendor they speak with.

So much fun!

What are you doing on May 14th?

I know I will be at the Shop/07 conference in Seattle. I can't wait for the day long conference for anyone in the retail business. This conference was put together by the lovely Melody who was also the leader of the Ladies who Launch incubator I took part in. This incubator has really helped to change my life, pushed Odessa's into something that is more than just a dream and has introduced me to some really great friends.

This day long event has so many speakers that I admire, I feel almost giddy for Monday.

In other news I am working on getting the shopping cart system set up so that my customers can order on line. I am also starting to create gift baskets with special products made by me.

This weekend will be dedicated to the farmer's market, my garden and spending time with my mother.

Take a deep breath

Yesterday was my last candle show for awhile. It was a very special event held in Bothell for the non-profit A Common Bond. It was such an honor to be a part of this fund raiser and to watch how tragedy was able to bring these women together to support each other for the rest of their lives.
I look forward to donating more items and helping to create a candle for this organization.


I was also able to debut my new palm wax candles.
Palm wax is so different from any of the other waxes that I use, I was slightly unsure of what people would think. Turns out they loved it! I got special orders just for the Palm wax candles.

So it looks like I will now offer candles in Soy and Palm wax. I will post some pictures soon!


I am cleaning house and taking it easy today. To say I am exhausted in an understatment! I love running my company but sometimes I get so tired I must take a day or so off.

Odessa's Herbals is going to start offering house party deals. I have not figured out all the detais but I love a house show and I love really being able to connect with my customers. House parties are also good excuses to talk girl talk and bond over candles.
If anyone is interested in helping me plan some of these events, please let me know.

Have a great week!

Things I love

Because I run my own company producing products and thus, I think about products all the time, I thought I would share with my readers some things I love and how I use them in my daily life.

Whether it is a company or product, I think everyone deserves to be in the spotlight. I try to be a aware and conscious shopper. I don't like products tested on animals and I try to shop for products made by smaller companies. So think of this as a consumer guide to things I have loved, just started to love or know that I will love soon enough!

SHIKAI - I feel like my home is becoming a shrine to this company. I use almost all of their products. They are all natural and never tested on animals. In the morning I use their henna shampoo to bring the red notes out in my hair. I use the Sandalwood and Amber body wash to take long bubble baths in and when I really need it, I will use the lotion on my skin. However, the body wash is so gentle it actually makes me feel clean and soft. No more dry skin for me!

Weleda - After spending an afternoon at my local herb shop I realized that this company is what I dream to become one day. They have an organic farm on site where they grow the food that they serve in their cafeteria. There is a school on the "campus" where the children go during the day and are so close to their parents that they get to have lunch together. The products are all natural. I use their deodorant spray in Sage which not only works but has helped calm my hears about breast cancer. I also use their face lotion and Skin food on my my delicate parts, face, hands, feet.

Frans- Their salted caramels are divine. I never knew I could like chocolates so much. Not everyone can handle the sweet and salt of these but that only means more for me! Fran's is a local Seattle company and I hope one day to meet the owner so I can tell her that only valentines day, I only request Fran's salted caramels.

Gaiam - Their organic bedding is amazing. I have yet to buy a set but I am just waiting for this summer to come around. I plan on fixing up my house to make it truly a place I love!

Moon Scents and Magical Blends - (closed ) This company was my favorite catalog when I was a teenager. I loved the shop and always had dreams of visiting it. A few years after learning about the store, the owner decided to just focus on custom blended oils. I have bought a couple of her oils and they are lovely. I do really miss the moonscents store because they always had such wonderful items that I can no longer find.

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab - Ariel introduced me to this company and I am now obsessed. Oh, this brings the old Goth girl out in me. I love the website and I will be ordering some oils this weekend. I love supporting a company that is only opens their doors to the public on full moons! One day I will travel to LA around a full moon so I can see the real deal.



I will keep updating my blog with more items I love but this is a good start for now.

Starting Over

I am so sorry it has been a while since I last posted.
Things have been very busy and wonderful around these parts.

The Thread show was great. I met so many people and really connected with my customers. I really hope that everyone who purchased a candle at the event will share their stories with me as time goes on.
I also meet some really amazing designers and was able to trade candles for great items. I will be adding links in the next few weeks.

I also had the Rainier Club slumber party last weekend. That was so much fun!
It was great to be sitting in a room full of wonderful women, in my PJ's and talking girl talk.
I felt so lucky to be a part of the night and it also felt great to share my candles with everyone who attended the event.
At the slumber party there was a Tarot card reader, giving everyone readings. I loved it!
It has been too long since someone gave me a reading. I am usually on the other end.

I am almost giddy about what the reader said. I will provide more details in the next few months!

One area that I feel really good about today is the fact that I have joined weight watchers again. Like many other people in this world, I need to learn to eat better. In so many different area's of my life I am truly content, and I have always felt really grounded in my body. I think joining Weight Watchers for me is more about the structure and community that anything else. As I get older I have realized that I like structure. I like getting up at the same time every morning and knowing what my day looks like. As my life becomes more full with plans, candles, work, company issues, I began to realize that there were certain areas that I felt I was getting weak on. One of these area's is my weight. I also started to think about how much I have created or manifested this amazing and happy life I am living right now so it seemed so natural to tackle the issue of my weight. I have been working through issues surrounding working, relationships, family, self worth, friendships, money.... You name it, I have been working through it and feeling better everyday.

I also was inspired to create a healthy weight candle for my journey. This candle will help me become more aware when I eat dinner and inspire me to become healthier everyday.

I will update on my weight loss journey and let you all know when I have discovered something amazing. This is just another self journey that I am ready to take on and learn from!



Spring has come around to these parts and much of Sunday was spent in the garden. I have a new bed to plant tall flowers. I need an Evergreen plant that will get over 6 feet tall if anyone has a suggestion.

This weekend was also Arts Walk in Olympia complete with a parade and loads of fun costumes. I had not been to the parade in almost four years but with the recent arrival of my mother to Olympia, I agreed to go downtown and watch it. I am so glad I did. Olympia has such a wonderful community. There were babies and grandparents in the parade. It was so beautiful to see everyone having such a fun time. The children colored the streets with sidewalk chalk and the older people talked with friends. There were dogs and face painting.

I also made candles this weekend and cooked.

Today is the calm before the ?

Today is my last day before my big Thread show.
It's funny. Before the Crave party I was scared and panic. This time around I feel calm and OK with the fact that I don't have over 100 candles to take, or that I don't have every candle I make or that I have about 100 things to do today before the event tomorrow.

None of these events are stressing me out because I know what I have is perfect and that no matter what..... I will have a good time.

This will also be another learning experience for me. I learned from my last show and I will learn from this show. Plus, I can't wait to meet new customers and make some new friends.

For me owning Odessa's Herbals and making the products has given me a sense of confidence I have never had before. There is something about creating a product that uses my expert knowledge and my passions. This something has helped me to feel complete, whole and truly happy. I am not just me anymore, I am a person who is so full of love and passion for life that I want to share it with the world. I am also able to take on activities that in the past would have scared the living daylights out of me, I now can take those activities on and not get scared. I can face the unknown and feel good about myself.

Plus, I have the added bonus of making a new candle for each situation and knowing by me lighting the candle that everything will turn out right and I can now help another person.

Energy always amazes me

So I had my energy healing last night and I have to say, Elaine amazes me every time we talk. At first when I begin working with Elaine I had experienced some not so great energy workers and I had closed myself off for the most part. But, working with Elaine has allowed me to not only open up about the unknown and unseen but I am actually experiencing events that I never knew I could.

Elaine helped me to better understand a relationship from my past. I could not figure out why this person would never leave my life. Elaine was not only able to pinpoint a story that best described our relationship, but she was able to help me release the energy cords connected to this person.

Today I feel free and light. I am excited for the changes and the future. I no longer feel the pain around this person. I feel at peace for my actions and I have a better understanding of why things did not work out. It makes perfect sense on why I wanted to travel and explore instead of settling down and being in a relationship.

My heart feels healed and I know things will only get better.

I did it!

My good friend Jeff came over this morning and helped me to create a Soy Wax Blend that I love!

Sometimes a good friend is what you need the most and today, Jeff saved me big time.

Plus, I can't ever be cranky around Jeff. He won't allow it.

So I have been making candles all day and will continue into the night. I must buy more molds due to the Soy taking longer to cool but I am so happy with switching to something all natural that I can't imagine ever going back.

Sunday

Is it terrible to feel uninspired?
Today I woke up and just feel kinda cranky. I am not sure why but today just feels like an off day.

I think I will work in my garden and ask the universe for advice.

I have a dilemma with my candles. I am starting to make a 100% soy pillar but it is just such a different wax than the food grade Paraffin I have been using. Soy is softer, not shiny and does not make candles I love.....Yet.....
But the benefits of Soy are greater than the Paraffin so I will keep trying.
Plus, my market keeps asking for it.

Sometimes it just takes time to find the perfect mix. This is the experiment phase of creating a product.

Change is good.

I just need to take some time to do something else for a few hours.

Good Day Sunshine!

The sun is out in the Northwest!

What a wonderful day to wake up and see the rainbows across my bedroom. I have a lovely little crystal ball that I hung in my office to bring me luck and light. This morning it was glowing!

I am pretty busy and calm right now in life. My energy feels like it is at a really high vibration and I am filled with love. I am going to get an energy session with Elaine next week to work on cutting some more cords that are attaching me to the past. I can't wait for this session. Every time I work with Elaine, I get the most amazing results. Over time I have been able to see how much she has helped me to move forward.

At work this week I have been listening to Debbie Ford's Hay House Radio Show. Debbie Ford works with our dark sides and teaches people how to face what they fear, love it and start to make better choices. This has been a real eye opener for me. It feels good to admit my dark side and then face it so that it becomes light again. I think that's why I wanted to meet with Elaine. I have come to realize that there is some anger I have been ignoring and I am ready to release it.

Should make for an interesting week!

I had the best time last weekend!

I went to San Fran for the weekend. It was a combination of work and pleasure, but mostly pleasure. This was a college reunion for a group of my best friends and a chance for me to catch up with some design folks I admire. Every time my college friends get together, we laugh, cook amazing meals, talk, play games, enjoy each other's company and there are always hugs!

I was able to stop by one of my favorite design studios, Neutron and pick up a copy of their amazing new book on trends and design called Zag. I met Neutron a few years ago while helping to set up the Brand Gap conference in Portland.
Another amazing person I saw was Jody Turner. She is my hero and mentor in so many ways. Jody Turner is a trend expert, a business woman and a compassionate future leader. If you have not heard Jody speak or check out her website, I highly recommend her work. She will give you hope for our future generations.

This next month is going to be a busy one for me. I have the Thread show coming up in less than two weeks. I have the Rainier Club slumber party. I just donated some candles to the DIFFA ( Design Industries Foundation Fighting Aids) for their upcoming event, Glam2. And I have the in home fund raiser in May.

Another wonderful person I met with was Vera in San Fran. We had a really interesting discussion about energy. Our discussion helped me to realize how all the work I have done over the last few years to rid myself of old pain has worked. I can go through the day without one negative thought about myself. It is such a wonderful feeling to realize when you are in the perfect energy space. I am able to release desires and trust that the universe will provide.

Excuse while I take a break

So this last weekend what did I do?
I slept.

Really, all weekend long I slept. I am not sure if I am sick or just needing to take a break for a bit. I have been going pretty much non stop for the last 6 months and I am now ready for some personal time.
So this week I am going to start going to my new gym, I am going to cancel all my plans this week that I can and I am going to just spend some time alone.

I also need to start writing in my journal more.
I thought I might start doing some writing exercises and share them with my blogger friends.

So this week's exercises:

You know that your life should be different. At some point you took a little detour to this life you are living now but you can tell your energy is working towards a better life. What is this life like? Who is in this life? What are you doing? What is your heart telling you? What do you see first thing in the morning? What happens in the evenings?

Dream big. Write down everything you can think of. Create this life. Write everyday. Keep writing this until you can really feel it. Keep writing this down until you realize that what you once thought was a dream is now slowly becoming reality because this dream is starting to manifest in your life.

I do this a couple of time a week. It has helped me get through dark times and great times. Lately I have been too busy to write and I can feel it. I need my alone writing time everyday.
So this evening I will go to work out, I will go home, light a candle and write at least 6 pages in my journal.

So much energy

You know that feeling when you first realize you are in love or at least sweet on someone.
You feel like your bouncing off the walls and just full of energy. The world seems so exciting and wonderful and you realize your brain is open to new things that you never thought were possible before?

Well that is how I feel today. Except I have no new love but I feel a new love for life!

I am excited. I can hardly sit and work. I just want to shout to the world about how happy I am. I want to visit all of my friends all over the world and tell them about how amazing life and living your passion can be. I want to preach to anyone who says " I'm bored". How can you be bored in life? There is so much to do. If I could never sleep, I might!

I want to travel, to take photographs, to move around, to dye my hair ....
Basically, I want to change it up. I want to feel and be free while following my passion and using my gifts to help others.
I want to manifest. I have so much energy I need to put to use. I want to sit in a cafe in Rome and write endless pages of what kind of life I will be living. I want to spend my whole day dreaming. I want to connect with people and talk about life, love and travels. I want to read a really good book or see a great concert. I want to drink red wine and light my new candles. I want to spend the day in the Garden with the sun on my face. I want to walk my dog along the beach and watch her play in the sand. I want to visit friends who live in LA so I can see a gentle and warm side to the city. I want to run away to NY and get my new labels printed. I want to fly to Sweden and meet some new people.

So much dreaming.... So little time.

Instead, I will finish up my day of work and attend my AIGA meeting.
My vacation has been moved from Ashland to San Fransisco and that is fine with me.
Maybe now I can meet Vera!

For every season there is a movie

There are just some movies that appear in my life at the right moment.

In my late teens early twenties, it was Beautiful Girls with Uma Thurman and Timothy Hutton.
I remember Uma Thurman given one of the main characters a lecture about how there wasTimothy always someone in love with your partner and it was your wonderful job to fall in love with those great parts of that person because if not you, then there will be another. At the time, this scene gave me hope that one day someone would love all those little things about me that I love about myself, and if my partner at the time could not see how wonderful I was then there would be another who could.

A few years later it was Sliding Door. Oh! how I love the English and all things United Kingdom. The story line about this movie was what would happen if three seconds in a person's life was different. Gwenie was a strong woman who had been taken for granted by her partner and found not only herself but also a new love by being stronger and living her life. She changed her hair, moved in with her friend and went out on her own.

And now.... The new movie is The Holiday....
With Kate Winslet and Jude Law. It's the story of what happens when you a take a break from life and become the star of your own movie. I have watched this movie twice in the last day and it is so inspiring. Both women are strong career women who meet lovers that not only fall for their strength but really truly admire them for being who they are. It's not about looks, or being cool or even how hip they are. It is about being smart, kind, funny and strong. And it is about finding someone who really sees that part of you that is wonderful. It is about falling in love with someone and having them feel exactly the same way back.

It inspired me to make a new candle to attract people that will love you for being you. Nothing more than just who you are and will help you to realize how amazing you are.

So much happening

April is already almost full of events!

I just signed on to be a vendor for the Thread show in Fremont. And I also found out I will be visiting with three of my best friends from College in April and I have the annual Rainier Club slumber party!

So there is a lot of action happening around my home lately. I am busy trying to prepare everything for next month while enjoying the wonderful sunshine and birds that have come out to play.

Everyday I feel stronger and stronger as a person.
Is strong the right word? Maybe grounded is better. All I know is that I feel at peace and really happy with where I am at in life at this exact moment.

Which brings me a new candle I am creating. It is a peace candle. It is for peace in the world but also just for peace in your life. It is the kind of candle that you buy a couple of and just burn them to enjoy the moment. There is no larger aspiration associated with it then whatever you are feeling at that moment.

I will post some pictures soon.

The candles I have been using

As the winter turns into spring and the sun sets later everyday, I have been noticing that my intentions are manifesting all on their own. Much like the planting of seeds in the fall that turn to wonderful flowers by the summer, all of my intentions are being created without me obsessing on them. It is a very peaceful occurrence for me.

This week I have four candles burning on my counter.
1. Creative Space
2. True Love - a new candle I just created
3. Success
4. Intuition

The combination of these candles has created a very calm, success and grounded life.
Having just survived my Saturn Returning, I now feel I am on the correct path for my life. I can't believe about how confused I was only a few years ago because I now know myself so much more.

I am going to work on a candle this week to help others. I have been donating candles recently and working on list of charities that I will contribute too on a monthly basis from candles that I have sold. This simple act has been filling my heart up with love. I want to create a candle for people who love to give and the simple act of giving to others brings them energy and love.

On a side note, my well wishes go out to my friend Vincent Barra who has fallen ill this last week. You are in my thoughts and a package should soon be arriving!

A windy Sunday

This weekend was perfect.
I spent the weekend relaxing, spending time with my animals, friends and by myself. I also spent some nice relaxing time making candles. It felt good to make candles for the pure love of making them. I always love making candles but with no deadlines for awhile I can just relax and make them.

I am pretty busy this week with meetings after work and company related events. I will be attending the annual Ladies Lunch at the Rainier Club in Seattle. I am excited to meet some new members and see wonderful pictures of Italy. The lunch is Italy themed this month. I also will begin making some candles for the slumber party happening at the end of next month.

Next month is already starting to fill up with events!
I will be taking a vacation to Oregon to meet some wonderful college friends I have not seen in a year or so. I also will be working towards the new website with my Photographer Jeff Truelove . Jeff has been really amazing at capturing the feel for Odessa's Herbals that I want. I did take my own pictures of some of the candles so it is not all his photography but without Jeff, I would not have my wonderful workbench or such beautiful pictures and support for my company.

Sometimes we all grow up

I have a new vision for my website, so look for it in the next few weeks.

The last few days have been wonderfully peaceful. I have been able to sign up for three events happening in the next two months where I can showcase my candles, which is very exciting for me. I have had the time lately to really connect with my customers and get to know them better which has lead to some new products, projects and a realization that my company truly has been created to help others.

I have also started to donate candles to some charities around Seattle. One particular charity that I will be donating some candles too is called A Common Bond. It is a non-profit that puts together gift baskets for parents who have new born babies in the ICU. I am very excited to be able to share my energy and love with such an amazing organization.

In other more personal news, one of my intentions that I have set every year for the last three years was to make more girl friends. I grew up with men so I get along with them better but I have to admit, as I get older I long for the connections to girlfriends that I see so many women share. Along with this intention I also wanted to attract really healthy relationships with women. I have attracted really amazing boyfriends, but attracting good girlfriends was a challenge. I have had more drama with friends than lovers.
But I am happy to say that I created a Friendship candle and it has worked. I have so many amazing girlfriends right now! The most interesting part is two of these friends were people I knew in High School who have come back into my life. These women make me feel strong, happy and loved just by being in my life. The feeling that good friends give you is something that can not be replaced.

Sometimes we all grow up and have the ability to step back, look at how our actions affect other people and truly understand the impact we have on others. To understand another person is the ultimate growth tool anyone can have. I have been growing up and realizing what part I play in situations but also watching the actions of others and not taking responsibility for actions that were not my doing. It feels strange but really good to be able to step far away enough from a situation to avoid any part of the drama, to come to peace with what happened and then to send that person love. But that is exactly how I have been reacting to life lately. Everyone deserves to be treated with love and kindness and this should start with me. From this point on in my life I will treat everyone I meet or already know with love and kindness. I will try to see life from their eye's but I will also know my truth and strength.

So to sum it all up. I feel happy, peaceful, fulfilled and loved. It is a great feeling and one that I hope to share with everyone I come into contact with. I live a truly amazing life!

Lessons Learned

Wow.

What might have caused me to give up on my dreams a few years ago, is now only making me stronger.

My Crave Party sale was not as successful as I would have wanted it to be. However, what I learned and my experience doing the show was priceless!
My back went out the day of the show so I was unable to stand up and talk with the customers as much as I wanted too. I also had two friends with me which made me more nervous than I thought it would. I was able to print out a nice press sheet and list of candles. I also received my intention card and my new moo cards.

The Murphy's law about this whole experience was that Mercury was in Retrograde. I have never really experienced this type "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong" fate before but I have to say, everything that could have went wrong did go wrong and I survived.

I came out of the experience was a better understanding of my product, my customers, my target market and what to do next time.

Plus-- Kate Winslet looked so cute at the Oscars!

So for the next month I will be back at the drawing board creating new candles for an event at The Rainier Club in Seattle.
I can't talk too much about the new candles but once I have them all created I will post pictures!

I also was able to attend the monthly meeting for Ladies who Launch that included the following women owned businesses: 8 Limbs Yoga, Downtown Dog Lounge, and Brazillis Clothing Store. This event inspired me to keep following my dreams for Odessa's Herbals.

I highly recommended the Ladies Who Launch monthly events. They will inspire any woman that is ready to take her dream and make it reality!